CHAPTER 9 – "He needs to know you feel this way"

OneRepublic – Say (All I Need)

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul

A/N; For the confused – the last chapter was another memory/vision…We go back to reality now.

"Bella?"

I didn't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Jasper" I acknowledge his presence but my gaze remains on the beautiful white wisps that swirled in the dull grey sky. Forested hills rolled over in the distance with the occasional strips of the river drawn down them.

It was all surreal.

"Can I take a seat?" he whispered his uncertainty.

I uncoiled from my crouch and sat down on the edge but then scooted to the left to give him space, "It's a free world" I murmured, still refusing to look at him.

He was polite enough to offer a humorless chuckle before taking the space next to me. A small sigh trembled from his lips ans from my peripheral vision, I caught how his shoulders slumped.

I waited for him to say something but he shared into my silence. Probably, gathering his thoughts as he decided to approach the subject that lingered in the horizon. "Bella?" he finally broke the silence.

"Jasper?" I mocked with a small smirk.

It took a second before he began, "I never actually apologized for what I did on your birthd-"

"Jasper don't-" I interrupted when realizing what he was about to do. Angling my body towards him, I smiled softly, "I could never blame you. It was never your fault so please don't feel guilty. For anything"

He considered this for a moment, deliberating over whether he should argue with me but thankfully decided against it, "Thank you for forgiving me"

"There was nothing for me to forgive" I grinned and faced the scenery ahead.

"You're kind - too kind" he laughed and I cracked a small but tired smile as I continued to listen to him. "And you're good Bella" the sincerity of his statement clenched my frozen heart but also shake my head in denial of his kind words. He ignored this and added, "But you're also lost…"

"What?" I turned to him, bewildered with his close observation.

"I can feel it" he explained and I nodded in understanding, "You're feeling alone, confused and misplaced"

"I feel lost" I admitted, yearning for a tear to fall but knowing the pleasure of that release would never return.

Jasper's stare was trained on me as he inquired, "Why?"

"Things feel…" I paused, "…wrong"

"In what sense?" he wondered, his voice so gentle and patient that I couldn't help but want to spill my thoughts out to him.

I sighed exasperatedly and pushed my fingers through my hair in frustration, "Everything!"

"Edward?" he guessed after a few seconds dragged by.

I gulped but nodded, "Yes" again the need to cry strengthened but all I could do was bite my lip.

"I think you should talk to him"

I turned to him and sighed, "And say what?"

"What you just told me" he murmured and I felt waves of calm creep towards me but I fought against them. Jasper's eyebrows furrowed for a moment before he shook his head and informed me, "He's driving himself crazy wondering what he's done" obviously his brother's pain was also affecting him.

"He shouldn't" I was quick to argue when the guilt gnawed at me, "This is isn't even in his control" I pleaded for him to understand.

Jasper caught onto the last of my words, "What isn't?"

I straightened up and looked back to the serene picture of calmness as I stoically answered, "I wouldn't be able to explain it you" I laughed at myself, "Hell I don't even understand it!" the silence joined us once again so I murmured, "I just don't want to hurt him"

I hoped that he would understand I had no intention of harming his brother.

"I think that the longer you keep quiet, the more you hurt him" Jasper logically explained, "He needs to know you feel this way" he pressed.

"Bella?"

We both craned our heads to Edward.

The apprehension and pain that pebbled his eyes only sent me on another guilt trip. His hands were clenched in tight fists by his side while his curious stare darted between us.

Jasper was right - I was obviously hurting him.

Taking one more look at Jasper who was standing from his place, I knew what I had to do with the encouraging nod that he gave me.

Let's just hope I was doing the right thing.

A/N: Will Bella say her goodbyes to the Cullens...review and find out...