I forgot to mention, last chapter the song I used was "Rehab" by Rihanna. This chapter might be a bit confusing, but it's about Bella develops a Split-Personality Disorder. Sorry these chapters aren't that long, it's just so hard to write in Edward's POV.
Chapter 10: Black Thoughts Re-Circling
What had I just done?
Forget him. You don't need him.
But what if I did? Jasper was family.
Keyword: was.
He wanted to apologize.
Nothing in the world he could do could help you.
Why am I thinking these thoughts? I wouldn't think these thoughts.
Because Bella is no longer here.
Who is this?
Why, this is Anna, of course.
But I am Bella.
No, not anymore. Now you are Anna…do anything and take anything she wants.
What do we want?
We want…drugs. Our Novocain. Get it. Take it. Swim in it.
"Isabella! We're starting class!" a lady called from the other side of the door. I sighed and got up from my bed, and walked out of the room into another, where there were a bunch of chairs set around in a circle. I silently walked over to where Danny was sitting, and sat down next to him. He put his arm around the back of my chair as the lady started talking.
"So we are all here to achieve one thing: getting better. You all have a problem, and you're here to fix it."
We don't have a problem, Anna growled from inside my head.
"So we're going to go around in a circle, introduce yourselves, and if you are ready, tell us how you feel."
So everyone did what she said, going around in a circle, saying their name, and they also told us about how they felt and wanted to get over their problems. Anna thought that was stupid. We rolled our eyes at that.
When it came to Danny, his only response was "I'm Danny," then it was my turn. The only thing I said was, "Anna," Anna laughed inside my head.
"Your name is Isabella," the lady said to me, giving me a confused look.
"Not anymore. Bella's gone." I said, narrowing my eyes at her. She looked at me fearfully. Good. Anna liked that. The rest of the group continued, but there was a knock at the door. The door opened, and he walked in. Emotions welled up inside me at looking at him, and I felt my touch exterior failing as I took in his stressed appearance. The barrier around my emotions was breaking as I looked at the pain that was evident in his eyes.
No! You can't let him affect you! He doesn't deserve the ability to affect you! Anna roared from inside my head, and just like that, the tough exterior was back, and the huge wall was once again built around my mind, protecting it from hurt. Bella disappeared and Anna shone through.
"Excuse me? Can I please have Isabella?" he said to the lady.
You can't have any part of us, Anna sneered from inside my head.
"Yes," the lady said, and looked at me, motioning for me to go with him. My eyes narrowed at her, and I glared hastily. She flinched back and I let out a laugh, getting up and walking to Edward, who led me out of the room.
"Bella, what's going on?" he said to me. "Who's Anna?"
"I'm Anna."
"No, you're not. You're Bella."
"No, Bella's gone. There is no more Bella. It's only us now."
"Who is 'us'?"
"Anna and I." I said, and walked off to my room, leaving Edward with a pained and confused expression on his face. When I was in my room, I slammed the door shut, and was immediately hit with a million emotions. My barrier broke down completely, as the tears sprang from my eyes.
Hello? Anna?
Silence.
Anna was gone now, and Bella was here, tearing at the insides. I let out a small scream, and broke down. I sat on my bed, thinking of the things that had just happened. My body felt like it was in physical pain, the emotion hurt so bad. I knew what I had to do.
I looked at my long nails, and took my pinky in my other hand. I ripped at the nail and lifted it up, creating a sharp, jagged, line. Sharp. I took the nail to my arm and pressed hard as I slowly dragged it across the skin on my forearm.
Edward's POV:
After Bella walked off, I was left in confusion. Who was this Anna she spoke of? She said it was her, her and Anna....could she have developed a split personality disorder?
Boy meets girl
Girl likes boy
It was your typical story
But I was hard to get
I made you wait
And you kept your eye on the prize
And it paid off
I groaned and sat down as a new flash of pain slice through me. I flipped through the papers on the clipboard, looking at all of her recent doctor reports. That was when I was hit with the sweet scent of her blood.
