Chapter 10:

The Rum tum tugger stared off into the distance, not really seeing the junkyard beneath him.

The mood of late was sombre; one of collective sensitivity, the cause of course was Demeter. Although she had more or less recovered from her ordeal, she was still gravely weak and not fully healed of her scars; not just the physical ones were included in that he was certain. He had been told that she woke must nights screaming, and then became too afraid to let anyone near her.

So in the natural scheme of things she had become the main topic of conversation, though he really couldn't blame his fellow tribe members for their curiosity, they all cared about Demeter. But he couldn't help but believe that they were all much better of not knowing the full story. (Curiosity and the cat and all!)

It was with this notion that he had decided to retreat to a safer distance to avoid many a speculative tale, Demeter's kitten the main source of conversation. He shuddered at that, Macavity had gone too far!

Being only his half brother, he had hoped it would be much easier to distance himself from him. How very wrong he had been.

Why? Why had Macavity done it? Demeter was gorgeous, exquisite in fact and if Bomba ever found out just how attractive he found her sister she would kill him. But Tugger was never a tom to turn from the sight of a beautiful queen. The fact that she kept rebuking him only made her that much more alluring. But no meant no; well he was never one to give up completely, figuring they just needed a little more of the Tugger charm. But he would never take it to Macavity's level, though no one really knew what he had done to her. He was fortunate or unfortunate considering, to over hear Jenny one night as she left Demeter's den. She had been mumbling frantically to herself and therefore hadn't seen him, as she had past him he was able to picked out odd words. "Size, age and something not being right." Did it have something to do with the kitten?

He shuddered at the thoughts that were sulking his mind for answers he never wanted to know. He just hoped Demeter had enough strength left to come back from this, not just for herself but also for Munkustrap and Bomba, who shared her suffering.

It was with this thought that he realised suddenly that he was not alone, a soft sort gasped "Oh!" Confirmed this.

"Demeter!" He exclaimed, utterly in shock as he turned to satisfy his curiosity.

"I did not expect to see you here." She replied slightly flustered.

"Same!" His startlement still present.

"I should go."

"Stay." He called as she turned to leave. "There's more then enough room for two." Patting the ground in a gesture to stay. Now why the hell did he say that? He knew that she wasn't particularly fond of him. His in your face, care free approach to life did not seem to agree with her. That and the pelvic thrusts, butt shaking and various other riskier dance moves. He supposed that now more then ever she would be even more uncomfortable around him.

She stood there for a while, clearly contemplating the whole idea of being alone with Tugger. 'It must be a dreadful thought.' Though he was secretly hoping she would refuse. He was no Munkustrap! He didn't have a clue how to handle such a fragile queen.

It was then that he suffered the biggest shock of his life. DEMETER SAT DOWN NEXT TO HIM! Now what the bloody hell was he supposed to do?

"Jenny will kill you if she finds you up and about." Sounding all the while like the bloody queen herself. Demeter had but him on edge, Tugger was flustering here!

"You to if she finds me with you."

That was certainly true. He had no intention of staying anyway. 'She probably prefers to be alone.' He reasoned, though strangely he made no effort to move.

"I just...needed some air, you know some space." She continued, her normal tone disappearing to be replaced by an exhausted one. And something else that he didn't quite catch. "I was afraid that I'd forget just how captivating the sky could be." Pain! Untold pain, that's what he had detected.

"He...He never let you out all the time you were there?" Suddenly catching on to what she had said.

"No." She said simply.

"Never?" Came his own pathetic reply. She merely shook her head. 'But you were gone for months!' Thinking it best to keep that reply to him. He gazed at her through the corner of his eye. Through the quick glimpses of light thrown out by the blanketed moon, he could see numerous scars covering her body. 'Wow! I'm out of my depth here.'

It was perhaps the prefect time to leave before he pulled a Tugger spectacular and bulls the whole thing up. She didn't deserve that, he was not that much of an egotistical pig; as everyone thought at times, to not realise that he was not the best feline for this situation. She definitely needed Munkustrap. Yet still he made no move to leave!

