an: I know, I know, there is literally no excuse for how late this update is. I'm sorry. Please, pretty please (with sugar on top, and a cherry if that's your sort of thing) accept my apology. Things have been pretty hectic in my life as of late. Last month I had O.G.T. (which is the Ohio equivalent for O.W.L.s only not), and a HUGE latin project which involve writing, translating, and illustrating a latin children's book. Also, this chapter has been rather a pain to write. I started out going in one direction, before realizing that would never work out and had to delete quite a few pages of writing. And lastly, and most sadly, I've had a bit of emotional stress piled on me at last minute. A friend of mine and her family were in a bad car accident on Friday, and her grandma and her eleven year old sister (who happened to be good friends with my eleven year old sister) were killed. So, it's just been kind of hard.

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo.

Special thanks to Legolasgirlxoxo for being the only one to review regularly, as of late. She gets some virtual chocolate.I'm not kidding whenI say that getting reviews does help for quicker updates.

Enjoi

"The bloody door is locked," Sirius snapped, sitting down at the table for lunch. "Pomfrey locked the doors to the Hospital Wing! Is she even allowed to do that?"

"I don't know," James said. "I don't think so."

"Why d'you think she did?" Peter asked.

"It's got to be because of Remus," Sirius said, lowering his voice so no one nearby would hear him. "He's in a bad way, so she doesn't want us to see him."

"But she's never locked the doors before," Peter said. "She always just comes and tells us to leave."

"What if she's too . . . preoccupied to tell us to leave this time?" James wondered aloud. "What if he's hurt too badly –"

"Don't even say it, Prongs," Sirius warned.

"You saw how he was all weekend. Hell, all last week," James said, glancing around. "I can't imagine he's doing better now."

"She's got to unlock the doors sometime," Peter said reasonably. "We can sneak in then. We can . . . we can go get the cloak, and then when the doors are unlocked, we'll all be able to sneak in."

"That's a good idea," James muttered. "I'll go get the cloak. I'll meet back up with you in class, all right?"

Without waiting for consent from his friends, James stood up and excused himself from the table. He was worried. Genuinely worried. Pomfrey normally let them see Remus around lunch, and if she wouldn't, she'd go and tell them that he was sleeping or something, and she didn't want them to wake him. He ran his hand through his already rumpled hair, as his imagination ran away with his thoughts. He had always used Remus's health before a full moon as a good judge of how he'd be after the transformation, but he had never seen Remus in such bad shape before. Not even in their third year when he had a flu right before the full moon. If Pomfrey had just come out and told them what was wrong with Remus, James wouldn't have been so worried. He could handle knowing. It was not knowing that always killed him. Why do I always have to worry about everything?

James growled when a second year accidently bumped into him as he made his way up the staircase to the Gryffindor common room. James entered the common room and quickly dashed upstairs, retrieved his cloak, which he promptly hid in the bottom of his bag, and headed downstairs toward the Great Hal again. He scowled at his watch. He had taken too long, and now he wouldn't be able to grab a quick bite before heading to Care of Magical Creatures. If he hurried, though, he reasoned, he would have just enough time to swing by the Hospital Wing once more to see if the doors were unlocked. Granted, Sirius and Peter would be a bit peeved, but who really cared anyway?

James was almost there when he heard voices coming his way down the corridor. Deftly, he hid himself in an alcove behind a suit of amour. McGonagall and Dumbledore walked right passed him without even glancing in his direction. They both looked concerned, and McGonagall was whispering at Dumbledore in worried tones. James, whether or not he'd admit it, had learned at a young age that one of the only ways to learn anything was to eavesdrop. He also knew when perfect opportunities threw themselves in his lap. Quietly, he pulled his cloak out of his bag and wrapped it around him. He walked quickly to catch up with the headmaster and the teacher, but was careful not to make any noise.

