A/N: Thank you so much for all of your kind comments! I'm glad everybody is liking the direction this story is headed in and I hope I don't disappoint! On a side note, has anybody else read the news on season 3? If not, I won't spoil anything, but let's just say the writers really know how to torture us.
Disclaimer: I own notta
Lakeshore, Gabby's POV:
I can feel Shay's eyes on me. She's studying me intently, observing my emotions, trying to read me, and she's not at all hiding it. Ever since I stopped crying, about twenty minutes ago, she hasn't moved her gaze. A part of me is thankful I have a friend who cares as much as she does, but at the same time, some space wouldn't hurt. Of course, I don't have the heart to tell her to leave, especially after the day we've had. Company sounds good right now, even if I'm getting stared down by my best friend. And hey, it's definitely not the first time it has happened.
She shifts her body slightly in the chair next to my bed, making me glance over at her out of the corner of my eye. She's still studying me intensely, she has just made herself more relaxed and comfortable while doing so. And despite everything, the action makes me release a short, yet amused laugh.
"What's so funny?," she asks, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"Nothing," I tell her, shaking my head as a small smile stays tugging at the corners of my lips. She squints her eyes at me, and I smile a little more. "I'm just glad I have you, Shay. I really don't know how I'd get through this without you."
She smiles softly, inching her body to the edge of her chair again. "You would do the same for me, I know ya would." I nod sincerely in reply, her hand lightly squeezing mine.
"Are you Gabriela Dawson?," a deep, aged voice asks coming into the room. I look towards the new face, instantly coming to the conclusion that he's a doctor, so I nod. He was obviously an older doctor, with ghost white hair covering the top of his head and wrinkles settled into his face. He walks over to me and holds out his hand, which I shake with a small smile.
"My name is Doctor Bateman, the other Doctor Bateman's father," he tells me, smiling as he walks to the end of my bed, reaching for the clipboard. "My son just got called into an emergency surgery, so I came by to check on you at his request. How are you feeling?"
"A little better," I tell him honestly, which he nods happily to. "I think the painkillers are starting to kick in."
"That is great to hear," he says, reading through the notes on my clipboard quickly before putting it back down. "How are you doing emotionally? I understand your boyfriend and brother were also injured?"
I nod, glancing down at my lap before back up at him. "I'm okay," I answer, but the falter in my voice does nothing to convince him or Shay, who squints her eyes at me again as she relaxes her body into the chair.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," the doctor strays, looking over at Shay.
"Um, Leslie," she replies, moving her gaze away from me, finally, and towards the doctor. "Leslie Shay."
"Do you mind if we talk in the hall for a minute, Leslie?" He asks, and Shay nods, standing up.
"Of course," she answers, and within seconds, they're both out of the room, leaving me alone.
It doesn't take long for my mind to jump to Matt. It was only about fifteen minutes ago when Kelly came jogging into the room again, telling me the news that Matt has awoken.
I still can't believe it. Earlier today I was told that he may never wake up, that I may never get to see his mesmerizing blue eyes again. And now, Matt is awake, his eyes are open, and only separated from me by a few rooms.
The thought of it makes me smile, and a tear rolls down my face that I don't care to wipe away. The fact that I'll be able to see the love of my life again, my other half, sends a wave of relief through me that is enough to cause my heart to beat quicker. A part of me wants to climb out of bed and rush out of the room to go see him, to be held in his arms, to kiss him, to just talk to him, but the other part of me knows that there is more to it than that.
He's just had major brain surgery. For the second time within a year. His body is still adjusting, he's still trying to put together the puzzle pieces. After his first surgery he had become quiet and introverted for a couple of weeks. Every once in awhile, he would blow up at me for no particular reason. The first time it happened, I was startled. It was a week after he came home from the hospital, and we were having dinner together at his apartment. I had watched him push around his food for almost twenty minutes, only taking one or two small bites.
"Are you alright?" I had asked him softly, a question I had asked often since his accident, but only out of concern. He nodded slowly in reply, not looking up at me or offering me anything more than that simple nod. I took a deep breath and glanced at the clock before looking back at him, knowing he had to eat since he hadn't ate much since the surgery.
"Matt," I started quietly. "I don't want to hover or smother you but y-"
His sudden movements are what had caused me to stop mid-sentence. He stood up intensely, pushing back his chair with his legs, his fork making a loud clattering noise on his plate.