Softly spoken words met his ears, bringing him painfully out of his retrieve. "I paid dearly the one time I did make it out." It met his ears so quietly, that he was certain that he was not supposed to have heard it.

"What do you mean by that?" She jumped; clearly she had been lost to her own thoughts. A look of pure horror spread across her face. He definitely was not supposed to have heard.

"I should go. I shouldn't have disturb you." And she rose quickly to leave.

He surprised himself dreadful when he realised that her arm was suddenly within his paw. 'What are you doing Tugger?' Came his panic stricken thought. 'Let her go and get the bloody hell out of here.'

She seemed to share his panic, her eyes widen by it. He was pretty certain that he looked exactly the same right now.

"Tugger?" Sounding utterly confused.

His paw sprang away from her as though burned, not wanting to offend he turned the movement into re-sitting. Though in truth he practically fell due to shock.

"Deme I know you're not particularly fond of me." That was an under statement. "But believe it or not I can be a good listener." 'What am I doing?' He thought desperately, while trying to regain his composure.

She seemed to process that for a while, then suffering his third surprise of the night, once again sat down next to him.

Her body seemed to crumble; shoulders hunched as though she were drawing in on herself, he watched as the once vibrant and out going queen seemed to deflate before him. She was broken now, as surely as if she were made of glass. Hurt beyond what words could describe.

He was unsure whether he really wished to hear this. But he was committed now and if a thousand hot queens happen to walk by, he still would not bulk. Tugger could be responsible to; it wasn't as fun, but he could do it.

"He said he could never hurt me." Her voice was so faint, so distant that he was certain that the memory was relieving itself within her. "He said I completed him, that he loved me. But he never protected me from them. Never tried to shied me from their attacks."

"Whose attacks?"

"His tribe. Survival of the fittest. Every cat for himself. That's what they believed in. I couldn't take anymore. I was an easy target as I was never a fighter; Macavity's interest in me just added wood to the fire. I couldn't take no more! When I became sick, he realised that he had to step in and do something. I don't understand why it took him so long to come to me, after all the hassle of bringing me there? It was strange." She said frowning. "The few times I did see him, he seemed afraid to be near me." She puzzled at this, as though it was something she had only just come to realise. "He brought in a street cat to examine me." She shuddered. "When she told me I was pregnant...I...it was the last straw." She looked at him then, a look that said she knew her pregnancy was a source of conversation, before she continued on in that same lifeless tone. "Do you remember the stories about Griddlebone and Growltiger?" He nodded. "Well I met the queen herself. And yes she is beautiful." Answering his unasked question, he was Tugger after all. "I can't say that I liked her much." A bitterness that he had never heard from this queen had overwhelm her. She jumped up pacing; back and forth, back and forth. "Everyone thinks that I fell...that I panicked...if only they knew. She with her simpering smiles and cool charm. She can be as cold as winter and as merciless." Demeter was beside herself at this point, he was beginning to fear for her sanity.

"Deme you're not...what are you saying, that you didn't fall?"

She gave a bitter laugh. "No I didn't fall. And if he knew that he would kill her." He would never have believed it possible, but right now Demeter scared him. It was said so...so...so expectantly certain! With a sigh that seemed to expel this terrifying transformation, she resumed her place next to him. "She came to me that night." Once again her tone became lifeless. "When she found out that I was pregnant...well lets just say she was as happy as I was." Bitterness seemed to have edged its way back. "Her words, they were more vicious then anything I had suffered from his tribe. More scarring then the wounds they gave me. She knew that I could not have conceived..." She stopped suddenly, it did not seem possible but she seemed to redraw further in on herself. "She knew before me that he feared to be alone with me, yet at the same time wanted to be near me. Hearing her say those things about me...about him and me. Something just seemed to snap. I hit her! The shock of it I think made it possible for me to escape. I just ran."

He watched her carefully. The lightening changes in her mood terrified him, but he would not leave her. Not now.

Even now he could not fully step out of character. She was beautiful! Even in her sorrow. 'Stop that!'

