A couple hours later the Chanels and I decide to go to the mall for Black Friday. We're walking down stairs when Munsch stopped us "Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you ladies think you're going? We were just served a roasted head for Thanksgiving. I mean, now it's almost midnight." she said walking over to us as we got to the bottom of the stairs "Yeah. And you know what starts at midnight? Black Friday. That's why we're doorbusting." I tell her. "No. You're not going anywhere, not until I get ahold of the police." she says shaking her head "Okay, at this point who cares if the police show up?" Chanel replies "Chanel's right. All their gonna do is look at Gigi's served roasted head and say that they have no proof that it is in any way related to the killing at campus." Number 5 explains "Shut up Number Five. When you agree with me it makes me actually question whether I actually agree with me. Plus we're never gonna know who cooked Gigi and put her head on that platter. Any one of us could be the killer. At one point or another tonight, on this delightful holiday evening, everyone of us was alone and had access to that kitchen." Chanel explains to Dean Munsch. Chanel shrugs before continuing "Got to run, or we'll be late for the midnight hippo stampede at Walmart." we start walking away from the stairs when Munsch stop us again "No, no, no. You listen to me you little bitch. I am gonna take this opportunity to be the strong parental influence you have never had. You are gonna march over to that sofa right now and you're gonna sit down because you are in a time-out." Munsch tells Chanel making her chuckle "I'm sorry. Did you just put me in a time-out? You do realize I'm not seven, right? Let's review the facts shall we? You have been uterally powerless to protect us from the Red Devil. Hmm. Sort of a strange coincidence isn't it? Seeing as how your primary motivation as dean of this school has been to shut down Kappa House. well, behold how badly you've failed. Kappa House is alive and well, and it's your university that's been shut down. I think it's pretty safe to assume that your career is over. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to the mall to exercise out patriotic right to join hundreds of thousands of our fellow out-of-breath Americans in sweatpants as they make frenzied, ill-thought-out purchases of cheap, crappy garbage they can't afford and don't need. To deny us of that right would be un-american. Let's go sluts. Try not to murder anyone else while we're gone Dean Carpetmunsch." we all follow Chanel out of the house.
I was standing with Chanel and Number 3 looking at the 20 percent off jewelry "Should I get Number Five a pair of 99-cent brass studs that'll turn her earlobes green and give her an infection or a pair of $1.99 danglies that'll get caught in her sweater and tear her earholes?" Chanel asks us picking up the earrings "Hmm. That's a really good question." Number responded "There both amazing results." I add on. "Okay, you know what you guys, I don't understand why you have to get us the crappiest gifts possible and then make sure we know about it beforehand just to ruin the surprise." Number Five complains to us "Um, hello? The surprise is that you're getting anything at all. You guys should be happy you're even on my radar." Chanel tells us "I think what Number Five is trying to say is that since we spent so much time and money picking you out the perfect Chanel Classic Flap Crocodile Jumbo Purse for you..." Hester starts explaining before getting cut off "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You dumb bitches got me- Chanel- a Chanel Classic Flap Crocodile Purse?" she asks us "Oh yeah." Hester replies happily "That is bizarre. I mean, that's like bringing pineapples to Hawaii. You know Uncle Karl gives me Chanel swag for free, right? So why would you feel the need to waste $13,000 buying me something I already have?" Chanel finishes " 'Cause it's Christmas." I tell her smiling. Chanel gets a look of realization "Oh, my god. Maybe I've got this whole Black Friday thing wrong. Maybe instead of using my disgusting wealth to buy my friends crap, I should use my disgusting wealth to buy my friends things they would actually enjoy. Come on let's get out of here." Chanel tells us smiling "Wait, w-where are we going?" Hester asks as we walk