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Chapter 10 – A Sensitive Discussion
It was a late September morning that saw Harry wake in the hospital wing. Looking around sheepishly, he noted that aside from Madam Pomfrey, he was alone in the room, which was largely white and furnished almost exclusively with metal bed frames and bedside tables.
Poppy brought Harry his breakfast, which consisted of waffles and syrup on Severus' orders – although Harry wasn't aware of this, for Snape had made Poppy promise to keep the request a secret. He may have finally accepted that he cared for the boy, but he certainly didn't need half the school knowing about it!
As Harry was happily tucking in, feeling completely better after a rather horrible day before, he heard a tapping on the window behind him. Using the arm that was bitten as though to test how well the potions had worked, Harry opened the window and allowed Hedwig to land neatly on the frame of his bed, handing him a rolled up piece of parchment.
"Thanks, Hedwig," Harry said kindly as he gave Hedwig a few knuts and ruffled her feathers before turning to the note. It was with a happy smile that Harry noted that it was from Professor Snape:
Mr Potter,
I trust that you are feeling better? I have not forgotten yesterday. Kindly come to see me during your lunch break today, and we will resume our discussion.
Have a good day,
Professor Snape.
Harry's face fell as he remembered the details of the day before, knowing that by 'discussion' Snape meant that he had to tell him about the Dursleys. Although his spirits were lifted slightly when he read that Snape had wished him a good day. Oh well...maybe I really can trust Professor Snape...I suppose it wouldn't hurt to just tell him...Harry resolved, tired of finding new reasons to doubt Snape's incentives for being kind.
"Alright, Mr Potter. Let's get you dressed and then you can be getting off to your lessons!" Announced Madam Pomfrey abruptly once Harry's breakfast tray had been cleared. As she spoke, she wrapped a privacy screen around Harry's bed so that he could change into his school robes. Once he had finished, he said goodbye to Madam Pomfrey politely, and to the house elf who was already changing the bed sheets. And with that, he left, feeing a mixture of apprehension and optimism as he went to find Ron.
Thoughts of the previous day still swam around inside Harry's head as he said goodbye to Ron in the Great Hall and arranged to meet him later. He knew that he wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about being beaten by his Uncle; that much was certain. But he also knew that if he was going to trust anyone, then it would be Professor Snape. A part of him was almost glad that he could finally get it out in the open, even if it would get him into even more trouble. Plus of course, Snape would think he was brave if he told him. But nevertheless Harry couldn't help but feel angry with himself for being so pathetic and useless. He wanted more than anything to just be loved and cared for, by anyone, but was afraid that talking about the Dursleys' methods of punishment might make things worse. He thought perhaps that it was just what he deserved; after all, he had been rejected his entire life. Why did he think that Hogwarts would be any different?
Anyway, if Uncle Vernon was right, and freaks like me do deserve to be beaten, then what if Snape agrees?!
Before his thinking became too negative, Harry shook her head to interrupt his train of thought, reminding himself that Snape had forbidden the use of 'freak', and he had assured him that he didn't deserve to be hurt.
He was just ambling along the passage way, talking to a few painting and trying to stay positive, when he finally came to the dungeons. Knowing his way now – and no longer fazed as the Bloody Baron roamed the corridor – Harry came to the open door of his potions room, and knocked accordingly.
"Enter," came Snape's familiar voice. As it was lunch break, the room was empty, but for the potions master and the little bottles of potions. "Mr Potter, take a seat..." Snape said cautiously when Harry entered. Harry started for the desk chair, but Snape indicated that Harry could sit at the sofa instead, for it was more comfortable. "Now, I want no lies, Potter. Tell me the truth: did the Dursleys hurt you?"
Harry's eyes instantly glistened with frightened tears at Snape's insensitive question. He knew the conversation was going to be difficult, but a little understanding on Snape's part would have helped.
Well done Snape! What's next in you brilliant plan?! Or had you not got that far...so much for the new Snape! You're still just the snarky old git of the dungeons, aren't you?...
