A.N.) This story has reached over 100 reviews, so I think I should do a formal thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story (even the people who did not return to this story, most likely due to that 3 year hiatus after Chapter 3). I'd lose all confidence without you! :D

Disclaimer) I do not own Night World or Ash Like Snow by the brilliant green.

Try It All

Chapter 10: Ash Like Snow

I feel so much hatred. I wonder how someone like me still exists. Could exist. With all the horrible things a person like me thinks of. It isn't right.

Something isn't right.

Love and hatred are so strong in me; I can feel it. I do things out of anger, yet I feel guilty afterwards. Why did I do those things? Why didn't I do something different? Could things really be different though? Lainey and that old lady said peace gained from blood and violence wasn't peace worth having… but… Damn! How else am I expected to fucking get it? People, be it human or Night Person, are just not wired for compromise or giving in.

I have to kill Rashel Romà—or Jordan—or whatever that bitch Melly changed their name to!

Who's to say what I'm doing is wrong? But then, who am I to say what I'm doing is right? What right do I have? I couldn't even save the old lady, or my own mother. I'm hardly capable of handling myself.

It's all over the place—my mind… I need a clean slate. Information. A choice.

I don't know what I am, where I was really born, where my ancestors were, or even what I really want. I hate everyone and the world—yet I don't…

Am I anything worth protecting, worth wanting?

I can't—I can't—I can't…

"To which am I speaking to? Ishmael?" a blunt voice ripped through Ishmael's sleep thoughts.

The boy woke to meet a familiar pair of green eyes piercing down from above. A girl with short, black hair stood over his bedside. He had no reason to be frightened by Lainey, she wasn't the physical fighting type, but she always woke up when she'd have something annoying to say. It was always riddles. Although, he supposed he could outsmart her again if he really needed something.

What are you talking about? You can tell who I am.

"But I can't really. Is it Ishmael I am speaking to or Roman?" she asked stepping back.

He sat up. I am both! I am me, Ishmael and Roman.

"Wrong. Ishmael is the confused but peace-seeking boy, while Roman lives for the game of fighting because he's good at it to the point where he gets high off the adrenaline. You both had so much potential as one, but your inner war has divided your mind and left your heart isolated." She had said all that so fluently, as she stared back into his brown eyes. There was uneasiness, but an all-knowing authority.

None of that phased the younger boy, however. Lainey was no match for him, and he knew it. I am me. That's all I need to know. What do you want?

The shame became obvious on Lain's face then. Roman wondered what that meant for him. "I saw things again. I saw her, the one you tricked me into taking to Despair with me."

Ishmael finally stood to stretch his legs, and took more priority in rubbing the long scar on his neck. For a moment, he felt that leech rip his throat apart all over again. It only gave him another reason to hate that leech-loving traitor that had the gall to carry Romà blood. Nothing more than a selfish bitch like Melisande.

Since you are awake, I'm guessing she is too. I'll have to begin the plan earlier than expected.

"No," she forced from her mouth without thinking. Lain gripped the edges of a table that she saw had maps with pins all over it. Of Nevada and the strip, Lainey could tell this was his notes on deciding where to hatch this plan she couldn't even read. "Please don't fight her," she mumbled, weak. "I know if you tried to see her like I do… you might care enough to not hate her! It's not too late, Ishmael."

I am Roman!

Lain was hurt by how dark his thoughts were becoming.

And the chance to cower out of this has long since passed. I'll never be accepted anywhere than with the Rouges. It is where I must stay.

Roman was in a mood. All this talk of Rashel and the thoughts that conflicted his sleep made him antsy for answers. He had to go through with this. There was nothing else to do. Nowhere else to go. His hand twitch with excitement of finally going somewhere to find something. Whatever happened, would happen. He might kill Rashel. He might be killed. All in time, he never felt more alive than when he knew shit was about to hit the fan.

Carefully, he started thinking of everything for his plan. This operation would mark a moment of change. He wanted to have fun with it, was what Roman thought. Ishmael was anxious to finally see what his heart was made of. What kind of person would destiny have chosen for him to be?

If I'm revealed too soon though I'll be up against the Great Quinn with no proper strategy. Fucking vampire might kill me if he discovers my intentions. If I can get Fleat and Manjula down to Vegas by the time I get there… they're the perfect team to hold him off. Abby won't be able to be my voice during the operation; I'll need her with the force. But then there's the other Daybreak agents…

I'll be useful… in a way, she thought. "I've seen them. My personal favorite besides that of our blood is the story of the story of the girl with a normal life before evil poisoned her insides and her death was absolute, until her knight chosen by fate came to offer her a new future."

Roman perked at this information. You've seen all of them?

"Yes, and it shouldn't be hard to manipulate them." Here we go again, Lain said in her mind. "I know where it hurts for all of them."

I thought you didn't want me to kill Rashel.

"I don't. I'm hoping once you meet her, you won't want to."

This conversation was obviously settling. Roman looked ahead to the door, anxious to go. We'll leave noon today then. I'll have someone call the Rouge base in California and have Manjula's team meets us there.

"You don't want to see Rashel truly. Do you just want to get out of Arizona fast again?" Lain asked in that monotone voice used when she's worried. She could only hope fate had a better road ahead, but she wouldn't count on it. They were in the last generation of Romàs. It seemed the gods created them simply to suffer.