"Jesus Christ Gabby!," he had yelled. "You are not my mother! I am perfectly fine, I am every damn time you ask me if I am, so just leave me the hell alone! I'm not hungry so just stop with it! Stop with all of it!" His hands slammed the table hard, making my own fork fall from my hands as I just sat there, shocked. He shook his head angrily before walking out of the room and up his stairs, the slam of his door ringing through the apartment seconds later.
After a couple of minutes, with tears clouding my vision, I had stood and cleaned up the table. I wrapped up his food and put in the fridge, afterwards cleaning the dishes.
My movements were small as I wiped off every dish, trying not to cry, thinking the action was selfish. I knew what Matt was going through was tough, the doctor warned me of such events that would probably happen, but still I cried. I cried because Matt wasn't acting like himself, and I wasn't sure if he'd ever be himself again. The thought scared me, but I knew he must have the same thought in his head as well.
With tears still threatening to fall, I finished the last dish and put it on the drying rack, turning off the water. As soon as I did, I heard a cry from upstairs, and my heart broke.
I didn't waste a second to walk away from the sink and towards the stairs. As I slowly opened the door to his room, he glanced over at me with irritated eyes.
"I thought you left," he admitted, and the vulnerability in his voice made my heart crumble. I walked over and sat next to him on the edge of the bed, wrapping my arm around him.
"I'm not going anywhere," I assured him softly, his head moving to rest in my lap as his shoulders shook with each sob.
That night, easily, was a turning point in our relationship. We had been tested early on, yes, but in the end it only made us stronger. Those next few weeks tested us as well, but I never gave up on him, and I wasn't going to give up on him now either.
But since I've been through it with Matt before, I know more of what is going through his head. I'll never know for sure, but perhaps I can handle the situation better this time around.
"Hey Dawson," Kelly's voice greets happily as he walks through the doorway and interrupts my thoughts.
"What's got you on cloud nine?" I ask, my eyebrow raised at his sudden perky behaviour.
"Still got your sense of humor, I see," he jokes, smiling.
"Yes I do, now spill it," I tell him, chuckling.
"Alright, alright," he says, throwing up his hands in surrender as he sits on the edge of my bed. "First of all, Matt wants to see you." A wide smile appears on my face. "Second of all, I just ran into Boden on my way here, and he said that Antonio is about to get prepped for surgery. An eye surgeon arrived and he wants to operate on him, so he talked to Laura and everything looks good. But there are risks, especially with this type of surgery."
My smile only grows at this, even though he said there are risks. There are risks with every surgery. That seemed like such a small detail right now.
"Everything is turning around for us," Kelly adds, smiling.
"Yeah, yeah it is," I nod in agreement, tears of relief pooling in my eyes. I wipe them away with a big grin on my face, wondering how our luck changed so quickly. It seemed unreal.
My brother, my best friend, has a great chance of being okay. He will have a long road to recovery, but in the end, he's going to be okay, and that's all that matters right now.
"What's going on in here?," Shay asks as she comes back in the room, a smile also appearing on her face.
Kelly tells her the same things he shared with me, and once he's finished, Shay turns back to me with a bright smile.
She embraces me and I return it happily, grinning, almost laughing, into her shoulder. "You deserve the good news, Gabs, you really do," she tells me, her hand rubbing my back.
I nod, smiling as we both pull away from each other. "So what did the doctor have to say?" I ask, watching as she sits back down in her usual chair.
"Just told me I gotta look at for ya," she says, still smiling. "I told him you're hard to look after." I playfully slap her shoulder, causing her to laugh a little. "Just kidding, just kidding. I told him I would keep a close eye on ya."
I'm about to reply when a nurse comes in the room while pulling a wheelchair, and I look over at Kelly when I realize he's grinning at me. "Ready to go see Matt?"
"Do you even have to ask?," I answer, already trying to swing my legs over the edge of the bed.
"Easy there, killer," Kelly laughs, offering his shoulder for my arm.
The nurse and Shay also help me in the chair, and with the help of all three of them, I easily get settled without causing too much extra pain.
Boden's POV:
I take a deep, much needed breath as I enter the waiting room yet again. Running around the hospital to check on various people is a good way to get in shape, I've found out.