'Cause we found love
And everything fit
Like a glove
Perfect
Or so it seemed
To be to me
It hit me like a truck. My throat burned like a wildfire, and the monster inside my head raged. I got to my feet and took off at as fast a human pace as I could towards her room, but not under the command of the monster in my mind. I ran to Bella for a different reason.
Some might say it cliché to call it love.
But as I reached her door, I couldn't think of anything except the fact that Bella was hurting. Bella was in pain. Bella needed me, whether she knew it or not. And as I swung the door open, I was absolutely mortified.
Bella was in the middle of cutting her wrists, using her finger nail.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, as I saw blood dripping down her arm. Yes, dripping. Not faint traces, dripping. The one thing I have worked so hard to save, and she lets it fall freely. How could she do this?
She's got this journal filled
With all her black ink guilt
And love is the only thing keeping her alive
She's got her mind made up
That all she needs is love
Her heart is the only thing helping her decide
To breathe again, to breathe again
I shut the door, and ran over to her as fast as I could, and grabbed her arm, restraining her. She looked up at me with hate-filled eyes, narrowing her beautiful brown eyes into a glare. I reach over and grabbed a towel from the night stand and reached out to hold it to her arm. She tore her arm away from my grip. I was utterly speechless.
"Bella, you need to put this on your arm." I said in a stern voice, "You're bleeding."
"I don't care. I don't want to stop bleeding. I don't want anything to do with this blood. Edward, you want it so much, take it! The one thing you've always wanted! Take it!" she shrieked, shoving her bleeding arm in my face. I held my breath and took her arm in my hand again, but she tore it away. Again.
"IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF TRYING TO BE HUMAN, EDWARD, TAKE IT! THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT IT ANYMORE! YOU WON'T BE IN PAIN! THAT WAY I'LL BE GONE FOREVER, AND WON'T BOTHER YOU! I DON'T WANT IT, EDWARD! THE ONE THING YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED, HERE IT IS!!" she screamed. I could hear the thoughts of people outside, wondering what was going on. I quickly grabbed her arm in my hand again, and wrapped the towel around her around, cleaning up the blood. Her face softened momentarily, until the hard edge to it came back, and the warm brown pools in her eyes seemed to harden.
"You took everything from me! You've taken it all! I've finally found a cure to this pain....I've finally found a cure to you, and you come and take that too! You just keep coming back! It's like you're torturing me, the one thing I want more than anything in the world is being dangled in front of me, but I can't have it! Just kill me! Kill me, please! Take away my pain!"
My arm fell from hers as though she'd shocked me. She begged me to kill her. My love, my life, was begging me to kill her. Sobs broke free from her throat, and she cried an endless storm of tears. I felt a pain so great, it was nothing. I felt—like I was dead. For the first time in over 100 years, I felt like I was dying—I never thought a pain greater than that of being changed, but here it was, presenting itself to me in the form of the one I loved.
And when she's tired she doesn't sleep
A week since I've seen her eat
She's skin and bones, she's beautiful
No matter what
I wish I could help her see
She means the world to me
But the world, it doesn't mean much to her
She wanted the monster I had worked so hard to lock up, to get rid of, to kill her. To end her life. To take her away from me forever, leaving nothing but the stains of her cold blood on my hands. Was there no God to end this pain I felt?
And, what's worse—she wanted to die because of the pain she felt, because of me. She wanted a cure to me. The pain I caused her, made her want to die. My very presence made her want to end her life. I felt like I was on the list of America's Most Hated, except, you actually cared what America felt towards you. It was your lifeline.
What would you do if your lifeline didn't want you?
Bella' POV:
"Bella, I lov—" he started, but I cut him off.
"Save it!" I yelled, tearing away from him. I sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard, with my legs crossed. I bent over and put my head in between my legs, hiding completely.
I loved you, you made me, hate me.
You gave me, hate, see?
It saved me and these tears are deadly.