"I ran, not really seeing where I was going. His tribe left me alone purely because they were so used to seeing me flee from something. It was only when they heard Griddlebone did they make any attempt to stop me. By then it was too little too late. It was raining that night, the start of a storm. I remember hearing the lightening for days after."

Tugger shivered. He remembered that storm and on the first night it had begun, he remembered being huddled in his den, trying desperately to prevent his mane from fizzing. To now be told that at the same time he was contemplating the ruination of his greatest asset, Demeter was fighting for her freedom. Well it certainly but things into perspective.

"That stopped them from following me out...all except him" She whispered the last. "The ground was so muddy." Her voice now returning to normal. "I could hardly see. I couldn't find the exit...I tried...The rain was so blinding. I made it as far as the fence before he found me. Suddenly he just seemed to be there, crushing me against the fencing!"

She paused then her eyes closed slowly, her fragile frame seemed to quake under the weight of this memory. He couldn't keep his eyes of her, knowing that with each word he would not like where this would end.

"I fought of course but Macavity is obviously stronger. It wasn't long before he forced me back inside." She was whispering again.

Inside her mind Demeter was reliving that night.

"He kept screaming."

(Flash)

"YOU ARE MINE!"

"He was beside himself...it was terrifying."

(Flash)

"YOU CAN NOT BE HIS!"

"I LOVE MUNKUSTRAP!"

"I fought."

(Flash)

"NO!" She screamed, surprising herself. "NO! I DO NOT WANT THIS. I DON'T WANT YOU!"

"He was so strong."

(Flash)

She lashed out wildly, but using his weight he forced her against the wall, pressing himself against her to prevent movement.

"He wasn't making sense?"

(Flash)

"Just be with me Demeter. Please just be with me!" He whispered, paws caressing her body as he spoke.

"I was so afraid that he would kill me."

(Flash)

"I can't... I won't..." She screamed in reply.

"I wished he had."

(Flash)

"Get off me!" She pleaded.

"He was just so strong."

(Flash)

His paws were everywhere, his mouth trying to devour her.

"I don't want to hurt you." He whispered between kissing her neck and mouth roughly. "But you can't be his."

Forcing her head to the side she managed to scream...

"He said he'd never wanted to hurt me."

(Flash)

Claws bit into her thighs, as her legs were forced apart. Her eyes widen with fear as comprehension kick in.

He drew her leg around him...

Demeter's eyes snapped open, halting the relived scene. "In his anger he forced me against the wall, I couldn't move. He kept screaming "You are mine!" His paws were everywhere. I tried to fight him Tugger...I tried...but he was just too strong."

Tugger felt sick to the stomach. It was one thing to speculate, but to have it confirmed.

Tears spilled down her beautiful face as she forced the words out. "He would have raped me Tugger, if Griddlebone hadn't..."
To actually speak those words had been a sort of release for her, the burden of keeping something so horrendous to herself for so long had become over baring.

He took her in his arms and crushed her to his chest. She seemed to weep forever, crying away the pain and suffering of that night, something that he was certain she had been unable or prevented from doing until now.

"Wait a minute. Would have? But the kitten...how?"

Finally Demeter tentatively pushed herself away from his embrace. "I had not meant to tell you that, or anyone else for that matter." Hiccoughing at the end. "Not to be funny but you were the last cat I would have thought to tell."

"Me too." He replied truthfully. "But you know sometimes the best cat to tell, is the least expected." He stroked her face, wiping her tears as he went. Her skin was so soft.

She blinked through tear encased lashes at him, but he did not remove his paw. There was no fear or worry on her face, just utter calm. "You sound like Munkustrap."

"You should tell him you know. Him and Bomba."

"What good would that do? They can not change the past. Besides it never actually happen, I don't want to give them something else to worry about. I can protect them from that at least."

"But they do worry Deme." He replied, finally removing his paw.

"I know some wonder about what actually happened to me, I can see it in their eyes. I can see it in Bomba's to and Munkustraps'. I just can't bring myself to tell them. They look at me differently already; I don't want to see that in their eyes as well. Please Tugger don't tell them."

He understood of course, but some were already suspicious. Demeter's nightmares had certainly troubled Bomba.

"I won't tell anyone."