I hate coming to this state from the bottom of my soul. Their corpses are way too close to me.

My hopes were alone in the desolate night sky,
They soared high until they were crushed.
Each time the world changes shape,
The things I want to protect,
I end up breaking them.

"Patient Number 861195, Lainey Romà," informed the nurse as she led a small, twelve year old girl to a single chair in a brightly lit, bare room. One of the walls was a window where the therapist was behind for protection. Lain didn't blame her. She tried to stab the poor woman once when she saw the story of a girl who died many times by a envious monster. For a moment then, she felt she was that girl and Dr. Elm was that monster. Oh well, she thought. Maybe if she kept her cool, and made eye contact, she would be deemed safe to be around others. She would finally be able to leave if she was convincing, but…

Where could she go after all this? She's an orphan, so she'd be put in another system. That wasn't suitable in her eye, but there was no more options. Sure, those monsters were waiting to start the game again once she'd be free from Cross View Mental Institution, but she was ready to be a runner again; never was she ready to fight, however.

I'm never strong enough… she thought staring into the bright space.

Don't blame me… Don't hurt me… Don't kill me…

She had repeated those words like clockwork at a period of her short life. Every time they'd come to her, she would plead to them. They'd drink from her. So much pain…

But strangely… that wasn't the worst. She sees so many things, horrible things. At age eight, she decided people had to know. Someone had to save them, so she'd go to anyone on the street, explain the stories and beg them to go help those people. They were hurting inside. She didn't want anyone to hurt; she wanted everyone to smile and be happy.

Now that she reflected, that was probably what got her here.

"Lain? Are you feeling well?" Dr. Elm suddenly asked in a microphone, projected from the intercom. She had a slow voice, as if talking to someone who spoke a different language.

She wanted to say "Yes" and be normal, but never did these things go smoothly. Lying was bad, so she'd never do so with the doctor, and that always became her downfall. The longest pause had been drawn out as Lainey contemplated. How am I feeling?

"I feel sad."

"Why, Lainey?" Elm pushed, almost intrigued.

Lain's shoulders slipped to a slump and she could feel this burst of power in her chest. Like there was something whelming inside of her that made her high. The pictures and feelings came and went as always. She could see the stories.

Lain tilted her head down and to the side so her incredibly long black hair could pull from her face. Her stare became piercing blank, like she couldn't see at all. She was feared for this look; one of a true freak. "I can see the stories again. This time there is a little girl and her mom is crying for bad spirits to spare her. They're calling her a mutant, an abomination. Her parents shall be slaughtered and she won't remember for a long time…"

The patient could hear Elm's bored sigh. "Lainey, we've talked about this. Those people aren't real. You're just feeling lonely so you created them—"

"—I did not! I swear—!"

"—and you must've created your people who are in pain. That is a defense mechanism to help you cope with your own pain."

Oh, the sinful darkness tugging at my heartstrings,
Your voice is like anaesthesia,
Coldly, it robs me of my senses

Lain leaned forward and balled her hands into her white shirt. The poor girl was hyperventilating; she felt like crying. This woman made her feel stupid and perhaps maybe she was in madness. The images, the feelings, came faster and faster with each breathe. It was like another soul was being introduced to her own but the information and mind would become overwhelming. Once the swelling had reached its peak, Lain stopped panicking. She felt no real fear, but all the carefree recklessness that was welcomed for its ability to be uncomplicated.

Lainey was somewhere else. Projecting someone else's story.

Elm was still talking. "It's important to know that is unhealthy and you can't want people in bad places. You don't want people to suffer, now, do you?"

"…I don't…" she whispered in a cold voice. Her eyes resembled someone surprised… and dead.

Elm recognized this voice and was scared to death. "L-Lain…"

Lain twisted the fabric around her hands tight. Never did her gaze leave to window or the doctor's face. "I… I can see her… a baby girl."

"Lain, stop it," Elm said too weak to be heard.

"She's left in a box all alone. She's cold… she's crying because it's so cold and lonely…" Tear drifted down Lain's face. "Her daddy did not want to keep her, so he left her there with nothing to keep her warm. The freezing cold is… so—painful. She crying loader, but no one will stop to help her…"

"Lain, stop!"

"Her skin is starting to turn blue… so cold...Don't… Don't blame me… Don't hate me…" Lain's vision was engulfed by the brightness of the room, like she was sitting here for the first time in year. The expression never changed, though, and she lifted her hands to show Dr. Elm how cold Lain had become herself.

Young Lainey was panicking again when she saw that her hands were numb… and blue. They were near frozen. Lain was so shocked by how bizarre things were and how crazy she decided she was. Before nurses even made it to the door to take her to the infirmary, she hit the floor hard. She fainted.

Every time the scattered broken pieces cut me,
Deep down in my closed heart,
I choose to grow stronger.
And I came this far.

A.N.) Last chapter was meant to focus on Ishmael and the song Rain, which was the music I based him off of. This chapter is about Lain and the song Ash Like Snow, which was the song she was designed around.

For those of you who are getting bored, don't worry because next chapter shall be the chapter where Roman's plan is put into action, so that should be more fast-paced.

Finally, Abby and Gabriel and based off of Abby and Owen from the movie Let Me In. I thought it was a cute horror/romance story (I skipped the gory scenes though).

Thanks again, you guys! ^_^