Okay, so my computer is hating on me right now and it keeps erasing what I type. Anyway, SM owns the characters, not the stories.

Billy Black Deals with Hormonal Teenagers: A Series within a Series

Leah

The phone rang, I picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi," the voice on the other end said. Even by that one word I knew who the caller was. She had to be a vampire; the voice was too pretty to be anything else.

"I think you have the wrong number," I grunted. Damn vampires, with their perfect everything one would think they'd have every number memorized, or at least know how to work a speed-dial.

"No...this is the Black residence, correct?" the voice asked.

"Yes," I replied warily. What did the blood-suckers want with us?

"Well, may I speak to Leah...Leah Clearwater?" the voice answered.

"What do you want with her?" Ever since I had chased away that Yorkie boy she had been moping around the house. Emily HAD taken her out the other day, but I doubted Emily of all people would take her to hang out with vampires.

"She said to call," the voice said, "she gave me this number."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Victoria...Mullen, yes Victoria Mullen."

I sighed, twisting the phone cord in my fingers. "LEAH!" I shouted.

Leah came running. "Yes, Billy," she panted. I wondered why she wasn't out of the house; she was twenty-three for goodness sake! The least she could do is imprint and live with her boyfriend without changing her legal residence.

"There's a blood-sucker calling for you."

"Oh! Yes! That's...um...yes...I met her in town yesterday."

"I thought you hated the vampires, Leah."

"I do!" she insisted, stomping her foot like a two-year old. Maybe she was better in the house.

"Then why did you give one your home phone number?"

"Well...she said she had this single friend and that she would hook me up," Leah leaned forward and giggled. Creepy.

I tilted my head. Yep, definitely better off at home. "Leah, what makes you think her friend wouldn't be a vampire? She's not even a Cullen!"

Leah looked down and cursed under her breath. "Damn bitch, lied to me. I knew vampires couldn't get drunk, and even if they could they wouldn't slur. Bitch, I'll kill that Emily yet." Leah then proceeded to look up innocently. "It's okay Billy, just tell her I'll call her back, no need to take a number."

"You sure?" I asked to tease her.

"YES!" she screeched before running back into her room.

I was afraid she was coming back when the front door opened fifteen minutes later, but it was just Sue. "Did everything go alright with Leah? It's that time of month for her you know."

"Sure."

Once again, Billy Black saves the day?

Jacob

Going by Jacob's room late at night is not an experience I recommend. None of the cool kids do it; I promise.

I had to go to the bathroom. Badly. I got out of bed, Sue rolled over and mumbled in her sleep, but I couldn't pay attention to her; I had a mission. Heading down the hall I heard another voice. At first I thought Jacob was on the phone, but then I heard what he was saying.

"Who's a sexy beast? That's right, me. Oh yeah, let's see it the other way too. Too hot to handle! One-hundred and eight degrees. Right here."

Shaking my head I went to the bathroom, but by the time I got back he was even louder. Faintly curious I cracked open his door, and peeked inside. He was standing there in his Transformers boxers (he liked Omegatron or whichever one that was), flexing in front of the mirror like Mr. Universe or something. I wondered what his girlfriend would think of that.

"Yes! YES! Sam may be pack leader but THIS is the alpha male! Oh! What's that Emily? You're drawn to me? You find me irresistible? But you have an imprint. It suddenly stopped working because I'm just that hot? Well, I'm sure Ellie would be happy to share."

That was enough for me. I backed away, but unfortunately I backed into Leah's door, sending it ajar.

"What's that?" Leah muttered. I heard her sitting up.

"You too, Leah?" Jacob asked, obviously oblivious to what had just happened. "Well, you know, that's kind of kinky with us being step-siblings and all, but if you're into that..."

"NOT EVEN IN THAT DUMB FANTASY OF YOURS, BLACK!" Leah screeched.

That night was ruined, Sue made me sleep on the couch, and neither Jacob nor Leah spoke to me for three days, but it never happened again. Once again, Billy Black saves the day?

Sorry for the poor formatting, the document uploader hates me right now. I have Claire finished and several more ideas I need to write out, so hopefully I'll be getting to you soon!