I scan the room of my men, and I can't help but smile slightly. Everybody, except for Mills and Clarke, had finally surrendered themselves to sleep. Rafferty lays on the floor, using her paramedic jacket as a pillow. Mouch rests his head on the wall in what looks like a very uncomfortable manner, with Herrmann sleeping on one shoulder and Cruz on the other. Clarke still stood with his back leaning against the wall, with Mills sitting down next to him. Next to Mills was Capp, spread across several chairs as he slept deeply with his legs resting in Otis' lap.
I walk over to Clarke and Mills after looking at the guys, whose tired faces are making me tired just by looking at the two of them. "Go home, you two. There's not much for you to do here," I tell them, but neither of them move.
"With all do respect, Chief, I would like to stay," Clarke says, standing up a bit straighter.
"I'm not leaving either," Mills adds, shaking his head a little. "Not until things calm down here."
I look around the room before looking back at him. "It looks like things are pretty calm."
"Chief, I'm serious," he tells me, and after a couple of seconds, I nod. If I've learned anything from working with these guys it's that they don't leave when told to. First on the scene, last to depart.
"Have either of you heard from Casey's family?" I ask, resting my hands on my hips comfortably.
"His mother came over a few minutes ago," Clarke answers, nodding. "She asked how he was and once I told her his condition she said she's going to come back tomorrow with her daughter and her family."
I nod, knowing Casey's relationship with his family was rocky and quite complicated. "Alright, keep me updated about what's going on out here, I'm going to go check on Casey," I tell the two of them, and they nod before I leave the room, but not before smiling once more at the guys.
Gabby's POV:
Nervousness begins to mix in with my excitement as we round another corner on our way to Matt's room. I've seen him broken before, emotionally and physically. Seeing him like that, so vulnerable, made my heart ache then and even now as I think about it.
I didn't want him to go through that again, not after he struggled so bad the first time. But head injuries are complicated. Some people act like themselves after brain surgeries, like nothing ever happened. But some people, most people, go through a tough time. They lose sight of themselves and it takes them awhile to completely go back to normal.
Some people never go back to normal, and that's what scares me more than anything right now. Stop, I tell myself, not allowing my worried thoughts to go further. Matt is strong, he'll get through this, just like he did last time. There's no reason to worry.
"You alright, Dawson?," Shay asks, softly putting her hand on my good shoulder. I meet her eyes and give her a short, yet convincing nod, and even offer her a small smile.
"Yeah," I assure her. "I'm good, just anxious is all."
"Yeah, I bet you are," she smiles, gently squeezing my shoulder before dropping her hand.
"Have you seen him yet?" I ask, turning my eyes towards Kelly who walks on the other side of me.
"I have," he answers simply, nodding. I wait for him to elaborate, but when he doesn't, I try not to take it as a reason to worry.
The rest of the walk is silent, except for the nurse asking me if I was feeling alright once or twice. I answered her with a convincing 'I'm fine', so she dropped it and kept pushing my wheelchair.
It isn't too long after that when everybody stops moving. Kelly is the first to stop, and he takes a deep breath while peeking into a room. Matt's room. I release a breath I had no clue I had been holding, and try to stand up.
"Whoa, whoa," the nurse says, placing her hand on my shoulder as an attempt to push me back down. "I'll wheel you in, Doctor Bateman doesn't want you on your feet quite yet."
"It's alright, I can walk," I grumble, pushing myself up with my good arm.
"Gabs, listen to the doctor for once in your damn life please," Shay says, shaking her head at me.
"Oh, like you're the one to talk," I reply, raising my eyebrows at her, but hesitantly resting back into the chair.
"Atta girl," she answers smugly, smiling.
"Gabby," a voice sounds, and it takes me a few seconds to realize that the voice is coming from inside the room, and it belongs to Matt. "Stop bein' so stubborn, and get in here."
The nurse pushes me into the room as tears cloud my vision, the sound of Matt's voice enough to make me lose my composure I had been trying to maintain. "Matt," I say, my voice cracking with emotion.
The nurse wheels me next to his bed and he tries to sit up, his body wincing in pain as he does.
"Hey," I tell him softly. "Take it easy." The nurse walks out of the room to give us some privacy, Shay giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before doing the same with Kelly behind her.
Matt's lips curve into a small smile and I can't help but do the same, reaching for his hand with tears fresh in my eyes. When he notices this, his eyebrows furrow and his eyes squint slightly with concern.
