So sorry about the long wait! Now I will be doing my best to follow the update schedule: that means this will be updated every Monday and Saturday. My most successful fanfics, this and WWI, will have two days of updates per week, everything else once a week.
Today: Lionblaze (Lion O'Brien)
Next (11/8): Ferncloud, from Fern & Dust + 7
-chapter ten-
The glossy ebony she-cat was very uncomfortable in her tight dress that Leafpool and Feathertail had yanked her into. Usually cats didn't wear clothes, but of course, in the tabbies' opinions, this was a very formal and special occasion. Crowfeather, who had been desperate to have an excuse to get away from Nightcloud, immediately accepted Jadecrystal's reluctant date invitation. Now Jadecrystal was driving in her Treeota* to where they planned to meet at five: Herb Garden**, a fancy Italian restaurant.
Meanwhile, Leafpool and Feathertail had to do the show in their new run-down studio. Luckily, Leafpool managed to convince her manager, Half Moon, to give them a week until the next episode, so now the paint-chipped school chairs had been replaced by fresh armchairs. Unfortunately, these were stiffer than the ones that had perished in the old studio; Leafpool could not stop readjusting herself, crossing one leg over the other, sitting cross-legged, even laying on her head for a while.
As all the blood rushed to her head, she reminded Feathertail to take out her iPawd*** and frequently check for updates on Jadecrystal's date with Crowfeather. Throughout the date, Jadecrystal had been firmly instructed to text Feathertail the "deets" under the table, where he couldn't see. After all, it was always quite rude to have your phone out at dinner.
Finally Leafpool found a somewhat bearable position. One of her legs was slung over an arm of the green plaid chair, while both her arms were folded behind her head. Feathertail, perched in her floral-patterned chair, eyed her fellow host apprehensively before coming to attention as a text arrived on her iPawd.
"That's what she said!" chirped her phone. Leafpool snorted with laughter. "That's so 2013, you seriously have that as your text tone still?"
Feathertail's claws were flying frantically over the screen of her iPawd. At first she ignored Leafpool's statement and announced, "4:57- just arrived at Herb Garden. He's not here yet."
Leafpool sighed and rolled her eyes. "Crowfeather's never been the one to catch the worm."
"And by the way," Feathertail added sharply. "A long time ago I set my automatic text tone to 'That's what she said!', but I've changed the tone for every new contact. I just haven't changed Jadecrystal's yet, so take a chill pill, alright?"
Leafpool's amber eyes bulged as she tried not to laugh again. "Chill pill is like 2009 era. Or earlier. Come on!"
"What am I supposed to say then?" Feathertail demanded.
Little did the two she-cats know, Mossyfire was frantically waving at them as the seconds ticked down to five o'clock. Giving up, the camera cat just let the light beep on as they continued their conversation.
"I dunno, something like..." Leafpool had started before the camera turned on. Now that it was on, the viewers had tuned in just in time to hear, "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!"
Then, out of the corner of her eye, Leafpool noticed the red blinking light, and color rushed to her face as she squeaked, "Er, I mean, er, welcome to the, er..."
Feathertail caught on immediately, snickering. "... the Crow's Ladies Talk Show!"
"Today is a very special show indeed," Leafpool went on, still blushing incessantly.
"No, no fires this time," Feathertail jumped in again right on cue, still smirking down at her index card with pre-written jokes.
Leafpool didn't seem to find this too funny, though the audience chuckled politely as they shifted with wrinkled noses in their shabby seats.
"Well," the brown tabby said, pulling out earplugs. "Welcome your very favorite TV host"- she had to admit it- "Lionblaze to the show!" She crammed the mouse-shaped plugs into her ears, but they barely did the job. Screams and shrieks of "O... Brien! O... Brien! Ooooooo... Brien!" erupted in the old studio so much that the elderly building shook. It had been years since there'd been this much excitement.
A handsome golden tabby tom, face caked with makeup, flashed a sickeningly charming smile at the crowd as he padded over to the spare armchair for guests, a brown one made of fake leather.
It took ten minutes for the cheers to die down. Lionblaze sat comfortably the whole time, barely noticing the death hugs Feathertail was giving him with stars in her eyes. She only broke away when a very loud "That's what she said!" interrupted the interminable applause and yells of glee.
The audience began to laugh at Feathertail's text tone, and the gray tabby slouched in her chair as she muttered to Leafpool, "5:13- finally got to our table. He's very sweet, but definitely not my type. He actually said he doesn't mind sappy romance films!"
Leafpool had given up her ear plugs, which she had thrown onto the stack of herb dictionaries that served as their temporary coffee table with a huff, a while ago. She nodded curtly at her co-host before yowling, "SETTLE DOWN!"
That actually did it. Lionblaze almost looked a little sad once the screams diminished, but when his mother looked at him again, he purred, "So I suppose I'm here to get back at Cinderheart when she was on here, right?"
"Yes, O'Brien, you're right!" swooned the crowd.
Leafpool clenched her fists, taking her ear plugs and using the clay-like materials as her miniature stress balls. Feathertail watched this and then quietly ordered a stress ball on her iPawd. "Okay," the plumy-tailed she-cat meowed, straightening up. "Go ahead, Lionblaze. Tell us all about your mate."
"Well, you obviously know her name is Cinderheart. She's so selfless and brave. When she found out about my powers, she didn't want to get in the way of me saving everyone's butts. But eventually she couldn't resist me. Now that's she's expecting-"
"Wait," Leafpool stood up and faced her son directly. "Are you saying I'm going to be a grandmother?"
"Of three little Tootsie-Rolls!" Lionblaze purred.
Leafpool fainted.
o3o
Jadecrystal swiftly checked the time on her phone in her lap... 5:22. She was not lucky with this table: the tablecloth was so sheer, it was obvious when her phone's glowing screen was on. Each time she had it on, Crowfeather glanced at her more severely. Finally she gave up after texting Feathertail, with a million typos, "5:23- can't text you anymore. He's starting to look annoyed."
"Sooo..." Crowfeather mumbled awkwardly. After finishing off their last discussion- more an argument- about movie preferences, he seemed not to know what to say anymore. Neither did Jadecrystal.
StarClan was watching over her, though, because just then their food arrived, dropped off by a bored-looking Mousewhisker. He just stared hungrily at Crowfeather's wallet, which was the bulge in the back pocket of his suit, the whole time, as if he was imagining his tip at the end.
Jadecrystal stared down at her classic squirrelghettiand poultryballs****, not feeling like eating at all. She just wanted to go home and read. Then Crowfeather said something intriguing.
"Well, you're from ShadowClan, right?"
She lifted her head and blinked. "Maybe. And you're from WindClan?"
"Yeah," he mumbled, leaning back and sighing. "Unfortunately, most of my Clanmates are MLP fans."
Jadecrystal nearly fell out of her seat. "I hate MLP!"
"Same," Crowfeather snorted at her sudden exuberance. "I just don't get the point of it!"
"Ditto," Jadecrystal giggled, personality completely changed now. After all this awkwardness, they did have something in common after all!
*Toyota
**Olive Garden
***iPod/iPhone/iPad, etc.
****Spaghetti and meatballs