Okay, so I apologize for only updating now. I needed to think about where I wanted this to go and then realized that I should just stop worrying about it and just write. So I wrote.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of those that read and reviewed my little one shot, The last goodbye. It was much appreciated.
So Christmas is only a few months away and I thought I'd get started on my wish list early. I've been a very good girl this year, so I know Santa will get me a present. So top on my list that I've already emailed to him is the rights to Son. So it's not mine, but ask me again after Christmas! You never know!
The wedding
Chapter 10
Ashley sat for another few minutes, quietly contemplating the question. She knew Spencer was shifting in her seat beside her, anxious for an answer. She knew full well that Spencer hated her hesitation, her lack of a quick, clean answer for the question, but Ashley wanted to really think about it.
There was no doubt that she wanted to be with Spencer, but she was painfully aware of the fact that she had responsibilities back in London. She had her job, her flat, her life there. She sighed as she thought of all things she would have to leave behind. The soft hand that crept into hers reminded her of all the things she would be gaining.
"You know, this habit you have of not answering when I ask pretty important questions are kind of annoying."
Spencer's voice was light, but Ashley recognized the fear in her undertones. For a second she felt hurt that Spencer was still doubting her, but she could not with a clear conscious blame her. She had once been the master of disappointment after all.
"I know, but I'm just taking a moment to think it through. This isn't hesitation so much as it is deep contemplation."
Ashley smiled as a small chuckle reached her ears and kissed Spencer's temple when she pulled her into her side. She wanted her close, wanted her to feel her reassurance in her embrace.
"You were never much for deep contemplation if I remember correctly, more of a do first and think later, if ever, kind of girl."
Ashley smiled again, because that was true. The people here had never known her as anything but a hot headed, irresponsible girl. Her smile faded as she realized that changing their minds about her might not be so easy. Even Spencer, who she knew was crazy in love with her, probably still had doubts.
"Well, I like to think I've come a far way since those days."
Spencer just gave a small nod, giving Ashley the time she needed. She was fully aware that one of them would have to give something up to be together, something big and that deserved careful thought. Her train of thought was interrupted by Ashley's uncharacteristically demure voice.
"A few years back, after I cleaned up my act and dropped the drugs, I wanted to come back. I had my ticket reserved and everything. Then it hit me. Even if I came back, what would I have been coming back to? I knew you were with Carmen and I realized that I didn't stand a chance. So I stayed, I built a life for myself, got a job, even a few good friends. It's nice really, I have pottery classes on Tuesday nights, I go away every second month to my place in Spain and I have a job that I really love that keeps me busy for the rest of the time. A lot of people have way less than that to be happy with. But you know what?"
Ashley tilted Spencer's face towards her, looked deep into her scared blue eyes.
"It's still empty."
Spencer waited for her to go on and explain what she meant, but Ashley seemed lost in thought again. Ashley's words had scared her. There was a part of her still waiting for the old Ashley to poke her head in the door and blow all of Spencer's new found dreams out the water.
"Ash?"
Spencer hated the fact that her voice sounded so small, so scared in that moment. At least it broke Ashley out of her silent, sightless stare out of the window.
"It's still empty because I don't have you. Didn't have you. This all happened so quickly that I sometimes think I'm going to blink and it's all going to disappear, like it was some kind of mirage and I'm just stumbling around in a dessert somewhere, delusional and lost." She was quiet again, but only because she pressed a kiss against Spencer's forehead. "But this isn't a delusion, a dream. This is really us. So if keeping you means moving back here, leaving everything I built for myself in London then that's what I'm going to do."
Spencer felt guilty in that moment. She wanted to be with Ashley, but not if it was going to cost her so much. She loved her too much to do that to her.
"I don't want you to give up everything you've built for yourself. We can work something out. I mean you have a point, we're barely back together again after seven years! I can't expect you to drop everything for a relationship that may not even be worth it in the end."
Spencer almost gasped in shock when Ashley rather abruptly pushed her away from her and held her at arms length.
