I have sent personal replies wherever possible to all people who have sent feedback for this story, but just want to thank you all again for reading, and for your mainly positive and encouraging words in response to it:-) Su
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Sam smoothed his back and kissed him softly on the cheek, knowing Jack required comfort that was tangible. "Well, I'm here, Jack, alive and well."
"And for that, I'm truly grateful. If you had never made it back…"
"But I did. So, don't even go there."
"The Carter genius saves the day again, huh? Isn't that getting a little old for ya?"
She grinned, comprehending that his jocular tone signaled the end of his expression of concern, at least for now.
"Never, sir. Thor left a personal message for you, by the way."
Jack smiled sadly. "He did? Cool! I'm gonna miss the little guy."
"I know. Me too." Realizing his tone of bravado hid genuine feelings of regret and loss, she caressed his neck tenderly, with her eyes fixed on his.
Assuming his wife knew the contents of the message, Jack's eyebrows arched curiously. "What did he say?"
"I managed to copy it onto my laptop. You can see it when we get home. Good things; he said good things."
"He's sorry he's running out on us kind of things?" He entwined her hair in his fingers, toying with its strands. This doubtless meant he was ill at ease. Jack fidgeted almost reflexively as a distraction. He had always been thus. Her husband was a very restless man and could be as jittery, or as playful, as an awkward teen - and twice as cute.
"Something like that. More than that. The kind of things one friend might say to another when they are going to die. You should see it for yourself."
For a moment, her husband's expression clearly showed how moved he was by that notion. Then, in the blink of an eye, he went blank; just like that. The mask was a Jack O'Neill specialty she'd seen so many times she couldn't have counted even if she had wanted to.
"I wish I'd had the chance to say goodbye," he said in a slightly wistful manner. The mask might be in place, but the emotion appeared in his voice. Sam kissed him briefly, another gesture of comfort.
"He figured that. You humanized Thor more than anyone; he felt closer to you than the rest of us."
"Ya think?" he retorted, beaming, and Sam guessed he was going to change the subject even before he paused for breath. This was an O'Neill habit she knew well.
When they'd worked together she had frequently misinterpreted that apparent lack of feeling, the mask and the flippancy, but she knew better now. Jack was deep, way deeper than he generally articulated openly. Sam, however, was his wife and he often revealed himself to her in ways a true life partner should; confiding, seeking solace and support.
Mostly, she didn't call him on opening up to her because he would do so when the time was right for him. So, she chose not to call him on it now. Sam would just be there when he needed her, as he would be for her – as best as either of them could in this long distance relationship, anyway. They'd both made that promise a long time ago, even when they might not have said so in words.
Sam missed him so much when he was miles away in DC, while she was stuck in the Springs. She missed the simple things like Jack enfolding her in his arms and snuggling close; a mere touch of his hand on her flesh; his vivacious smile and dazzling dark brown eyes; his scent on the sheets, and when he was close by; so many little things she couldn't even name them all.
When they were apart, she yearned for the sharing, affection, companionship and lovemaking. There was a lot of love in that lovemaking – so much more than mere sex. Her husband made her feel special because he believed she was. He was making her feel special right now.
"Mmmmm…" he started, "how about playing that little general and his subordinate game when we get home?" His eyebrows waggled suggestively and Sam smiled in a flirtatious way, recalling their rather lighthearted take on the master and slave sexual fantasy; a romp that erred on the side of hilarity rather than serious intent, as well as much mutual satisfaction.
"Sounds good to me… sir," she mocked, playing along with his light-hearted tenor. "Maybe I should get to be the general this time around."
"Call me to your office for a darned good reprimand?" he replied with a wink and a chuckle. "I could handle that... ma'am." He let go of her with one arm and gave a teasing salute. "I always did need a bit of discipline."
Sam laughed. "Oh, I'll give you a proper chewing out."
"Irresistible," he whispered throatily, pulling her into an embrace and another passionate kiss.
When they drew back from each other, Jack slapped her butt good-naturedly and winked again, letting her go and pulling the store room door open. After ensuring the coast was clear, he snuck out with Sam following close behind.
