Title: Bitter
Universe: Generation 1
Pairing: None
Word Count: 619
Disclaimer: Transformers is the property of Hasbro.
AN: "Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down" (Pushing Me Away- Linkin Park). This was written after a long, bad week. I'm just only now getting around to posting it.
Enjoy.
Reviews are as always appreciated…
There were times that Bumblebee wondered why it was he still bothered. This usually coincided with a slew of harsh insults from the twins, or increased yelling from Cliffjumper on his deplorable inability to do anything of worth on a battlefield (or anywhere else if you took the twin's view).
The events normally followed missions and battles where Bumblebee had "messed up AGAIN" as said by Cliffjumper. The insults would rain down, whether or not they had succeeded in what they were trying to do, whether or not his participation had helped or hindered.
These were the times he withdrew just that little bit further, hid his true thoughts and feelings just that little bit deeper, and simply smiled. He took the abuse with the same smile he greeted every day... an empty one.
He never asked retaliated, or argued his position, he simply accepted the insults, silently telling himself that they were empty, that he knew better. He knew he wasn't useless, knew his efforts were appreciated by those who knew, who understood.
Sometimes thought, he wanted to ask them if they could do what he did. Yet he never asked if they could infiltrate the Nemesis and steal information or plans before getting out undetected. He never asked if they knew why it was they were still one step ahead of the Cons. He wondered if they even had a clue what the Ops team were there for, or whether they thought he was just used as a decoy or something equally insulting.
Still, he said nothing, simply locked everything away to hide the way it hurt every time they disregarded him as useless… especially after he had once again risked his life to gain them an edge on the enemy.
He said nothing as he reported his findings to Jazz, exhausted and strung out from joors on high alert, knowing that despite the fact the information would greatly help, no one but Jazz would even know where it came from.
He would silently turn away as everyone celebrated another battle won. He'd watch emptily as the warriors stood in the light and shined and everyone laughed and congratulated them on their prowess.
He wondered when it was he had become so bitter that he, if only for an instant, wished to see the others do his job for a while, to see how it felt to not have anyone care no matter what you did. He experienced a guilty rush of dark humour as he considered they wouldn't survive a breem, if they managed to reach the Nemesis at all, let alone gain intelligence that was actually helpful.
So he stayed silent as he waited for the next mission to come, where he would gain more information, would be the reason behind surprise attacks, the reason the warriors were given their chance to shine. To be the reason they would have yet another reason to belittle him.
There were times that Bumblebee wondered why he even cared anymore, why he bothered to even help his fellows when they never seemed to be grateful, if they acknowledged his help at all.
No matter how he felt though, he never let the bitter thoughts stop him from doing his duty. He helped whenever it was asked of him, he volunteered where he saw a need of aid, and he accepted each mission suggested to him, and always did his absolute best. … And the relieved smile Jazz would bestow on him when he returned after each mission would cut through the darkness just enough to convince him to keep trying.
But still... the insults weighed on him and though he smiled, his spark withered that little bit more.