A/N: Sorry for the extra week between chapters. I couldn't make myself edit because this chapter is long and important and my brain has been elsewhere.
And I know, I know, I know you guys want Castle to come back. He will. Just not for a while.

"Alright kiddo," Kate started as she grabbed her coat and keys. "I'm going to go to work for a bit and then I'll be back for dinner."

"Mm-hmm."

"The turkey can go in the oven in about an hour."

"Yeah."

"Alexis, are you alright?"

"Fine."

"With gritted teeth you say that."

"It's just a contraction, it's fine."

"Just… dude!" Kate hollered, at a loss for any words other than that.

"What? I'm fine. It's probably nothing."

"Nothing… Alexis you're a week overdue, it had better be something."

"It's been going on for two days and nothing has happened so far."

"Two- Are you kidding me?"

"Why are you yelling?"

Kate sat down on the coffee table and reached over for Alexis' hand.

"Sweetheart, you can be in denial about a lot of things but labor is not one of them. You can't just hold off because dad isn't here."

"I'm not in denial."

"I know you better than that. How far apart are they?"

Alexis sighed and let her body sink into the couch.

"Six minutes or so."

"Okay. You call your doctor, I'll go get the bag and the carseat."

"No!"

"Alexis, I know you're scared, and I know you think you're not ready, but there is no stopping this now. Do you hear me? We're leaving and when we come back, there's going to be a baby with us."

Tears ran down Alexis' pale cheeks and she shook her head.

"He's safe in there. I can keep him safe."

"I know."

"I don't think I can-"

She stopped talking and moaned as she curled around her stomach. Kate kept a hold of her hand until it passed.

"Sweetheart, it's time to go. You've got to put on that cape and tights and be Wonder Woman."

"I don't want to think about myself in spandex right now, it's not funny."

"Regardless. We need to go."

"You have to work."

"No, not now. Call your doctor. I'll be right back."

Kate stole up the stairs while sending a text to Captain Gates to explain the situation. She grabbed the bag from the floor just inside Alexis' bedroom, then moved across the hallway to what used to be the guest room. She only meant to grab the car seat but she stopped in the middle of the room and tried to catch her breath instead. There was a baby coming. A tiny newborn baby who would need someone for everything. His world view would be shaped greatly by his family. It was a much greater responsibility than she'd allowed herself to realize. She didn't know what they were going to do.

She made her way back down the stairs and put everything by the door.

"Lex, did you call?"

"Yeah. She said to go in."

"Okay. Need help with your shoes?"

"I need help with everything."

"Well that works out fine because everything is exactly what I'd do for you. Feet up."

"You're so corny."

"You're lucky to have me."

"I might change my mind on that eventually."

"I'm too tired. I can't do this anymore," Alexis panted almost 24 hours later.

"Yes you can."

"It hurts too much."

"Hey, look at me. You got this. Alexis, you got this. You're doing such a good job. It's not going to be much longer, okay? And you're dealing way better than Pi did."

Alexis snorted a laugh and shook her head. He had been pushed from the room over an hour ago by the doctor, who said she wasn't going to have him passing out when she was trying to deliver a baby. It didn't bother Alexis that Pi couldn't handle this, but she did feel badly that he wouldn't witness his son coming into the world.

"I want my dad."

"I know, baby. I want him too. But you're going to have to put that out of your mind now okay? You're going to have to keep working. I've got your hand, I'm not going anywhere."

Alexis nodded and accepted the kiss to her forehead, then took a moment to gather herself before setting to work again. It was the worst pain she had ever felt, the most terrifying journey she would ever go on, and she felt like she was trying to hold on to shards of her previous life while fully embracing this new one. Though she wasn't entirely prepared for the physical parts of labor and delivery, she was grossly underprepared for the emotional ones.

But suddenly a heavy and warm weight was placed onto her chest and she startled when her eyes opened and she found her baby. He was covered in things that Alexis didn't want to think too much about, and his mouth was open in a silent cry, but he was perfect, beautiful, hers.

"Hi Rowan," she greeted tearfully, using the blanket to wipe off his face. "I'm your mommy."

His body reflexively stretched and Alexis looked up at the closest nurse for some kind of reassurance.

"Why isn't he crying?"

"He will. Just needs a little encouragement."

The nurse leaned down and began to rub Rowan's back vigorously, which caused him to finally give a loud cry and expel some fluid from his mouth.

