Fortune

by jespah

How do you begin, or begin anew? What's going to happen next? What if you could predict it, or at least have a good handle on forever? What would you do with that information? And for the people you've promised yourself to, forever, what does that really mean? Do you ignore the truth, or do you listen to all of it, even the ugliest parts? Story includes 10/25/2161, 1/2162 etc.

10. Chapters 28 to end

Chapter* 28

"How the hell did you escape death?" – Empress Hoshi Sato

=/\=

Lafa VI was a pretty place, all green and gold. The transport set them down a ways from the olive grove, so Lili and Doug walked a bit. She carried a cooler basket and he carried a rolled-up blanket.

"I still don't see why you're treating this like a picnic," he finally said, when they had gotten to the grove itself.

"Well, we might get hungry," she said, "Over there, that looks like a good spot."

"I am so not gonna get hungry," he said, looking around, "The place is deserted."

"As well it should be," she said, "Treve and I told everyone to clear out, so they're off working by where the chickpea plants are growing."

"You told Treve?" he asked, a bit annoyed.

"No, I did not tell Treve. Nothing more than just to tell him that we'd be here and no one else should be. And he was fine with that," she said, "Don't worry. And here, let's spread out the blanket."

"You're still treating this like a picnic," he complained, but complied.

"Well, we don't have to sit in the dirt."

"You're gonna want me to."

"Just, humor me, okay, Doug?"

"Uh, all right," he said, and sat down.

She sat down and placed the cooler basket over to the side, "Well?"

"I'm not sure how to begin," he said.

"Let's start, uh, chronologically," she said, "First one."

"Um, all right," he said, "I was, uh, oh man, I can't do this."

"Yes. You can," she said.

"Why are you asking this now, all of a sudden?"

"I, just, I think it's time to come clean," she said.

"But –"

"Douglas Jay Hayes Beckett, you are a fifty-nine year old man. You are the strongest man I know – stronger even than Malcolm. You can do this," she said, "And I will be here with you, every step of the way, and we will get through this," she took his hand.

"Maybe, uh, maybe don't hold hands," he said, dropping hers, "I think I'll need to get up and, and pace around a bit. Are you sure there's nobody here?"

"There is no one here. Feel free to shout if you must."

"Uh, okay," he took a deep breath, "It was, um, it was 2122. I was at West Point then. Nineteen years old. I had this, uh, well, you know his counterpart. It was Lucas Donnelly. He was my commanding officer, really, but he was no more than a Barracks Chief. He had a Sargent's rank. And I, I didn't want to be pushed around so I made up my mind to hop over him. And there, uh, there was only one way to do that. I didn't have anything with me, and I kinda wanted to see if I was strong enough. And, uh, I, you don't want to hear this part, Lili."

"Yes, I do. Full disclosure, Doug."

"I, it was like when Malcolm and I were doing that demo, right before the arrangement started. I just put my hands around Donnelly's neck, and I squeezed as hard as I could. And he struggled a bit, but I was, I was strong enough, and then it was done, and I could move up. God help me, I had wanted to do that to Malcolm. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Shh. Just, this is, we're gonna get the poison out," she said.

"And I was made the Barracks Chief. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and Donnelly was dead. And I started to have these dreams about him. He was commanding me more than he had when he was alive. Not, not like I was delusional and he was telling me to commit crimes. It, it wasn't like that. It was more, I would hear him like I had heard him when he was alive."

"Maybe you didn't yet realize it, but what you had done, it bothered you."

"Yes. It did. I didn't, um, get it then but that was the first bit of guilt and, and conscience, I guess."

"That's a good thing," Lili said.

"I suppose. Didn't do Donnelly any good, though," he said, "Uh, the next one, it was on, it was on Vulcan. I was a graduate by then – got outta West Point in 2123 and I had had Basic in Cambodia, too. I was a mercenary, would go wherever there was fighting. But I had to have a place to live, because I wasn't really set on a ship or anything. So I'd decided on Vulcan, 'cause it's warm like Ganymede."

"You have never liked the cold," she commented.

"Yeah. And, uh, I didn't have very nice quarters. And I wasn't supposed to. I was not a very good soldier – just a big, undisciplined lummox. And I wanted bigger and better ones, but I didn't wanna have to do any work in order to get them. So, um, I was in the base apartment building and I waited for this guy, Ethan Shapiro, to come in. I had a phaser with me, and I shot him in the belly. I, uh, I went through his pockets."

"Were you, uh, Doug, I've never known for you to be a thief."

"It was only for the room key. That was all that I wanted. The guy had money and I didn't take it, I remember. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like it woulda mattered to him or anything. But I didn't take it, I swear. Just the, the key. Spent the next few days clearing his stuff out and when his father came over to see what had happened, I hid but I anonymously gave out info that did direct the guy to his son's stuff."

"You just took the room key?"

"Yeah. Strange," he said, "And I, um, the first time I slept in those quarters, I heard two voices – Shapiro's and Donnelly's – in my dreams."

"Go on."

"The, uh, the third one; that was Harris in, um, 2127," Doug said, "You know his counterpart, he's a pilot. Well, there were boxing matches. I was pitted against him. We were both these big brutes. The prize was, it was a B rations card."

"What are B rations?" she asked.

"You're supposed to get meat three times a week," he said, "For A rations you get meat every day. C rations are twice a week, D is once and E is never, unless you hunt your own. Uh, when I met you, I had an A rations card but there wasn't a lotta meat so it was more like having a D card."

"Oh."

"It, uh, bets were exchanged. I learned later that the odds were six to one in my favor. And I hit him as hard as I could, in the kidneys. He went down like a sack of, well, a sack of these olives. He was, uh, probably dead before he even hit the canvas," Doug paused for a second, "And that night, the song turned from a duet into a trio."

"You can do this," she said.

"Fourth one was, we were at war on Denobula. It was, um, I was twenty-five, so it was 2128. That one was really quick. I was caught in cross-fire and grabbed a guy who was running with me and I used him as, well, I guess the expression is human shield," he admitted, "I, uh, I didn't know the guy at all, never even heard him talk. I learned later that he was named Carlos Castillo. And I didn't know his voice, so my dreams provided one for him. I ended up imagining him sounding like ballplayer Lefty Robinson, from the South American Pistoleros. The tide of battle started turning, and I found myself cut off from my unit at a Denobulan village. I went in, loud and angry, and I strafed it. I killed eighty-six Denobulans then, mostly children. And when I got back to my unit the next day, they pinned a medal on my chest," he swallowed, "I, well, I didn't hear them in my dreams. I just saw those. It was all those kids with no chance. I know you only asked about the humans."

"It's okay. You tell me anything you feel you need to."

He got up, "The fifth one was, I was barely twenty-six. And man oh man, you're gonna hate me for this one more than probably most of them."

"I'm not gonna hate you, Doug."

"It was, we were on the ISS Avenger, which is where that boxing match had been, too. And there was this girl, Christine Chalmers. And at the time I thought she was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. She was this blonde, really built. Now, she's the kind of woman I would just pass on the street and think: cheap. But not then – I just didn't know any better. And she was interested in me, and she would send out all of these signals but then she'd just tease me. She was Ehigha Ejiogu's girl."

"Who?"

"He was, uh, he was Nigerian. And she told me she was bored with him."

"Why didn't she just break up with him?" Lili asked.

"I realize now that she was playing with me, just wanted me to do what I was told. You know, see if I would be a good little attack dog for her. She told me I couldn't get any while he was still alive, so we arranged it. She was waiting by an airlock and I walked him over there. She told him it was over and I overpowered him and we got him outta the airlock. And then, man, you are gonna hate me."

"Stop saying that."

"I, uh, Lili, that was foreplay. I, um, we did it against the wall of the ship, right next to that airlock."

"Oh, my," she swallowed hard.

"And I heard him, and I saw him, not just when I slept that night but any time I did it with her. I cheated on her, like I did with, with everyone until, um, until you. With the other girls, I didn't see him or hear him yelling. But with her, yeah. She, well, she wasn't exactly faithful, either, and she left me for some other guy. I forget who now."

"I don't hate you," Lili said.

"The, uh, the sixth one was, well, you might wanna rethink the idea of hating me," Doug said. He turned around and leaned against a nearby olive tree, his face obscured, "I gotta stop."

"We can take a break."

"No, I can't continue," he said, "This one is, it's really bad. It's worse than the last one. You're gonna stop loving me."

"And that means this one is important and you have got to get it out of you, Doug. I will not stop loving you."

"You will. And you'll, you're gonna leave me for sure."

There was a little silence, "I will not leave you," she said, "It doesn't matter how, how bad it is."

"It is going to matter," he insisted, "It will."

"Come here," he didn't, so she got up and put her arms around his waist, "Turn around and face me."

He did so, slowly, eyes bloodshot, "I'm afraid."

"I, I know," she said, "Whisper it. Don't even let the air hear you."

"It was 2130. I was twenty-seven years old. It was the Klingon home world. We had conquered it, my part in that was twenty-six dead Klingons. And I had a job; it was to put boards over the broken barracks windows."

He stopped whispering so she kissed him on the cheek, "It's okay. I'm right here."

"And, and I was working with a hammer and nails. Old-fashioned kind, you know?" She nodded and he continued, "And I, I wanted, this guy, Tim, uh, Tim Randall, he had a three-day pass. And I, I wanted it. I didn't want anything else from him. Just the three-day pass card."

"Go on."

"Lili, he, I, oh, I can't tell you," his voice started to really crack.

"Yes, you can. You can tell me anything. Remember how I told you that I'm not as delicate as you think I am? Well, it's still true, Doug."

He barely squeaked out, and she had to really strain to hear him, "I, I used the hammer. B-both ends. The, the head and the, the claw end. I, I just kept going and going and going. I was in a frenzy and I just couldn't stop. The, the other ones, up 'til then, they were all quick. This one wasn't. I, I caused that man so much pain."

She held him, and tears squeezed out of her eyes as well as they stood there for several minutes. She finally said, "The poison is, it's coming out. It'll all be gone soon."