I'm sorry Lily...I'm just not very good at this...
Snape began to panic as he realised just how insensitive his words had been. He was so unused to having to think about every word he said that he just hadn't considered how inappropriate a question it was. After all the years he had spent becoming a potions master; serving the Dark Lord whilst spying for the Light side, and he couldn't even have a simple conversation to make Harry Potter – the only child he had ever cared about – feel safe. No. I can't give up now. Look at that stupid bloody Boy Who Lived...so like his mother.
"It's alright, child. I hadn't meant to frighten you. You can tell me whatever you want," Snape began again, hoping that it would be enough to regain the boy's confidence.
Harry looked up and blinked the tears away, tired of crying in front of Professor Snape. "Thank you sir," he said, meaning it sincerely, "I didn't mean to get upset..."
"That's quite alright. I understand that this is a difficult subject for you. Perhaps you could begin by explaining to me about your cousin?" Snape asked tactfully, wondering if perhaps the Dursley's son was closer to Harry than his Aunt and Uncle were.
"Dudley? He hated me, I think. Although it wasn't his fault because I was weird and dangerous, according to Aunt Petunia. Dudley was allowed toys and presents, but I mainly had to stay in my cupboard. His gang often chased me and beat me up, but I wasn't really scared of him because he was quite slow and I could usually out-run him. Also, one time we went to the zoo and I accidentally made his get trapped in a snake enclosure because he was being nasty to the animals. I didn't know I was magic back then...Uncle Vernon got really cross and punished me..." Harry trailed off towards the end, realising what he had said. He immediately bit his lip and looked at the ground, regretting saying anything – he wanted to just forget that his muggle life ever existed; that way he wouldn't have to constantly worry about saying the wrong thing and getting into trouble. Snape noticed his sudden change in behaviour and understood completely. He was glad that the boy had told him what he did, but knew that asking any more would be pushing him too far. Instead, he met his eye reassuringly, and decided to change the subject for a while to give Harry a break, before returning to the discussion later.
"The zoo, Mr Potter? That sounds good," Urgh Snape, just listen to yourself! Oh, shut up...
"It was, sir!" Harry replied excitedly, "I saw snakes and monkeys and giraffes...I was allowed to walk around on my own as long as I didn't get lost or draw attention to myself – it was great!"
Snape thought about this, wondering how to proceed without sounding too forceful. "Did you go out to places like the zoo often, Potter?
Harry shook his head and said, "I usually got looked after by Mrs Figg while my Aunt and Uncle took Dudley, only she had broken her leg that day so they had no choice but to take me..."
The boy is so well behaved. Most boys his age would be complaining and whining if they had to stay behind and not go places. "I see. You mentioned how your Uncle punished you after your trip to the zoo, Mr Potter," Snape questioned tentatively, hoping that Harry wouldn't be too afraid to answer, "can you remember what that was like?"
"Yes, sir..." Harry said quietly, deciding not to expand any further on the statement.
Snape sighed, not knowing how he was going to coax the information out of the boy. He realised he would have to be even more sensitive than this. "Did your Uncle punish you often, child?"
"Yes, sir..."
"And were these punishments fair?"
"I don't know," Harry replied truthfully, looking at his shoes.
"Well, did your Uncle ever hurt you?" Snape asked levelly, trying to make his voice sound secure so that Harry would feel comfortable explaining.
"Umm..." Harry began, this time not being corrected by the professor, "yes...sir..." he said, so quietly that Snape had to lean in to hear. As he did so, Harry couldn't help but allow the tears to fill his eyes once more, and as Snape's robes brushed against his own he buried his head in the potion master's chest
"Mr Potter, I assure you that no punishment that involves harm coming to you is ever fair," Snape said firmly but kindly, allowing the boy to once more cling to his robes for safety. He wanted to tell him that he needn't worry about ever being punished again, but somehow felt that it would mean very little to the boy, who had evidently lived in fear of the Dursleys since he was a baby. "Did your Uncle give you all the scars, Mr Potter?" Snape asked softly, getting pretty good now at the comforting voice. Harry said nothing, but nodded into Snape's robes to confirm his suspicions. After everything Harry had admitted, Snape didn't need ligilimency to ascertain that the scars were clearly from being beaten – possibly by a belt or something similar.
