Conquest Is Easy, Control Is Not By Florence W. Snape
Chapter 10:
"Are you quite certain, then, Poppy?" asked Professor McGonagall behind the curtains that sheltered Hermione from prying eyes.
"I'm positive, Minerva. I can't believe it myself, to be perfectly honest. I mean, of all the students who ever attended Hogwarts…," Poppy whispered peeping through the curtains while slowly rubbing her chin, deep in thought.
"Foolish girl," said Professor McGonagall at once.
"I wonder who the father is…," the matron asked, intrigued. Professor McGonagall said nothing for she was positive who the father of Hermione Granger's child was and she wasn't planning on letting her gossipy colleague find out. She sighed, if only Poppy knew what she knew, if only she had heard what she heard... the truth felt heavy in Minerva's mind and she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. After all, it had been she- her Head of House- the one to suggest an Apprenticeship in the castle, it had been she the one to persuade Hermione to go to Severus in the first place and, wasn't she responsible for every Gryffindor muggle-born witch's well-being? Shouldn't had she taught Hermione Granger the proper charms not to conceive a magical child when her mother obviously couldn't?
"I mean to say, she is such a clever girl and so level-headed. One would think that such a practical person could never forget about birth control," Poppy carried on, ignoring McGonagall's stony silence.
"Not as level-headed as I thought," she said absent-mindedly, "I would never have thought that he…,"
"What?" Madam Pomfrey asked, raising both of her eyebrows in surprise, "Do you know who the father of this child is, Minerva?"
Professor McGonagall took off her glasses, Scrougify-ed them and put them back on in complete silence. She had revealed too much. It was not her place to talk to anyone about Hermione Granger and Severus Snape's relationship, whatever the state of it was. In any case, she thought wearily, this just might be one of those few occasions in which the truth is much more far-fetched than anything she might possibly say.
"Well, do you?" Madam Pomfrey asked again, excited.
"No, I don't…. I was just thinking about Professor Snape. He should have taken better care of his apprentice," she answered lamely.
"Minerva, are you unwell? When has Severus ever cared about a student's well-being? Can you possibly imagine him teaching Miss Granger the proper wrist movement for the contraceptive charm? It's ridiculous," she said but then her eyes snapped open and she looked at Professor McGonagall with her mouth opened, "But, of course, Severus must know who the father is! She sleeps in the dungeons, doesn't she?"
"I think she does," replied Professor McGonagall. She swallowed but it was of no use: her mouth had gone dry. What could possibly be worse than Severus finding out about Miss Granger's condition through the school matron?
"Yes, I heard they even share the same Common Room. It was extremely nice of Severus to arrange that. He must really like her, not minding sharing his privacy with her…,"
"Yes, yes, it's all very well but I don't think you should ask Severus anything," Minerva said, looking down at Madam Pomfrey through her squared spectacles.
"And why ever not?" she asked, indignantly.
"Because…," she hesitated, "because it may risk Miss Granger's apprenticeship, that's why. Severus might not think it wise for her to continue under the circumstances,"
"And I don't blame him! It's very dangerous for a pregnant woman to be around experimental potions all the time! I have half a mind to tell him myself!"
"You mustn't, Poppy," Minerva whispered for Hermione Granger had tossed in her bed, "It is her choice. It is her life and she should deal with this situation in her own terms. Let's not make it more difficult,"
"Yes, I guess you are right," whispered Madam Pomfrey, "She may not even want to continue with it now I think about it,"
"No. I don't think she will," she, again, distractedly said.
Madam Pomfrey raised her eyebrows again but controlled her urge to interrogate Minerva about it. The Transfiguration teacher obviously knew something she didn't but she wasn't going to tell her. No, she was going to have to find out in another way. Slowly clearing her throat, she said:
"Yes, yes, we'll know soon enough, I expect. Now Minerva, let's not disturb dear Miss Granger. I will let you know when she wakes up,"
Severus Snape hated the Great Hall. He hated the constant talking, he hated eating in front of the students who never passed on the opportunity to mock him and he hated the small talk his colleagues engaged him into. Yes, he hated the lot of them. In fact, the only person he had ever found remotely interesting was currently not in the Great Hall. To his knowledge, in fact, she was not even calling Hogwarts home anymore.