out "To the Chrysler dealership across the street. I'm buying us all matching pink Jeeps." Chanel tells us happily "Wait what?" Number Five asks "Yes. It's gonna be so fun. We can take our matching pink Jeeps on, like, an African safari or something." Chanel explains as we walk fastly. "How do we know that they're gonna have five identical pink Jeeps?" Hester asks as we round a corner "Yeah and how are we gonna get the Jeeps to Africa? I mean, are we gonna ship them or we gonna take a ferry?" Number Five rambles as they walk but Hester and I stop noticing the mall completely empty "I don't know Number Five okay? Stop poking holes in the pink Jeep idea please, and just accept the fact that I'm buying you all pink Jeeps. Take the win Number Five. Geez!" Chanel tells her as we all stopped walking now standing in the middle of the mall. Not even a second later all the lights shut off "What time is it?" Chanel asks "Oh my god. The mall is deserted. We've been shopping for, like, ever with no liquids or cotton balls." Number 3 tells us freaking out "It's fine we'll just find an exit." I say confidently not really knowing what was going on, I had been kicked off the Red Devil team after Boone was killed by his sister. We walk to the exit with Number Five in front, when she opens the door we find that it's chained "Oh no, we're locked in!" Chanel yells freaking out. Number Three turns around to face us with a scared look on her face then turns back to the door trying to fit through the small gap "Oh as if Number Five." I say to her, she then turns around to us again but Chanel, Number 3, Hester and I scream as the Red Devil appears behind her making Number Five look quickly to look at the person then scream we all then run from the exit and back into the dark mall. "This is all your fault Number Five!" Chanel yells as we run down the escalator "It's gonna be okay!" Hester yells "And you're constantly behind me! And your stupid little chicken legs..." Chanel continues to blame Number Five as we get to the bottom and continue to run "I'm coming to help you! I'm gonna help you Chanel! I'm gonna came and help you. Oh no- look!" Hester yells pointing to the Red Devil that was standing in front of a carousel with a crossbow. "Wait look." I say looking at an half open garage door, we all run to them throwing the shopping bags under with us rushing Number Five who was first, after Hester went under Chanel and I stayed wanting to confront whoever was in the suit. "I am Kappa president." Chanel says.
We walk further into the mall then stopping in the middle "Alright Munsch. I guess it's finally just me, Aspen and you." Chanel says. Then the sound of an elevator starts making my eyes widen and Chanel and I turn around and face the elevator as the Red Devil exits making us back away. "Oh go on and shoot us hag. It'll just make us young and skinny forever and you'll still be old." Chanel taunts as we continue to walk backward. The Red Devil points the crossbow at us and we turn to run but when Chanel turns back the Devil shoots her causing her to fall back, shriek and cry "Come on, finish us off, you shriveled old crone!" I yell as the Devil loads the crossbow while Chanel scoots back and I walk back. The Devil go's to shoot me but is interrupted by a voice "Hold on baby girls! Freeze!" we see Denise run in wearing a police uniform with two other cops "Fist day on the job and I caught a killer. Ain't no way you getting out of this one Zayday Williams." she says pointing a gun at the Red Devil "Wait, you have a gun?" Chanel says in a surprised voice "I sure do, 'cause I am the new chief of police in this town." she tells us spinning the gun around her finger only to hurt herself "The rest of the force got fired 'cause of gross incompetence and they hired Denise Hemphill, 'cause clearly I'm the only one with the sleuthin' skills to catch a s..." she gets cut off when the Devil shoots an arrow into on of the cops instantly killing him. "Oh!" Chanel and I shriek watching as the now dead cop fell to the ground "Damn, he shot him! And he gettin' away!" Denise said running after the Devil with the other cop only for the Red Devil to pull down the Christmas tree "Hey... oh! He... oh, he knocked over that big ole' tree! Damn, why didn't I shoot him when I had the chance? I was just talking so much!" she yells as Chanel lays on the ground.