"Must be pretty strange for Teal'c, living all those extra years and remembering all the stuff the rest of you don't," Jack commented as they waited for the elevator. "Fifty plus years stuck on that tub must have been really, really boring."
"I suppose we found ways to entertain ourselves." She met his eyes. "I know I would have missed you."
Jack stared at her silently for a moment, pondering, but when he pulled his eyes away and spoke, it was as if he wanted to avoid those disturbing thoughts.
"T's looking pretty well on those extra years, though, don't ya think? He still looks younger than me, sheesh!" he rolled his eyes for effect and Sam chuckled.
She realized the notion of what had happened perturbed her husband, but he was unwilling or unable to express it properly, particularly with regard to their relationship, hence the joke. This was something they might discuss in more depth later. With Jack, you had to choose the right moment. He would let her know when that was.
"I'm worried about Teal'c. I know he's Jaffa not human, but…" she shrugged helplessly not sure what to say. "He left the debriefing so quickly." Jack understood her concern for her team mate and their friend.
"All those secrets he must know but can never reveal. Pretty crap." She nodded, and he smiled. "We'll get the guys round while I'm here, you think?" She nodded again, looking thoughtful as the elevator arrived.
As he was stepping inside, she grasped Jack's arm. "Now I've got Teal'c on my mind… do you mind if I go check up on him before we go home?"
His hand reached out to hold the elevator door open. "Honey, if it'll make you happy." He figured that, now this was on her mind, she might not relax until she'd checked it out. "Want me to come with?" This time she shook her head.
"Team time."
"Okay, I get it."
Jack was definitely with her on that one – simpatico. He'd been down a similar road many times, and had his own concerns for the well-being of his Jaffa friend. Jack being Jack, he might do things a little differently, wait a little longer, but he'd do something when the time seemed right.
For him, this wouldn't have been the right time, but if it was right for Sam, that was fine by him. Jack figured his old friend needed some time alone to reflect on his situation, but Sam had to handle it in the way she saw fit and he wouldn't interfere with that. He would bide his time and get his chance with Teal'c when another opportunity arose.
"Meet you topside? There's less chance of me ravishing you in the elevator that way," he suggested with a lascivious smirk.
Sam chuckled girlishly. "Sure."
"He'll be okay, you know. If anyone can deal with an experience like that, it's Teal'c. He's got the heart and soul of a warrior."
"Yes, but his heart is also very human," she replied with a look of concern and sympathy.
"You noticed that too, huh?" Jack said with a big grin, turning towards the elevator. "See you later… wife."
"Soon, husband."
He gave her a little wave as the elevator doors closed, and then she made her way to Teal'c's quarters, hoping she'd be welcome. If they had discussed it in more depth, Jack would have known Sam realized Teal'c might need some time alone. But, she also knew she wouldn't be able to rest until she'd seen for herself that he was okay. Not that you could necessarily tell with Teal'c, but she couldn't leave without trying.
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Teal'c wasn't surprised when she came, but was disconcerted when O'Neill didn't. He'd half expected the couple to pay a visit before they left the mountain, and was primed for that, but facing Samantha alone… he wasn't yet prepared.
He came close to calling her Samantha as she entered, biting his tongue just in time to change his greeting to Colonel Carter. It felt strange to refer to her by that name again after so many years calling her Samantha, so many years of deeply abiding love. Teal'c had to force the now unfamiliar salutation from his lips, knowing he could never call her Samantha again. The fact saddened him further, making his loss deeper and more cutting.
Teal'c knew he would get used to the change of circumstances eventually but, right now, it was still too raw and real. One day maybe it would seem almost like a dream, but until then… he'd manage, because he must.
"Hope you don't mind me dropping by, Teal'c," said Sam once she'd closed the door behind her.
"It is always an honor, Colonel Carter." He bowed his head slightly in the deference he believed was fitting, and she smiled. There was always something peacefully reassuring about Teal'c's company. She liked that.
When he indicated she should sit down, Sam declined, so Teal'c remained standing too, looking as inscrutable as ever.