The doors opened before Dumbledore, almost as if they were expecting him, and him and McGonagall walked in, allowing James enough time to slip in before the doors closed on their own accord. The Hospital Wing was virtually empty. The only occupied bed was at the far end of the Hospital Wing, right next to Madam Pomfrey's office. Curtains were drawn around the patient in the bed, but James knew who it was.

McGonagall rounded the curtain a few moments before James did, but he did hear her gasp. James came around the curtain and saw why. Remus looked like he was dying. His skin was pale grey and a thin layer of sweat clung to him, an obvious sign of a fever. His eyes were only half-closed, and his breath was coming out in shallow rasps. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but his torso and his arms were wrapped in bandages. James hoped he was imagining this, but he thought he saw red flecks bleeding through the bandages. The right side of his face was bruised and swollen. Every so often, Remus would groan, almost as though breathing itself was causing him pain. James had never seen anyone in so bad a condition.

"He's been like this all morning," Madam Pomfrey said quietly, checking the ill boy's wrist for a pulse. "Nothing I've done has helped. He's thrown up all the potions I've tried to give him. He's been on the verge of slipping into shock for hours, but since he's not responding to any treatments, there's not much I can do to stop it."

McGonagall studied her student. "Is he . . . is he awake right now?" she asked, almost horrified at the idea.

Pomfrey nodded. "He's half-conscious. I think the pain is too much for him right now; he can't just lose consciousness. Merlin knows it would be easier for him that way. I've never seen Remus like this before. It scares me, Albus."

Dumbledore didn't say anything, but he brushed a few stray hairs out of Remus's face. James could read Dumbledore fairly well. It was only natural with the number of times he had been called to the headmaster's office with one misdemeanor or another. And if James knew anything about Dumbledore it was that he genuinely cared about his students. It tore at James's heart to see his friend like this, and he supposed that Dumbledore's heart was wrenching just as much as his was.

"It's almost like his body is shutting down against magic," Pomfrey said after a moment of silence. "I've never seen anything like it."

"It happens, occasionally," Dumbledore said, not taking his eyes off Remus. "Normally it happens with spell-damage patients. If they're not fully awake, their bodies will instinctively rebel against any sort of magical healing. It's a defense mechanism of sorts. It's the body's way of protecting itself against more damage. It only lasts for twelve hours at the longest."

"Twelve hours?" McGonagall repeated.

"And what am I supposed to do in the mean time?" Pomfrey asked.

"Keep him calm. Use natural, muggle remedies to keep him from slipping into shock completely," Dumbledore said calmly. "If he's not better by the morning, we should probably send him to St. Mungo's."

Pomfrey nodded, and Dumbledore turned to McGonagall. "Minerva," he said. "Why don't you come with me to my office, and we talk about telling his parents."

McGonagall nodded and turned to follow him out of the Hospital Wing. James was right on their heels under the cloak. "What about Potter, Black, and Pettigrew?" she asked, looking unusually distraught when they were safely outside of the doors. "They'll want to know how he is."

"Then tell them," Dumbledore said calmly. "As his friends, they have every right to know." An ironic smile spread over his face. "Not to mention, knowing those three, if they don't know how he is by tomorrow, they'll most likely break into the Hospital Wing to see him."

Once the two adults were safely out of sight, James pulled off his cloak and raced outside to his Care of Magical Creatures class to tell his findings to his friends.

That evening found the three friends in the library. McGonagall had found them just before dinner and had briefly how Remus was currently doing. When Sirius demanded to know when they could see him, she simply said she didn't know and he'd have to take it up with Madam Pomfrey. Now, they were sitting at a table in the back away from the other students in the library, and Sirius was making James go over, in full detail, exactly how Remus looked.

"I've told already, he looked like he was run over by a stampede of rampaging hippogriffs, then thrown off the Astronomy Tower, then struck by lighting," James said impatiently.

"Yeah, too bad I've never seen anyone who's been run over by hippogriffs, thrown off the Astronomy Tower, and struck by lightning," Sirius said. "Can't you come up with any better metaphors?"