"Don't say that! Don't doubt this already. God, do you know how long I've dreamed of this, of being able to just hold you again? Yes, I have a good life in London, but did you just completely miss the part of my little speech where I told you it's all empty without you? Do you know that the short time that I knew you, that I called you mine, was the happiest time of my life?" Ashley swallowed down the urge to cry old tears. "Spencer, I have an okay life in London, I really found my feet there, but in the end I truly believe that I could have a great life with you. Besides I want to come home, I have Kyla here. I have family here. I want to be around when Kyla and Glen have their first child. I'm kind of sick of missing everything in her life that matters, that her sister is supposed to be there for."
Spencer took the hand off her left shoulder and pressed a warm kiss to its palm.
"You've thought of coming back for a while now, haven't you?"
Ashley was surprised that Spencer read her so well. It was true that she had on and off over the last few years toyed with the idea of moving back to Los Angeles.
"Yes, more times than you can imagine. The most memorable was when Kyla casually mentioned that you and Carmen had broken up. I remember thinking it would be faster if I just hired a jet or something, just so I could get here faster. Of course, common sense burst my little bubble pretty quickly. I realized you wouldn't have been, how shall I put this? Receptive to my advances after breaking up with your girlfriend of five years. So I ended up telling myself that it was for the best, that you were better off without me anyway."
It was Spencer's turn to pull Ashley into her arms, holding her tightly as if it would somehow impress her words more deeply to her.
"I could never be better off without you in my life. Don't think you were the only one only half living your life. I was in a dead end relationship for five years simply because I was too afraid."
Ashley looked into Spencer's eyes with a questioning look. Silently asking what she was afraid of.
"I was afraid to admit to myself that I missed you. That no one made me laugh like you did, that no one could just look at me and make me feel loved like you did. Carmen was my subconsciouses poor substitute for you. I used her to try and forget you, or replace you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm willing to sacrifice a few things as well to have what I want. And what I want more than anything is you Ashley. So we can try and work something out, something that suits us both, but if you really want to move back? Well I won't stand in your way, hell, I'll welcome you with open arms."
Ashley smiled at that, in the way that only Ashley Davies can smile. With lips and eyes and crinkling nose.
"So it's settled then. After the wedding I'll have to go back, just to sort everything out on that side and then I'll come back. To you."
They sat there smiling at each other for a long time, both just enjoying the fact that they most definitively had a future together. Ashley quirked an eyebrow when Spencer suddenly burst out laughing.
"What's so funny all of a sudden?"
It was almost a full minute before Spencer could control her laughter enough to answer.
"You take pottery classes?!"
Ashley groaned out loud.
"God, you had to remember that, didn't you? Look, it's actually very relaxing and I've made some really kick ass mugs if you must know."
Spencer snickered at that.
"Come on, tough, bad ass Ashley Davies makes mugs in pottery class in her spare time. Can you really blame me for finding that odd?"
Ashley just rolled her eyes.
"Well you just blew your chance at having a one of a kind, specially made coffee mug. And when you do see my collection, you're really going to regret that."
Spencer smiled sweetly and kissed her cheek.
"Where you really going to make me one?"
Ashley gave a small smile in return.
"No, before tonight I had no intention of you ever finding out I did something as mundane as pottery. I mean, I do have a reputation to uphold, I may not be all sex, drugs and rock 'n roll anymore, but I'm still pretty damn hardcore!"
Spencer gave into the impulse to kiss Ashley and it was quiet for a few more seconds as they rather chastely savored the feel of the others lips. They both pulled away with satisfied smiles.
"You know, I'm not really knocking the whole pottery thing. I watched Ghost, pottery can be loads of fun."
Ashley shook her head at that, but visions of Spencer and her sitting around a pottery wheel enacting the scene out of Patrick Swayze's Ghost was already flooding her mind. If pottery had not been fun before that, it sure would be afterwards.
"It sure has it's merits."
The limo finally pulled up into Spencer's drive way signaling the end of their time together for the evening. Ashley wanted nothing more than to stay with her, but she had to take care of Kyla. So she walked her to her door and kissed her cheek softly.
"I'm glad we got all that out tonight. I'm going to sleep a thousand times better knowing where we stand."
Spencer shook her head in agreement.
"We should do this whole talking thing more often, it really has been working for us."
