James couldn't sleep…not properly. He would drift off only to feel like he couldn't breathe, like he was suffocating underwater, and then would jolt awake. Drowning…he felt like he was drowning. Eventually he gave up and lay on his cot, sweaty and exhausted, wishing for peace. Just once in his life he would like to have peace. But it was impossible, especially in a place like this. The doctor was constantly in and out, trying to encourage him to get up and out of his room. He didn't want to leave. The one time he did go to lunch he had to sit with all his men, laughing and carrying on without a care in the world. David had been there of course—sitting next to Angelica.
Something inside him twisted at the memory. That she betrayed him…yet her betrayal was so much worse than anyone else's could be. He had started to trust her, to tell her things no one else knew. To expose himself. And she had been there for him—especially these past few days. She didn't know it, but he had surveyed her. He had watched and perceived as she observed him and looked after him. He noticed that she cared. The one person in the entire world that he thought genuinely cared for him as a person. As who he was. And…and he had started to grow…fond of her.
But then she had to tell him that she'd hidden things from him. That she belonged behind bars instead of serving her country. That she was a pirate—the one thing he detested. He thought he had known her. Just like he thought he knew Elizabeth.
He had watched her and David at lunch, noticing how David flirted and played. He wondered what his Lieutenant would think if he knew the truth. In fact the Admiral had pondered the very idea of exposing her for who she is. But no. He decided it would be better to wait. To wait for her to tell David herself, and have him feel the same horrid burnt feeling. Like he was melting. Like everything he knew was blowing away into the wind. Did he love her? No. But he had most certainly felt some sort of affection toward her. Which was now long gone…drifted out to sea somewhere with the tide.
There was a quiet rap on the door which interrupted his thoughts. James ignored it for a moment but when it came again he begrudging told them to come in.
It was David. He sauntered in like he owned the place, flopping down next to him and leaving the door open so light flooded in.
"Came to give you some cheering." His lieutenant grinned. "You missed supper."
"They're still down there?" James asked disapprovingly, "At this hour?"
"We're allowed to make merry, are we not?" David shrugged.
James didn't reply. Hoping to discourage him. It did not work.
"Angelica seems a bit worried. You weren't too cross with her earlier were you?"
"I don't need looking after." James snapped more harshly then was intended. "If she wants to coddle someone she can bloody go do it to someone else."
That shut David up for a moment. He picked at his coat, casting a tentative glance at his Admiral who stared across at the wall instead. "Yes well…how about you get some sleep, alright?" he gave him a brisk pat on the shoulder and got up. "Good night, Admiral." He closed the door behind him, his shoulders dropping some. For once the cocky officer looked worried.
"Is he alright?" a quiet voice asked from behind him.
David shook his head, still staring at the door. "No…he's not." He sighed and turned, meeting Angelica's anxious hazel gaze. "Sorry. I did try."
"I know. Thank you." She offered him a ghost of a smile before turning away.
"Perhaps we could stay up for one more drink?" David offered, going after her small figure.
"Not tonight. Sorry Mr. Hart." She didn't even look at him, she opened the door to her room and closed it.
"Blast it." David sighed. "I did try though..." he continued down the hall, and his voice echoed back to James' room where the Admiral lay wide awake. "I did try…"
James wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. Angelica was wide away in her private room the surgeon had offered her, staring at the candle flickering beside her.
What was this…horrid feeling of pain inside her?
The responsibility felt for worsening James' condition. He had actually started to look slightly better, now he was vastly becoming worse. The doctor was afraid to speak to him about his lungs for fear of the reaction.
Every time she closed her eyes she saw the warm, inviting look from his eyes vanish into a harsh, closed off expression.
Why had she told him? Why had she risked everything…The one person who understood her—
'But how can he truly understand if he doesn't know you?'
She had trusted him to be accepting of her. But now she thought of it she barely knew him…how foolish she was. Just as foolish as the young woman who had run off with a pirate captain in the first place.