"But I'm just giving it to you," he cried.

"No, no. It's all going away. It's like, if you've ever blown away dandelion seeds. It's going to fly away on the wind."

"And, and leave a weed in someone else's garden," he said.

"The guilt will remain," she said, "That part won't go away. But the secret – that thing, we can exorcise that demon. But only if you keep on trusting me. Do you?"

He nodded, voice breaking but audible, "This next one, the seventh. It was the following year, on Andoria. I had done my part there, too – eleven dead Andorians. And I, I wanted Wes Goddard to change shifts with me, and he, he wouldn't. And we brawled and we were near this cliff and I just threw him over the side of it."

She just nodded.

"The, the eighth, it was on Ceres. It was 2132. I, I was rewiring conduits and I put a live wire onto Rodney Hamilton's chest so that it would, it would hit his heart. They, they made me an Ensign for doing that."

"You had told me that this was how to move up," she said.

"Y-yes."

"We're halfway home," she said, "We're getting through this, you and me."

"The, the ninth one, it was on Titania."

"Was this while you were with Susan?"

"No, uh, two years before, in 2133. I was, uh, thirty years old."

"Okay," she said.

"It was about a key again. I, I wanted a bigger apartment. This was a private apartment, not military. I, I phasered Wil Troi. Right in the heart. And I took his key."

"But nothing else?"

"No. Nothing else. But what should that matter? He's dead either way, Lili."

"I know. I just, I don't know why I'm asking that," she admitted.

"The, the tenth one, I was back in Cambodia. I wanted to see if I could see Darareaksmey Preap. She was, uh, I had, I had lost my virginity to her, back when I was twenty-one. It had not ended well with Susan. It wasn't right what I did to Susan. She was sick, she was an alcoholic, and I couldn't handle it. She blacked out, more than once, while we were together. I was so scared, getting her to Medical. Not as scared as, as when I had to take you."

"I remember," she said.

"Yeah. But it was bad enough. And she needed compassion, but I just, I ran off. I couldn't handle it, and I was just immature and she, I think she suffered for that. And I went from woman to woman and nothing lasted and it, this was, uh, nine years after I had known Susan. And I don't know what possessed me, why I thought I'd be remembered by this, this Cambodian bar girl who wasn't even very pretty or memorable or anything. But I got myself transferred back there. She was already gone. So I instead looked to make some money and get out. And, and there was this guy who was in the way of my getting a raise," he stopped for a moment, "It was greed. It was just greed. I had this damned chorus in my head – a chorus of the damned – and I wanted more money. So I knifed him. Blood everywhere."

"It's like when I was in cooking school and I had to kosher kill a cow. It's just an awful, nasty business."

"This was no cow. It was a man. He was named Donald Ellison. I was forty-two years old. I hadn't killed anyone for eleven years. I should have known better by then. I was in better control of myself. This was just cold-blooded," he said.

"But you had a long stretch there," she said.

"It wasn't like I was kind then, or before, or after," he said, voice still teary, "I had killed two Vulcans by then. Four Kreetassans. One Xyrillian, too. I even got two Suliban in the mix, but that was later."

"You were a soldier. Soldiers do that," she said.

"I still don't know why you haven't stopped loving me, uh, yet."

"I don't really have a choice in the matter," she said, "I am just going to love you. Despite all of this."

"Huh. I don't pretend to understand," he took another deep breath and sniffed, then rubbed his eyes a little, "The eleventh one was on the Tellarite home world, three years later. I wanted a day pass. The guy's name was Evan Sorian, and I garroted him with a line of rope. All for a one-day pass. It seems so cheap. I was doing this for so, so little."

"It's – it was always that you wanted something," she said.

"Definitely. I always wanted something. Number twelve was Major Ian Landry, two years later. That one was, God, it was so cowardly. I went into the man's bunk while he was sleeping and I just smothered him with his own pillow. And they made me a Major for that," he swallowed, "Jay was a Major. But it wasn't because of anything like that. He, he was disciplined, and, and he rescued a MACO unit on Kronos and he showed leadership on the field and he was not like this."

"You are not Jay."

"You're damn right I'm not. He was, he was a much, much better man. And so is Malcolm."

"Doug ..."

"No, really. He is. He keeps thinking, and he says it sometimes, that he's, that he's second best. And I'd, I had tried to make him think that. But it's wrong, it's not true. He is better than I am. By, by far," his eyes were streaming.

"This isn't a contest. We've all tried to live that, that we are equal and not in some sort of weird competition with each other. We aren't."

"This isn't like in bed or anything. This is overall. He is the better person, Lili."

"He isn't any better than you are. It's like, well, it's like saying that Tommy is better than Marie Patrice. That he's somehow some better child, more worthy of our love."

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Just, just keep going," she said, "He's not totally without sin, you know. He has things that he's done. And one day we may very well be having a similar conversation so don't think he's some paragon of virtue, Doug."

"Really?"

"Yep. Maybe not the same and maybe not to the same degree, but he's done plenty. Covert stuff. There's no pretty bow on it. He'll have a day when he has to come clean, too."

"Huh," Doug said. He rubbed and wiped his eyes and straightened up a little, as her statement seemed to have given him some strength, "I, I think I can continue. Push through, and get to the finish line."

"Good," she said, "Number thirteen."

"Thirteen," he said, "That one was, it was about a woman again."

"Oh?"

"But not the same way. I had met Shelby Pike. I had gotten hooked up with her because she did these, uh, you could hook up using a communicator. She had, uh, she was a pilot on the other side of the pond, not a Botanist like here. And she had a business on the side there. It was turning tricks. So I had this agreement with her, I was gonna meet her on Ganymede. I hadn't been back since I was a kid. My, well, my father was already dead and my mother was dying. So I had reason to go back but it wasn't for them – it was because I wanted Shelby. She was, I can't explain, at the time, there was just something that really, um, rang my bell about her. So I had plans, and I was all ready to go. This was for the first time. It was, uh, 2150 and I was on this transport from Titan to Ganymede."

"Titan?"

"Not the kinda Titan you grew up on. It was, well, Titan was, I was living there in between assignments. I was forty-eight years old and a lotta guys in my position, they woulda either been settling down in some way or another or going for a better detail. I was still taking a lotta orders. So I was ready to head out, and get a shuttle to the surface when this guy, Kurt Fong, he was trying to give me a work detail. If I wasn't going to meet Shelby, I probably woulda done it. I mean, those things always meant extra cash and believe me, with Shelby, I needed extra cash. But that wasn't what I had in mind and I didn't want to be late. So, um, I pitched him out of the transport airlock. Same as I had with Ejiogu, over twenty years previously," he furrowed his brow.

"And then you got to see Shelby."

"Yeah. I, uh, she got a piloting job on the Enterprise not too long after that and I stopped seeing her when that happened. But, uh, number fourteen brought that a bit full circle. I was, uh, we were to draw lots to get onto the Enterprise. It looked to be a good detail. Quarters and food were supposed to be better, plus there were women. I mean, there were so few women on the other side of the pond. You could go for days without even seeing one. It could be really tough," he took a breath, "And so Major Geming Sulu, he was running the lottery. He was the same rank as me but he was put in charge of it. And I didn't get in, so I ended up knifing him in the gut. Others did similar kinds of things. A lotta guys wanted to be on the Enterprise. This was 2152; it was in preparation for the Xindi War. And that's how I got onto the Enterprise. We, we had the Xindi War and I was in the air, not on the ground for once. But I pulled the trigger plenty of times with phase cannons and the like, and, well, we were committing genocide on the Xindi people. I figure I was responsible for at least a few thousand Xindi deaths of any of their species. Stayed outta trouble and on the Enterprise, working for Reed, actually. He was not a nice man on the other side, but we weren't at odds because, uh, Shelby was African and, well, that Reed only liked blondes. So I was okay with him but God knows we were not friends."

"Which eventually brought you to me," she said.

"Yes. And in the meantime, the Enterprise was destroyed not too long after Archer found the Defiant. We left in escape pods. I was with Jennifer by then, but we weren't living together yet. I threw her into one and I fought off a kid from Security for my own. Pretty soon after that, Reed had died in Sick Bay and so no one was in charge of Tactical. The Empress promoted me, and I became a Lieutenant Commander. It was the only time, until I got here, that I was ever promoted without, well, without somebody having to, to die."

"And then we met in 2157."

"Yes," he said, "And, you gotta understand, by this time all fourteen of them were living in my dreams. I dreamt of them every single damned night. And the others – the Denobulans, the Suliban, the Vulcans, the Xindi, them, too, but those were silent. The human dead, though, they talked. They were a kinda Greek chorus from hell. Every single damned night. And then it was October, it was October twenty-eighth, and I got into bed early because I wasn't feeling too well but I didn't want anyone to know. It was, it was a sign of weakness to show you were sick."

"But you had a doctor."

"Yeah, but that didn't matter. You weren't supposed to use him unless things were really, really dire. Believe me, you didn't want to. So we were coming up to the Lafa System. I went to bed and fell asleep and, for once, I wasn't dreaming of all of them. It was, it was kind of a hallway to start. It was, Lili," his voice started breaking again, "it was the first time in thirty-five years that I wasn't dreaming about the people I had murdered. I was, it went pitch dark in the dream, and I got shoved and I shoved back, pushing this, this person into a wall. And that person was smaller than me, and I somehow realized that that person was, was a woman. And, and her hands were small and soft and she, she put them on my face. And she kissed me. And I didn't know why. I didn't deserve to have her kiss me. So I kissed her back. And she was so, so soft and so gentle and nobody; nobody had been that, that sweet and kind to me, not ever. Not since, since I was just a little boy and my mother would spend time with me, teaching me to read and all of that," he just stood there and sobbed for a while.

"It was a long time ago."

"I want to tell this. Because I, I haven't told this," he croaked out, "I was sent away to school when I was seven. It's too young. I, I missed her. I wasn't supposed to. You were supposed to be tough. And I, I wasn't. And I got beat up for it. It wasn't until I got bigger, and I just, you get hard. Those who get hard and cruel, they were the survivors. The ones who stayed gentle, they were usually beaten to death or something like that. And there I was, I was almost fifty-five years old and no one had been kind to me in almost five decades and there was this woman – you – and you were so, so loving. And we, you know, you were there."