"No, I can't," James replied haughtily. "Those are the best ones I've got."

"Well, they're rubbish," Sirius snapped back.

"Would you two calm down?" Peter asked tentatively. He always felt that the role of argument-mediator fell to him whenever Remus wasn't around. "Pomfrey's doing the best she can for him. It's not like any of us are amazingly skilled healers."

"I don't want to hear that defeatist attitude," Sirius said.

"That wasn't a defeatist attitude," Peter said, rolling his eyes. "That's reality. There's nothing we can do for him that isn't being done for him now."

James shook his head. "No," he said simply. "There is something we can do." He looked up and scanned the library to make sure no one was nearby, and lowered his voice. "We can finish our– ahem– animal project before the next full moon so Remus's furry little problem doesn't kill him next month. I mean, I've pretty much got it, if I could only figure out to stay transformed for longer than five minutes, and not be completely wasted afterwards. Sirius, you're nearly at the point that I'm at. And Pete, you're not too far behind us. With a little extra help you'll have it in no time."

Peter snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Now that's a defeatist attitude," Sirius said in mock wisdom.

"Once again, Sirius," Peter said. "That's reality. There's no way I'll have it down by next month."

"Sure you will," Sirius said.

"You know why?" James asked, getting a blank stare from Peter in response.

"Because you have the proper motivation," Sirius supplied for him.

"Precisely," James said, talking now like he normally did on the quidditch pitch to his team. "Are you merely doing this as some really pathetic way to amuse yourself? No! You are doing this to help out your best mate in the whole bloody world, REMUS LU–" James was now standing up and noticed that at least half the library's occupants were staring at him. "Pin," he said quietly, sitting back down.

"Nice, Prongs," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Shut up. No one asked your opinion."

James's pep-speech signaled the beginning of a good deal of library time for the three boys. Sirius, needless to say, was bored out of his mind. He was all for helping out Remus, but reading, particularly research material, bored him incredibly. He had never understood the fascination that James and Remus had with books. The two of them had the library plotted out. If they needed a book, for homework or for research for pranks, they had a general idea of where that book could be found. It saved them from having to ask Madam Pince every time they needed a book they couldn't find.

James was hitting his prime, though. He had an intellectual streak he had inherited from his mother, who had been in Ravenclaw at Hogwarts. There was something about figuring out new spells that fascinated him. It was almost like a puzzle, a challenge that he had to overcome. And anamagi was a puzzle he had been struggling to figure out for a good three years. He was ready to be done with it. Which explained why he threatened to hex anyone who tried to interrupt him. Pete took the position as his gofer, since he had a hard time understanding the complexities of anamagi. Every time James needed anything from another part of the library or something from their dormitory, Peter was there to go get it without a complaint. Good thing, too, seeing as how Sirius would often get distracted when helping James flip through books by some pretty girl or another and would run off to flirt with her.

Their library sessions were punctured regularly by trips to the Hospital Wing to see Remus. Pomfrey finally allowed them to see Remus three days after the full moon, and Sirius finally understood what James had meant when James had described their friend's condition. Remus certainly looked terrible. The whiteness of his face almost seemed to blend in with the white pillow behind him. The dark circles under his eyes, and the fading bruise on the right side of his face contrasted with his pale skin. His breath was raspy, as was his voice. His other, more serious, injuries were hidden under a thick blanket

Remus gave them a lopsided smile when they first entered the Hospital Wing. "It's about time you guys showed up," he said hoarsely. "I was beginning to think you didn't care."

James and Sirius exchanged a glance, glad (albeit surprised) to see Remus joking with them. They were far more used to a Remus who lacked the energy to laugh and joke with them after the full moon. "Sorry mate," Sirius said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You'll have to take that up with Pomfrey. For crying out loud, she locked us out on Monday."

"Is she allowed to do that?" Remus asked.