"What's wrong, Gabby?" He asks, his soft voice erupting goosebumps on my skin.
"I thought I had really lost you this time," I tell him honestly, gently squeezing his hand with mine. His free hand reaches for my chin, softly caressing it with his thumb.
Without any words, he leans in and kisses my lips with his own. It's short, but held just as much emotion as our first kiss did. It was passionate and spoke volumes, much more than words could ever say.
"I'm sorry," he says softly, keeping his hand under my chin.
"For?" I ask, looking at him in confusion.
"For putting you through everything I have," he tells me, swallowing a lump in his throat.
"Matt, baby, you don't have to be sorry. I love you and that will never change. We will get through this," I say sincerely, kissing him again.
"I love you too," he murmurs, and I smile a little at him, resting my forehead against his in bliss.
"Are you okay? How's your arm and everything?," he asks, his voice almost a whisper.
"I'm good, a little pain but they gave me some meds for that. I've just been worried about you and Antonio."
"Antonio?" He questions, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah, you didn't hear about that," I say, sighing as I close my eyes.
"Gabby, what happened?" He asks.
"The Intelligence Unit were chasing a lead," I tell him, taking a deep breath while opening my eyes, looking into his attentive blue ones. "But it was a trap. When they opened the door another bomb went off. One of their agents didn't make it, Sumner, her name was. She was new. Antonio has eye trauma, and for awhile we didn't think his sight or life would be saved. But he's getting prepped for surgery now, so hopefully he will be fine."
"Oh my God, Gabs, are you alright?" He wonders, his voice level rising with the worriness in his voice. He knows how close my brother and I are, and knows how I get whenever he's injured. He knows me. I don't have to keep my emotions bottled up around him, simply because it's impossible.
"I was petrified for awhile there," I admit, nodding. "Two of the most important people in my life were just barely clinging onto life, and I felt hopeless."
His thumb moves to wipe a tear that had fallen from my eye, and wraps his arms around me in a hug.
And for the first time since the explosion, I felt content. Antonio is getting help, and has a good chance of being able to make a full recovery. And I'm sitting in Matt's arms, something that I've been anxiously waiting to do all day. Despite the chaos outside, right now, things were looking up for me.
It actually seems quite unreal. All of it. A couple of hours ago, the doctors thought Matt was a goner. Impossible to be saved. Permanent brain damage at least. But here he is, right in front of me, and so far he seems fine.
He was Matt. An injured, vulnerable, and quiet Matt, but still Matt. Still the man I fell in love with, and despite everything, who I never fell out of love with.
And not too long ago, Antonio tested his fate as well. Again. And I had convinced myself that Antonio's luck had finally run out. That this would be the last straw. But still, he's pulling through.
"Casey?," a familiar, husky voice asks, coming into the room and interrupting my thoughts. We both turn to see Boden, who has never looked so exhausted.
"Hey, Chief," Matt replies, adjusting himself to talk better with him.
"How are the two of you feeling?" Boden continues, resting his hands on his hips as he stands at the end of the bed.
"I'm feeling a lot better than I was earlier," I say honestly, earning a small smile from him.
"That's great to hear, Dawson," he nods. "What about you, Matt?"
"I just want to know what is going on, Chief," he answers, shaking his head. "Severide didn't tell me shit, and I need to know what has been going on. The only thing I know is that the Intelligence Unit got led straight into a trap."
Boden and I exchange quick glances, before he sits himself down on the other side of the bed.
"The bombings were definitely an attack, as you probably figured out by now," he begins, taking a small breath. "After both bombs were set off, we were called in, and responded to the attack. Unfortunately, many lives were lost, including fireman when the rest of the hospital collapsed while they were searching for people. One fireman, we all know."
"Who?" Matt asks, looking at Boden intensely, anxious for answers.
"Eric Whaley," Boden tells him, sighing deeply as the both of us study Matt for his reaction.
"What?" He asks incredulously, his eyes widening.
"He had severe head trauma, it was too much," Boden adds solemnly. "There was nothing the doctors could do." Matt sits there for a few seconds, shocked, before he buries his face in his hands, shaking his head.
I look over at Chief, who is studying Matt worriedly.
"Are you alright, Casey?" He asks, his deep voice layered with concern.
Matt looks up again, and I can't help but notice a sudden, slight change in him. Something went dark in his eyes, his body stiffened, and he took a large breath.