"Don't worry, I won't stay long, and I haven't come to ask about all the dirty secrets of our lives together on the Odyssey," she said, thinking that was as good a place to start as any.
He smiled faintly, a supreme effort of will hiding the troubled and painful thoughts her statement provoked. "I would not expect that from you, Colonel Carter."
"No, I guess you wouldn't." Sam figured they'd probably discussed all this before turning back the time. Teal'c would be aware of the potential consequences of revelation.
"I am, however, surprised that Vala Mal Doran has not yet paid me a visit," he said with more lightheartedness than he was feeling, and needing to get a handle on the conversation.
"I'm confident you can fend off her persistent curiosity, Teal'c."
"Perhaps pestilent curiosity is more accurate," he replied and, gratifyingly, Samantha laughed. "But I am quite capable of meeting that challenge."
She nodded agreement and then drew a breath, launching into what she really wanted to say. "This situation must be difficult for you."
'More than you can imagine or shall ever know,' he thought, but remained silent.
Sam stepped towards him. "Are you going to be all right, Teal'c?" she asked, clutching his arm gently. Her anxiety was evident.
His dark eyes met hers, his whole body suffused with warmth and desire Teal'c knew he shouldn't feel as it resulted from her touch, her look of concern, her affection. He liked that the affection was there; there was something consoling about how she responded to him. If circumstances had been different… but they were not.
Teal'c placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed gently. "I am, Colonel Carter," he replied, knowing in reality it would take a while. He didn't wish to lie to her, but had no choice. He would learn to live with it because he had no choice about that either.
Sam smiled, but briefly saw something in his eyes to make her doubt his assurance - a flashing glimpse of wistful melancholy and loss.
"I'm not sure it's going to be as easy as you think," she said.
"Perhaps," he agreed.
"I know you can't tell me anything, Teal'c, but if you ever want to talk, or stay silent and just want some company… Fifty or more years is a long time; a big burden to carry."
Her proximity was disturbing. Teal'c could smell scent of Samantha and it was a heady mix to his senses. The temptation to lean down and kiss her, or simply pull her into his arms, was almost overwhelming.
"I wish to be alone, Colonel Carter."
She nodded. "I understand. I just wanted you to know that you don't need to be alone if you don't want to be, and to make sure you were okay before I go home with Jack."
"O'Neill will be waiting," he replied, his tone belying his feelings, although Sam could discern tenderness in his words. He cared about her and Jack, she knew that, and their friendship meant a lot to all of them.
"He'd like you and Daniel to come over while he's here."
Teal'c wasn't sure how that really made him feel, but the Tauri saying about falling off a bicycle came to mind. You have to get back on straightaway or you might never get back on again. This was true of his friendship with Samantha and O'Neill, and he valued it too highly to risk shying away, however much he yearned to do precisely that. Seeing them together would be hard, perhaps even harder than seeing Samantha alone, but he had to try and take comfort from their binding love.
"I would like that also," he replied agreeably.
"I'm guessing you've seen enough of me and Daniel to last a whole lifetime, you must be sick of the sight of us, but Jack misses you both now he's in DC."
Teal'c made no comment to disillusion her about being sick of the sight of her, merely agreeing to what she said about O'Neill. "As we do him. He has been a good friend."
"I hope I have too. I like to think we are friends, Teal'c."
"Indeed," he agreed with a bow of his head and a small smile.
"If you need me, I'll always be there for you. Remember that."
"I am aware," he said, inclining his head in acceptance. He knew she meant it, and meant well by offering it, but the offer was a double edged sword for Teal'c, at least for now. "As will I be there for you, Colonel Carter."
"I know," she acknowledged.
Moving closer, she extricated her hand from his, winding her arms around him for a hug and craning her neck to kiss his cheek affectionately. Teal'c's heart stuttered at her attempt to comfort him and seal their friendship; the intentions and warmth of her embrace enhancing his longing and desolation. Briefly, he returned the hug, squeezing her gently before letting go, and she moved away. Her smile and glistening blue eyes tore into his soul, but he took solace from her loyal and abiding friendship.