She sighed. "They treat me differently now." Her gaze sweeping across the junkyard. "I know I've changed, but I never wanted to become the skittish member of the tribe."

"I'll never treat you differently." She was too gorgeous for him to ignore completely, even if she was a bit skittish now.

She shook her head fondly. "I better go before they send out the search party." She started to leave, managing a few steps before halting. Turning to look over her shoulder she called. "And Tugger. Thank you."

The sight of her then, the moonlight catching her just so, with that look over the shoulder took his breath.

"You're still a hot queen you know Deme!" Before he could stop himself.

"You know I never fall for your tricks Tugger." And she turned to leave, though he was certain he could hear a low chuckle.

He tutted dramatically to show what he thought of that. 'Well she did stay not to treat her differently.'

Demeter was indeed greeted by a welcoming committee, she had expected it given the last few months. Jenny, Bomba and Munkustrap looked as though she were the Everlasting Cat himself, astounded and truly surprised by her sudden appearance. Did they think she had disappeared again?

"Deme where the hell have you been? We been worried sick." Came Bomba's frantic cry.

That was a yes then, they had thought her stolen away.

"Come back inside dear, it's way too cold to be out at this hour." Said Jenny as she bundled Demeter back into her den.

"Your kits hungry." Her sister offered unnecessarily as a soft mewing permitted the room as soon as they entered. Sighing with aspiration Demeter walked over to the small squirming bundle of fur, wondering vaguely if all kittens were this persistent for milk. "You shouldn't have left her Deme, it's too cold for her to be without your warmth for too long."

Demeter frown, when did she become such an expert? Besides she had left the kitten with plenty of blankets, she practically had to dig her out to reach her as she was that snug within them.

Lowering herself to the floor Demeter placed her kitten so it could feed, as she did she caught Munkustraps' eye. He had remained deathly silent so far, though his eyes spoke volumes. Dropping her gaze quickly she concentrated instead on her small kitten; who was nipping rather painfully in it's thirst.

"So where did you go?" Bombalurina demanded. "You shouldn't be up yet, you need rest."

Feeling awkward and a little cornered Demeter offered her feeble explanation. "I just...I had to get...air, I just needed some air."

"There's air enough in here." Bomba retorted while breathing deeply in emphasis.

"I know." Demeter replied weakly.

How could she tell them that she was uncomfortable being in their presence? How could she tell them that the thought of being near Macavity's kitten for too long still scared her? And how could she tell them that her mate's eyes hounded her, drove her from the den with their pleas for answers?

They thought they knew what she had been through, thought they knew what Macavity had done. What would their reactions be if they knew she had gone willingly? What would they do if they knew a part of her still wanted him?

Bombalurina's expression soften as she realised her sister's unease. "So, thought of a name yet?" She offered gently. "We can't keep calling her it, kit or fur ball for much longer you know."

A small smile graced Demeter's lips as her eyes alighted on her sister. The fact of the matter was, she had indeed been contemplating a name and had deliberated on one in particular.

She had wanted a name that had no association with Macavity, but had discovered that each possibility did hold some sort of significance to him; not anything directly, yet a connection never the less. If she was to be logical there was no way that she; or anyone else within the tribe were likely to forget her kitten's parentage.

What real use was logic anyway, especially after everything that had happened?

Demeter had considered naming her Nyabell; given the fact that she would not be here now if not for her sacrifice, the memory of her limp form with her neck snapped however prevented that.

As she looked back at her kit she thought about her conception. How she had felt each time she had laid within Macavity's paws, how even though she knew it to be wrong, she had wanted him with such thirst. Of how his touch was electric, moving across her body sending bolts of fire through her skin.

In the corner of her eye she could see Munkustrap shift and instantly allowed the memory to subside.

"Well?" Jenny asked, all but pouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Fur balls cute, but hardly something you want to carry into adulthood." Bomba quipped, a warm smile spreading across her face.

Silence descended, the tension palpable.

"Electra." Demeter finally breathed.

"Electra?" Munkustrap repeated, at last breaking his silence. "It suits her." He added as he marveled at her fur.

