I'm depressed. Can't go see Star of Milos... it's all I want (except possible Hermione Granger and a rocketship). No wait, I'd take a Tardis too, and Ed as a boyfriend, and Artemis Fowl as my business partner, and Panic! At the Disco as my bff...
I'm rambling. Here's your story.
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"It matters. It matters more than anything." Potter- Harry was in pain. Draco could see it on his expression, the confusion.
"You thought it wasn't?" Draco stepped away, turning his gaze from Harry's brilliant eyes.
"Answer. Please," Harry pleaded. He reached forward to grasp Draco's hand.
For a moment, Draco paused, still pointedly staring at a portrait beyond Harry, not looking at their hands. If he looked at their hands, fingers interlocking, Harry's calloused palm forced against his, then Draco knew he would break. And he wasn't going to. He was stronger than Potter. He could prove it. "You're an ass," Draco drawled, painfully slowly so Harry could hear every anger laced word, "and it was. For me. But obviously not for you."
"It was, it was real for me, I swear," Harry protested. He reached his free hand for Draco's face as if to pull him in for a kiss.
Draco backed away, yanking his hand out of Potter's grip. "No!" His eyes flashed with fury. "What kind of a person are you, Harry? To pretend like you actually care and then dump me away like yesterday's rubbish?" Harry tried to speak, but Draco stopped him by shouting, "I don't want us to have anything to do with you!"
"I love you," Harry said, sincerity in his halted voice and his pained expression. "I love you and every moment away from you, all summer, you were all I could think about and I..." He swallowed hard, forcing the next words out. "I am an ass. I'm an asshole. I'm a wanker, I'm thick, I'm frankly the worst person I could ever be. And you've had to forgive me for that so many times."
His wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, and Draco took a step back in surprise. "You haven't," Draco tried, his fury abated by the realization that Harry was crying.
"No. I have. I am. I." Harry swallowed again. "I should never have accused you like that. I should never have acted like that. I should have been better." He seemed disgusted with himself and he added, "I thought I was better."
"Potter," Draco said, saying the word without fully understanding it.
"Draco," Harry continued, "I am an ass. I am a fucking arse."
Harry barely ever cursed. Draco's mind was blank, his head reeling.
"I..." Harry took Draco's hand, staring at it like he couldn't bear to look at Draco any longer. "You must hate me. I hate me. I don't think I could ever stand the sight of me. I just... I need you to know that I made a mistake, the worst bloody mistake I've ever made in my entire life and I am so, so sorry for it. I don't want you to forgive me. I don't. I don't think I ever want you to. I just... I'm sorry, Dra... Malfoy. I'm sorry."
They heard the sound of footsteps and both of them turned in the direction. It only took a few moments for them to realize what a compromising situation they were in. Anyone coming down the hall would see them. Draco's eyes quickly took in everything around them and he saw, on the other side of the hall, one of Filch's closets. "Come on," Draco said, grabbing Harry's wrist. He started to rush over, grabbing Harry, but Harry stayed where he was. "Someone's coming," Draco reminded him.
"I should go," Harry turned to leave but Draco kept his icy cold grasp on Harry's wrist.
"I love you, you complete and total arse," Draco admitted. Harry's eyes snapped up to Draco's in amazement. "I do, all summer, despite this, and I forgive you, I forgave you a very, very long time ago and maybe I stole your cloak and I've been acting like a wanker because I'm petty, not because I hate you because I could never hate you."
The steps were getting closer, Harry didn't seem to notice. His features lit up, a small smile crossing his face had he tried to bury down and he had to keep more tears from falling, wiping his eyes furiously on his sleeve. "Draco, I'm sorry, I can't believe," Harry swallowed. He reached up, his hand on the back of Draco's neck, pulling their lips close together. "Draco, I don't know what-"
Draco shushed him quickly. And he asked him, "Did you tell anyone about us? Granger or Weasley?"
"Er... no."
"Then you don't want them to find out because some third-years say they saw us snogging in the hallway, come on," Draco tugged on Harry's wrist and this time Harry followed, grabbing Draco's bag for him.
Filch's closets were always locked to prevent any students from getting inside and getting at his cleaning supplies, but unfortunately in the second year almost all students had learned the Unlocking Spell even if it wasn't in their courses until fourth year, so locking his closets did no good, students snuck inside all of the time. "Alohomora," Draco whispered, waving his wand out the door.
