499 words.
The first thing that Rodney became aware of was the fact that he was half on the bed and half off the bed. Luckily for him it was his upper half that had made it onto his prescription mattress. Unluckily for him his lower half hadn't, leaving him in a kneeling position with knees throbbing so badly that he must have collapsed pretty hard onto the floor. Which brought him back to where he started: being incredibly lucky his upper body- including his all important melon- made it onto his bed.
The next thing he became aware of was the splitting headache that only intensified when he tried to open his eyes. It took four aborted attempts to get them to stay open and his head didn't like it one bit. He thanked God that the light in the room was minimal.
He gingerly raised his head from the bed and groaned, though to his credit he kept from collapsing back down onto the bed. His mouth opened and closed several times trying to determine why the hell his mouth was so dry and it was then that he noticed he wasn't alone.
On the other side of the bed was Sheppard laying on his stomach with his left arm and left leg hanging off the bed and his right arm laying lifeless beside him. His head had managed to barely find a pillow and was turned so that he was facing him. Rodney groaned again and made a mental note to have the pillow incinerated as the area directly below Sheppard's mouth looked to completely drenched with drool.
A muffled snore made Rodney carefully turn his head to his left so he could see towards the foot of his bed. He had to blink his eyes three times to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he saw: Ronon's feet. From what Rodney could tell, the Satedan was on his back on the floor and had managed to somehow get his feet on the bed. Oddly enough, he'd managed to take off his boots and socks.
Rodney groaned again as his hand came up and tried to wipe some of the sleep out of his eyes. He just finished and let his hand drop back onto the bed when he heard a noise from Sheppard that sounded a lot like a curse.
"Holy crap," the Colonel said, his voice rough and deep, "wasn't that a party!" Sheppard coughed to clear his throat and looked at Rodney. "I've been to a few stags, McKay, but that one beats them all."
"Wish I could remember it all," said Rodney as the thumb and index finger of his right hand pinched the bridge of his nose.
A moment later the door opened and Rodney and John turned towards it.
They found Jennifer looking at them with evil in her eyes and all they could do as she reached over to turn on the lights was squeak out, "No!"
A/N: "Wasn't That a Party" was written by Tom Paxton, but the best known version (and the one I know) is the one done by The Irish Rovers.