Demeter nodded; the last tendrils of memory fading, it most certainly did.

The den was silent except the faint breathing sounds of those deep in slumber.

Bombalurina had finally consented to sleep, only doing so when she had been certain Demeter had lost all intentions of late night wanderings.

Demeter loved her sister dearly and understood her over protectiveness; Bomba had related the tribe efforts to find her, but it felt as though she were under guard still and it was suffocating.

Shifting uncomfortably in her bed; made largely of old blankets and cardboard, Demeter was careful not to knock Electra; who after yet another feed had finally given into sleep. Staring up at the ceiling she wondered vaguely what she was doing now.

Did she think Demeter dead? Did she think she had succeeded? Would Macavity ever find out? She could almost pity her if he did. But Demeter's compassion was limited and for Griddlebone she held none.

Hypercritical it may sound, she could never forgive her for the loss of her kittens. She may not have wanted them at first, may not have planned for it. Now however Demeter could see that her sister and mate had been right; though they would never understand just how thankful she was for their persistence, there was no way now she could be without Electra.

'My Electra.' Shifting once again with the force of such a thought.

Electra squirmed in her sleep, thankfully though the eyes of her kit; that had only opened a few days ago, still remained tightly shut. She had been afraid her shifting had woken her. Electra was beautiful, Demeter's past misgivings of having no maternal sentiments had long abated, she was a part of her. No amount of denying it would change that, the bond had come eventually.

Tomorrow was a new day and with each new day Demeter's strength returned, her confidence grew. There was no way she would go as far as to say she were completely healed, but she was more certain in herself, in what it was she had left to do.

They would not like it; especially Bomba, Demeter wasn't entirely sure where Munkustrap stood. He was struggling with all of this; however hard he tired to hide it.

And why wouldn't he? There was no way he would ever understand. So many unanswered questions; to which to save him, he could never received clarity for.

Nuzzling her daughter gently, Demeter wrapped her body protectively around her taking utter contentment from it. Her calm restored, she breathed in deeply her daughter's scent.

They wouldn't understand and as such would try to stop her; try being the operative word, for Demeter had made up her mind. It had to be done and soon, each day she delayed only made it harder.

"I have to do it." She whispered softly as Electra fidgeted once more. "I have to."

Munkustrap was struggling. Yep struggling.

Deny it, hide it, attempt to mask it he had tried all and had failed at each.

Demeter saw it, Bomba shared it, Jenny sympathised with it and he detested it and still it went on.

He needed answers if his mind was to be at peace.

"Morning Munkustrap." Asparagus Jr called as Munkustrap breezed by. "Munkustrap?" Receiving no answer. "Well how rude." Huffing out in his chest in annoyance.

"Be at ease Gussy, you know he's had a lot to deal with lately." Cooed Jellylorum.

Asparagus visably relaxed. "You're right, though it's still no excuse for rudeness."

"I really think it was just a case of him not hearing you."

Grumbling something under his breath Asparagus Jr left to find breakfast, an amused Jellylorum in tow.

As Munkustrap entered the sister's den, it was clear that he had come at a bad time.

"...ridiculous, especially after everything."

"It only makes it more necessary. I've made up my mind Bomba."

"Why? Why do this, surely there's no need to now?"

"I'm not asking for you acceptance, just your understanding. I have to do this." A note of pleading had entered Demeter's voice

"Does Munkustrap know?" Bomba retorted, it was clear she had no intentions of losing this fight. "What does he think of this?"

"It has nothing to do with..." It was then that Demeter became aware of him. "Munkus!"

Bombalurina's neck cricked as she whipped her head around.

"I brought breakfast." He said quickly, holding up a limp mouse as two sets of heated eyes turned on him.

"Just the one?" Bombalurina scoffed as Munkustrap nodded apologetically, the lasting effects of the argument dripping from her words. "I guess that means I'll be finding my own then?" And; with eyebrow arched in annoyance, she left to do just that.

With the two felines left quite alone; what's more for the first time since Demeter had returned, an uneasiness quickly descended.