"We made love."

"Yes. And it was so wonderful," he said, "It wasn't just, you know, satisfying. It was also just, you were good to me. No one had ever been good to me. Not there, not anywhere. And I went to work the following day, and Aidan MacKenzie said that there was some sensor acting up and I realized somehow that sensor had traced you, your presence. And I kind of clutched at that, because I figured, if a sensor could somehow pick you up, that you might be real."

"That first night, I was unsure whether you were real. But I was hoping that you were. The next day, I got distracted and cut my hand with a French knife, thinking about you," she said.

He smiled a little, but still looked pained, "And then, that second night, my dream was just of you. No hall – it was just dark as the darkest midnight, but I could feel you, your body and your hands were soft and your hair was straight and I just touched you all over because I never, ever wanted to forget you. And your, your shoulder, you, you smelled like oranges. And I hadn't had an orange in years, and no one smelled like freshness and good things. They all smelled of decay and overripe rotting. But you, you didn't. You were alive. I knew you were alive. You were real. You had to be. And I vowed I would never, ever hurt anyone again, because I knew that someone like you wouldn't tolerate that. And all I wanted to do was find some way to please you, and be with you. But then when I crossed over to come to you, Deborah Haddon was, was there," his voice turned pained again.

"Yes. You didn't mean for her to be hurt."

"But my intentions don't matter in the end," he sobbed, "I laid explosive charges behind and to the side of the Transporter pads. The idea was, Tucker and Cutler would beam to the surface, and then I would go, but I would be transferred over, from one universe to the other. But in the meantime, Tucker and Cutler needed cover. And I needed it, too, in case the Calafans were wrong in their calculations, or if somehow something went haywire. I didn't want to end up on the Lafa II on the wrong side of the pond but, if that happened, I knew I had to at least escape the Empress. So the plan was to blow up the Transporter Room. And Deborah Haddon would've been fine if she didn't go there. I don't know why she did, but she did. And she was, well, I can guess at what happened to her body."

"I had contact with Chip Masterson on the other side," Lili said, "And he, well, he told me he had had to clean that all up. I cannot imagine what that must have felt like."

"Not just her, but, but all of them," he said, "Somebody had to pick up the, the pieces of Tim Randall," he cringed, "I, I sent out apology notes but it's just not enough."

"It was the same with me and She Who Almost Didn't Breed in Time," Lili said, "It was gruesome. I, I whacked her in the head with a cast iron skillet. I almost completely decapitated her. And I was shaken when I finally realized what I had done. I threw the skillet into the disposer. It was a perfectly good, well-seasoned pan. Chef was furious initially, and then I explained and, well, neither of us would've been able to use that pan again, after having known that there were the, well, the brains of a sentient being on it. I sent an apology, you know this."

"Yes, and that's what made me think to do that on my end. It never would've been my idea. But the apologies were late. I don't know if they did any good, or if they just opened it back up again."

"I think it's better late than never, Doug. Like now. Isn't it better to get this out, now, than to just live our lives and never, ever talk about it?"

"I don't know," he said, "Is this better? Can you really still love me, at all? Can you, can you look at me the same way again? I'm just afraid that you, that you can't."

"You're right, I can't," she said, and he cringed and shook, "I look at you better."

"Better? But why?" His eyes were crimson.

"Because, even though I had to pull it outta you, this took a lot of courage, Doug," she said, "You are braver than you think, and it doesn't come from training or weaponry. It comes from your honesty. Hand me the cooler."

He did so.

She opened it, "I took the liberty of bringing this," It was a small bottle of Grande Siècle Champagne. She then took out two glasses, "Do you remember having this?"

"In a dream," he said, voice returning to normal, "We were on a Ganymede beach I had conjured up from my memory. You were wearing a swimsuit with four-leaf clovers all over it."

"That's right," she said, "And that time, you provided the drinks."

"True," he said, much calmer, "What, uh, what would we be drinking to?" he asked, popping the cork, "I don't know if it feels like a celebration so much as, well, like having been through an ordeal."

"Well, it was. But you had said that you have a lot of birthdays. The day we met, the day you realized you were in love with Melissa, the kids' births, and all of that. And maybe this is another birthday for you."

"Maybe," he poured, "Do you remember what we drank to then?"

"Connections and dreams. And that was when we talked about what I would cook for you the first time I'd see you, and you picked out the name Reversal."

"And as I recall we did a little math, too," he said, "I, I don't know if I feel perfectly well. It's not an absolution. I still have guilt."

"I don't expect that to go away quite so quickly," she said.

"What, uh, really, what brought on your desire to know all of this?"

"I – it's, well, it's what I want to toast," she said, raising her glass, "To honesty. And to forgiveness."

"And to love," he said, "To always, forever, love."

=/\=

"How come – when you and I do it – I have to have surgery for cryin' out loud? I can't have sex with you without having my body altered. And I've had that done twice. And it'll be a third time after Pete here is born. But she, she's fine. Not a scratch on her. Why is it so rough with me? Why can't you be, why can't you touch me, when I'm not all altered, without, without hurting me?" – Lili Beckett

=/\=

"C'mere," she said, putting her glass down.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I want to love you. I want to give myself to you because I know that you just gave a helluva lot of yourself to me today, Doug."

"Even though you know?"

"It's because I know. I am not your, I am not just some chippie for you. I am not a casual acquaintance. I am not some passing fancy."

"Definitely not a passing fancy," he touched her hand but he was a bit tentative, as if they were just beginning to date.

"I am your wife," she said, "And, so far as I'm concerned, that is forever. Even after the end. It is forever. For I don't know how I know this, but I know that there is something there, and if I can be there, then you will, and we all will. I want to show you my body. I want to give you my heart. I want your hands on me. I want your mouth. I want all of it."

"These hands have committed crimes. This mouth has cursed and condemned people, and conspired against them."

"But they are your hands, and that is your mouth. I remember, you told me you wanted my chest on your chest."

"Yes, I did. And I still do. If you'll allow that."

"And you said, when we first were really together, in person, you said it didn't matter that maybe my body was a little more southerly than you were expecting."

"No, it, uh, it didn't matter, and it doesn't matter because, well, because it's yours."

"Exactly. And yes, you've done unspeakable things," she said, "I can't wish it all away, and neither can you. But, at bottom, I think that this, well, I think that your sharing this, it creates even more intimacy, as if that was even possible. But it seems like it is. I feel perfectly connected. To you, to Malcolm, even to Norri and Melissa. I feel like this day is nestling us all deeper together. Does that, does it make sense?"

"Yes. It does. I, we are together. All of us. There's barely a me anymore, except for the bad parts, the parts that still need atonement, that are still wrong. But anything that is good from me, it is a part of a greater whole."

"For all of us, we are a part of a greater whole," she said, "Come closer and, uh, we can really become one."

"You sure there's no one else around?"

"Positive," she said, pulling at his shirt.

"I have always known that you were beautiful," he said, looking at her, "Even before I could see you, I knew that. And it's the parts that I can't see that are the most beautiful of all. Your heart. Your soul. You, you said that I was your heart, and Malcolm was your soul. And I would say that you are my heart, and Melissa is my soul. But the truth is, you are both, and she is both, and I bet he is both. There are no half-measures."

"He is both. And Norri! Can't forget her. She makes it all spin."

"You bet," he said, "Can I kiss you?"

"We're married. You don't have to ask."

"Oh, but I do," he said, "I want to know if it's all right. For, for me to love you. If I, well, if I have permission."

"Stop," she said, "We are to be equal."

"Yes," he said, "But right now I am outside the gate. Tell me if it's all right for me to enter."

"Yes," she said, "And to stay."

He drew her closer and put his arms around her, and they kissed, sweeter than before. And when the last of their clothes were off, he looked at her and said, "You've had three kids."

"Is it that obvious?"

"A bit," he said, "But don't worry, for every line and everything that anyone else might see as imperfect, well, it's not. It's evidence that you have laughed, and you have loved, and you have been loved, and you still are. And it is proof that you are a mother and you are a wife and you are a companion. And you are familiar and you are home, but you are also the sexy, white-hot flame."

"And you are the wind," she said, "You are breath and movement and a blur of activity. You are fast but you are gentle. Not a hurricane, not a tornado, but a breeze that freshens the atmosphere and blows away trouble."

"And I also snore," he reminded her.

"Hey, I'm trying to be romantic here."

"As am I," he said, "But I'm not too good at talking. All I want, all I need, is to be one with the white-hot flame."

"Then do that," she said, "And know and see much I love you."

"You'll see how much I love you, too."

They rolled onto their sides, and she began making noise almost immediately, as it felt so good. And he kissed her throat, and her body, and his hands on her waist and her back directed her and moved her along. She was hot, hotter than hot, and even in the pleasant December weather, they both sweated and groaned with the exertion. They rolled, him on his back, and then her onto her back, as they continued, and sometimes their eyes would close, but they mostly stayed open, as they watched each other and made sure that they were feeling as much happiness as possible. She smiled and moved and, finally, it happened for him, and they both yelled, and made noise until their throats were raw.

And in a valley, where the workmen were tending to the chickpea plants, they thought they might have heard something, but they dismissed it as just the wind and went back to what they had been doing.

=/\=

"If I can give you anything, anything at all, let it be that I make sure that you never have to have that." – Doug Beckett

=/\=

And in the Fep City apartment, while the children watched a film on the viewer, Melissa and Norri had their own version of happiness. And when they broke apart, Melissa said, "You're like the ether."

"The ether?"

"Yes. I've been reading. It's Hindu. Kind of a bit of sound and communication – the recorder of it all," Melissa said.

"Uh, I wasn't filming this or anything. That's just weird."

"No, of course not. I do love you so. Just, you're like the essence of connection."

"And you, you are earth," Norri said, "Brown-haired girl, you may be a pilot, but you are the earth. And you are who I love."