"There, see? He's just fine. We'll let you have a minute before we clean him up."

"Kate, can you see him?"

"Yeah, I can see him just fine. He's perfect. Loud too. Wonder where he gets that from."

Alexis chuckled and pulled the blanket closer around the pink, wriggling body. Rowan cried hard and she shushed him, trying to pull him into what she assumed was a more comfortable position. He seemed to grumble at the movement but soon settled down and opened his eyes, blinking hard against the light.

"I know, it's so bright," Alexis soothed. "Well turn the lights off soon baby."

"Okay, who's cutting the cord?" another nurse asked cheerily as she approached with a pair of sinister looking scissors.

"I can go get Pi. He might be able to stomach it," Kate offered.

"No," Alexis argued gently, eyes still fixed on Rowan. "You."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"But-"

"It has to be you. Please?"

"I… I guess it's me."

She was handed the scissors and the nurse directed her to cut carefully between two clamps. Rowan whined because he was slightly unwrapped from the blanket and Kate's hands shook at the importance of the moment. It was something she had never pictured herself doing, not in a million years.

"I'm going to take him right over there for a little bath and a check up and I'll bring him back in just a few minutes, okay?"

Alexis nodded and relinquished the baby before wiping at her eyes and sniffling.

"You good, sweetie?"

"I think so."

"You're incredible. I'm so proud of you."

"I can't believe I did that."

"Did you think he was going to stay in there forever?"

"About an hour ago, yeah I really did. Can you see him? Is he okay?"

"Looks like they're weighing him and taking his temperature. I'm sure he'll be back here in just a minute."

"Can you make sure to take pictures for dad? He'll want to see them when he comes home."

"I will."

"But no pictures of me, I don't even want to think about how I look right now."

"You look just fine."

"Hey. Thanks for staying here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, Alexis."

"I know but… it was pretty gross and you haven't slept in a day and you only got one cup of hospital coffee, that's not nearly enough to make you happy."

"Honey, it doesn't matter, because I love you, okay?"

"I love you too."

A nurse moved over to the side of the bed and checked the readouts on the monitor.

"Do you want me to go let dad and grandma know?"

"Yes. When can they come in?"

"We'd like you to deliver the placenta first and do another round of apgar scores and then we'll let them in."

"I'm thirsty."

"I'll bring you some more water."

She moved away from the bed and Alexis glanced over at Kate with tears in her eyes.

"I need a hug."

Kate obliged, and held the girl as close as she could.

"It's so weird. He was just in there and now he's out and I… it's so weird."

"I know."

"Are they bringing him back?"

"Give them a minute. You're not totally done yet."

"Gee thanks for reminding me."

"Do this and you can have a giant burger for dinner."

It was almost an hour before Pi and Martha were allowed into the room. Alexis was exhausted and slumped down in the bed, but smiled widely when she saw them. Pi scurried to her side and she scooted over so he could sit next to her.

"Are you ready?"

Pi nodded and held his hands out for the baby. As soon as they were settled he looked down and unashamedly let tears run down his cheeks.

"He's perfect."

"He really is," Alexis agreed. "Look, he has your hands."

"My hands," Pi whispered. "My son."

Alexis smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.

"The nurse said his eyes are still a little swollen but they should go down by tomorrow. And his reflexes are perfect, they said he's really strong too."

"I'm sorry I had to step out."

"It's okay. We both knew it might happen. And honestly I don't think I could have stood where you were and watched that."

"Thank you. For taking such good care of him. He's incredible."

"Despite us."

Martha and Kate held back by the door and let them have their family moment. It wasn't ideal, but a few more minutes of space couldn't hurt.

"How did she do?" Martha whispered.

"She wanted to give up, but she was amazing, Martha. I can't believe she was able to do that."

"And how are you?"

"I don't think I've ever loved like this before. It's surreal."

"Thank you for being there with her."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else. C'mon, I think it's time you meet Rowan."

Martha followed Kate further into the room and took a chair by the bed.

"How are you feeling, darling?"

"Exhausted. And totally wired."

"Any pain right now?"

"Sore mostly. I fed him too, that was weird."

"So that means a diaper is on the way."

"Took that one already," Kate said with a half smile. "He's quick."

"I thought we could put him in his first outfit," Alexis mumbled as she tried to sit up.