"I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It doesn't matter." Demeter reassured him. "I'm sure she will have more to say on the matter at any rate." A clear bite to her words. "It has to be done." Whispering the last.

Not wanting to reignite the argument Munkustrap handed over the mouse. "Thought you could do with it, seeing as Electra keeps you busy."

"Thank you." Gratefully taking the small rodent.

"Hope Bomba won't hold it against me?" Though he only offered a half hearted amount of concern for that. Firstly, he had hoped to get Demeter on her own; a feat in which until now had been impossible and secondly, because at that precise moment little Electra had ambled out of her blankets in a bid to investigate the new arrival.

Clumsy legs; inexperienced at supporting their host, awkwardly fumbled along lacking the grace and skill of coordination, though charming and pleasantly cute to observe never the less. Momentarily taken by the small kitten's antics Munkustrap squatted himself down, allowing the inquisitive kit to climb enthusiastically into his lap. "She's getting big." He said warmly, while nuzzling Electra affectionately. "And quickly too." He had tried to keep that last comment light, yet was certain that a touch of bitterness had entered into it. The visible tensing of Demeter's body confirmed his suspicion, he had failed to hide it. Clearing his throat; in the hope of dispersing the acridness, he decided to get on with why he had come. "I was hoping we could talk. We haven't really had the chance to since you got back."

Demeter slowly placed the untouched mouse to the side. "What do you wish to talk about?" She asked softy; knowing and dreading the reply.

"Us." Munkustrap replied seriously ignoring the playful antics of Electra who; not liking this lack of attention, had begun playfully batting at his chest. "I know what you have gone through was terrifying, it will take time to get over it. It's just..." He knew what it was he wanted to say, the problem being there was no way in which to say it without it sounding selfish. "We're mates Demeter, we should be together."

"Be together?" Demeter asked puzzled. "We are together."

"No, like mates should be."

Demeter eyebrows shot up. Did he mean? Was he really thinking about, that?

Seeing the startled expression on his mate's face, Munkustrap realised that he had not explained himself well. 'Don't blow this, this is the first chance you've had. Calm, be calm.' "I mean, I want to take care of you. We should be together, just you and me working through this instead I feel...I feel as though you can't bare to be around me."

Demeter watched as her kitten; who by now bored with her failing attempts to receive attention, decided to amuse herself with a touch of tail chasing. It was rather hilarious watching her fumbling attempts; each one unfortunately unsuccessful.

She allowed the silence to stretch, unable to provide an answer.

"Well?" Munkustrap pleaded, failing to control the heartache he felt while lifting his tail; with a touch of aspiration, away from tiny claws "I deserve an answer."

"I have none to give you." Demeter whispered, not looking up from her kit. It was too soon.

Munkustrap bounded to his feet then visible took control if himself, little Electra; startled by this sudden movement, quickly sought protection from that body with whom scent's she associated warmth and safety with.

Taking her daughter in her lap; with a nuzzle to calm her, Demeter waited.

Had she finally drove her mate away? She desperately hoped not. It was just too soon for explanations of any sort.

"I thought you loved me?"

"I do." Angered by this. 'I love you more then you could ever know.' Did he not understand? It had all been for him, to protect him. 'All?'

"Then you should be able to trust me, I am not my brother." She hated hearing such desperation, she hated hurting him. 'It's too soon.'

"We can not trust those who have deceived us." She tried to explain.

"I have not deceived you, I lay bare my all to you." Astounded by such a remark. "I will never deceive you."

"But he did. He did again and again and each time..." She trailed of quickly, only within her mind could she safely finish it. 'I wanted him to.'

"What did he do?" Growling as he grabbed Demeter's shoulders.

Demeter's eyes widen with fear. 'He's not Macavity. He isn't, he would never hurt me.' She knew this, what was wrong with her? What had Macavity done to her? Fear still coursed through her veins as she spoke, her voice quivered with it. "I don't want you to hate me."

"I can not hate you for what he did." Soothingly rubbing her arms. "I never will and neither will the tribe." Thinking of how she was distancing herself from them as well. "You are apart of us and your kit to."