=/\=

"We won't put it down if we, er, use the table for, ahem, unconventional purposes." – Lili Beckett

=/\=

Both couples slept, as it was exhausting, and the weather on Lafa VI was so lovely and drowsily warm, and the Fep City apartment was so comfortable and the bed was so soft. And in his quarters, Malcolm, too, lay down and rested, just a moment, after shift ended and before supper.

=/\=

"You already had the fight. Everybody got a prize." – Takara (Masterson) Sato

=/\=

For Doug and Melissa, it was a garden. They walked through it and smiled at each other. Few words were necessary and, when they found a particularly pretty patch, they lay down together.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yeah. I am now," he confirmed, "I love you."

"I love you, too, you icky boy."

"I cannot believe my good fortune, for she still loves me, too."

"She can't stop," Melissa said, "And neither can I. I can't stop the wind."

"And you are the earth," he said to her, "All warm and welcoming, and solid. You, you ground me," he said, "It is impossible for me to quit loving either of you."

They kissed, and words fell away as they touched each other. Where Lili had been hot, Melissa was cool and slow, and it was prolonged. Finally, their pleasure was multiplied and they remained as one, together.

=/\=

"I want to make love to you. Not have hot sex, but make love. …That is what I want – it's what I demand of you. Can you do that?" – Malcolm Reed

=/\=

For Lili and Malcolm, he was lying down in his quarters and she came to him, "A vision," he said, sitting up, "Most unexpected but very welcome. Is it all done, is everything all right?"

"Yes. We're good," she said.

"I shall have to do something like that, at some point as well," he confided to her, "Section Thirty-One business can be terrible. When I am, when I am there with you, please, one day, let us get away and I will tell you."

"Whenever you're ready. And I will be there and I will not judge your actions and you can rest assured, that I – well, all of us – we will continue to love you. For we cannot help it. There is no choice in the matter," she said, "Your eyes, they're like the deep blue sea. And that's what I think you are. The water, the ocean, the river, the tides. Constant but also constantly changing."

"Even though the water scares me a bit?"

"Maybe even because it does," she said, "It inspires a deep feeling in you."

"Not as deep as my feelings for you," he said, kissing her, "For you are the white-hot flame and when the water meets the flame, it's a lot of sizzling and popping and everyone should know how much, well, how much passion there is."

She smiled at him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Do you, uh, want to go anywhere special?" he asked, "I don't have much time. It's just a short lie down – we – the Enterprise – the charter signing is coming up but we have heard from Shran."

"Shran? I thought you had told me he was dead."

"Apparently not. And, he has, his daughter, apparently she has been abducted. We're, we are going to Rigel X and I imagine that rest will be hard to come by, Lili-Flower."

"Huh, well, I've been in that predicament. And I bet they're both scared – Shran and his little one – so if Jonathan wants to help them, then it must be a good idea."

"It does worry me a bit," Malcolm admitted, "But you're right; I should have confidence in his leadership. I have had confidence in him for years now, so there's no reason to change that. Tell me, can I take you anywhere special?" he repeated.

"This is the special place where I want to be," she said, "Right here, in your quarters."

"Things are a bit packed up already," he said, "For I am off to a certain planet in a little over a month, to be with the most wonderful people. But in the meantime, you will share a Lieutenant's bed?"

"With great pleasure."

"That's the idea," he said, kissing her.

Their clothes scattered onto the floor and it was definitely sizzling.

Mouth met mouth, and pretty soon his sheets were tangled and half on the floor. He had never been much for making any sort of noise, but he made some then, for there was just too much stimulus, and he just had to give voice to his pleasure. She was quiet for once, kissing his throat as he called out her name.

They laid together, still touching and intertwined, when he heard the communications chime.

"I must go," he said, "Rigel X awaits."

"I love you. I'll see you in person really soon."

"And I love you. And we can recreate this then, and a thousand other expressions of love."

=/\=

"I am in for a penny, in for a pound." – Malcolm Reed

=/\=

"Sweet," said Joy.

"A moment more," Q said, "They will all be together again soon. And I think that is something we should watch as well."

"Very well," she said, "But once that is done, you'll ask Kathryn to be Junior's godmother, yes?"

"Yes."

=/\=

"Yimar's little brother, his name is Chelben. And that means faith of the heart." – Lili Beckett

Chapter* 29

"Don't tell me my feelings, Malcolm. I know them. I know them. Like I am finding that I know you – how you wake up on a hair trigger, how you flex when you think I'm not looking – but I think you secretly hope I am. How you make silly jokes. How you sneeze, even. How you kiss, how you walk, how you make love." – Lili Beckett

=/\=

Jonathan piloted the shuttle. Malcolm's things were in the back, three large duffles and some boxes, plus a much smaller duffle, "How do you think you'll tell her?" Jonathan asked.

A small clock on the instrument panel said January eleven, 2162. Malcolm thought for a moment.

"Straightforwardly. I hadn't wanted to keep it from her but I did wish to tell her in person. She, she knows I've been saddened by something."

"We all have."

"And I don't want to spoil Marie Patrice's little party. But, well, I've got to tell Lili about this."

"Ready to land," Jonathan said.

"Landing thrusters on," Malcolm replied.

The landing was a smooth one and you could see a light-haired woman standing, waiting, with a baby in her arms. The hatch was opened and she smiled broadly at both of them. She went over to Malcolm and kissed him, "Oh, it's wonderful to see you, love," she said.

He held her, feeling badly about keeping this thing from her. He couldn't wait, and he just blurted out, "Lili-Flower, Tripp is dead."

"Wh-what?" she asked.

Jonathan nodded, "It was recent. It happened while we were getting Shran's daughter back. Malcolm, he wanted to tell you in person."

Absently, she stood there, and then thrust Declan into a very surprised Jonathan's arms and just hugged Malcolm for a while, both of them crying, "Now I know why you've been so quiet lately," she finally squeaked out.

Doug came over, "Hey!" he was enthusiastic and also hugged Malcolm and clapped him on the back but immediately realized that things were not right, "What's going on?"

"Tripp Tucker is dead," Jonathan said to him.

Doug took the baby from Jonathan, "I, oh God. How horrible."

Malcolm finally composed himself, "I didn't want to spoil the party. But I couldn't keep it in any longer."

"It's all right," Lili said, drying her eyes, "And you didn't spoil anything. Look, we're gonna still have the party. And, and Jonathan, stay. Please. You, you look like you could use a gentle little party."

"I really should be –"

"Please?" she asked, "You both look like hell. Really, I think it would be good for you. For both of you, to, uh, to just be around good people. This isn't a huge rah-rah party. It'll be low-key, I swear. There are only gonna be a few kids aside from our own. But just, get away from your obligations a little. Okay?"

"I, uh, an hour," Jonathan said, "I can do an hour. But no more."

Lili took the baby back and the three men grabbed Malcolm's things to bring them over to the house. Marie Patrice came over, "Mackum!" she enthused and he picked her up, hiding the way he was feeling from her.

"I don't think you have met Captain Archer," he said to her.

"I didn't bring you a present, I'm sorry," Jonathan said.

"It's all right," she said.

"He did get you your sled. This was before you were born so you don't remember that," Malcolm told her.

"Oh! Then thank you," she said. He put her down and she ran back to the house. They followed.

Melissa and Norri were quickly alerted that things were a bit somber.

"We, we've been looking for an apartment for you," Doug said to Malcolm, "Got a few choices for you. Why don't you borrow Lili's car tomorrow and head out to them, and pick out the one you like the best? I think Lili's gonna have restaurant business in the next few days but I bet Norri wouldn't mind you bouncing any ideas off her."

"That's, thank you," Malcolm said absently.

"And if anything's too expensive, let her take the lead. The Italian in her just comes out and she is, well, she's the best haggler I know," Doug said.

"That's, that's good."

"Let's, you're among friends," Doug said.

And they were, for there were some Calafans there already.

"Captain, this is Treve, my business partner," Lili said. The young, bald Calafan man got up to shake hands, his bare arms a mass of silver, "His little brother, Chelben, his mother, Yipran. And I think you might remember his sister, Yimar."

"Hiya," Yimar said, "It was, um, while Lili was pregnant with Marie Patrice. I was Joss's babysitter."

"Oh, yeah," he said, "I take it you're not the sitter anymore."

"Nope. I'm at the University."

"Oh, and Captain, this is my obstetrician and dear friend, Miva," Lili said.

Miva got up. She was a little thing; arms all covered with complicated silver scrollwork. She had impossibly light blue eyes and silvery blonde hair. A tiny bracelet was around her even tinier wrist. She flicked her finger at him, "I am glad to know you," she said, her voice high-pitched but pleasant, "Is Captain your first name?"

"I, uh, no, it's a title. Like Doctor," Jonathan said, sitting down next to her, "I, um, I can't place your accent, but it sounds familiar."

"Oh, it's only my low class speaking," she said, "I am from Lafa V. It's where all the factories are."

"No, it's not, it doesn't seem to be low class," Jonathan said, "It's, it's delightful."

"Ah, Miva's brogue," Melissa said, coming over with baby Neil, "She sounds like she's from the Auld Sod, eh?"

"Yes! That's it!" he said, "You sound Irish."

"Oh, perhaps I do," she said, "Uh, Captain? Do you have a first name?"

The air began to fill with the scent of barbecue.

"Yes. I'm sorry," he said, smiling, "It's Jonathan. I'm Jonathan Archer."

"Oh! We don't, we don't have last names. I still find that strange, and I've known the family now for a few years. And all of these other humans coming in as well! More names to remember. It's confusing."

"Well, we do that because otherwise you wouldn't know which, well, which Jonathan you were talking to," he said.

"You mean there is more than one Jonathan?" she asked.

He nodded, "Isn't there more than one Miva?"

"Oh, no, no. We aren't allowed to repeat. You have to wait for someone to, well, to die, and then their name becomes available for parents to name their child. It can be a bit of a struggle if two children are born near the same time, so parents have taken to reserving names while the baby is still in utero. It works out for the best. So, tell me, what does Jonathan mean?"