He wished… but Teal'c knew it was impossible. O'Neill was her great love, the only man she had ever truly wanted, despite the love and life they had shared aboard the Odyssey. He had always known and understood that, even while she had loved him well and shared his life and bed.
"I'll leave you to it," she said and, just as she turned to leave, he grabbed her gently and she turned to face him.
"You have a second chance with the rest of your life, Colonel Carter. Be happy with O'Neill."
She smiled and nodded, cocking her head curiously and wondering what prompted him to say that. Perhaps something that had happened or been said on the Odyssey. Sam could imagine she might have taken Teal'c into her confidence while stranded. They might have become closer friends; maybe more than just friends. She was aware of those possibilities. How could she fail to be?
Fifty plus years was a long time to be alone and lonely, and probably in despair. Anything might have happened during that seemingly unending time. In those cruel and extraordinary circumstances, interminable years without Jack, the man she loved so deeply, Teal'c was the person she most likely would have turned to and wanted to share those years, and her feelings, with. They had grown increasingly close in so many ways over the years they'd worked together, and he had been a true friend and comfort many times.
Certainly, Teal'c would know how much she must have missed and yearned for the man she'd loved and lost in that time frame. However, she didn't ask him for clarification because she knew better. If anything more than simple and consoling friendship had occurred between them, her Jaffa friend would take that secret to his funeral pyre.
Sam could envisage what might have been in certain circumstances, but if there was anything to feel guilty or fret about, she would never know. Teal'c would make sure of that, and he alone would carry the burden of guilt they probably should have shared. She knew and understood Teal'c well enough to realize this was feasible. The idea gave her much to ponder but, knowing Teal'c, he would not wish for her to mull over that notion; he would wish for her to be with her husband and for both of them to be happy.
"I will be. I am," she replied with a great deal of fondness, trying to shrug off the thoughts that could haunt her. What good could come of wondering when she could never know for sure? Teal'c wouldn't want that or ask for it, or wish for such thoughts to come between her and Jack, so she wouldn't let them. It was only speculation, after all.
The mighty Jaffa smiled, inclining his head in acknowledgement, and she turned back to leave, pausing at the door.
"Thanks for saving us, Teal'c."
"It was your hard work that saved us, Colonel Carter."
"But it was your sacrifice that gave the rest of us our lives back. So thanks for that."
He couldn't deny that what she said was right. He had made a sacrifice and Samantha was unaware of how great the sacrifice had been. The additional years meant nothing compared to losing her from his life, but she would never know that.
"You are most welcome," he acknowledged. "And now it is time for your husband."
"To be a good wife?" she responded with a grin. "I will take good care of him, Teal'c, I promise. I want him to be happy too."
She was thinking this was probably where Teal'c was coming from with his comments. Sam knew Teal'c deeply admired and respected her husband, perhaps even loved him in his own warrior like way; their friend wished Jack a good life. He wished it for both of them.
"Indeed," he rejoined, in the knowledge that she was already a good wife, and already taking care of his friend, her husband - a boon and blessing for O'Neill, just as O'Neill was for her.
Then she was gone, leaving Teal'c alone in silent contemplation. Sorrowfully, he brushed the cheek Samantha had kissed, thinking about their happy, companionable and rewarding years together, and turned away from the door. Slowly moving around his room, he lit the candles before sitting on the floor amongst them - trying to clear his mind of everything and take small comfort for his loss from the future happiness and prospects of his dear friends, Samantha and Jack O'Neill.
Teal'c was a man who wished to die in battle, not from illness or old age. Now, they were alive and would live to fight another day. This was what mattered most of all. He might be hurting and miss the intimacy shared with Samantha for so many years, and it would take a long time for him to recover the equilibrium he so desperately sought, but he could live with that.
Remembering was hard; forgetting, impossible; seeing her happy with O'Neill, painful - but he'd fight on, as always, and he'd survive. The price he would pay for all those contented years, however, was very high; a lifetime of guilt, heartache and unrequited love. On balance, Teal'c considered it worth the cost.
TBC