Why doesn't he kill me? Why doesn't he just save me the pain? He's killing me anyways. What he did to me killed me. Why not finish the job? Anna was growling from inside my head. She hated his very presence.
There was a knock at the door, interrupting the tense silence. "Isabella? You have a visitor." A lady called, and I looked up, and noticed Edward stiffen. Then, he swiftly left the room. The lady left the door open, and a couple minutes later, Jacob walked in the room.
"Jacob?" I asked, confused.
"Hey, Bells." He said, running a hand through his short hair. Ever since his transformation he's kept it short. Then, he stiffened. "There's been a bloodsucker in here." he snarled, running around the room.
"Yea, Dr. Cullen works here." I said, avoiding which Dr. Cullen. "What are you doing here?" I sneered. The last time I talked to him, he told me off for using drugs and hanging around Danny.
"How are you doing?" he asked, avoiding my question. I rolled my eyes.
"Like shit, how do you think! People keep bugging me and I don't have any weed, I need something. Can you bring me something?" I asked, and he gave me a disbelieving look. Then, his whole face turned livid.
"Bella, is that all you care about? We use to be friends! Now look at you! You're the walking dead! Ever since he left you, you've been lifeless!" he yelled, and I flinched back. The pain of his words stung through me, and Anna shrank back into my head, "You don't talk to anyone, you do drugs, you even hurt yourself! Bella, get over it! HE'S NOT COMING BACK!!" he yelled, and then the door swung open, and Edward walked in.
"I think it's time you left," Edward said in a murderous tone, glaring at Jacob. Jacob stared at Edward with shock, until he grew angry. His fists clenched, and he started shaking. I knew if he didn't get his anger under control, he'd explode into a giant dog soon.
"Get out, Jacob." I whispered. He sent me a look, and his eyes softened, but then turned to a mask of pain. Then he ran out of the room. I was frozen in my spot. What had I just done?
Who cares! He's gone! He wouldn't have helped us anyways! Anna chorused from inside my head.
Edward gave me one last blank glance as he walked out of the room.
-Next Day-
I sat silently next to Danny in the cafeteria, staring at the exit. It was just 10 feet away, a sliding glass door. It was just sitting over there, teasing us. Mocking us.
Anna didn't like it.
Anna wanted to do something about it.
Edward wasn't here yet today, so the coast was clear. None of the supervisors were paying any attention to me, and the security were busy giving directions.
"Distract the table." I whispered in Danny's ear. Danny turned to take the attention of everybody at the table, while I carefully slid under the table, and crawled along the floor. I crawled to the end of the table, and then I got up and made a run for it. I ran as fast as I could towards the door out of the rehab center. I smiled as I ran past the doors, just missing the eye of the security guard.
That is, until I felt strong, cold arms whip me backwards and into a stone chest.
"Let me GO!" choked out, thrashing my legs and arms around, although I knew it was useless. I recoiled away from his touch, as more memories flooded my mind…
"I was thinking, while I was running...." He paused.
"About not hitting the trees, I hope."
"Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."
"Show-off," I muttered again. He smiled.
"No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And he took my face in his hands again. I couldn't breathe.
I sucked in a sharp breath as the memory flashed through me like a shock of electricity. Suddenly, I couldn't find my breath. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was drowning in the memory, being pulled down to the bottom of the ocean by it. I tried to swim to the top, but every time I reached my hand out, I only sank lower and lower. Would no one help me? Would no one reach for my hand pull me out of this flood?
I couldn't breathe.
The next thing I knew, Edward laid me on the ground and was performing CPR on me. Every time his cold lips touched mine, I felt a twinge of pain. Every time his lips touched mine, another memory flooded back.
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...." He murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
Finally, my breath came back to me, and as I was gasping for the sharp, burning air, I couldn't help but think...
Why am I still living?
Foreshadowing, for ya. Who likes Jasper? Because there is going to be more of him...tell me in a review!
First song in EPOV was "Easier Said than Done" by Donnie Klang, second song was "Breathe Again" by Jimmy Robbins.