The footsteps were very close and Draco had just enough time to jump inside, pull Harry in after him, and shut the door before he heard them rounding the hallway. He listened as the small group went by, a gaggle of giggling girls who were headed to the dungeon and out of range in only moments. Still, it would be better if Draco and Harry stayed here, no one was liable to see them unless someone dropped a Dungbomb on this floor and Filch came running. "Here we are," Draco mumbled.
"I can't see a thing," Harry informed him.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Lumos," he reminded Harry, his wand tip lighting.
Meant as a simple supply closet for Filch, it was dark, musty, and the floor was crowded with buckets, the walls lined with mops and brooms, and shelves overhead filled to overstocking with questionable potions. The irony of it was that despite the room being filled entirely with cleaning supplies it was covered in dust. Harry, blinking rapidly, took one step back and fell on something which squeaked. Draco shone his light around Harry's feet and they both grimaced as they saw an old chewed up cat toy.
"Well," Draco said, "This is as good a place as any, I suppose. So... where were we?"
Harry grinned, "I love you." He kissed Draco again, hard, and Draco stumbled back. His foot stepped in a bucket that sloshed with water.
"Ugh," Draco mumbled, jumping out of the bucket. "Fine, this is not as good a place as any."
"Er... we can go outside?" Harry offered.
"No, no," Draco said, shaking his foot to get off some of the water, "It's not four in the morning, someone is bound to see us, and unless you fancy talking under the Invisibility Cloak we can stay-"
"That doesn't sound that bad, actually-"
"Harry, you were going to say something to me, just say it now." Draco crossed his arms, frowning at him.
"Er..." Harry thought for a moment. His face seemed to drain of color again and he said morbidly, "I just... it was all my fault, I accused you when I had absolutely no evidence and nothing to prove that, I was emotional and thick and a bloody-"
Draco interrupted him, "It was my fault, I should have told you about my mother sooner, I just couldn't... figure out... how, exactly," his voice trailed off.
Harry rested his hands on Draco's shoulders, looking into his eyes, "No, you had every right to keep that quiet for as long as you did, it was my fault. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean anything-"
"It does if she had just murdered your godfather." Draco said quietly, "Besides, she is my mother, which means half of her comes from me... and then the other half is Lucius Malfoy." Draco's nose wrinkled in distaste, "You had heroes for parents but I had a madwoman and a pompous coward."
"So it's surprising you came out so perfect," Harry mumbled. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against Draco's forehead, "I love you."
"You haven't changed, you're as romantic as ever," Draco said with a smile.
"I'm so, so sorry, Draco," Harry said, "Did..." His voice choked, "When you were... when Voldemort, did he hurt you?"
Draco's smile faded to a serious frown. "Yes," he told Harry.
Harry jumped to him, gathering him up in a loving embrace. His arms shook and Draco sighed, "It wasn't very bad, Harry, he said I was too useful to him for..." Draco's voice trailed away, his gaze falling to his forearm. "I didn't have anyone else, Harry," Draco said slowly, "I only had my mother, and she's the Dark Lord's most loyal Death Eater."
Harry kissed Draco again, holding him close. Draco pushed Harry away. "Draco, what-" Harry began, but Draco shushed him. Silently, Draco pulled back his left sleeve, revealing a black bandage wrapped around his forearm. He hesitated, but his hand reached out, tugging on a corner of the bandage. In a few swift motions, Draco's forearm was uncovered, revealing the Dark Mark, shockingly black against his pale skin.
"I'm sorry, Harry, he would have killed me, I had to..." Draco froze when Harry took his arm, staring seriously at the mark. "Are you... are you disappointed?" Draco whispered.
Harry paused, confused. It took him a long moment, and then he shook his head. "It's my fault," Harry told Draco. Tears burned in his eyes as he looked up. "I let you go to him, it's my fault, I did this to you, I did, I..." His words caught and he dropped Draco's arms, wiping away tears from his face again.
Draco took the bandage, wrapping the Dark Mark in it again as though covering it up would wipe it off of him. "He didn't give me a choice, he was going to kill me and the baby if I didn't pledge to him."
Harry looked back up at him in confusion. "What baby?" He asked.
Draco snorted, "Our baby, Harry."
"What baby?" Harry repeated.
Draco rolled his eyes. Harry couldn't have forgotten but he was being rather thick. "Our baby," Draco repeated, taking Harry's hand and placing it against his stomach.
Harry felt that, his eyes widening. "What baby?"
Draco frowned at him. "Harry," he drawled, "our baby."
"But... but you can't be pregnant!" Harry cried, jumping back. In the closet he had nowhere to go and he fell against some buckets and cleaning supplies, a mop hitting his head. Despite his treacherous position on the floor, bleach soaking into his robes, Harry was staring up at Draco.
