Chapter 10: To Defeat a Sue
Disclaimer: I don't own it, I don't own it.
Arwen made her way towards Eowyn as the Shieldmaiden dismounted.
"It seems as though we have a problem," she said, arching her eyebrow.
"That's an understatement," Eowyn replied. The females of the group watched as Haldir, Elrohir, and Elladan helplessly fell under the hypnotic stares of the Mary-Sues.
"What should we do?" Elizabeth asked. Arwen frowned as she thought.
"Perhaps if we can test their knowledge of Middle Earth. If they become confused, it will cause writer's block for their authors and they will disappear."
"That doesn't sound too promising," Anck muttered. Arwen shook her head.
"It is a very large, 'if', Anck-su-namun. However, it is also quite possible."
"Have you done it before?" inquired Celia.
"Once. Before Estel and I were married, there was a particularly vicious Mary-Sue waiting for him in Rivendell after he met the Hobbits in Bree. She even convinced my father that she should join the Fellowship. It was horrible. There was nothing she could not do, it seemed. Aragorn fought her as best he could, but you know how weak men, or even Elves, are when it comes to Mary-Sues."
This drew nods and murmurs from everyone in the group, as they all recalled their own numerous run-ins with the evil Sues.
"In the end, I was able to stop her just before she and Aragorn were married," Arwen's smile was almost evil as she savored the memory of that moment. "I asked her what the name of Aragorn's mother was. She did not know. For the first time since her arrival in Rivendell, there was a question she could not answer. She just stood there, looking confused, before she finally faded. And I had Aragorn back again."
"Well, what kind of questions will you ask them?" Evelyn inquired, eager to get the Sues out of their hair.
Arwen bit her lip as she considered her options.
"I am not sure, yet. But Eowyn will help me. We must save my brothers and Haldir."
The group moved as a unit towards the Mary Sues. By now, the Elf maidens were paired off. Laurewen, who had set her sights on Elrohir as soon as she saw him, now had the son of Elrond practically eating out of her hand. Alathwen was with Elladan, discussing the finer points of archery, and Haldir was sitting at the feet of Linwe, serenading her. Arwen stifled the urge to roll her eyes.
"I must ask that you leave Middle Earth at once," the Queen of Gondor stated calmly. Laurewen, who seemed to be the leader of the Sues, looked at Arwen with a puzzled expression. She answered the canon character in a low, soft voice, her tone soothing to the groups' ears.
"Leave Middle Earth? But we have not yet heard the call of the Undying Lands. It is not our time to leave Middle Earth, just as it was not your destiny to join your people in Valinor."
"Do not attempt to distract me," Arwen said icily, not so easily swayed. "I know who you truly are, or rather what you truly are. You do not belong in Middle Earth and you most certainly do not belong with my brother."
"I believe Elrohir is of a different opinion, Lady Arwen. Look. Have you ever seen him so happy?" Laurewen gestured to her conquest, who had a decidedly goofy grin on his face. Arwen grimaced.
"It is a false happiness. You are not in love with him. He is not truly in love with you. He only thinks he is. Now I will say this only once more. You must leave Middle Earth. It is my home, these," here she indicated Haldir and her brothers, "are my kin. I will not let you harm them."
Laurewen laughed. A trickling, silvery laugh that only served to ensnare poor Elrohir further. He joined the conversation.
"Sister, this is really no concern of yours. Laurewen loves me and I love her. Do you not want me to be happy?"
Before Arwen could reply, Laurewen's eyes lit up like stars and she spoke again in that low tone that had failed to soothe Arwen earlier.
"Of course she does not. If you were to fall in love, Elrohir, that would mean that your sister would be second in your affections. Lady Arwen could not understand that. Look what she made poor Estel go through. What sort of woman would tell the man she loved that she would marry no less than the King of Gondor and Arnor?"
Arwen's eyes widened in horror even as Elrohir began to believe what Laurewen was saying.
"All those years she made him wait. Your poor foster brother suffered for over sixty years, cruelly denied the one thing his heart desired most. Every breath he took, every step he walked was for Arwen. Now, do you not think that she would be capable of denying you happiness as well?"
"Of course she is capable of it," Elrohir growled. The other two Sues, along with Haldir and Elladan, had gathered around Laurewen and Elrohir. Laurewen glanced at Elladan and Haldir.
"It is the same for you as well, Elladan and Haldir. Your happiness is not important to her. It is not important to any of them."
"I will hear no more of this!" cried Arwen, her temper getting the better of her. "To begin with, I never told Estel that I would marry no less than the King of Gondor and Arnor. Ada told him that. I had no part of it. Do you not remember that, Elrohir? Elladan?"
The twins looked confused for a moment and Arwen leapt at the opportunity to begin her questioning.