"Matt, talk to me," I almost plead, reaching for his hand again.
"There's nothing to really talk about, is there?" He shrugs, swallowing. "Nothing can be said that can make this situation better. So there isn't any use in trying, right?"
He moves his hand away from mine and rubs his face, releasing a shaky sigh. Boden and I trade worried and confused glances. He saw the sudden change in Matt, too. We both know something is off in Matt. It's clear, even though it was only a small difference in his character. He's the type of guy who keeps his head up during situations like these, he finds the silver lining. He doesn't quit or lose hope, no matter what.
Perhaps it was his head injury causing the sudden change in him. In fact, it probably was. I didn't give it another thought about what else it could be. Brain surgeries like the one he had are fully capable of causing mood and personality swings.
"I'm going to take a nap, I'll see you later?" He says to me, his voice lacking of any emotion.
"Yeah, sure," I tell him softly, nodding. He gives me a quick, brief kiss before laying down and closing his eyes.
I purse my lips together before looking over at Boden, who stands up and walks over to me, pushing me out of the room.
"Something is definitely off in him," I say once we are out of the room, sighing.
"We knew it was a high possibility," he answers. "Now we just have to help him get through it, like last time."
I nod in reply, wiping away a tear as we catch sight of Shay and Severide, who are talking to a doctor.
Boden pushes me over, and the doctor stops talking to look at us. "Hello you two, I was just telling Kelly and Leslie about Matt's behavior when I went talked to him earlier."
"What was he acting like?" I ask curiously, sitting up in the wheelchair.
The doctor takes a deep breath before answering, trying to figure out how to answer my question. "Distant," he finally sighs. "Lieutenant Casey seemed very distant. I had to repeat a few questions and he was a little jumpy, to be completely honest."
"But he'll start acting like himself soon, right? Just like he did last time?"
"It's hard to say right now," the doctor answers me, releasing another shaky sigh. "This could be from his head trauma but it could also be from something else. Lieutenant Casey just went through a traumatic event, and it's not uncommon for people to struggle with their emotions and not feel right. Most of the time, people move on from it within a week or so. But even though it's rare, we also should be concerned about PTSD."
My breath catches in my throat. PTSD had completely slipped my mind. There were so many other possibilities, that I hadn't dared to look at something even more serious than what I was thinking.
"But we can't get ahead of ourselves," the doctor continues calmly. "Chances are, he's acting this way because of his head trauma. I just want all of you to be prepared if this does turn into something serious. If it catches you by surprise, you won't be able to help Matt the way you should."
"How will we know the difference between something serious like PTSD and side effects of his head trauma?" Kelly asks the doctor, shifting uncomfortably from where he stood.
"That's tough to say, because they share a lot of the same symptoms and everybody reacts to those things differently," he answers. "But many people with emotional trauma after an event like this have nightmares. Usually, that doesn't happen as a result of head trauma. Do any of you happen to know anybody who has experienced emotional trauma up close?"
"Clarke," Kelly answers, nodding. "The guy has battled his own emotional trauma and one of his friends had PTSD."
"I also went through a bit of a tough time a few months back," Shay adds, sighing a little.
"Then you may be able to help notice symptoms of emotional trauma if Matt happens to show them," the doctor tells her, nodding. "But like I said," he continues, turning back to all of us. "The weird behavior from Matthew is likely a result from his head trauma. I don't mean to freak you guys out by bringing up PTSD," Too late for that, I think to myself. "It just never hurt anyone to be prepared for such an event if it were to happen."
"Thank you," Boden tells him from behind me, and the doctor smiles at us before leaving.
I take a deep, shaky breath and try my best to remain composed. But the talk of Matt with PTSD scares the living hell out of me. It's all been too much for one day. The explosion, Matt's injuries, my injuries, Matt's coma, Antonio's injuries, Eric's death, and now, this. When was it going to stop? When would we get a break? Don't we deserve one?
Before I can answer myself, I have no more control over my emotions, and break down.
A/N: Thank you to everybody who has hung in there with me! I am glad everybody is enjoying the story and I plan on the next chapter being a slight time skip to get the ball rolling a bit more. Please leave a review to tell me what you think!
By the way, this chapter was so much longer than I initially planned so I'm sorry for all of the readers who like short chapters! I just got in the groove and I couldn't stop.