The next morning we all sat in the living room Number 3, 5, Hester and I sitting on one side of the room as Grace and Zayday sat on the other. "Ladies of Kappa, I'm calling this house meeting to order." Chanel said looking at us with her arm in a sling "How's your crossbow wound?" Hester asks "It's doing very well, thank you. The arrow missed all major attires, and I'm currently rolling on some sweet painkillers." Chanel sighs "Sisters... I think it's clear that Dean Munsch is the killer." Chanel states "Well, I'm not sure it's that clear at all." Zayday comments "It is clear. Dean Munsch has been after me and Kappa House as an institution since day one. And she was the only person who knew we were going to the mall. She knew it would be the perfect place to kill us all. That means Dean Munsch has been orchestrating every one of these attacks. Melanie Dorkus. Deaf Taylor Swift." Chanel lists off "That other security guard." Hester says "Predatory Lez." Chanel continues looking at Number 3. "Rodger and Dodger." Number 5 adds sadly "Chad's irritating armless friend. Candle Vlogger. Black British Guy." Chanel continues "Gigi." Grace says "Coney the Ice Cream Cone." Number 3 said "White trash Mandy Greenwall. Ms. Bean." I add on. "Hold on. Chanel killed Ms. Bean." Zayday says to me "I didn't turn on the deep fryer bitch! Like it or not we're sisters, and Dean Munsch is not gonna stop until we're all dead and buried. We've tried going to the police, and they've proven they cannot protect us. So it's time we deal with this problem ourselves." Chanel explains "I sort of feel like we've already been doing that." Number 3 says "What exactly are you proposing?" Grace asks "The only way we're gonna stop the murders is by killing Dean Munsch." Chanel tells us. We all sit in silence for a moment before Zayday speaks up "No. No way. Come on guys, this is insane." she says looking around the room "No Zayday, it isn't." Grace tells her making us all look up in surprise "Chanel... I can honestly say that, for once, I actually agree with you. I also think that Dean Munsch is the killer." she told us now standing by Chanel "Thank you talking pumpkin." Chanel says to her slightly smiling "I have been talking all year about how I want this house to become a true sisterhood. I've always had this vision of a band of sisters who stand together like an impenetrable community of shields who kept everyone safe and secure. But sometimes playing defense isn't enough. Sometimes instead of shields, we need swords. And sometimes to maintain a strong sisterhood... a sister has to cross a line she never thought she could cross. The time has come for me to ask myself, for all of us to ask ourselves, how much does this house and the girls in it mean to us. No one is going to help us. No one is going to stop this until we are all dead. It's up to us. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stop her. Dean Munsch has to die." Grace finishes "What?!" Zayday exclaims "Well I'm sorry, but she is a vindictive, amoral women who no one is gonna miss." Grace tells her. "The question is, how?" Hester says "How do we murder Dean Munsch?" Number 3 asks "I say we poison her." Chanel and Grace say together they both look at each other and smile "Well then, I guess it's settled." Chanel says looking back at us. We all go up stairs, except Zayday, to Chanel's room to look on ways to poison Dean Munsch "How come all the pictures on the wall are selfies? Does she not have any friends?" Number 3 asked as we looked at Dean Musch's blog "Shut up ho bag. We're looking for clues about how to trick her into drinking poison." Chanel told her as she scrolled down "Wait. Look at her status. "Just waiting for my next cup of delicious cup of apple cider. It's my favorite." Grace said reading one of the Deans posts. We went down stairs putting Hester's puffer fish venom into a mason jar of apple cider "Where did you get puffer fish venom?" Chanel asked as we watched Hester put droplets of the venom in the jar "From my puffer fish." Hester told her "Wait. How do we know how much to put in?" Number 5 asks "I heard a drop is enough to kill a man instantly." Number 3 told us "Better put in the whole thing, just to be sure." I tell Hester "I want to be there when she dies." Chanel said grabbing the vile and pouring it in. Later Chanel and Grace came back angry telling us that the poisoned cider didn't kill Munsch.