"All the better," he thought to himself while stabbing his eggs, "She's probably better off in Potter or Weasley's arms, force feeding them Chocolate Frogs,"
His jaw tensed and he instinctively flexed his biceps at the thought of Hermione in another man's arms. Counting to ten and breathing through his nose, however, he regained control of his emotions. It was a very powerful feeling being able to control his heart and his mind in the same way he had always had, Severus thought while spreading strawberry jam- her favourite- on a crumpet. After all, fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked easily -weak people, in other words –stand no chance in the world.
He smirked at the recollection of his own words but then he remembered he had said them to Potter; Potter, Hermione's best friend who would miss no opportunity to bed her if she let him.
"One, two, three," he counted, breathing heavily through his nose again and trying very hard not to think about Potter's hands on Hermione's red bottom, "four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," he chanted in whispers.
"Are you feeling alright, Severus?" Albus Dumbledore asked with a small grin on his face.
"Fine, Headmaster," he replied, taking a forkful of the eggs he had tried to murder seconds before.
"Why don't you try this fantastic black pudding?" he asked pushing a plate towards Severus who, reluctantly, took a sausage, "How is Hermione?"
And there it was again. Severus wondered, as he silently counted to 10 again, how the simple action of mentioning her name could affect him in such a way.
"She left early this morning, Headmaster," Severus said, "I am afraid to say that she felt that a Master in Potions was beneath her,"
"Did she?" Dumbledore said stroking his long beard, "How strange. I was under the impression that she was very much looking forward to taking over your post once she became a Potions Mistress. Pity," he said with a smirk, "you would have finally gotten that Defence Against the Dark Arts position you apply for every year with very little success, if I may add…,"
"As wonderful as the prospect of finally getting the job I've wanted for almost 20 years is," he said standing up, "Miss Granger's decision to leave this school was irrevocable. Now, if you'll excuse me, my Third Year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs await me,"
And with that, he was gone.
"Minerva," Dumbledore addressed the woman on his right who looked remarkably red in the face, "you don't happen to know the reasons behind Miss Granger's sudden departure, do you?"
"I don't, Headmaster," she said at once, pursing her lips, "because Hermione Granger never left Hogwarts. She is in the Hospital Wing,"
"Is she unwell?"
"Not at the moment," she said looking up at him, "but she certainly won't be when she wakes up,"
"Is that so?" he whispered looking down at her through his half-moon spectacles.
"I think, Headmaster," she said with a sigh, "that we need to talk".
Madam Pomfrey could rarely be found in the dungeons. In fact, one seldom saw her outside of the Hospital Wing, her natural habitat. Severus had once run into her in Diagon Alley and had exchanged a short and polite conversation that had left him feeling very weird indeed: what could he possibly have in common with the School Matron? Whereas she cared about the well-being of students in general, smiled a great deal and enjoyed casual conversation with her colleagues, he didn't. She even seemed to like Harry Potter, someone who he disliked a great deal. So when he saw her leaning against the stone wall with her arms akimbo, he sensed that something awkward was going on.
"Severus," she said with a smile, "what took you so long?"
"I wasn't aware that we had arranged to meet, Poppy" he replied dryly, stopping in front of his office door.
"We weren't! But lunch ended half an hour ago! Whatever were you doing?"
Snape stared at her, in disbelief. Had he transcended into a parallel universe in which Madam Pomfrey cared about his whereabouts? He smirked at her, very much in the same way he does when a Second Year pulls a Longbottom and abysmally spoils a simple potion; a smirk that can even send Seven Year boys crying to their Common Rooms without supper.
"Research in the library," he said at last pointing at the heavy tome he was carrying in his left hand, "Not that it's of any business of yours,"
"Oh, I see," she cheerfully said.
At this Severus raised an eyebrow. This had to be the longest conversation they had ever had. Why had she come down to his office? It seemed improbable that she had just wanted to ask him about his afternoon routine.
"I was wondering," said Madam Pomfrey slowly and walking a few steps to where he was, "why you hadn't come down to the Hospital Wing,"
He had been expecting some sort of confrontation on the stress he induced in students or perhaps a lecture on his personal hygiene ("Tooth brushes are important, you know") so her question caught him by surprise. He could count the times in which he had entered the Hospital Wing as a professor with the fingers on his left hand.
"And why would I want to be in that infested place?" he curiously asked, turning around to face her, all thoughts of entering his office and correcting essays forgotten.