"Uh, mean?"

"Yes! All of our names have meanings."

"Here," Norri came over with a PADD, "I work for a publisher. The bestseller for human books here, by far, is this one," It was The Big Book of Human Baby Names, "The Calafans love, love, love that sort of thing. It's a common thing here when you're introduced, for someone to ask you what your name means. Oh, and I'm Norri Digiorno."

"Ah, Lioness, I see you've made your introduction," Malcolm said, coming close, "Captain, this is Declan. I know you saw him earlier, but perhaps you weren't properly introduced."

"He is a beautiful baby," Jonathan said, "Paternity is obvious – he's got your cheekbones already."

"Yes. And his mother's lovely coloring, eh?" Malcolm said.

"He looks a bit – well, Lili does, too – like the Calafans," Jonathan pointed out, then he remembered his manners, "I, uh, my apologies, Miva, I didn't look up my name."

"Oh, not to worry," Miva said, "I took a peek. It means gift from God."

"Oh. I had no idea," he said, "And, um, what does Miva mean?"

"It's not very exciting. I mean, Treve means messenger, Chelben means faith of the heart and Yipran means student of the skies, while Yimar means student of the maps.""And Miva?" he persisted. He took a quick look at her left hand. No rings. Maybe that meant what he thought it did?

She looked down, "It just means dirt."

"Dirt?"

"Well, a specific kind," she said, "It's kind of, uh, mixed with, what is enne in English?"

"Water," Yimar said, getting up to help with the food.

"Ah, well, it's kind of like wet dirt," Miva said.

"Mud?" Jonathan asked.

"No, no, it's, uh, it's very moldable. You can, you can put uh, dary on it. What is dary, Treve?"

"Fire," he said.

"Yes, yes, you can put the fire with it and it hardens and you can make food storage vessels out of it," she explained.

"Oh! Clay!" Jonathan said.

"Yes, yes, that is the word. I am clay."

"Huh. That's a man's name," he said, "It's short for Clayton. And, uh, let's see. That one means town on clay land," he smiled.

"Are ya saying I am like a man?"

"No, no, no," he said, "Definitely not."

"Are ya a married man, Jonathan?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Oh! My apologies! I forget that most are not so frank of speech," she said, "It's my Lafa V upbringing. We are taught to be blunt."

There was a bit of a commotion as another car arrived. Lili went over to greet Doctor Morgan, who got out with two little girls, "I apologize for not giving you any notice of this," he said, "But my granddaughter here had a friend over. Is that all right? And, and I brought another surprise guest. We, uh, we brought chairs for them."

"Oh, good. And it's no trouble at all. There's plenty to go around," Lili said, and Pamela Hudson stepped out of the driver's side.

"I'm glad. Reed'll be shocked. Are you okay with this?" she asked.

"Of course," Lili said, and then surprised her by hugging her, "You're an old friend, so far as I'm concerned."

Joss came over, as one of little girls was leaning into the car to bring out a small black and white puppy on a leash, "Oh, wow!" he exclaimed.

"Now, Joss, let's greet our human guests first, please," Lili said, "This is Doctor Hudson. She is a good friend of Malcolm's."

Pamela knelt down and shook the little boy's hand solemnly, "He's gonna be good-looking," she said, "You can already tell. He has great eyes," she straightened up.

"This is my granddaughter, Cindy Morgan," Doctor Morgan said, "And this is her friend, Jia Sulu. Oh, and this is Fenway."

The dog, a Boston Terrier puppy, wagged his tail in greeting. Joss said a quick hi but made a beeline straight for the puppy.

"He's got his priorities," Lili said to Pamela.

"They'll change," she replied as they walked over to the dining table, which had been brought into the back yard for the occasion. There was a view of the garden, but nothing was blooming yet.

They found Malcolm sitting with Declan in his lap, talking to Treve. He got up quickly, "Pamela?"

"Yep," she said, "In the flesh and twice as real," she leaned over to hug him, her perfume heavy in the air. Treve took one look at her and flicked his finger at her twice.

Malcolm made the introductions, "I'm surprised to see you."

"My Uncle Cyril lives here now. It seems it's getting to be a nice place to retire. And, yanno, they'll probably need human doctors."

"I don't know that there will be such a need for plastic surgeons," he said.

"Well, maybe not. But I can do other surgery," she said, "It's good to see you. You're happy. That's, well, you weren't happy with me," she admitted.

"I only wish you happiness, Pamela," he said, "In whatever form it takes for you."

"Maybe not with kids and all. You know I'm not the domestic type. No kids for me, thanks. But you! Look at you! I bet you're a pro with the diaper changes already."

"I am getting there. Doug, however, holds the current land speed record," Malcolm gestured over to Doug, who was manning the little barbecue grill. He waved.

"You getting along okay?" Pamela asked.

"Yes. And a lot better in the last month or so," Malcolm said, "It's as if it's all gone to another, another level."

"And things are good with her, too? You'll be here a while."

"Things are incredible," Malcolm said, "But I do have a question, uh, Captain. If I'm not interrupting anything," The baby started to cry a bit so he put his hand under Declan's butt, "Ah, we are dry. So we are hungry."

Lili came over, "That's my cue," she said, sat down, and proceeded to feed Declan.

Jonathan turned away a bit. That was, perhaps, a little too much, "Uh, Malcolm, you had a question?"

"Yes, I, sir, I couldn't help but noticing, but I think it's a bit of a clerical error. I, well, I requested two years of leave, but the, the records say three."

"It's no error," Jonathan said, smiling, "Consider it a baby gift. From me to, to both of you."

"Thank you," Lili said, "That means more to us than almost anything you could have picked out. See, Malcolm, maybe Jonathan here also gives perfect gifts."

Jonathan turned away again, as she was still a bit exposed. Miva looked at him and said, "It is, I imagine, sometimes hard to reconcile things that one might desire versus what is used to feed an infant?"

"Huh?" But of course she was right.

"Oh, my Lafa V manners are out in full force today!" she exclaimed, "And if you're not careful, I'll talk your ear off, too, Jonathan."

"That's all right," he said.

Malcolm saw the older Calafan woman sitting, looking a bit lost, and went over to her, "Yipran," he said, "Can I get you anything?"

The cuff he wore on his wrist flashed a bit in the January sun, "I ... the cuff of Lo," she said, tentatively and slowly, "It ... is ... yours?"

"Yes," he said, "Lili gave it to me. It was; it was the first time she told me that she, well, that she loved me."

Yipran put her hand on his face, a trembling gesture from a woman with faded calloo who was coming to the very end of her life, "I ... am glad. She chose ... wisely. Both ... of you. Day and ... night. Both are ... wise choices."

"Thank you," he said, "Your people have been wonderful to us."

"But ... it was ... not when ... it started," she said, "You ... were ... we were ... suspicious," That last word was a tough one for her to get out, "Now ... we ... know better."

"And so do we."

"You are ... fully joined ... as a being. All elements. It is ... what happened ... in the beginning," she said, "How we ... feel and ... how we ... treat each other ... those things survive."

He smiled at her, "Love is the eternal thing, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So, Pamela, tell me, what does your name mean?" asked Treve.

"Excuse me?"

"Allow me," said Norri, "Ah, that's nice. It means honey."

"That makes sense," Treve said, and he flicked his finger at Pamela again.

"Uh, c'mere a second," Norri said, getting up and gesturing to Pamela. They walked over to the grill.

"Uh, okay," Pamela said, "What's up?"

"He is coming onto you," Norri said.

"Really?"

"Yep. It's the finger flicking gesture. It means he thinks you're one hot ticket," she explained.

"Oh. But he's, what, seventy?" Pamela asked.

"He's not even thirty," Doug said, "And you should check out how Miva's hitting on Jonathan."

"He has no idea, I bet," Norri said, "Got any burgers ready?"

"Uh, sure. These are medium well," Doug said.

Norri took the plate over to Jonathan, "Did Miva tell you what her gesture means? The one where she does this?" Norri demonstrated the finger flicking.

"Uh, no. Does it mean I've got potato salad on my uniform or something?"

"No, no," Miva laughed a little, "It means that I find you attractive."

"Oh," he said, "Well, um, I, uh."

"You need not respond in the affirmative," she said, "I am just used to plain speaking."

"It is in the affirmative," he said, "But a little, um, unexpected."

"I forget that humans tend to wait and plan and be shy about such things. We are bold, you see. Are you a married man?"

"Um, no."

"Oh! I would have thought you would have been snapped right up," she said.

"No," he said.

"Well, I am a married woman," she said, "But I don't have the night."

"Huh?"

"I have a husband. His name is Darywev. It means master of fire," she explained, "But that's the day. At night, no one for a few years now."

"You're, um, you're married and we're talking like this?" he asked. This was even more uncomfortable than watching Lili feed her baby.

"Oh, yes, your relationships are night and day but ours are not. We have two sides, of a coin, as it were. Darywev and I are together during the day but we sleep and he meets his dear lady and for the past few years I have met no one special."

"Captain, if I may," Malcolm came back with another plate of food, "It's the night relationship, it's what Lili and I have. Day is between Lili and Doug, and also between the Lioness here and Melissa. And night, for Doug, is with Melissa."

"And nobody minds?" Jonathan asked.

"They don't mind much," Malcolm said.

"It's not for everyone," Lili said.

"It's, well, it's very different," Jonathan said, "Can I, uh, I do have one more thing to tell you."

Doug had finished barbecuing and came over. Lili finished feeding Declan and gave him to Norri, who sat down next to Melissa.

"We're listening," Lili said.

"Huh, I guess this is good news, so I don't mind telling everyone at once. Malcolm, due to, well, due to Tripp's death, I need a new First Officer," Jonathan said.

"Sir..."

"You'll be on leave for three years," Jonathan said, "And just, just be on leave and enjoy your life here. Although I would like to be able to, to contact you at times, if that's all right."

"Of course it is."

Jonathan said, "For those years, Hoshi will fill in as First Officer, but only on a temporary basis, on the USS Zefram Cochrane. Aidan will fill in at Tactical as we had planned. I was going to make you a full Commander anyway. Tripp was going to be my First Officer. But now, when you come back, I can't think of anyone I want in that role more than you."