"And why can't I be pregnant?" Draco asked, crossing his arms.
"You're... you're a bloke!" Harry shouted, gesturing widely, "Men can't get pregnant!"
Draco's brow furrowed, "Where by Merlin did you hear that?"
Harry's jaw dropped. "By... by Merlin... so... so in the magical world men can... but that doesn't make any sense!"
"Not make sense? Men have been having children for thousands of years, where have you been?" Draco growled, "And... and just three days ago in History of Magic we were talking about Dodjer Morthdor who had a father and a mother who were both men."
"You can't have a mother who's a bloke!" Harry protested.
"Well then what the bloody hell am I?" Draco demanded.
Harry quieted down, sitting up so that he wasn't sprawled against the cleaning supplies. "You're... you're pregnant? But... how did this happen?"
Draco stared at him as if Harry had all the intelligence of an ant. "Harry, you were there, you should bloody well remember."
"Right," Harry said. His heart beating fast from shock he pressed his hand against his chest to stop it.
Draco sat down beside Harry on the floor. "You... you were Muggle raised," Draco realized, "I always just assumed you knew, it was... I mean it's common knowledge, that's how half-giants and half-elves are made anyway. The magic from two magical beings takes over, it... and in our case, with two wizards, the dominant one is the father and so I'm having the child because I let you..."
"I..." Harry stumbled over the words to say. His gaze fell to Draco's stomach. Horror crossed Harry's face. "I let you go to Voldemort like that," Harry whispered, "Does he... does he know that...?"
"Yes," Draco told him. "But this one isn't your fault Harry," he sat back, wrapping his arms around his knees, "I'm the one who didn't say the prevention spell and I just assumed when you never talked about it," his voice trailed off.
"Assumed what?" Harry asked, "That I didn't care?"
Draco didn't answer, which was in itself a reply.
"Oh, Draco," Harry wiped away several more tears from his face, "Oh, Draco I am so sorry, I am so, so, so bloody sorry."
"It's my fault," Draco told him, "The rest was really yours but if I had just realized and told you then you never would have-"
"I love you, Draco. And we both need to stop just saying whose to blame for all of this." Harry grinned slightly, "I mean," he gestured to Draco's stomach, "We're going to have a... a... a..."
"Boy," Draco told him.
"A..." Harry suddenly smiled brightly, "I love magic."
To Draco, saying that was as if saying one loved the air, and he stared at Harry in confusion.
"What are we going to name him?" Harry said.
Draco's eyes widened. He'd already chosen the name for the baby and he could barely even contemplate calling it anything else. "I... I was," he stumbled over the words, "I was going to name him Adam."
"Adam?" Harry repeated.
"Adam... Adam Scorpius Mal... Potter."
"Adam Scorpius Potter," Harry repeated, "Adam Scorpius Potter."
"Do... do you like it? You can change it if you want I just thought-"
"It's perfect," Harry said. He crawled over beside Draco, setting his hand on Draco's stomach. "Adam." Harry smiled. A strange expression suddenly came over Harry's face as he realized, "I'm a father."
Draco nodded.
"I'm a father." Harry repeated.
"Please don't faint, Harry," Draco warned.
"I am a father."
"Harry-"
"I'm going to have a son."
"That's sort of obvious-"
"I have a son, Adam. I'm his father."
"Are you in shock?"
"I'm a dad," Harry said. He grabbed Draco, pulling him toward him, kissing him powerfully on the lips. "We're parents!" He cried, kissing Draco again.
"We're going to be late for class," Draco reminded him.
Harry's eyes widened in panic. "We're sixteen," Harry remembered.
"And I'm a Death Eater and you're the Chosen One, it's complicated, I know, but Harry, please, Slughorn might love you and not dock you points but some of us don't have the privilege." Draco tried to stand up but Harry's grip was too strong.
"Let's skip class," Harry mumbled, burying his head in Draco's hair.
Draco frowned, "Have you ever even done that before?"
"No," Harry said, "But I'm not letting you go."
"We have the same class, we can be together," Draco reminded him, but Harry held Draco closer. "Harry, we can't stay in a dusty cleaning closet forever."
"Just now," Harry mumbled, "I'm a father."
"Harry, you cannot tell, promise?" Draco said.
Harry looked up.
"I'm a Death Eater, that means the Dark Lord has power over me, and if it becomes common knowledge that I'm pregnant with your child he'll force me back to him. He only let me back in school because he had a task he needed me to do... I have to... kill someone, but not you, and I'm certain he's setting me up to fail but if I don't do this he'll find me and he'll kill me." Draco entreated.