"Oh," she answered with a grin, "I thought you knew that Hermione Granger had come down with… the flu,"
"Flu?" he asked, with incredulity. Could this be? Could Hermione still be at Hogwarts? Could she be ill? But she had seemed perfectly well the night before. She had been crying, and he had exhausted her physically but… the flu? It seemed most unlikely.
"Why, yes! Minerva found her just this morning and the poor girl wasn't feeling well at all! Very under the weather I would say! Her body temperature was very high indeed! But, Severus, hasn't Minerva informed you of this?" she eagerly asked, knowing perfectly well that Severus was about to reveal a juicy gossip.
"No, she hasn't," he whispered. In fact, his tone was so soft that Madam Pomfrey wasn't sure he had said anything at all.
One, two, three, four, five, six times Severus breathed through his nose in order not to snap at the school matron. Minerva knew and he hadn't told him! The nerve of that witch! He had seen her at breakfast that very morning and again in the halls leading to Dumbledore's office during break time and not once had she thought it appropriate to tell him that his apprentice was in the Hospital Wing. With a pang he realized that she no longer was his apprentice. Perhaps she had overheard him telling Dumbledore about her resignation. Could perhaps this all be a misunderstanding? He, somehow, didn't think so.
"Hasn't she? I wonder why…," Madam Pomfrey said some time later, looking at Severus with eyes so wide that he briefly thought she was using Leglimancy on him.
"I haven't the faintest idea why Professor McGonagall didn't see fit to inform me about this. Rest assured that I will speak to her as soon as possible," he said grinding his teeth and thinking a bit more about what all this meant.
"Well, aren't you coming?" Madam Pomfrey asked, offering him her arm.
"Where to?" he asked, paying attention to the woman's words for the first time since she had told him the news that Hermione was still at school.
"To the Hospital Wing, of course! Don't you want to see her, talk to her? Don't you want to reassure her that all of her projects will be taken care of while she's away?
"There's no need for that…," he said at once. He was about to confess that he had ended his professional relationship with her patient when he remembered that he was speaking to the nosiest witch in the school, and refrained from saying anything more.
"And why's that?" she asked, a few feet away from Severus now.
"…because I will come around later this evening, after supervising detentions. Is that alright with you?" he asked while thinking "Alohamora". At once and without waiting for an answer, he opened the door to his office, stepped inside and locked the door once again. He walked to his desk and banged the table with his fists.
The news about her health were unsettling. This morning he had thought that he had gotten rid of Hermione Granger forever and yet she was still there, just a few stairs up, coughing in the Hospital Wing and quite possibly sore from last night's events. He sat on his chair and rubbed his eyes. He was getting a migraine. He hadn't had one since Potter had left school.
Why would Minerva hide the truth from him? Had she done it deliberately? Could it possibly be because she had heard him at breakfast? But even then, Hermione had been working with him, even if she had found her, he had a right to know. A stern voice in his mind, not unlike Professor McGonagall's, whispered that he no longer had a right to demand information; not after what he had done to her. Could she be illbecause of what he'd done? It seemed unlikely. He had bruised her and he had forced her to do something she wasn't comfortable with but Madam Pomfrey would have surely said something about it if he had been responsible for her frail condition.
Resting his back on his chair, he dropped his head backwards and started rubbing little circles on his temple. But then he stopped because rubbing circles reminded him of Hermione and the way she usually squirm when he caressed her down there. For a fraction of a second, he smiled a small smile but just as quick his usual stony expression reappeared. He had remembered that, sadly, he no longer had her.
Should he really keep his promise to Madam Pomfrey and go see her? Was she awake or was the flu too strong? In any case, it wouldn't do to go immediately after the detentions were over- she could be awake and that would lead to an extraordinary amount of awkward questions he felt no desire to answer. Plus, going extra late guaranteed the absence of Madam Pomfrey. Yes, he was going to visit her- after all, he was curious- and then leave. Soon enough she will be on her two feet again and away from this castle as he had planned. Yes, nothing's changed, he said to himself as he poured some of Ogden's finest into a glass with the Slytherin emblem.
If only.
Madam Pomfrey just couldn't sleep. Even though it was very late in the evening and it had been an extremely eventful day, she couldn't help but lay there on her bed, restless and with her eyes fully opened. She silently wondered while looking at the stone ceiling if Professor Snape had kept to his word and visited Hermione Granger in the Hospital Wing after all. There could be vital information she could find out if she just stopped thinking about the implications of spying on her colleague and justdid it. After all, Madam Pomfrey thought, time spent wondering is time lost from gossiping.