Malcolm swallowed a little, "Are you, uh, sure that Hoshi wouldn't want to stay on after three years?"

"There'll be a place for her, I'm sure," Jonathan said, "Whaddaya say?"

"I say all right." Lili came over and kissed him.

"Great. I have to go now," Jonathan said, "But thank you all for, well, for something positive. I've had a lot of negative lately," he got up to walk to the shuttle, and Miva fell in with him.

"If you don't mind, can I say a little something?"

"Sure," he said, "But I do have to go."

"I know," she said, "You are troubled. I am sorry if I went on like a fool. Humans are different. I should know that by now."

"No, it's all right," he said, "I'm flattered. Actually, I'm more than flattered. But it's impossible, right?"

"No. It isn't," she took the teeny tiny bracelet off her wrist; "There is an ore. It is all over this world and on at least eleven of the twelve planets in this system. It might even be on Lafa I, but that place is hot and full of radiation, so no one's bothered to check yet. We fashion it into an alloy, and that alloy is used to make all sorts of things. It is in everything from jewelry to mobiles that parents hang over their baby's cribs. We use it to sharpen our focus, and meet our dear ones at night."

He took it from her, "It's tiny."

"Only because my wrists are so small. You could use it. You can have it, it's all right. You put it on, and go to sleep. You will see a long hallway, filled with many people. If you want to stay, you stay. If you want to leave, just awaken yourself. And if you do want to stay, you can call for someone. And if they are available, they will answer."

"But isn't it cheating?"

"For us, it is not cheating. It is what we do. Our hearts have more than one chamber."

"Well, my doctor is a Denobulan. They all have three spouses apiece. I suppose this is similar."

"Yes," she said, "And, the dream, it doesn't need to be anything steamy. You can just meet a friend and talk about the weather, or some sporting event."

"I, this would never fit me," he said.

"All you need to do is hold it and have contact with it."

"And if I said Miva, you, would you answer?"

"Yes," she said, "For on this side of the pond, there is but one Miva."

"I don't know."

"You don't have to do anything that you do not wish. You can even go and never make contact. And that's all right. It's just an old bracelet. But I see you are troubled, and you are lonely. And you don't want to admit it, but that is driving your life right now."

He swallowed hard, "How?"

"How did I know?" he nodded. She continued, "Partly a lucky guess. But also, partly, just knowing that look, the edges of it, when you think no one else is looking, when you look away and your eyes are unfocused and look far. I know this look, for it is my own."

His communicator chimed, "I'd better go," he said, "Thank you."

Malcolm came over, holding Declan, "Sir."

"Call me Jonathan. At least while you're on leave. I insist."

"I just, si–, Jonathan, I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me, and for everything you have done for us. You are welcome here at any time."

"You're good people," The communicator chimed again; "I'll be back."

He got into the shuttle and lifted off. He soon began to dictate, "Computer, human resources mode.

On the USS Zefram Cochrane, I ask that a kind of variable family pod be set up. I figure this would be a double quarters where one side is for parents and the other for children, with a door between in addition to the usual door configuration. The children's room would be smaller. For families with children of both genders, it could be a triple setup with parents in the middle and children on either side. If space is at a premium, two sets of parents could be on either side of one children's room, and their unrelated children could share the middle, smaller, quarters.

Computer, dictation mode.

Captain's Personal Log, January eleventh, 2162.

I have a plain circle of metal here, about fifteen centimeters in circumference, to guess. And I, I don't know what I want to do with it."

=/\=

"I wish I hadn't, but I heard their final words to one another: 'I love you, Tripp.' 'I love you, Hoshi.' See, I didn't want to be a part of so much intimacy. But I couldn't crawl away from it. After all those years, all that intervening time, there was still something there. At least they passed together, more or less." – Malcolm Reed

=/\=

Lunch finished, candles blown out and cake eaten, the children ran around a bit. Lili and Malcolm sat down together.

"I haven't really had a chance to mourn yet," he said.

"Plenty of time for that."

A car came up, and an Asian man got out of it. Lili got up, "Can I help you?"

"Yes. My name is Geming Sulu. I understand my daughter might be here."

"Ah, yes," Lili said, "Over there. Can I interest you in some lunch? We've still got plenty."

"Oh, that's all right," he said, "I need to get her back to her mother. Come, Jia!" he called.

"We were having such fun," she gushed, "Joss is so funny."

"You can play again later," he said, "But right now it's time for me to get you to your mother's house. It's her weekend with you."

"Excuse me," Treve came over, "Can you, could I impose upon you to take Miva home? She lives on the Western side of Fep City."

"No, it's no trouble," They left.

"We'd better go, too," Yimar said.

"And us," said Doctor Morgan.

"Actually," Treve said, "would it be possible, Doctor Morgan, if you could take my family home? I can, I can take Pamela home later."

"All right," Doctor Morgan said, "But it'll be a little crowded."

Yipran was helped up, "A ... good choice," she said to Treve, "And will ... become a better one ... over time."

They departed.

"I have an idea," Lili said to Malcolm.

"Oh?"

"Yes. You and me. We'll sit under the olowa tree and nod off."

"Lili-Flower," he said softly, "I hardly think this is the time or the place."

"Not for that reason," she said, "There's someone I would like for you to meet."

"Very well," he said, "Can we take Declan? Or is it too soon?"

"I think it'll be fine."

Lili went over to Doug, "We're gonna go to the other side of the pond. It'll just be for a little while."

"Okay," he said, kissing her, "Be with who you desire."

=/\=

"I know that we shall see one another in our dreams – I can certainly promise you that – but I just, it's a bit of unfinished business and, well, I was waiting for the right moment and to not be rushed but I guess this moment will have to do." – Malcolm Reed

=/\=

Chip and Lucy sat in the cave. It was cool and damp. Januarys were not so good there. Her baby had come, and that was wonderful. Kenneth Masterson! He looked a lot like Lucy, and that was more than a little bit all right.

Jennifer was there, with Treve, and Beth, too. Beth was hugely pregnant and looked really uncomfortable. Charles came in with a load of firewood – a most welcome sight. The twins and little Charlie trailed after him, carrying smaller sticks. Chip was so pleased. The twins had really come around. There were still times when they behaved like the spoiled brats they'd been when he and Lucy had first brought them to Lafa II. But they were getting better all the time.

It was pleasant around the fire, and everyone began to drowse, near the rocks that were flecked with a coppery ore.

=/\=

"Please, you're talking about the future Mrs. Tucker there." – Tripp Tucker

=/\=

It was a hall.

Lili and Malcolm walked together, him carrying the baby, "What is this place?" he asked.

"Ah, I had forgotten you hadn't seen this," she said, "This is where people meet when they're unsure of who they're going to see."

"But you are sure."

"Yes. But we're also crossing the pond," she called out, "Tucker!"

Tripp looked up, "I heard my name," he said to Beth, "But this is a dream."

"It's like when we got here," she reminded him, "It's more than just a dream."

He picked up Charlie and they started walking toward the sound of the calling voice. The air was slightly redolent of roasted meats.

And they saw a man and a woman, and the man was holding, it was obviously, their baby. The woman said, "I was hoping to see you."

"Reed?" Tripp asked.

"Yes," Malcolm replied.

"But you're dead," Tripp insisted.

"My counterpart, I suppose," Malcolm said, "On your side of things. But here, I am as you can see."

"Hayes's wife," Beth said.

"Yes," Lili replied.

"I, this is jarring," Malcolm said, "For on this side, both of you are gone."

"How odd," Beth said, "On our side, we are as alive as you must be on yours."

"Is that your child?" Tripp asked.

"Yes. Declan Reed," Malcolm said.

"This is Charlie," Tripp said, "He's our first. And Beth, well, it'll be soon."

Lili remembered something, "You're going to have a girl."

"How can you know that?" Beth asked.

"I had a chance to see a little, tiny bit," Lili said.

The others from the cave came over, "Major Reed," Chip said, "Gone but not gone."

"Commander Reed now," Lili said, "And father."

"And father," Lucy said, "As is Chip. And him," she indicated Tripp.

"We are here because the other Tripp – our Tripp – he has passed," Lili said.

"I'm not him," Tripp said.

"I know," Malcolm said, "No more than I am your Major Reed."

"It's a good thing you're not Major Reed," Jennifer said, "He was cruel and sadistic."

"The other side is different," Lili said.

"Is Hayes dead, too?" Tripp asked.

"No. It's just day and night. Ask Treve there to explain if you don't already know," Lili said.

And, even though he had been told before not to disturb sleeping adults, Tommy was drowsy, and their laps looked so inviting. So he crawled under the spreading olowa tree and onto Lili's lap as she slept, and joined the dream.

"Who's this little boy?" Jennifer asked as Tommy appeared.

Lili looked down, "Ah, I bet your mother is wondering about you," she said to him. Then she straightened up and said, "This is Tommy. He's one of Doug's four children."

"So the Old Man is a family man," Chip said.

"His life is not what it was," Lili said.

"Neither are ours," Jennifer said, "This is no ship, and the Empress, we feel that she is far away. The children might not have shoes, but we are free."

"And you'll carry on, I'm sure," Malcolm said, "And in a way, our Tripp and our Beth remain alive."

"As does our Malcolm, but improved," Jennifer said, "And I get the feeling your counterpart is gone, too," she said to Lili.

"She is," Lili admitted, "And, for us, it is also a bit as if Jay Hayes, were still with us. Despite what Doug says, he is, in some ways, Jay all over again."

"You're funny," Takara said to Tommy as he stood there with Malcolm and Lili, "He's almost as funny as Charlie."

Tommy then hid behind Malcolm, "I think that might be an indication that someone likes someone a little," Malcolm said.

"Maybe," Beth said, "But they can't be together."

"Except for this way," Lili said, "'Course that would all be years from now, if it matters then at all."

"Can we be in touch? Like this, sometimes?" Malcolm asked.