"All right ladies I want updates. We poisoned Dean Munsch several hours ago. She should have checked into an emergency room by now." Chanel told us as we walked into the living room "The women at Zionist Memorial Hospital said they only admitted one person into the ER all night, but it was some dude who needed help getting a LEGO figure out of his rectum." Number 3 told her as we sat down "What and idiot." Chanel said "It was Chad Radwell." Number 3 told her "What?" Chanel asked "The nurse said he told her he usually does his slightly nude yoga before he sets the perimeter of LEGO characters to guard his bed while he sleeps, but this time he decided to do it after, and accidentally sat on LEGO Captain Jack Sparrow." Number 3 explained "That's the weirdest explanation for anything I've ever heard. Damn it! So, clearly, it's impossible to poison Dean Munsch because she has some weird buzzard gullet that can safely digest anything! We need to think of new ways to kill her!" Chanel exclaims sitting down. "No. I'm not doing this." Grace says "What? Two hours ago you were like "Let's poison the bitch!"." Chanel says angrily to her "Well, I had a change of heart. Look I still think she's most likely the killer, but all the evidence against her is circumstantial. We still don't have a smoking gun, and if we decided to kill her without an overabundance of proof, we are no better that the Red Devil. Who, yes, is probably Dean Munsch." Grace explains. "All those in favor of kicking Grace out of Kappa House?" Chanel asks making the Chanels and I raise our hands "What? No. You can't do that. That's not in the house rules." Grace says in disbelief standing up from her spot "All those in favor of temporarily changing the house rules so that I can kick Grace out of Kappa?" Chanel asks making the Chanels and I raise our hands once more "Sorry Jack Skellington. You're out." I say to her "Fine. It was really great getting to know all of you. I'm really gonna cherish our time here together. Come on Zayday let's go." Grace said turning around. "Grace I'm not coming with you. I love you to death and we'll be friends forever, but... I think Chanel is right. Killing is wrong, but under this circumstance, I don't know what other choice we have. It's pretty obvious she's the killer, and she's not gonna stop until every one of us is dead. Grace I'm sorry. But I think you were right the first time. I hate to say it, but killing Dean Munsch is the right thing to do. " Zayday says standing in front of her, Grace scoffs before walking out of the room. "Hold on sluts. I've got it." Chanel says smirking.
The next day the Chanels, Dean Munsch, Zayday and I are in a spa for Dean Munsch's special treatment "The main thing is you have to be perfectly dry. The cryosauna is set to 200 degrees below zero so any water on your skin will freeze instantly." Chanel tells Munsch as we get to the doors "Well I'm just so excited about this. I follow Jennifer Grey on Instagram, and she raves about cryo." Munsch tells us "Oh we swear by it. 20 to 30 minutes in the cryosauna and I feel better. My skin's glowing. It's amazing for arthritis and lupus." I tell her "Okay, who want to go first? Dean Munsch? I always say age before beauty." Chanel asks. Dean Munsch chuckles "Well, thank you very much. Um okay. Wish me luck girls." she says smiling at us before pressing the button to open the door to the room, "Oh, wow. Isn't it beautiful?" she says as the door opens "Oh and it's not as cold as I thought it would be. Well... Okay." Dean Munsch takes off her robe, hands it to Chanel then steps inside the cryosauna "See you on the other side." she says then Hester closes the door. Hester locks the door on the keypad then walks away, the Dean poses as the smoke from the coldness surrounds her "Number 3 guard the door. Don't let anybody in. Dean Munsch will be dead in minutes." Chanel says we all stand on the stairs watching the cryosauna as the temperature drops. "How come there hasn't been any screaming?" Zayday asks after a couple of minutes "Yeah. She hasn't even tried to break down the door or anything." Number 5 says "Because Dean Munsch has frozen to death idiots." Chanel responds "If she tried to break the door down her arms would snap off." I tell them "Geez. There's a little movie called Terminator you girls might wanna consider watching. Number Seven, you got the body bag?" Chanel asks "Check." Hester replies holding up a small pink backpack. "Okay the car's idling out back. We'll pull bitch Popsicle from the freezer, throw her in the trunk and make tracks." Chanel said. When the door opened we saw Dean Munsch frozen in the pose she started in "Oh my god. She looks terrible." Chanel says happily when all of the sudden she opened her eyes making us gasp "I've never felt better. All right girls, who's next?" she asks as we all stare at her in shock.