"You sure?"

"I don't want him in that scratchy shirt. Can you get the thing out of the… uh…"

"Yes, but after this maybe you should try and sleep."

"It's morning."

"You've been awake for over 24 hours honey. We'll change him and then you need a nap."

"What if he needs me?"

"We'll wake you up," Kate reasoned as she pulled an outfit of the bag. "This one?"

"Mm, sure."

"Okay, here you go, daddy."

"Me?" Pi nearly squeaked.

"You're the only daddy here."

"What if I hurt him?"

"You won't hurt him. Here, I'll show you."

Martha and Pi worked together to change Rowan's clothes, even though the baby wasn't happy about it. He screamed and flailed his arms until Alexis took him back and cuddled him close.

"Are you hungry?" Pi fretted unsure of what to do with his hands.

"I'm starving."

"I can go grab you some dinner while you sleep."

"No, I'll go," Martha offered. "You should stay here, Pi. Katherine, coffee?"

"Yes, please."

"I'll be back soon."

Martha slipped from the room and Kate busied herself with cleaning up a little bit. It had slowed down slightly but it was still a whirlwind. Cleaning up gave her a little bit of control. She could hear Alexis and Pi murmuring together and a small sliver of stress melted away. It seemed that they were finding a mutual page to be on.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you have the camera? I thought it was over here."

"Sorry, I moved it. Sweetheart, are you sure you're okay? You look so tired."

"I need to go to sleep."

"Let Pi take Rowan for a while. It's okay, you won't miss anything."

"I can't move."

Pi took the baby and stood up while Kate leaned over and helped Alexis to lay down.

"Comfortable?"

"Not really. It's fine."

"We'll wake you up for food."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Alexis drifted off easily and Kate covered her with an extra blanket. She paused there for a moment, looking down at her almost step-daughter, who she had never imagined she would love this much. It was strange how easily and fully Kate had opened her heart, and without fear.

"The doctors said he's healthy, right?" Pi asked from his place by the window. Kate bit back a smile when she realized he was gently swaying back and forth.

"He's perfect."

"And Alexis is okay too?"

"She's fine. Don't feel guilty that you weren't here. It happens to a lot of people."

"I should have tried harder. I never meant for her to be alone."

"She wasn't. I was here."

Pi nodded, then sat down and looked at his son.

"It wasn't a sign of things to come. I want you to know that. I will always be here for her."

"I know you will. I know you're worried about being a good dad, but you and Castle have a lot more in common than you think. I can see it, even if you can't. Okay?"

"Alexis is still refusing to call her mom. I get that they don't have a close relationship but this is big. You'd think…"

"I know. And I don't think she should be letting a miscommunication get in the way of things, but you know as well as I do that once Alexis sets her mind on something, you can't change it."

"I thought maybe in her weakened state…"

Kate held back a laugh for she too had spent some time with that naïve thought.

"I say we wait until morning, bring it up once more and if she still says no, it's time to drop it."

"I'm no stranger to having issues with your parents, but Alexis won't tell me what happened with her mom."

"In general or specifically?"

"Both. All she's ever really said is that she grew up with her dad and her mom lived in California. The only time she ever said "my parents" she was talking about you and Mr. C. But never once did she talk about her mom."

Kate frowned and sat on the chair next to the bed. It was Alexis' story to tell, and it wasn't like Kate herself really knew all that much anyway.

"Meredith put her career over her family. It's been very obvious to Alexis since she was small. And when she told Meredith that she was pregnant, it turned into a fight."

"She cut off her mom because she thought that's what would be better for Rowan," Pi deduced simply.

"In the long and short of it, yes."

"Wow."

Kate glanced over at Alexis, then reached for her pale hand to give it a squeeze. This family thing never failed to overwhelm her.

"Hey little boy," Alexis cooed as she fitted a small hat onto Rowan's head. "Look at you with your eyes all open. Are you ready to go home?"

Rowan, of course, gave no response, but Alexis smiled anyway and leaned forward to kiss his cheeks.

"I'm ready to go home too. Your daddy gets to stay for a few days and your Nona will be off of work and Gram will be home too. Only your Papa will be missing but we won't be sad about that right now. Can I ask you a favor though? Can you be patient with me? I'm really not sure what I'm doing here, and I want to make all the right decisions for you, but I'm not always sure what they are. So if I mess up sometimes, you'll forgive me, right? Thank you, sweetheart."