"If you like," Tripp said, "But I am not the guy you knew."

"Neither am I," Malcolm said.

"Maybe it can be better this way," Lucy said, shifting little Kenneth in her arms.

"Charles," Beth said, holding his arm a little, "I can feel that the fire is dying down."

"We should go," he said, "Keep, keep in touch."

They awoke.

"Lili?"

"Yes?"

"I know Declan's middle name."

"Oh?"

"But I need to write something first," Malcolm said. He gave her the baby back and got up. He grabbed his PADD and started writing, pausing every now and then to get the rhyme just right.

=/\=

"More than just a sonnet or two." – Malcolm Reed

Chapter* 30

"Funny how things turn out." – Emmiz

=/\=

He finished, and put his PADD down.

He came over to where Pamela and Treve were laughing over something or other.

"What's that plywood over there?" Pamela asked.

"We have no idea," Melissa said, "Isn't it ugly?"

"There's a house under there somewhere," Norri explained, "But if they wanted to put a fence around it – and God knows why they'd even need to – well, they could've picked a better way of doing that."

"I have a few gifts," Malcolm said.

"More presents?!" Marie Patrice called out.

"Yes, but you've already gotten yours from me. This is one more, and, and one for Doug, as I wasn't here for his birthday," Malcolm said.

They all sat down and Malcolm opened up the smaller duffle, "First, for the birthday girl."

It was a small package and she tore into it eagerly, "Ohhh!" she was very excited.

"Let's see what that is," Lili said, "Ah, gloves."

"Not just any gloves," Malcolm said, "My mother knitted them herself."

"And they're yellow!" Marie Patrice enthused, "My favorite!"

"Ah, and a little lace on the cuffs. Very nice," Pamela said, "Here, let me show you a way to wear those," she put them on Marie Patrice and folded the lacy cuffs over, "Now, how do you like that?"

"Oh! Perfect!" Marie Patrice ran around and admired her new look. Then she stopped, "I can't write too well but I want to write a note to Grandmother Mary, and thank her."

"Tomorrow," Lili said, "Maybe Norri can help you if she's not too busy. She's very good at those things."

"And now for you," Malcolm said, handing Doug a large box.

"Huh, well, first off, you shouldn't have," Doug said, but he opened it anyway. It was a toolkit, "Ah, perfect! I needed these; I keep borrowing them from friends."

"Dad, can we make something?" Joss asked.

"Sure," Doug picked around amidst the crescent wrenches and then frowned, "There's, there's a hammer," he said worriedly.

"Well, I don't suppose it would be a good toolkit if there wasn't one," said Lili, adjusting Declan in her arms.

"But, uh, you should take it. Don't, uh, you shouldn't trust me with a hammer," Doug said, "I don't think I should even touch it."

"You okay, Dad?" Joss asked.

"Doug," Melissa said, "Do you trust Lili with a cast iron skillet?"

"I don't see what –"

"Just, do you?" she persisted.

"Um, of course."

"Even after what happened to She Who Almost Didn't Breed in Time?"

"Huh. Yeah. I do trust her," Doug said.

"And you've been trusted with phasers, and with rope and knives and all of that, right?" Norri asked, handing Neil over to Melissa.

"I suppose so."

"Can't we make something, Dad?" Joss asked.

"Uh, yeah. Maybe we can," Doug said. He touched the hammer gingerly, "It's just metal and wood, right?"

"Yes. And I bet the same tree also made chairs and bed slats. And the same batch of alloy probably made belt buckles," Lili said, "It doesn't have any power over you."

"Yanno, it doesn't," he said, "Not anymore."

=/\=

"I don't think it's doing any of us any good to ignore the elephant in the room. We all came through this experience, and it's got fallout to it, and you're lookin' at it. But it's also, well, I think we'd all be foolish and in some pretty deep denial if we didn't admit to ourselves – even if we couldn't admit it to each other – that it felt pretty damned good." – Melissa Madden

=/\=

"May I borrow your scarf?" Malcolm asked Pamela.

"Oh, this old thing?" she joked, untying it. It was green, with lotus blossoms, "Whaddaya have in mind?"

"Something, uh, um, nothing untoward," he said, reddening just a bit.

"A pity," she said. She turned back after handing him the scarf, "Now, Treve, tell me again about the big, blond buffalo you have here."

"Well, they can get you if you're not careful. Are you careful? Because I wouldn't want to see you eaten by a big perrazin," he said, and that was all that Malcolm heard as he went back and approached Lili. She realized something was up and handed Declan over to Doug.

"I have something I'd like for you to do," Malcolm said to Lili.

"Oh?"

"Yes. But you'll need to put this on first," he said, as she stood up. He stood behind her and tied the scarf on like a blindfold.

"Why?" Tommy asked.

"Just because," Norri said.

"My God, this thing is doused with perfume," Lili whispered.

"Ah, yes, Toxic."

"Please, Malcolm, it's making my eyes tear a little."

"I shan't buy you perfume," he said, "So don't worry 'bout that. But you're all right, not too uncomfortable?"

"Not bad. But I don't want to be wearing this for too long," she said.

"No worries. Come, now, hold my hand and we'll walk a bit."

"Okay, but you'll have to guide me. I am blind with this thing on."

"Here, now, step here, slowly."

"We're going up a small hill?" she asked.

"A bit," he said, "A little farther. All right, now, wait just a moment."

She could hear a few sounds, a slight bit of banging and then an unfamiliar voice said, "Here, let me help you with that, sir," Then there was a bit more banging, like things were being moved a little.

"And?" she asked.

"And here," he pressed something into her hand. It felt like a flat rectangular-shaped piece of polymer with a notch cut out of the side.

"It feels like, uh, like my house key," she said.

He got behind her and kissed her neck, and then took off her blindfold. She looked up and gasped, "It is your house key," he said.

It was the neighbor's house, and the sounds she had been hearing were of the plywood that had been encircling it – that plywood was being moved away.

"You – it was covered for a while," she said.

"Yes. That was so that you and your family wouldn't be able to see that it was being painted turquoise."

She was still in a bit of shock. She looked down at the key in her hands. It was a dark royal blue, almost an indigo, "And this key fits?"

"Try it if you're unsure," he said.

They walked over to the front door, where there was a sweet door knocker shaped and painted to look like a bluebird, "Oh, I love it."

"It's, well, it's the bluebird of happiness, right?"

"Right," she said, and tried the key in the lock. It fit perfectly. The door opened.

The place was mainly unfurnished, and much of it remained unpainted, "I wanted you to have the opportunity to fix it up as you wished. So pick out colors and furniture and all of that when you like."

"I, uh, but why?"

"This is our house. Mine, for when I am here, and yours, for when you wish to visit me. And I hope you visit me a lot. And, and Declan's of course. When I am here, once he is no longer nursing, he will stay with me here. And when we are older, and I have retired from Starfleet, I shall live here. And I will live out my days here."

"Oh, Malcolm."

"And it belongs to you, too. Your name is on the deed. If I pass before you, then you shall own it."

"Don't talk about that."

"Oh, but it is inevitable. One day, one of us shall pass. But that, I feel, will be a long time from now, Lili-Flower," he said, "I want you to know, you are the mistress of this house. And while we are not married, I, still, I hope I can persuade you to visit often."

"I know that that is the one thing you want that I cannot give you," she said, "I love this house. I can visualize a yellow hall and I can see, that video cutout will soon be scrolling through all of our photographs. And I love you. But –"

"Understand something. When I sleep, before you join me, I have regular dreams. And those are of a certain day. And, if you've very late, those dreams are of a certain night as well. And I know that I am no soothsayer. What I hope and dream for, that piece won't necessarily ever come true. But you are here, and I can be close to you. And from your kitchen, down there, you can see this kitchen, up here. And while you flip pancakes, I shall see, while I am scrambling eggs. And from the parlor, I shall be able to see and hear your car."

"And when I weed the garden, I can look up and I can see you, and wave," she said.

"Yes," he took her left hand and kissed the fourth finger.

"My wedding ring. From Doug."

"Yes. Long may you wear it."

"You mean that?"

"Absolutely. I don't wish him harm. That is a part of why I had this house built in the first place. I am not; I do not desire to replace him. Only to supplement him in your good graces."

"We'll work out some sort of a schedule, I guess."

"Yes."

"And when your bed arrives, we'll have to break it in."

He smiled at her as he held her, "That is why the master bedroom is on the other side. A bit of soundproofing, my love," he kissed her.

=/\=

"It's not necessarily unfair. You'd be sleeping. Everybody sleeps. I can't get into your dreams. All that's changing now, really, is that I know, more or less, what those dreams are. But you and I, we have the big thing, the big love." – Leonora Digiorno

=/\=

They returned to the family and Lili showed off the key.

"Come up later," Malcolm said, "But there's nowhere to sit yet, and it's all still somewhat unpainted."

"Will you let me help you pick everything out?" Norri asked Lili.

"Of course."

"A project! Awesome!" Norri picked up Tommy and whirled him around, "Shopping!"

The kids wandered off as Lili and Melissa both settled in to feed their sons. Doug and Malcolm busied themselves in taking the presents into the house. Pamela and Treve were out strolling.

Then they heard the sound of a crying child. Five adult heads turned as one. Norri was the closest, and she ran over. It was Tommy.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Mama!" he cried a little, and she held him, "I want Daddy!"

"Doug?" she asked, but he could not hear her, "What's the matter? Talk to me, Tommy."

"Empy said. Empy said," he just repeated.

"Excuse me, Miss Marie Patrice," Norri said, "Come over here."

"Um, okay," she came over. She was still wearing the yellow gloves.

"So, what happened?" Norri asked as Tommy started to calm down.

"Empy said I can't have two daddies," he said.

"Oh?" Norri asked, eyebrow arched.

"Well, no. I mean, if he has two mothers then he can't have two daddies," Marie Patrice said, confident that her logic was impeccable.

"Uh, where are you hearing that?" Norri asked.

"You just can't!" Marie Patrice insisted.

"Tell you what," Norri said, "Come here and sit by me. And Joss, come over, too," he came over.