"I don't think so," James said. "But she did anyway."

"I'll have to talk to her about that," he replied. He glanced at Sirius, who had been looking at him with an odd look on his face. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there any reason in particular why you keep giving me weird looks?"

Sirius looked startled. "No," he said quickly. "I was just . . . It's just . . . You seem rather chipper."

James snorted, and Remus raised his eyebrows. "I seem rather chipper?" he repeated, sounding shocked at Sirius's word choice. "Are you sure you're feeling okay? I can get Pomfrey out here in a second if you're not."

"No, I'm sure that's not necessary," Sirius said.

"Good," Remus replied. "I don't want her out here anymore than she has to be. She has a tendency to get very overbearing whenever she's around, and I find it rather annoying."

"I know what you mean," James said sagely.

"So, how're you feeling?" Peter asked.

"I don't rightly know," Remus said. "Pomfrey's given me so many potions I can't really feel anything right now," he explained at their confused looks. "I know I'm supposed to hurt, and I ache, and I'm exhausted, but I can't exactly feel anything. It's actually a fairly odd sensation, to be perfectly honest."

"I'll take your word for it," Sirius mused.

"So, what have I missed in class?" Remus asked. He was answered with identical groans from Sirius and James.

Peter began going on about the massive essays they had been assigned in History of Magic and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and the level of difficulty of a new spell they had started in Transfiguration. "It's horrible, Remus," he complained. "We have to do research for all of it, and on top of that we're still trying to figure out that whole ani–" Peter stopped himself just in time. James and Sirius were both giving him warning glares, but Remus merely looked puzzled. Conveniently, Pomfrey came out of her office, two goblets full of different potions in her hands. "Remus, I need you to drink these," she said. She turned to the others as she put the goblets down on the table and helped Remus into a sitting position. "You three should probably be leaving soon."

They all exchanged a brief glance; they knew Pomfrey really meant that she wanted them to leave now.

"What are you still trying to figure out?" Remus asked, after he took a sip of the first potion and grimaced.

"Nothing," James said quickly.

"Just a prank to amuse ourselves in your absence," Sirius elaborated.

Pomfrey rounded on them. "This prank of yours will not result in any of you ending up in here, will it?" she asked sharply.

James smirked. "It's nothing too serious," he said, putting a delicate stress on the word 'serious'. Sirius glared at him.

Remus, however, looked unconvinced. "If you say so," he said.

"We do," Sirius quipped.

James glanced at Pomfrey, who was giving him a stern glare. "Sorry mate, but we've got to get going," he said. "We've got a free period before dinner, so we'll be back then."

Remus nodded. "I'll see you guys later, I suppose."

"Way to nearly blow it, Pete," Sirius said when they were outside of the Hospital Wing.

"Sorry," Peter said, still feeling guilty about nearly letting the fact that they were studying how to become animagi slip. He was normally better with secrets than that.

James grinned. "Merlin, it's a good thing you caught yourself," he said. "I can only imagine what he's going to say when he finds out that we're spending our free time learning how to turn into animals."

"Well, hopefully," Sirius mused as they made their way into the Great Hall for lunch, "by next full moon, we'll know exactly what he's going to say, 'cause he'll be saying it."

Athena looked up when Sirius, James, and Peter walked by. "He's still not here," she mused aloud, ignoring Emm and Dory who had started whispering about James and Sirius.

Lily looked up from an essay she hadn't finished. "Hmm?"

"Remus," she said. "He's still not here."

Lily glanced down the table to where James, Sirius, and Peter had sat down. "You're right," she said. "He's been gone since Saturday. Is he in the Hospital Wing?"

Athena shook her head. "I checked when I was in there after quidditch practice last night," she said. "The place looked deserted."

"That's odd," Lily said, looking concerned. "I could have sworn that's where he'd be. He looked sick all last week."

