Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan.

A/N: Ava is 5, Remy is 10, Hanji is amused by a gift, Levi is not.

Merry and Bright

"We're not keeping that thing."

Levi and Hanji were both sitting at the kitchen table, looking at the little red and white figure that perched on top of the basket of oranges in the center of the table. It had come in the mail that afternoon, but it seemed that nighttime was its element.

Under the bright kitchen light, its plastic smile, big blue eyes, and featureless red jumpsuit lent it a certain creepy quality. Hanji thought Levi was blowing it out of proportion. Levi thought Hanji was insane for wanting to keep the sinister Christmas nightmare in the house.

"Hey, it's my brother that sent it so we can't just trash it," Hanji said, shrugging, "It's sort of horrifically cute, if you squint."

"No. It looks like it's going to kill us in our sleep."

"It's just a toy, Levi."

Levi responded by taking a long, lingering sip of tea, his eyes narrowed at Hanji.

Okay, so he wasn't exactly the best at Christmas traditions. From what he had told Hanji, she had gathered that Christmas at his house hadn't exactly been a happy occasion, if his uncle even remembered it at all. So of course he wouldn't be on board with the Elf on the Shelf idea right off the bat. He would have to warm up to it.

Though Hanji didn't particularly want to get used to it herself. For one, she didn't like the shelf elf idea in general since she would rather her kids behave because it was the right thing to do, rather than holding out threats of a stalker elf over their heads. Also, the thing was scary as hell, and she was sure it'd give Ava nightmares, if not Remy too.

"Where should we put it first?"

"In the garbage can."

Hanji pretended that she didn't hear him. She got up and plucked the red elf off the fruit, glancing around the kitchen. "Most people take pictures of them screwing up stuff and then post them on Facebook."

The expression on Levi's face said that proposal was going no where. Hanji smirked and twisted the elf around in a circle in her hands. "You know, we can't throw it away. But we can't stop it if it decides to go on an adventure, either."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "I don't like you talking about it as if it's alive."

"I think you'll like this," she said, "Do we have any of those fireworks left that we confiscated from Remy?"

"Oh. Good idea, Four eyes."

Fifteen minutes later, the Ackerman family was gathered out on the front lawn watching Hanji set fire to the long fuse of a rather large illegal firework. Levi was holding Ava while Remy stood beside them, arms crossed.

"It's my firework, why can't I set it on fire?"

"Because you're not allowed to have one."

"Then how come Mom gets to set it off?"

"Because I have a doctorate!" Hanji declared, a maniacal smile on her face.

"You don't have a doctorate in fireworks science, it's in biology," Remy accused, but he closed his mouth when he caught Levi frowning at him.

The fuse finally caught, and Hanji raced back toward her family. "All right, after this blows, we have to go inside and pretend we have no idea what happened."

"Got it," Remy said with a nod.

"Where's the elf going?" Ava asked. She had her arms looped around Levi's neck, and she was watching the elf with fascinated grey-blue eyes.

"On a cosmic journey," Hanji said, "From which there is no return."

"Good," Levi said.

The firework suddenly took off, squealing into the sky. It curved up over the house and then exploded, sending bright blue glimmers everywhere.

"Did we even name that thing?" Remy asked.

"Sure," Hanji said, smiling, "It's name is Kaboom McFieryFace."