"Since you seem to be so well acquainted with Middle Earth in general and the Elves in particular, perhaps you would not mind answering a few questions?"
Laurewen shrugged gracefully, her perfectly rounded shoulders slipping oh-so-slightly out of her elegant moonbeam-like dress.
"What is the name of my mother?"
"Celebrian." The answer came quickly and decisively. Arwen hid her dismay at the speed with which her question was answered and forged ahead.
"Estel's mother?"
"Gilraen."
"Who rescued Frodo from the Ringwraiths?"
"Glorfindel."
Arwen frowned. That question usually did the trick. Eowyn jumped in, determined that these Sues would not win.
"Where did Faramir take Frodo, Sam, and Gollum after he captured them in the wilderness?"
"Osgiliath," Linwe replied before Laurewen could even open her mouth. As soon as she spoke, she began to fade.
"What's happening to me?" she asked. Eowyn smiled.
"Faramir never took the Hobbits to Osgiliath. He didn't even take them as prisoners."
Linwe groaned as she continued to fade, her power over Haldir lessening by the minute. Soon, there was nothing but air where the 'Elf' from Imladris had once stood. Arwen smiled slightly at Eowyn and, her confidence boosted by the loss of Linwe, continued the inquisition.
"Why was Estel raised by my father?"
"His father, Arathorn, was killed when Aragorn was only a baby. Lord Elrond took him in and renamed him to protect him."
Eowyn bit back a sigh, but kept her attention riveted to the remaining Sues. Though she noted out of the corner of her eye that Celia and Anck were tending to a very shaken Haldir.
"Why was Legolas at the Council of Elrond?"
"He had come to Rivendell to inform Lord Elrond that Gollum, whom the Mirkwood Elves had been guarding, had escaped."
Arwen went rather pale. Eowyn whispered in her ear.
"A book canon Mary Sue?"
Arwen nodded and replied, "Very rare, but infinitely more dangerous than your average Mary Sue."
But Arwen was renowned for her determination and she went on with her questions, even though Laurewen looked rather bored with the whole ordeal.
"Why did Gollum abandon Frodo and Sam when they were so close to Mount Doom?"
"Gollum didn't abandon Frodo and Sam, Laurewen. That is a trick question. Sam wasn't with Frodo in Shelob's Lair. He was already gone," Alathwen jumped into the conversation.
Just as Linwe had done, Alathwen began to fade. Alarmed, she looked at Arwen.
"Sam never left Frodo's side," Arwen said calmly. Alathwen fought with all her might, but she, too, was soon gone.
"Two down," Evelyn said as she headed for Elladan.
"One to go," finished Elizabeth, only hesitating slightly before helping her newly-minted friend.
The questions went on and on relentlessly. The others in the female fellowship were still busy tending to Elladan and Haldir, who were in a weakened state due to the power their Mary-Sues had held over them. Eowyn remained by Arwen's side, coming up with questions when Arwen seemed to run out of ideas. Anamaria stood by the sidelines, sometimes observing the two inquisitors, wishing there was such a way to get rid of Mary Sues in her world.
"Why did Merry look into the palantir?"
"Merry didn't. It was Pippin who looked into the palantir."
Arwen sighed. She was exhausted. This Mary Sue was too much for her. She had questioned the girl on everything she could think of. She was beginning to lose hope.
Suddenly, Arwen's eyes lit up. Hope! That was it!
"Who said, 'Onen i-Estel Edain. U-chebin Estel anim.'?"
"Lord Elrond said 'I gave hope to the Dunedain.' Aragorn said 'I have kept no hope for myself.'."
The ladies who were tending to Elladan and Haldir were frightened out of their wits when an ear-piercing scream shattered the air. Turning, they saw that Arwen had obviously succeeded in her goal. Slowly but surely, Laurewen was beginning to fade.
"No! NO! It was Gilraen! It was Gilraen! Elrohir! My love! Help me! Please!"
But Elrohir was too stunned by what was transpiring in front of his eyes. As Laurewen faded, he began to grow weaker and weaker. Arwen and Eowyn each grabbed one of his arms and lowered him to the ground gently. Then Arwen turned back to Laurewen, who had sunk to her knees, still pleading to stay in Middle Earth.
"You will no longer be allowed into Middle Earth. That is the penalty. I hereby banish you."
"You can get rid of me, Arwen Evenstar! But you will never win this war! There are too many of us and far too few of you! We will continue to invade your home! We will never give up in our quest!"
"Neither will we," Arwen said, her voice like steel. Laurewen gave a final scream before she vanished completely. The group remained silent for a while, unsure of what to say. Anamaria finally seemed to sum it up.
"Well," she said, borrowing a phrase from her captain, "that was interesting."
A/N: All for now, but I promise I'll be good and write more soon. I know this chapter wasn't that funny, but let's face it. Sues are no laughing matter. Review, please!