"I know. Maybe he's gone home for something. You know, another funeral or whatnot," Athena said, though she doubted the chances that he would have two relatives die within a month of each other. "I just hope he's okay."

"I know what you mean," Lily mused, thinking of how Remus had looked after his disappearance last month and wondering what he would look like when he came back this time.

On Thursday, James, Sirius, and Peter decided that it would be to their benefit to skip Divination. As none of them had any intention to take the class after this year, they never felt guilty about skiving off. James justified skipping to Peter by saying they were only missing class to go to the library, where they would be learning things anyway, so it's not like they were really missing class at all. They made a quick stop in the library, where James grabbed a few books on Transfiguration, before they proceeded to a secret tunnel behind a large mirror on the fourth floor. It was an ideal space to hide because, as far as they knew, they were the only ones who knew about it. Here, Sirius could help Peter with the animagus transformation while James searched through more books to figure out how to stay transformed without running the risk of anyone barging in on them. The only person who wasn't there now who knew where it was, was Remus, and none of them thought he'd be leaving the Hospital Wing anytime in the very near future. After an hour, Peter and Sirius were tired, hungry, and ready to leave, but James was still flipping through the books he had taken out of the library.

"C'mon, James," Peter groaned. "I'm exhausted. I want to eat!"

"Hold on. I'm almost done!" James said, picking up another book and flipping through it, cross-referencing between it and the open book on his lap.

"No, you're not," Sirius said. "You can take your little books with you, Prongs."

"But I've almost got it," James protested.

Sirius sighed and turned to Peter. "Why don't you go get something to eat, Pete? I'll stay here with this loon to make sure he comes along eventually."

Peter smiled. "Sounds good to me," he said. "If I'm not in the Great Hall, then I'll be with Remus. I'll see you guys in a bit." Peter slid the back of the mirror to the side, glancing both ways down the hall, checking to make the coast was clear, before clambering out and leaving.

Sirius sighed again and sat down across from James, picking up one of the books. "So, what do you have so far?"

"Just a sec," he said, a maniacal grin creeping over his face. "I think I've got it." He quickly scanned a page of the book. "Pass me that green book."

Sirius complied, handing the said book to his friend, curious to know what exactly James had discovered. James's eyes went wide and were scanning the pages of three different books in great succession. All of a sudden, he started laughing.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"We should have known it would be something this simple!" James said, still laughing.

"What's simple?"

"The way to finalize it all," James said enthusiastically. "To make it so you can stay transformed for more than thirty seconds!"

"What are you going on about?"

James stood up and gathered his numerous books, cramming them into his bag. "C'mon, I'll explain it in the hall," he said, moving aside the mirror and stepping back into the hall. Sirius had no choice but to follow.

"It's a potion," James said quietly as he and Sirius walked down the hall. "There's this potion that you have to drink in order to stay transformed. It's called an Absolvere Solution or something like that."

"What do you mean, it's a potion?" Sirius asked, lowering his voice as well. "Animagus transformations are strictly a Transfiguration thing. Why would they make a potion part of it? It's ridiculous."

"That's precisely why," James replied. "To make it harder, so not as many people can master the transformations. The only ones who probably know about this potion are the ones who've accomplished becoming animagi. I had to cross reference between at least four different books to find it."

"That doesn't make any sense, though," Sirius said. "Are you positive this is what we need?

"I'm telling you, Sirius," James hissed as they turned a corner. "If we get this potion, then the whole thing will be final. It's the last step."

"I don't see what a potion has to do with Transfiguration," Sirius muttered.

"Well, neither do I," James replied, "but it's what the book says. I can show you." He flipped the book in his hands open to the page he had dog-eared earlier.

"I don't need to look at that lousy book, Prongs," Sirius said.

"Oh, of course," James replied. "I forgot that you know everything."

"Har, har, har. C'mon, Pete'll be wondering where we are."