Later we all sat at the dining room table for a meeting "Okay you incompetent heifers, I need to know it's physically possible for Dean Munsch to have survived 27 minutes in a cryochamber set to negative 200 degrees below zero." Chanel said walking behind us. Zayday raised her hand from beside me "Zayday go." Chanel demanded "I heard about these Buddhist monks that found a way to meditate, so they can sit outside all night, way, way up in the Himalaya's in weather that would kill a normal person, but their core temperature stays totally normal." Zayday explains "So you think Dean Munsch studied meditation with Buddhist monks in the Himalaya's?" Chanel asked "That's what I said wasn't it?" Zayday replied. "Number Five go." Chanel said after a moment "So I saw this documentary once about this high schooler who could grow all this really thick hair all over her body, if he concentrated really, really, hard on it. And maybe Dean Munsch can do that too. I mean this kid was, like, amazing. Like, he won this high school basketball championship singlehanded..." Number Five explained making us all shake our heads "You're thinking of the movie Teen Wolf you brainless gash, which is not in fact a documentary!" Chanel yells at her. "Maybe Dean Munsch is like Rasputin." Hester says from the other end of the table "Like what?!" Chanel asks walking to her "Uh, Rasputin. He was a mystical Russian peasant who became a close adviser of Tsar Nicholas II because he could magically cure Prince Alexei of his hemophilia." Hester tells her "Okay this seems totally not germane to what we're talking about, so can we please just skip ahead...?" Chanel asks walking away from her. "No! Listen! Rasputin gained more and more power with the Tsarina so, a group of conspirators invited Rasputin to dinner so that they could give him a cup of poisoned wine. But when Rasputin drank the entire bottle of poisoned wine, it had no effect oh him, except just making him burp a lot. So one of the plotters freaked out and took a pistol right in Rasputin's chest and shot him. But it did nothing, except just made him scream, along with the burping. So they shot him again- nothing! And then they shot him in the head. Still nothing! Rasputin wouldn't die. They decided to just take a club and start beating him until finally, Rasputin stopped moving. They cut off his genitalia, wrapped him in a rug and threw him into a icy river. Two days later when they found the body floating downstream, Rasputin's nails were gone! He tried clawing himself" Hester started dragging her nails on the table making a high pitched noise "out of the ice. In the end, he drowned. Maybe she has some magical powers that make her unable to die like, some horror movie villain, like Michael Myers, or Jason, or Dr. Giggles." Hester explained. "Hold on. I just thought of something. I was gonna wait to give you guys these to celebrate another successful Black Friday. But now I have another idea. There brand new smartphones." Chanel pulled out 6 Samsung Galaxy boxes and handed them to us "And keep them on you at all times." she says to us "I like the phone I already have." Number 3 says looking at the box "These phone are much better! Trust me! I already activated each phone, so when I call you, the edge will silently flash color. In this case red. Now when you see the edge go red, don't even pick up. Just quietly head down to the university pool. Aspen and I will lure Dean Munsch there by asking her to meet us alone, and then, right before she can murder us, we'll drown the bitch, just like Rasputin. Got it. Good." she finishes while we all hold our phones.
Later Chanel and I were at the pool while continuously calling Number 3, 5 and Hester but they weren't picking up "Come on, what is wrong with these idiots?" Chanel says frustrated dropping the bag of chains. We turn to see Dean Munsch leaning on a pillar "Oh. Hi." I say after gasping "Hello Aspen. Chanel. Why did you ask me to meet you here? And why are you carrying a bag clearly filled with chains?" she asks us. Chanel and I look down at the bag nervously "Um... bondage?" Chanel replies "Bondage?" Dean Munsch asks walking closer to us "Yes, I-I thought for this week's Campus Feminist Collective, we could talk about the rise of S&M in contemporary literature. We thought you might have a few words to say on it." Chanel explains "About bondage?" she asks once more "Mm-hmm." I say nodding my head. Dean Munsch looks around the pool "Well... where is everybody?" she asks smiling "Actually we don't know." I say locking my hands together, she walks closer to us "Do you think maybe it's because there's a serial killer on the loose and the entire campus has been evacuated?" say questions stopping in front of us "See, now I'm feeling really stupid because I'm just remembering that. Aspen did you remember that?" Chanel asks looking at me making me shaking my head and we back up looking at the water. "Well, it's, uh... it's a shame. Because I have quite a lot to say on the matter." she walks closer to us again while rubbing her hands together. "One more thing. Why did you want the Campus Feminists to meet at a pool?" she asks "I thought we could talk about bondage and... go for a swim." Chanel answers "Hmm. Yeah." Dean Munsch looks at us then walks away slamming the door on the way out, Chanel and I look back at the water then we go back to the house.