"Come on now, Mr Potter. You should be getting to your lessons," Snape said after a few minutes had past. He knew that they still had a lot to talk about, but Harry had certainly done enough for today.
Dumbledore had just finished feeding Fawkes when he heard the door swing open to reveal the one man he was always happy to see: Severus Snape.
"Severus! A pleasure as always! Lemon sherbet?" Dumbledore offered the sweet almost ironically now, and had already put the packet down again before Snape had a chance to refuse it, as usual. "I trust all is well with you down in those murky dungeons of yours? I do wish you'd get out more...this castle knows no bounds after all, and-"
"Albus, while I always enjoy these little conversations," Snape said, pretending to be deeply bitter about the old man's jovial topics of conversation. In truth, he felt nothing but gratitude and admiration for the old wizard, but having just spent the last hour comforting a Gryffindor first year, he wasn't about to admit it any time soon. Dumbledore laughed knowingly, and permitted Snape to continue, overlooking the interruption. "I need to talk to you about...Potter."
"Oh? His scar has been hurting again?" Dumbledore asked with concern, eyes twinkling ferociously at Snape's evident care for Harry's well-being. He thought back to the scene he had witnessed in the hospital wing; how Severus had unknowingly cared for Harry just as Albus knew he would. It seemed his plan was falling into place.
"No, Albus. He has just informed me of the method by which he was punished at his relatives' house. I thought perhaps you ought to be aware that the boy has scars bigger and far more numerous from his Uncle's punishments than You Know Who ever gave him!" Snape allowed his voice to raise beyond its usual monotonous volume.
"You mean he was beaten, Severus?" Dumbledore asked gravely, sitting down at his desk to steady himself. The twinkle in his eyes had gone, only to be replaced by a look of regret. Blood wards may stretch to even the most ghastly of muggles, but apparently love and compassion did not. Pushing his half-moon spectacles up his crooked nose, Albus looked up at Snape, who seemed to be emulating his solemn expression well.
"Yes, Albus. It was difficult to get him to explain to me, but I believe I can now say with certainty that Harry was abused in his home."
"I..I mean...we knew he hadn't received his letters, or the information I wrote when I first left him. But never did I think that-"
"It wasn't your fault, Albus," Snape said, surprising himself. So now you're comforting the foolish old man with too many names as well as the bloody Boy Who Lived?! What has come over you, Severus?"It seems Harry was well trained to keep these affairs a secret. You most certainly weren't to know," Severus continued in a voice dripping with contempt for those dreadful muggles.
"I see, Severus..." Dumbledore mused over the information he had just received, "Rest assured that the matter will be looked into and...adequately dealt with," Dumbledore finished, the twinkle in his eyes returning once again as he envisage a certain animagus witch and a dark potions master showing the Dursleys just how much Harry Potter meant to them. Thoughts of Severus returned Albus to his original train of thought, regarding just how perfectly Snape seemed to be taking to caring for the boy. He looked into the bat's eyes and clasped his hands together endearingly, before saying "Severus, my dear man. It seems wonderful that young Harry feels able to confide in you about these matters..."
I know Albus...Lily would be so pleased to know that Harry is started to trust me at last. "Well, Albus. If the Potter child has chosen to speak to me then that is his decision and as a Professor here I am glad he is doing so," Snape chose his words carefully, hoping that Dumbledore wouldn't necessarily pick up on the fact that even declaring himself 'glad' was highly unusual for the snarky bat of the dungeons.
Unsurprisingly, Albus most certainly did pick up on Snape's wording, and had to make a great effort not to laugh out loud with glee that his plan was working.
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