Harry kissed Draco's forehead. "Not a word then," he said, "A secret. But... even Ron and Hermione?"
"Who?" Draco asked.
"Weasley and Granger," Harry clarified.
"You can tell them," Draco nodded. He frowned, "I can't tell Vincent and Gregory though, they don't know how to keep their mouths shut unless they're chewing."
Harry chuckled. Quiet for a long moment, he pulled Draco into his lap "Adam," Harry sighed.
"Adam."
.
Telling Ron and Hermione without having them freak out was going to be one of the hardest things Harry had ever done. Baby steps, Draco had advised, one degree at a time. Harry would absolutely follow the advice because it was much better than his idea, which had been to get it over with in one go. That would have gone something like, "Ron, Hermione, just so you know, I dated Draco Malfoy at the end of last year, he got pregnant but I didn't know and then we had a row, he went home, became a Death Eater, but he's back and we sorted it out and now we're madly in love and going to have a son."
That would not have gone over well.
Degrees, baby steps. What would the first be? I have a boyfriend, that would work. Hermione didn't know Harry was queer. Then what? "By the way, that boyfriend of mine is Draco Malfoy"? Harry supposed. And next, Draco Malfoy's a Death Eater? That would be a lovely conversation. And... "I'm in love with Draco Malfoy. Yes, he is a Death Eater and also male, but I already told you that and we're dating anyway." No. "I'm in love" should come either after "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm dating Draco Malfoy It might be better to say "I'm in love" before he said it was Draco so Ron and Hermione could warm up to the whole idea. So... after "Draco Malfoy is a Death Eater" should he say "Draco Malfoy is pregnant with my child" or "Yes, we had sex".
Actually, Harry was pretty sure he should just skip over the 'sex' bit, he had no idea if he would actually be able to say the word aloud, especially to Ron and Hermione. He knew them both, and he knew that neither of them had even snogged anyone yet.
Harry moved a bit fast, didn't he?
Well, so had Draco.
So... the baby steps were... "I have a boyfriend", "I'm in love", "I'm in love with Draco Malfoy", "Draco Malfoy's a Death Eater," and "I'm going to be a father".
How many steps were that? Five? Five steps were good, right?
Harry told Draco the whole plan and Draco had laughed for about fifteen minutes. Draco was many things but he certainly was not encouraging.
At least he involved Harry, although it was a very morbid thing he was doing and he refused to tell Harry who he was going to kill. Every one in a while when they met he would say things like "Do you suppose wood can hold over seventeen spells?" or "Would you rather choke someone to death or turn their blood into mud?"
Actually, Harry had told Draco to stop involving him.
Draco promised Harry that he wasn't going to kill anyone, but he had to at least look like he was making progress for the Dark Lord's spy in Hogsmeade.
They had tons of things to talk about, they never ran out. The two of them had such different views on everything that had happened in their lives. They spent all the time they had together for six days talking about their duel in the second year. Harry had no idea that Draco had been incredibly nervous, but apparently his heart was pounding like a drum and he could barely think of any spells, so when Snape had whispered one into Draco's ear he'd actually botched it and made a snake appear out of thin air instead, very Dark magic a second-year should never be able to perform.
That sparked a slight obsession Draco began to have with Parseltongue, and he made Harry say several things in Parseltongue, eventually learning a few sayings himself. Draco was determined to learn the language, even if it was one which was inherited and not taught, so that he and Harry would have a way of communicating when no one else could understand. It was difficult at first for Harry to start speaking Parseltongue, but soon when Draco learned a few words he would say something first and then Harry would be talking in the snake language without even realizing it.
Draco still spoke very little about his past, but occasionally he opened up, sharing small stories with Harry which possessed a light hearted tone that his past really had no part of. Draco told Harry about the peacocks, how he was an expert on them. It took Harry a long time to get over the ridiculous idea of Draco growing up without a dog or a cat but peacocks.
And they also snogged, a lot. It was almost painful for them not to hold each other, not to kiss each other, not to be together all of the time. Draco, with the Invisibility Cloak, was soon sneaking in to sleep with Harry three nights a week and Harry started to keep his things cleaner.
Harry started Ron and Hermione on the 'baby steps' a few weeks after the start of term. This was a good time because Harry had finally gotten over the shock of learning he was a father and Hermione was over the fact that Harry had given up on his Invisibility Cloak, although Ron still moaned about it whenever he could.
…
Savin' the babysteps for l8r.
Still sad... Edward... I luv you...
This is your review reminder. Review, pweez?