As she put her fluffy slippers and night robe on, she felt a kind of adrenaline she hadn't felt in a while. It was the same kind of euphoria she had often felt when leading a teen Remus Lupin to the Shrinking Shack. It was the type of excitement that she could only connect with a good dessert and a big juicy secret.
There's nothing like a gossip rush to make you do things you wouldn't normally do and Madam Pomfrey was hooked. Tiptoeing towards the bed across from Hermione's, she pulled the curtains and hid behind the screen. A good Disillusionment Charm would do the trick and then… she would wait. She felt the familiar cool sensation that came with a powerful Disillusionment Charm. Deciding that she might as well sit while waiting for Severus to arrive, she walked to the bed and…
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," whispered the voice of an invisible Albus Dumbledore.
Madam Pomfrey screamed but when she did, no sounds came from her mouth. She gave Albus Dumbledore an invisible glare.
"Dear Madam Pomfrey," he said softly, "It wouldn't do to wake Miss Granger,"
"Honestly, Poppy," said the stern and reproving voice of an invisible Professor McGonagall, "I knew you took your gossip seriously but spying on Miss Granger?"
At this point Madam Pomfrey was clutching her chest and was gasping for air. Dumbledore thought it wise to stand and pat her a bit on her invisible back.
"Poppy, calm down," said Dumbledore, "Here. You can speak now but I beg you not to shout. Have a lemon drop,"
He gave handed her a very yellow lemon drop, which to the Muggle eye would appear to be floating in the air. She put it in her mouth with shaking hands and said, in voice so soft that Dumbledore had to bend his invisible knees so that his invisible ears could hear her better.
"How did you know...?" she started to say.
"Well, of course Dumbledore here knows everything," said Professor McGonagall, an invisible frown on her invisible forehead.
"No such thing," said Dumbledore humbly as he sat back on the bed in the middle of Minerva and Poppy, "I just get along rather well with the House Elves,"
"So you are waiting for Severus too?" she asked.
"Obviously," said Professor McGonagall with a temper, "The question is what on earthyou are doing here,"
"Pardon me, Minerva. But the last time I checked this was my Hospital Wing and I was still in charge," she said with a glare.
"You are abusing your power just for the sake of gossiping," she said at once and before Poppy had time to interrupt her, she added, "Dumbledore, you do know that this means that we will have to inform her of the situation,"
"Clearly," he said, quite amused at the verbal confrontation the invisible women at either side of him were having, "but let's not ruin the surprise for her. Severus will be here in just a few moments. The House Elves alerted me at once when he finished with his evening detentions,"
No sooner had Dumbledore said the words, that the Potions Master silently opened the door of the Hospital Wing and crept inside. He quietly Accio-ed a chair and sat next to Hermione.
The Hospital Wing went completely silent. This didn't particularly strike Severus as suspicious but he looked around the room one more time just to make sure. Deciding it was best to stop being so paranoid- whoever heard of someone stalking the Hospital Wing at 2 AM?- he sat back and stared at Hermione's sleeping form. He sighed. Just this morning he had thought he was never going to see her again and yet here he was, like a lovesick boy, worried about the fate of the woman in front of him.
Even sick as she was- and Severus couldn't quite overlook the shadows under her eyes and her pale complexion- she was a lovely sight. Her curls were all over the white pillow and Severus had a sudden urge to caress her forehead. He fought that impulse at first but deciding that it was safe enough and that no one but himself would to know, he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.
She was burning. Frowning, he looked around. He was half expecting to see Madam Pomfrey storming out of her office and blaming the high temperature on his kiss. This wasn't right. Why wasn't she being watched for signs of improvement? What if she woke up and started coughing blood? A million scenarios flashed through his mind and he decided at once to check the chart resting on the night table.
"Lumos," he whispered and a small beam of light illuminated the parchment and part of the room. He scanned the paper quickly for any mention of the flu but found nothing suspicious in her general numbers. He turn to the next parchment, and then to the next one, and then the next one searching for something- anything- that could help him understand what was wrong with Hermione. For a fleeting moment the thought of a Hermione-less world crossed his mind but he dismissed it immediately- he wasn't sure he wanted to find out what he would do if she was seriously ill. His hands were shaking when he reached the last page and, with dread, he read the diagnosis.