Demeter's eyes suddenly sharpen as she hit his paws away. Confused and a little put out, Munkustrap could only stand and watch as Demeter removed Electra from her lap then placed her carefully within a pile of blankets, before turning to address him.

"Whatever you think may have happened, Electra is my kitten, mine. And she is as much apart of this tribe as anyone else." She spoke to her lap, though it did nothing to diminish the passion in which it was said.

"I would never dispute that." He replied levelly. "Despite the way she was brought into this world, she is a Jellicle. She is innocent, she was not the one who committed such a vulgar act against you." Dropping his head in shame. "I should have been there to protect."

Her heart went out to him, he blamed himself. If only he knew, he would not be so concerned for her then. What's more he thought Electra was the result of...No, he would not be so protective if he really understood.

Standing slowly Demeter offered him her paw, which he took with a grateful smile. "I don't deserve you."

"It is I who doesn't deserve. I'm being selfish, thinking about my own wants and forgetting what you have been through." The anguish was unbearable.

Squeezing her eyes closed Demeter made the hardest decision of her life. She had to tell him. "I want us to be together." It was so hard to get the words out. "But I can't be what you think I am. I'm sick of lies and deceptions. I'm the selfish one, it was my selfishness and naivety that brought us here, I was a fool to let him control me. I tried to rectify it but only made it worse." Her righteous act had been tainted Macavity saw to that, she would never be free of him. In guilt; her want of him over her love for her mate, in elation; her joy of being back overshadowed by her deeds committed in the past and in her maternal love; she saw Macavity in her daughter. "Even now I can not be free of him, even now he separates us."

"He can not destroy what we have, he can not keep you from me. He can't have you Demeter, you are mine." Demeter's eyes widen in shock, the shadows of the past; looming just out of sight, called to her.

"You are mine." It seemed to whisper.

"My black and gold queen, remember?" Came Munkustraps' anguished voice.

"My black and gold queen." The past whispered again. Demeter shock her head desperately hoping to clear it, as the past and present seemed to fuse within her.

Gone were all intentions of revelation as the past rose to hound her, she would never be able to tell him. Never.

Munkustrap sought to sooth her, reaching out a paw to caress her cheek. She could not accept the gesture; backing away from it, she did not deserve comfort. Her back hit the wall of the den she felt pinned, trapped.

Demeter's mind felt muddled, she was confused, reality lost all sense as the past reared it's head yet again

...using his weight he forced her against the wall.

"Just be with me Demeter."

The past called from the deep recesses of her mind...

"Just be with me." She knew that voice, she did. Only no, no there were two, definitely two.

"Munkustrap?" She called weakly, lost in this duel reality. "Munkustrap please."

"Don't push me away Demeter, please don't push me away."

...A storm raged in a violent disturbance outside. No, she was back home, she was safe now.

"I know he hurt you but I never will."

..."I do not want to hurt you. But you can not be his."

Munkustraps' eyes, so vulnerable, so soft and caring. She could feel the love they gave off.

...she felt allured by the prospect, his eyes locked on hers enticed her into evil by the appeals of their passions. No. Why wouldn't it end?

Taking confidence from her silence; for Demeter neither rejected or really encouraged, Munkustrap laid a delicate kiss upon her mouth, she merely looked at he with blank eyes. He wanted life, he wanted the return of warmth, of the passion and sparkle that her eyes of the past had once glowed with.

Macavity had stole it, had taken her warmth. It needed to be restored and he would do it, as only a mate could. And so determine to break her from this cold place she had lingered in for too long.

...his kisses offered gentle persuasions. She wanted him, but feared him. Everlasting Cat she hated him. 'Him?' Unable to decipher who him was.

Demeter's befuddled mind had turned against her, she was there as well as being here now.

One voice was becoming stronger.

"My black and gold queen." It was Munkustraps' face, it was his lips that spoke it; she saw them move with the words. But it was Macavity's voice that delivered it.

Lips locked onto her's pressing down with force as Munkustrap placed a tender, more passionate kiss upon them.

"NO!" With force you would think impossible from such a petite queen, Demeter pushed Munkustrap from her.

Fleeing from her past and running from her present.