Chapter 10: Past Secrets

"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."

-- Roy Croft

I walked and walked and walked for what seemed like hours upon end. It was still dark out though, so it must have been around four am or so. I finally began to come back to reality and once I did, I tripped on my own two feet. I fell forward and landed with a rather large crashing noise. I didn't get up and just lay there, wanting and wishing for death. The forest made no noises like it normally would. Instead, it was silent and gloomy. I shut my eyes and slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

I opened my eyes almost instantly when I heard the bushes move. It was beginning to get light out and I could kinda see my surroundings. I squinted my eyes to try and see what was there but I couldn't see anything due to my blindness. I sat up slightly to try and look out for what was there but still, there was nothing. I then decided to question this presence

"Hello?"

Nothing responded and the silence mocked me. It was nothing I decided a few minutes later, no one or anything was in the bushes. Just my mind playing tricks on me was all. I sighed and decided to lie back down again and if it was something, it was free to come and get me if it wished. I closed my eyes for a few minutes into a felt as if I was being watched. I tried to push it off as nothing but it stayed there. As I opened my eyes, there was something tall standing over me and I jumped at this figure. It was silent but it watched me, and I watched it. Then it spoke

"So it didn't kill you? Hm, that's a shame."

"What do you want Cornelius?" I hissed at him

"I could smell that vanilla on you and I thought you might have been with Dustin and Alex so I tracked it."

"Does it look like I'm with them?" I growled.

"Jesus, what's wrong with you?" He questioned

"It's none of your business." I stated bluntly and got up to walk away from him. I was a little wobbly and slow from sitting on the ground so long but i managed to get ten feet away. He stopped me and pulled me back with his tongue. He wrapped it around my waist and pulled me back almost instantly. I fell back and landed on my butt as he dragged me there. I didn't squirm but instead gave him the cold shoulder as he tried to talk to me.

"Lucretia, goddammit, talk to me!"

"Why should I? You've always been a dick to me." i responded

"Look, I'm sorry." He said

"What was that? Did you say sorry? It must be the end of the world." I said sarcastically

"Well, they're gonna blow up the city and we're still not out of it so if you don't want it to be the end of your world, I suggest we get going."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I growled

"Come on, we have to go and find Dustin and Alex."

"i'd rather rot alone than spend a minute with you."

"I know we had a rough start and I'm honestly sorry. Just please, come with me." He pleaded. Then it occured to me, why was he being so nice all of a sudden? It fell silent and I sat there trying to piece it all together. He stayed silent just as I did, but I spoke first

"Cornelius, what's with the sudden change of heart?" I awaited for a responce but all he did was let go of me. As soon as he did, i got up to face him. I was very short compared to him but I watched him nonetheless. I stared at him but he just looked away, as if he were hiding something. I was about to question him again but he answered

"It's just...I felt bad for treating you the way I did."

"and why exactly did you treat me like that?" I questioned

"You just reminded me a little too much of someone that I despise..." He answered honestly.

"Oh, and how exactly do I?" I asked and he flashed me a glance. I stared at him, keeping my posture and stance, and awaited his answer. He looked me in the eye for a split second then looked towards the ground again. It went silent as if he were searching for the right words. Then he began

"It's just everything about you. The way you talk, the way you act, your laugh, even your smile and the sparkle in your eyes remind me of a girl I loved with all of my heart a long time ago..." i stayed silent for him to continue

"I loved her and she crushed me. She was my everything and i meant nothing to her. she only played with my emotions then crushed me. I let it all happen too..."

"I'm sorry that I do..." I said quietly "I honestly don't mean to hurt you..."

"When i first saw you, I didn't want Alex to let you stay with us because I thought you were her. That's how much you ressemble her."

"Well that explains your hostility" I responded and looked to the ground as well. we stood in silence as the sun began to rise. I sighed lightly and said

"Well, we better get walking then...no sense in wasting away here." I smiled slightly but he looked away. i forgot that I reminded him too much of whoever-she-was so I looked away as well. It was silent for a bit and it gnawed away at me. I sometimes glanced over to him to see what he was doing, quite obviously nothing though so I always ended up looking back in my direction. I hummed slightly to ease the silence but it made it worse. Another ten minutes rolled by and it was still the same awkard silence. I decided to break it with the first thing that came to mind

"So, I was just wondering...but how did you meet Alex?"

"We've been best friends since grade one." He responded without looking at me.

"And what did you mean when you said "you've always got what you want." I asked quietly

"Alex came from a rich family, no? Whatever he wanted, he got. It was also the same with Lizzie..."

"Lizzie was the girl who he let die, right?" I questioned

"the same girl who broke my heart..." He whispered

"Oh...." I said quietly. It once again became silent and awkward, just like before. It was worse though, I must have sparked a memory in him that he didn't want to remember. I instantly felt bad when I realized that I was the cause of his grief. i then heard him speak

"Don't feel bad, alright? It was my fault for letting my guard down with her and it's not your fault, alright? Just bear with me, ok?"

"Alright. But I want to know one thing." I asked, I took his silence as a yes "What did she do to make you hate her so?" I knew it was a lot to ask, especially when we were just becoming less hostile to one another. But I thought it would make him feel a little better if someone else knew what was going on. I looked towards the ground, trying hard not to make eye contact. I heard him make a noise then respond

"she used me to get close to Alex. Seeing as how I was his best friend, she figured I'd be the key in getting closer to him. I introduced one another, we all hung out. I was blind with affection for her and didn't see what she was doing. Alex didn't seem to see this either, nor did he seem to care about her the way I did."

"So why did they become boyfriend and girlfriend?" i asked quietly

"He did it out of pity for her. He never really loved her and that made me angry. He always got what he wished for and took it for granted. He figured someone better would come along."

"So, you loved her, she didn't love you and loved him and he didn't love her."

"Exactly."

"Well, don't feel bad..." I responded quietly "My boyfriend didn't love me either..."

"What do you mean? That Adam kid?" He questioned all of a sudden "I thought he was dead. How did you find this out?"

"Adam well, he's the Tank."

"The Tank? you mean, he rescued you from the military?"

"Yeah...and he took me to the Witch, who was a girl named Juliet in my choir class." I answered.

"So you're saying that the Tank, and the Witch, were two people that you once knew? That's messed up."

"You're telling me. And the best part was, I found out that they were together behind my back in our former lives..."

"That's horrible...I'm sorry to hear that..."

"Yeah, me too..." I added in quietly and continued to look forward. There were so many questions that attacked my brain now. It honestly didn't explain why Cornelius was nicer to me, why Alex simply pretended with his ex. The night that Alex told me that I reminded him of her, that made me think, what if he pulled the same thing with me? Just got with me out of pity. But then that also made me think, did I really like him that way? My dead heart began to ache. What did that mean? There was more to Alex than it seemed, and a bestfriend knows you like the back of their hand. I held my breath and just the thought of him made me hurt in the heart and brought tears to my eyes. When we'd find him, I'd have to question him myself, to see if this was true or not. So, I picked up my pace to hurry up and find him. My heart thirsted for Alex, and I knew it. I couldn't help but say that I was beginning to like Alex a little more than just a friend. But what made me deny it so?