"The patient was brought in an unconscious state at 6:01 AM and appeared to present a severe case of the flu with a fever reaching 39ºC. She looked fatigued and exhausted. Several charms were used to give an accurate diagnosis. However, upon finding out that the patient is pregnant (3 weeks, healthy embryo), no potions were administered for the flu and she will remain under observation for the next few days or until her body temperature reaches normal values".
His hands were still trembling but this time it had nothing to do with fear. It was a strange sensation, Severus thought while silently placing the chart on the night table and collapsing on the wooden chair again. It was like nothing he had felt before. It certainly wasn't anger and it wasn't panic, though at the moment he felt more scared that during the final battle. No, it was a different feeling altogether. It was as if the enormity of what he had read was slowly filling his heart and his throat and his stomach and his brain. Slowly the idea that Hermione Granger was pregnant with his child was sinking in. It was simply not possible, a voice inside his head kept whispering, he had made the potion himself. He had seen her drink it religiously every night they had shared a bed.
So really there were only two logical explanations, he thought while breathing through his nose, desperately trying to regain control of the situation: either she had lied and hadn't drunk the potion- therefore, seeking this pregnancy- or he had made a mistake brewing the concoction. The latter was simply unthinkable. And yet, the idea of Hermione wantinghis child, seeking his seed, was ridiculous. Surely, she wasn't so enamoured as to think that having a child would change things between them? No. Hermione Granger was many things but irrational wasn't one of them. There had to be another explanation, something he was missing.
While Severus' mind was working overtime, his heart was beating frantically. It kept reminding him with every beat that he was going to be a father. He was going to have a child. The images of a baby boy with black hair and of a baby girl with brown curls suddenly, but very clearly, appeared in his mind. He smiled. Perhaps the dream he had had a few weeks back hadn't been too far-fetched after all.
If she decided it to keep it, that is.
Quite suddenly he remembered what he had done the night before and felt sick with himself. The woman carrying his child had been subjected to the worst humiliation of her life by him. It had been he the one to fuck her almost against her will… it had been he the one to break her heart. For a moment he had fooled himself that a life of happiness was possible. Hadn't he proven that he wasn't a nice man? Hadn't he proven, time and time again, that he would probably end up being a poorer parent than his father? He closed his eyes as flashes of his unhappy childhood appeared in his mind.
"I'm sorry," he whispered at once, grabbing her hand, "I am very sorry, Hermione,"
"It's alright, Severus," she answered sleepily, then, tossing around, she carried on sleeping.
"I'm sorry that I will never know him," he whispered, "or her…,"
He smiled at those words, but it was a sad smile for he had seen yet again the picture of the happy family that would never be. She was bound to terminate the pregnancy after the way he had behaved and he had no right to demand anything from her.
He caressed her hand one last time and then placed it in her belly. Underneath his palm was a heart that was beating because of him. Gathering some of the same courage he had used when performing Occlumency against Voldemort in his days as a spy, he stood up and left the Hospital Wing at once. He had no idea what he was going to do but staying with her wasn't an option. Why would she want him there, anyway, after what he had done? She was better off without him and he… well, he was better off not daydreaming about a life that he couldn't have.
Severus Snape was unaware, however, that three pair of eyes had witnessed the whole thing and that, inside each of their heads, a plan that would end with his misery forever was being hatched.
PEOPLE! How can I thank you enough for your ABSOLUTELY AWESOME reviews? I still can't believe you took the time to let me know you enjoyed my fic! It meant the WORLD to me!
What? You haven't reviewed yet? Please do let me know what you think! Chapter 11 is on its way and I need all the input and encouragement I can get! Severus is SUCH a tormented soul but I promise that Albus, Minerva and Poppy's plan will give this fic (where clichés have abounded) an interesting twist. Let's keep our fingers crossed for our favourite couple!
Alas, chapter10 hasn't been beta-ed yet as you have probably guessed by now. I wanted to upload it ASAP. Plus, my betas are extremely busy at the moment and even though two of them have sent me the corrected versions of chapter 8 and 9, I still haven't uploaded them. One of my other betas hasn't had the time to check it yet and I really owe to her to wait. I reckon these last chapters have been readable, right? Is my English decent enough for you to make sense of the plot, despite the obvious grammar mistakes? feels unsure
Anyway, I'll see you around (hopefully soon!) in the next chapter! R&R!
Florence