James sighed. "Gimme a second," he muttered. He pulled his backpack off his shoulder and attempted to squeeze the book back in the bag. Suddenly, it felt like something hooked around his ankle, and all of a sudden, he was being hoisted into the air upside down. Only his quick reflexes kept him from dropping everything all over the floor. With much difficulty, he twisted in the air to see his unseen attacker, though he had a fair idea who it was. Of course, he wasn't surprised to see Snivellus down a good four or five meters down the hall, sneering at him. "You," James snarled.

Sirius turned around to hear who James was growling at. He nearly started laughing at the sight of his best friend hanging upside down in mid-air, but stopped the instant he laid eyes on Snape standing at the other end of the hallway. "Snivellus," he growled with utter distaste.Snape made a movement as if he were about to hex Sirius as well, but Sirius was quicker. "Impedimenta," he cried, his wand pointing at Snape. Snape was knocked of his feet and crashed to the floor. Sirius advanced, still holding his wand aloft. "Taking to attacking people when their back is turned now, you bloody coward? What next, attacking little old ladies, or maybe little puppy dogs," he spat.

"Don't," Snape panted as he fought against the jinx. "Don't – call – me a – coward."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "But it's so fitting."

Snape started to swear loudly, but James cut him off. "Uh, Sirius?" he said. "A little help would be very much appreciated."

Sirius looked slightly startled. He glanced at Snape quickly, to make sure the Impediment Jinx wouldn't be wearing off soon, and turned to his upside-down friend. "Finite," he said with a flick of his wand. Nothing happened. "It didn't work," Sirius said.

"I noticed," James called back, his face turning red from the blood rushing to his head. He shook his head slightly, trying to re-circulate his blood, but the only thing he accomplished was knocking his glasses off his face. Snape laughed as James swore. Sirius turned his attention back to Snape; the jinx was starting to wear off, and he was attempting to struggle to his feet. Sirius raised his wand again, making sure Snape stayed down. "Put him right," Sirius jerked his head back to where James was still hanging upside-down. "And I'll let you go, you smarmy bastard."

"Or what, Black?"

"Or I'll hex your nonexistent ass into oblivion," Sirius threatened.

Snape didn't reply, but glared at Sirius with hatred only equal to Sirius's hatred for him. Neither of them made a move till they heard familiar footsteps about to round the corner. Footsteps that belonged to McGonagall. Quickly, Snape flicked his wand, muttering "Liberacorpus" under his breath. Sirius raised his own wand as he heard James crash to the floor with a grunt behind him. Sirius turned back to help James to his feet and Snape turned and fled in the opposite direction.

"Bloody coward," Sirius muttered, as he helped James up.

McGonagall rounded the corner to find a red-faced and disgruntled looking James, who looked odd without his glasses, and Sirius who looked unnaturally perturbed. She raised her eyebrows, curious as to what the two young men had done this time. "Is something wrong?" she asked shortly.

"No, Professor," James and Sirius chimed at the same time.

McGonagall looked unconvinced, but continued on her way. If something was really going on, she would, without a doubt, hear about it in the near future. Sirius bent over to pick up James's glasses. "Looks like you landed on them, mate," Sirius said, holding out the smashed glasses to James.

James took them, and fixed them quickly with his wand. "Bloody git," James mused, sliding his glasses back on his face. "You know what this means, don't you?"

Sirius smirked. "Revenge," he said sweetly. "But, I know what you're going to say."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Yes, I do. I know everything, remember?" Sirius said, laughing. "You are going to say that we must regrettably put off our revenge until after we figure our other project."

"Wow," James said. "You're good, but not perfect. I was also going to say that we need to figure out what the jinx was."

"The one Snivellus used?"

James nodded. "Never seen anything like it. It could be dead useful, though."

"Yeah," Sirius admitted. "C'mon, maybe Moony'll have heard of it."