Rowan yawned.

"I think we can take a nap when we get home. We'll have to start figuring out how to sleep, huh? I guess we have a lot to figure out, actually. You and me against the world. We won't be all alone, of course. We have our family. But you and I have each other in a different way. It'll be great, you'll see."

The door opened and Kate stepped in quietly.

"Hey honey. The nurse is bringing up your discharge papers, and Pi is getting the car seat ready."

"Okay."

"Everything alright?"

"Kinda scared."

"Me too."

"You are not."

"I've never been more scared-er."

"Shut up," Alexis giggled as Kate sat down next to her.

"You can do this, sweetheart. Promise. And we'll all be right there with you."

Alexis nodded and let herself be folded into Kate's arms, one of the only places that made sense anymore.

"Can you imagine if your dad was here?" Kate mused after a moment. "He probably would have dressed Rowan in eighteen different outfits and taken pictures of all of them to show off. I mean, poor Rowan would probably be dressed as an Ewok right now."

Alexis snorted.

"And he would be waiting on you hand and foot. He would have been able to bribe the delivery driver to come all the way here to bring your favorite pizza. He would have been the one to semi-sleep in that chair last night, but with less grace than I, he would have found himself on the floor around four a.m."

"Poor dad."

"And he would still happily declare it was one of the best days of his life."

"He would."

"Lex?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for letting me be here."

"Are you kidding? If you weren't here I'd be curled up in a corner hallucinating or something."

Kate chuckled and dropped a kiss to Alexis' hair.

"I love you, kiddo."

"I love you too."

"You know, this is going to be a great adventure. I promise. It's going to be hard, but what journey isn't?" Kate said optimistically, with a little more confidence than she felt.

"It's going to be really hard. And exhausting. And probably very poopy."

"Yes. But so was the Oregon trail. Right? And look what happened."

"You know, I used to play the Oregon Trail game and only put in people I hated, and then I wouldn't treat them when they got dysentery."

"Are you trying to foreshadow that you'll be leaving me behind at a river crossing, Alexis? Because if that's the case, you know I'm a strong swimmer."

"This is getting weird."

"You're stuck with me, that's all. I'm here. We can fight, we can get lost in Wyoming, I could contract scurvy, whatever. You've got me. Understand?"

"I always do. I really love you, Kate. And not just for this. I hope you know that."

"Had a slight suspicion. You should get up and dry your hair. It's cold out."

"Such a mom," Alexis muttered as she slowly stood from the bed. "Don't teach my child other languages while I'm gone."

"You got it, boss," Kate said on a chuckle while she lifted Rowan up and into her arms. "Hey bubba. I missed you a lot in the twenty minutes I was gone. Yes I did. I'm already forgetting that I actually have a job I have to go back to soon. Who would have ever thought that mean old Kate Beckett would want to quit her job to hang out with a baby all day? Certainly not Kate Beckett herself."

She heard Alexis snicker from the bathroom before the blow dryer turned on.

"Let me let you in on a little secret. This family is super weird. I know, you're thinking that every family is super weird, but honestly kid… look, someday you'll meet your Papa and you'll know what I'm talking about. Just… hold on for the ride, okay?"

Kate settled the baby against her chest and gently drew her finger over his full cheek.

"I'm going to love you until I die, Rowan. Promise. I'll always be here."

She slid her finger into his hand and rested her cheek on the top of his head. He smelled so good and was so warm and new and innocent that she felt a lump rise in her throat. How could this amount of love and joy exist in the same time and space as sorrow and fear? How could she be the happiest she had ever been and yet so angry? How could she continue to enjoy all the moments that Castle had to miss?

"Kate? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, honey. I'm fine. It's just… he's missing a lot."

"I know."

"I'm angry for him. It's not fair. It's not fair to us or to Rowan either."

"I hope that when dad comes back we can tell him everything. That we won't forget things and we can make him feel like he's a part of us still."

"We have to be intentional about this too. Just like we promised to give Rowan the best childhood ever, we have to make sure that we don't take any of it for granted."

"Deal."

"Okay, are we ready to go home?" the nurse asked as she came through the door with a handful of paperwork. Alexis glanced up at her, then back to Kate and Rowan.

"Yeah. I'm ready."