I was listening to "Someday you will be loved" by Death Cab for Cutie while writing this. It reminds me of Shizuo. ;A; Also, sorry this is so short…
You'll be loved; you'll be loved, like you never have known
These memories of me, Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs, like it never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Shizuo gazed up at the ceiling through numb, half-lidded eyes as he awakened. His heart jumped when he did not recognize his surroundings, but his stoic mask does not waver as his vision clears. His eyes swivel, taking in the dark room without moving. He sighed into the darkness as his eyes fluttered closed.
And he waits.
He can't hear any talking outside his door today, which means Izaya doesn't have any clients for today yet, or he slept through all of their appointments. Probably the latter. He wonders what time it is.
He's been living with Izaya for a week now. He knows the informant is trying to bond with him, but Shizuo doesn't think he'll ever get used to being around the smug brunette. He was too complicated, far more complicated than Shizuo would ever want to try to understand.
They have settled into a morning routine, When Shizuo woke up in the morning he would call Izaya's cell phone with his own, which was currently lying on the table beside him. If Izaya was busy with a client, he wouldn't respond, and if he wasn't, then he would show up in Shizuo's room a few minutes later. Easy.
And then Shizuo would maneuver himself into his wheelchair, (which took a lot of upper-body strength, but he got through) It was manageable, and Izaya was on standby, because sometimes he fell and that was humiliating all by itself. Izaya never said a word on those days; just looked at him with those sad sad eyes that Shizuo's come to hate. And would then help him back into his chair wordlessly.
Shizuo doesn't try to get into his wheelchair by himself, he doesn't care if he has to lie in bed all day and stare at the ceiling. He would manage if that was what he had to do. It's not like he had anywhere to go. Sometimes Shizuo forgets to call in the morning. Shizuo's waiting for the day that Izaya forgets to come get him.
He'll work on burning a hole into the wall with his glowers in the meantime.
Then they go into the kitchen and Izaya will ask Shizuo if he wants anything and Shizuo will shrug or shake his head. Izaya will then sigh as he opens his refrigerator like he thinks Shizuo can't see him or something. Then Shizuo will have whatever Izaya's having or just a glass of milk.
Izaya doesn't say much, he doesn't speak at all, only to ask questions and on a good day, some small talk. Shizuo still doesn't know why he's here, but he goes through all the motions anyway. He's beyond hoping that Izaya knows what he's doing, they both don't and they know that.
He's just playing along until something happens that will ignite the life in him once more.
Next Izaya will go over to the couch and read a book or go online until his secretary comes and Shizuo will take the elevator to the balcony for a smoke and stay there for most of the day because he doesn't want to wheel himself in while Izaya working.
Some days Izaya will join him and Shizuo will gaze down at the city below him and Izaya will look at him with those sad sad eyes until one of them leaves or both.
Sometimes when it's snowing too hard Shizuo will be shut inside, and if Izaya has a client on that day he'll go see Celty because not many people know where Shizuo disappeared to. The people that need to know will know. End of story.
When Shizuo's had his smoke and he's stared down the city for long enough, he'll go inside and wait and listen. If he hears talking from inside then he'll leave.
That was how everyday had been so far.
Shizuo wants something to happen, something big that would shake things up in a good way and add spice to his boring life. He wants to go somewhere new, meet someone he hasn't seen before, anything to break himself out of this lifeless mold that was laid out for him. He wants to do something with himself, but he doesn't know how to start, so he'll settle for smoking on the balcony until something comes his way.
Some days Izaya will take Shizuo out to Shinjuku, and Izaya will watch the people and Shizuo will watch Izaya watching the people. He can't see himself getting used to Shinjuku. Then they'll go get lunch or something and Shizuo won't say a word. He doesn't know if his silent act is frustrating Izaya, he hopes it does. Then the foolish flea can let go of him and let him die already. He doesn't think it's too hard to do.
He doesn't know why Izaya's taking a sudden interest in him, it annoys him that the only reason Izaya is making the effort is because he wants to keep Shizuo around for himself. It's selfish and he doesn't like it, but he refuses to play Izaya's games, something will have to give, Izaya won't give up and Shizuo won't give in, and they won't go anywhere in the end.
He doesnt like living in Shinjuku, it's just a more expensive version of Ikebukuro with fewer gangs. It's not what he needs. He doesn't know what he needs, but when he figures it out, he'll do his best to obtain it. Maybe it will help... Maybe, maybe, maybe...
Sometimes when he's on the balcony he considers jumping, or leaning out of his wheel chair and onto the sidewalk below, which is basically the same thing. He doesn't think it will be enough to kill him. He decides he'll stick around a little while longer.
After all, they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
But it can also permanently impair you.
He doesn't want to take any more chances.