They reached the Hospital Wing to find Peter already there, sitting on one end of the bed, helping himself to a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans. Remus was at the other end of the bed (obviously) and looking tremendously better than he had the day before. His skin had more color to it, and his breath was coming out easier. He was sitting up and looked more alert and energetic then before. He was sitting up against a large pile of pillows and sucking the end of a sugar quill. "Took you two long enough," he said ad they sat down. "Pete's been here for at least ten minutes now."

"It wasn't our fault," James said.

"We ran into a certain greasy-haired cretin," Sirius finished.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "What'd you do?" he asked.

"We didn't do anything," James said. "Or at least I didn't." James took the time to tell Remus and Peter what had transpired when Peter once Peter had left, leaving out the topic of conversation when he had initially been jinxed.

"And the prig didn't even have enough backbone to let a teacher find out what he's really up to all the time, and ran off like a scared little first year," Sirius finished for James, conveniently forgetting that had the role been reversed he probably would have left too, instead of facing McGonagall's wrath.

"So have you heard of a jinx like that before?" James asked.

Remus shook his head. "Can't say that I have, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. No doubt we'll see it again soon," he said, smiling. "I imagine you looked pretty ridiculous hanging upside down like that."

Sirius laughed. "You have no idea," he said.

James grabbed a chocolate frog off the bedside table and chucked it at Sirius's head. "We're not going to mention what I look like upside down, all right?"

"You sure James?" Peter asked. "I'm sure Lily would love to know."

James shot him a menacing glare before turning back to Remus. "So, how much longer do you think you're going to be stuck in here?" he asked.

Remus shrugged. "If I have anything to say about it, tomorrow night or Saturday morning," he said. "But, knowing Pomfrey as well as I do, I think she's aiming for Sunday night."

"So you're feeling better, then?" Sirius asked.

"Uh, slightly. I just get really sick of being here really fast."

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Remus, October 4,1974: The Great Wazoo

So, as you well know, I've been in the Hospital Wing for the last few days with almost nothing to do, and so my mind has a tendency to wander. While I was working on some essay or another, I overheard (and no, I was not eavesdropping . . . I just happened to overhear) Pomfrey talking to some old colleague of hers. And suddenly, the other healer said "Oh, yeah. I've got patients coming out of the wazoo these days." And it got me thinking. What exactly is the wazoo, and why can an infinite amount of things come out of it? You hear it all the time . . .well, I do, at least. People everywhere have things coming out of the wazoo. Everything from money, to knowledge, even beetles can come out the wazoo. Some people have things up the wazoo, and other people have pain in the wazoo. What is it about the wazoo that just so many things escape from it? Or are they unwillingly taken from the wazoo? Is there anything fun to do in the wazoo? Can you have parties there? It really makes you think. So, I got a dictionary and looked it up.

It turns out, the wazoo is definitely your arse. Sheds a little more light on things, doesn't it?

Suddenly, things coming out the wazoo has an entirely different meaning.

Think about it. . .That healer had patients coming out the wazoo. Some people have bugs coming out the wazoo, or sometimes weeds. Or that poor bloke who has his wife's cats coming out the wazoo. The mental imagery is enough to leave you laughing for hours. Can you imagine walking down the Charms corridor, while your complaining about your sudden abundance of homework, and all of a sudden it comes out your wazoo? It's even worse for the people who get things shoved up the wazoo. Think about it. It sounds pretty painful.

So, take care of your wazoo . . . and try not to have too many miscellaneous objects come out of it.

Sirius: Lupin, I think you've got way too much free time on your hands-10/7

James: Correction, you mean he's got free time coming out the wazoo.-September 9

final an: The phrase 'out the wazoo' has been a topic around my house for the last two weeks. I couldn't help but throwing it in. As always, please forgive any and all typos and grammar mistakes. If anything is too blatantly incorrect let me know. I'm really going to try to get an update out sooner this time, but I can't garuntee anything.

Happy late Easter to all my Christian readers and Happy Passover to my Jewish fans.

Delano

p.s.>> please please review