"I'm gonna tell you a little something," Norri said, "Now, babies are made by only two people. There's just one Mommy and one Daddy. And that decides what a baby is going to look like. So Declan looks like Lili and he looks like Malcolm because he was made by them, and only them. Are you with me so far?"

Tommy nodded.

"And Tommy and Neil were both made by Melissa and Doug. And Marie Patrice and Joss were made by Doug and Lili."

"Did you make any babies?" Marie Patrice asked her.

"Uh, no," Norri said, "But that's okay. Because just because there's only two people who can make them, that doesn't mean that only two people can love them. Right?"

"Maybe," Marie Patrice allowed.

"And a lot of people are very sad and aren't well-loved," Norri said, "But for the people who are, well, why should there be any restrictions put on them? Now, tell me, do you have any aunts and uncles?"

"Sure," Joss said.

"Tell me who they are."

"There's, um, Aunt Marilyn and Aunt Meghan and Aunt Misty and Aunt Miri and Aunt Monica," Marie Patrice said.

"Yes, they are Melissa's sisters. And you aren't related to any of them but they're still your aunts, right? Are there any others?"

Joss said, "There's, uh, Uncle Phil and Uncle Alex."

"Those are my brothers," Norri said, "And I'm not related to you, so neither are they."

"Aunt Mad," Tommy said.

"Madeline," Norri corrected him, "She is Malcolm's sister. And you are not related to her, right?"

"And Aunt Laura," Melissa said, coming over, "Jay's sister. She's, well, she's as close as Doug comes to having any family here, other than all of us."

"That's right. And you've got grandparents, too, right?" Norri asked.

"Grandmother Mary and Grandfather Stuart," Marie Patrice said, looking at her gloves.

"And they're Malcolm's parents. Right? And there's Grandma Belinda, too. My mother," Norri said.

"And my parents, too," Melissa said.

"Are you going to tell them that they can't be your grandparents?" Norri asked, "That they can't love you and visit you and write to you and send you nice things?"

"I guess not," Marie Patrice said, "I'm sorry, Tommy."

"There ya go," Melissa said.

=/\=

"It's going to end. One way or, or another." – Malcolm Reed

=/\=

It was dinner time, and they sat together and laughed and talked. Plates of orange chicken were passed around and the sides of roasted potatoes and spinach with a little Cheddar cheese and softened onions rounded the other way and a bowl of pineapple chutney also made its rounds.

"I, ahem," Malcolm said, standing up, "I dabble a bit in poetry."

"And the black arts, too, I hear," Norri joked.

"No, no, no, Lioness. Kindly do not defame my character," he smiled, "But I had written a sonnet earlier for Declan. And you might recall that the chap does not yet have a middle name. Well, I should like to rectify that now, if I may."

"Go for it!" said Pamela, clinking her fork against her glass.

"All right then. All the endorsement I need.

A memory remains; it will be within you,
of a fine friend and engineer, a gifted man.
Charles, he was, and so you are, too –
That will be your middle name for your entire life's span.

Family for you is easy to define,
for you truly have two fathers and three mothers.
It draws a sinuous calloo-line
through a sister, too, and three loving brothers.

There are those who will say it is not real,
that this tree of genes and love cannot be alive.
But I say: let's go by what we feel.
Why stop at two parents? Why not have five?

You're the child of Lili and Malcolm, Doug and Melissa and Leonora, indeed:
our very own Declan Charles Reed.

Uh, and that's it," he said.

"I love it," Lili said, "Declan Charles Reed. Hear that?" she said to the baby, who was sleeping in her arms.

"Thank you," Doug said to Malcolm, "He helped me get here. I wouldn't be here without Tripp – without either of the two Tripps, actually."

"And both Jennifers, too. They helped. And Beth," Lili said.

"And both Treves," Malcolm said.

"I suppose I had a small part in that," Treve said.

"Oh? Were you very heroic?" Pamela asked him.

"I was very meditative," he smiled.

"It still helped. In part, I'm not here without you," Doug said, eyes shining a little.

"These days," Lili said, "they have been one long transition, as we all went from being a bunch of individuals to us all being here together as one. They are kind of, I don't know, in between days. It feels like, now, our real lives can finally begin."

"Yes. We can now truly begin," Norri said.

"The bag!" Joy said, "It seems rather rude that you provided a gift and, here it is, a good month later and they still haven't opened it."

"They're about to," Q said, "Watch."

"Do we have any dessert?" Doug asked.

"We have, well," Lili gave Declan to him and got up, "I have fortune cookies. But there are only five of them. I've got regular cookies for the kids. A little chocolate chunk for them, plus there are oranges, of course."

"Don't worry about any fortune cookie for me," Pamela said, "Too many carbs."

"You're watching your figure?" Treve asked, eying her form, "It doesn't seem like you have to."

"Oh, I do," she said.

"Oh, then, no fortune cookie for me, either," Treve said.

"All right," Lili said, and took the cookies out of the bag. She presented them to the other four, who all took one.

Leonora cracked hers open, "Huh. Oh my. It's, it's perfect."

"Really?" Doug asked.

"Yes. It says, well, it says: The lioness always protects the cubs," she looked up, "No one could know that you call me that, Malcolm."

"Have you any lucky numbers on the back?" he asked her.

"Ha, just one. It's a fine figure. Look, Mellie."

"Too funny," she grinned.

"May I go next?" Malcolm asked. No one objected, so he opened his, "It says, oh, my, it's as if they knew me, whoever wrote this. It says: You are never second best," he felt his eyes tearing a bit, "How could they have known that sometimes, despite what you all say, I sometimes worry about that?"

"Never worry about that again," Doug said, "Because you aren't. You go next, Melissa."

"Okay. Hmm, it says: You are the perceptive peacemaker," she read.

"That's definitely you," Norri said, "Look at your lucky numbers. And you should, too, Malcolm."

They both turned theirs over, and laughed, "It is ... a great number," Malcolm said, showing the slip of paper to Lili.

"Me, too. A number divisible by three and twenty-three," Melissa said.

"You should go next, Lili," Doug said.

She opened hers and read it to herself, "I, no, I can't reveal this."

"Why not?" Melissa asked.

"I'm just, I'm afraid it won't come true," she said, "But I will tell you, I've got that same lucky number," she laughed.

"They know us. Somehow," Doug said, "Here's mine: You have turned your life around for good. They do know us," he said, "All I want is to be with all of you. And, and that comes from, from turning myself around. And they think I have. Have I?"

"Yes," Malcolm said, "You have. Completely."

"You have," Lili said, "I can say that with no reservations."

"But you still won't show us your fortune," Doug said, "But, ha! I have that same lucky number. Sixty-nine."

"What's so funny about that number?" Joss asked.

"Uh, maybe we'll wait 'til you're older to explain that, Ducks," Lili said.

=/\=

"I don't give names without some sort of, well, something behind them." – Lili Beckett

=/\=

Jonathan got into his quarters and Porthos jumped off the bed. He turned the tiny bit of metal over in his hands a few times, "Think I should do it?" he asked the dog.

Porthos was silent on the matter.

Jonathan leaned back and held it in his hand. It was so small, so delicate. He couldn't get more than four fingers into the circle.

=/\=

And there was a hall.

And he found himself in it.
And he called out a name.

=/\=

"So we're being given a second chance. Or maybe it's a first chance. A smart chance. We can do this right, or at least right-er." – Doug Beckett

=/\=

Dishes in the sanitizer, and the suns were beginning to dip lower in the sky, Treve said, "Would you like a family portrait to be taken?"

"Yeah," Melissa said, "The lighting looks good."

"And this can go into the video stream," Norri added.

"Into my house, and into your apartment and into your house, too," Malcolm said.

"Exactly. Here, let's stand over by the garden," Lili said, and they gathered.

Norri picked up Tommy and stood over to the left. Then Melissa, who was holding Neil, got next to her. Then Doug lifted Joss onto his shoulders. Joss was holding an orange in his hands. Doug came over and stood next to Melissa. Lili picked up Marie Patrice, who was still wearing her little yellow gloves, and stood on the other side of Doug. And Malcolm, who was holding Declan, stood on the other side of Lili, and you could see the cuff of Lo a little bit, from the way he was holding his son.

Pamela and Treve fiddled with the camera a bit, "You have to compensate for the light," she said.

"And hold your elbow up, nice and straight," he said. He put his hand on her waist tentatively.

Melissa whispered, "Hey, check that out."

"Do you think Pamela knows how Calafans mate?" Lili asked.

"I'm sure she doesn't. Is it, uh, very, uh, interesting?" asked Malcolm.

"It's a little like dogs on Earth," Doug said.

"What, the position?" Malcolm asked, reddening.

"Not necessarily," Melissa said.

"But it is interesting," Norri said.

Lili said, "It's that, after climax, he swells up. So I understand that things get pretty tight – that's not a bad thing, of course – and they can kind of stick together for a while."

"I suppose that means a quickie is out of the question," Malcolm said.

As they laughed, the photograph was snapped, and those were, they all agreed, some of the best smiles that anyone had ever gotten out of any of them.

And Lili knew that, for her family, the future was unknown, just as it is for all families. But they would be together forever, for however long forever really meant. And so long as they felt the way they did at that very moment, and they loved and cared for each other the same way that they did at that very second, it would not hurt.

=/\=

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

– Brutus, Julius Caesar Act 4, scene 3, 218–224

May you have profitable dreams.

– Old Denobulan nighttime wish

I will love you all of our days, and support you all of your nights.

– Traditional Calafan wedding vows

Be with who you desire.

– Calafan nighttime wish

You will always be lucky in love.

– Anonymous fortune cookie fortune writer (Lili's fortune cookie)

AFTERWORD

Dear Reader,

Thank you for hanging in there and reading along. I hope you've enjoyed reading. I've certainly enjoyed writing.

As for Jay – the real Jay – he is no criminal, of course, and I am happy and proud to be beside him in both our days and our nights. To quote Jane Eyre, one of my favorite books, Reader, I married him.

Be with who you desire. Thanks again.

– jes