Ashley just smiled as she leaned in to kiss her once more. She hated the fact that she had to pull away, had to get back into the limo and leave Spencer behind.
"I don't want to leave you."
The soft admission pulled at Spencer's heart. She shared the sentiment completely.
"I know, but it's just for a night. I'll see you tomorrow for the final dress fittings and the dress rehearsal dinner."
Ashley kissed her again and finally stepped away.
"Okay, sweet dreams and they better all be of me."
Spencer just smiled as she watched Ashley leave. She stood a good long while just staring off into the distance where the limo had disappeared too. She was happier than she remembered being in a long time, the kind of happy that only Ashley had ever made her feel.
With the smile still on her face she entered the dark house. She was scared out of her skin when Aiden spoke unexpectedly in the dark.
"You're back late."
Spencer strained her eyes to spot Aiden. When she did she settled next to him on the couch, still in the dark.
"The party was good, so we stayed late. Besides, we couldn't get Kyla away from the strippers."
He chuckled at that.
"Yeah, that sounds like Kyla. We had the same problem with Glen and strangely enough your dad. We made the mistake of getting him a lap dance and the rest as they say, is history."
Spencer cringed at the idea of her dad with a stripper.
"Oh god, I didn't need to know that. Lucky for me my mom stayed at home and baby sat Clay, I can't imagine her watching a stripper show."
Aiden agreed with a nod.
"Yeah, I think she would have had a stroke or something." He was quiet for a few minutes as he stared at her in the dark. "You really do look happy now that Ash is back."
Spencer smiled at simply the mention of Ashley's name.
"Yes, I am."
She watched in the dim light from the window as Aiden got lost in his thoughts. She guessed it was just the night for it.
"I was jealous of the two of you back then. I think that's partly why I made my little love confession at prom. I so badly wanted to have that with someone, that closeness and I just ended up convincing myself that that person was Ashley. I quickly realized my mistake and it hurt if I'm honest. I lost my best friend because of my stupidity. So I ended up alone. Maybe not finding someone who loves me is my punishment for breaking up two of the most obviously in love people I knew."
He sounded so sad, sitting there in the dark with longing in his voice. Spencer did not think twice about taking his big hand in her own and squeezing it.
"You'll meet your person, Aiden. The one that will make you feel all the things that Ashley makes me feel."
Aiden visibly shook himself out of his mood.
"I know. You and Ashley finding each other again after all this time has given me hope again. I think lately I stopped believing in love, but the way life has brought you two back together again proved to me it does exist. There really is someone out there that you're meant to be with, no matter what gets in the way, eventually you'll find that person. I just hope I don't have to wait seven years for my person."
Spencer realized again why she loved Aiden. Underneath everything he was a good man. He may have made mistakes in the past, mistakes that had brought her hurt, but he was a better man for learning from them.
"Even if you do have to wait that long, it will be worth it, I promise. And Aiden, I really do forgive you for the whole Prom debacle. We were all just kids back then and we all made mistakes. It wasn't just you and Ashley."
Aiden stood up and gave her a faint smile.
"Thanks Spencer. For forgiving me and for reassuring me tonight. Just don't expect me to remember much of this conversation in the morning. I'm really pretty drunk, seeing as we all know a strong, manly guy like me wouldn't be getting all emotional like this if I were sober."
Spencer knew full well that Aiden was far from drunk.
"Of course. Everyone gets a little overly emotional when they're drunk. I won't hold it against you."
He smiled as he left and headed off to his room, leaving Spencer to sit quietly on the couch. They had all come so far from the people they were in high school. Aiden well on his way to becoming a doctor, Madison happy with who she was without having to put someone else down to achieve that feeling. Even Glen had matured to a degree, settling down with Kyla and taking responsibility for little Clay when he needed a man's guiding hand. Spencer was just glad in that moment that growing up had not included growing out of her feelings for Ashley Davies. If anything, it had made those feelings stronger.
So now only two chapters and an epilogue left I think. I really hope you liked it seeing as I would be freakin disappointed if I screwed it all up in the last dash to the finish line, so to speak. So if you've got criticism, lay it on me! If you want to give me love, even better! (Just so you know, I prefer the love giving!:)