Chapter 10: Family Night
A/N: We do not own Animal Planet, The Planet's Funniest Animals or America's Funniest Home Videos. That's our disclaimer. Thank you. Oh yes, remember to vote. Please please please. If you're going to favourite or story alert us, you might us well review. If you're going to review, you might as well vote. We let the people decide!
It's family DVD night!
The camera, rested but still not mentally secure is floating near them, capturing their movements.
Baki, Temari, Kankurou and Gaara are all at home. Baki, Temari and Kankurou are positively excited and psyched about this arrangement, whereas Gaara is well, just being Gaara. How boring. But we love him anyway right folks?
Baki switches on the television and sets up the DVD player and what-not.
"Ok, put it there Kankurou," he says excitedly. Kankurou breaks into a wide grin and shakes Baki's hand. Temari slaps her forehead. Gaara just sits there, stoned as usual. We wouldn't be surprised if he was experiencing his private time again. But then again, he would have to be cross-eyed to do that. Hmm...
Baki slaps Kankurou on the back so that the latter falls face down, motionless. "Atta boy! That's the spirit Kankurou! But seriously, where's the DVD I asked you to get?"
Kankurou is still motionless. "Fine," Baki sniffs, folding his arms, "ignore me."
Then Temari is like, "Uh, Kankurou can't talk right now. Let me tell you on his behalf that he forget to rent it, seeing that we were busy preparing for Everybody Loves—"
She stopped and swallowed at the look Gaara gave her. She glanced at Kankurou who was still motionless, not to mention face-down.
"Everybody Loves…Puppies? Uh heh heh…" said Temari uneasily. Gaara narrowed his eyes and returned to staring at the blue screen the television was showing.
"Now what do we do?" asked Baki, throwing up his arms in defeat. Then Kankurou jumped to his feet, perfectly unscathed.
"I say we have dinner! I'm cooking!" he exclaimed, all gung-ho. Ish.
Gaara stares at him. "You mean we were to have DVD night before dinner?" Gaara would normally have his meals at McDonald's but it's family night so…
"Yeah," said Baki, Temari and Kankurou together.
Gaara narrowed his eyes once again and was like, "Never mind."
Kankurou whoops with joy and rushes into the kitchen. Then Temari realizes something which has to do with the hygiene conditions of Kankurou's hands, jumps up and rushes in after him to remind him to do something in case he had been neglecting his personal hygiene.
So we now have Gaara and Baki on the sofa.
"What time is it?" asked Gaara.
"Ten fifty a.m.," replied Baki politely.
Gaara raised an eyebrow—if he had eyebrows! "So we're having DVD night and dinner before lunch?"
"Yeah," said Baki. Gaara was like, "WTH?" but of course he didn't show it.
Seven hours later…
Baki was sprawled on the sofa, snoring like an elephantine lawn mower whereas Gaara's eyes were bulging and he was vibrating with his fist clenched and you could here those pre-eruption sounds being emitted from him.
"Dinner's ready!" sang Kankurou in a way that did not suggest he was a housewife.
Baki got up and rubbed his hands enthusiastically. "Ready already?" said Baki, amazed, "come on Gaara, let's get some grub."
Gaara was like, "KANKUROU, I WILL KILL YOU!"
Temari was already at the table for some reason and for some reason some more, we have magically switched to past tense. Yay.
Gaara took his place beside Baki, who sat beside Temari, who sat beside Kankurou. But she wasn't sitting with Kankurou just yet, because Kankurou hadn't sat down!
Kankurou placed a bowl in front of each person and laid a fork and spoon on either side of every bowl. Then he sat down beside Temari so she is now officially sitting with him. Hurray! Everyone glances down at their bowls (yay present tense).
The bowl is filled with clear water and there is a whole, uncooked garlic that looks like it had been ceremoniously plopped inside.
"Voila," said Kankurou with relish, "my signature garlic soup!"
"Boy, this looks good," said Baki, smacking his lips. Temari said calmly and rationally to Kankurou, "You took seven hours to make this?"
"Yes, I mean, it is dinner and we can't be having dinner at ten fifty a.m. can we?" sang Kankurou happily. Temari slapped her forehead. Gaara's entire head had been blown off.
"I didn't really cook it as it's my campaign for energy-saving! I mean it's so hip to go green right? I got the water from our refreshing local secret spring," explained Kankurou in a non-housewife-y fashion.
Baki had completely finished his meal and Gaara was still headless. Temari hadn't touched hers. Then she had an epiphany about Kankurou's water of dubious origins.
"But…we don't have a local spring," said Temari uneasily.
"My compliments to the chef," said Baki, and he went on his way.
Kankurou looked confused. The transition to past tense has commenced! "But it's in the middle of the village and rushes underground like a sparkling stream of sorts, even though it's a spring!"
"Uh Kankurou, did you have to lift a black dustbin lid-like cover, climb through a hole of sorts and descend down a ladder to get to your spring?" asked Temari in…a way.
"Yes!" cried Kankurou, "gosh Temari, don't tell me you know about my secret spring?"
Temari clasped her hand to he mouth, "Oh dear," she squeaked. Temari jumped up from the seat and ran for the bathroom.
Kankurou stared at Gaara who was still headless and motionless. "I guess it's just you and me, little bro," he said. He shrugged and started consuming his soup.
The gang which consisted of a headless Gaara, a satisfied Kankurou and Baki and a queasy Temari found themselves on the sofa at 7'o clock.
Baki who did not appear to be sporting any repercussions of his dinner turned on the TV. "Since we do not have a DVD to enjoy due to Kankurou's negligence, we shall just have to enjoy a random program from a random channel," announced Baki. Kankurou grinned sheepishly. Temari bent over as her face turned green. Gaara just sat there, headless.
Baki randomly tuned the TV to Animal Planet and it just so happened to be showing The Planet's Funniest Animals.
The announcer was like, "And this is one kitten who loves his tea parties!" Then there was a short clip of Kankurou having a tea party with his puppets.
Temari's mouth hung open. Then she turned to Gaara. "I thought you sent that one to America's Funniest Home Videos," she said reproachfully. But Gaara, being headless, didn't have a mouth, so he couldn't reply.
Kankurou giggled, "Aww! What a cute kitten!"
Baki stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Yes, quite. It's positively adorable!"
Temari slapped her forehead.
Gaara regained his head by spawning another one out of sand. He got up and walked away contemptuously.
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