Chapter Ten – The Following Morning

Thursday, September 17th, 1961

Marion woke up earlier than me the next morning. When I woke up she was sitting by the bed, watching me and smiling. As soon as I opened my eyes and I saw that she was there, I felt safe again and I knew that I wouldn't start thinking of my mother again this morning.

"Did you sleep well, my love?" Marion asked.

I nodded. "Yes," I said truthfully. And it was true. Last night I had slept better than I had slept for months now, not even with a single dream.

"No bad dreams this time?" Marion asked again.

"No," I shook my head and smiled. "Thank you, Marion," I added.

"For what?"

"For giving me the calmest night of my life since…since I don't know when," I said and I got up from the bed. "So," I continued. "Are you going to tell me what you were going to tell me yesterday?"

Marion's smile faded from her face and she gestured at me to sit down again. Marion sat down next to me and sighed. "Norman, I…I really want to help you, I want to help you more than I was helping you before."

"You've always helped me a lot," I said eagerly. "More than anything."

Marion nodded and continued. "I know, but like you said yourself, it's not enough. What I was planning to do though, was…"

I quickly interrupted Marion, a little scared now. "You're not going to…to have me locked up someplace, are you?"

Marion laughed and took my hand. "Of course not. I would never do that. You know that. Anyway, I couldn't stand the thought of being away from you if I did do it."

That relieved me and I calmed down again. "So what is it then?" I asked her curiously.

"Well…listen, Norman, I've been thinking about this a lot these past few days, and I thought that maybe it would be a good idea if…if we moved out of this house," Marion finished off.

I studied Marion's face for a few minutes. She was waiting for what I would say. And I really didn't know what to say. I considered what she had just told me. Move out of the house. That was a big step. On the one hand, I had lived in this house my whole life. The thought of moving out of it, of going to live somewhere else frankly shocked me a little bit. Being away from it would feel...it would feel strange. But then on the other hand, maybe, just maybe it would feel kind of better in a way. It was in this house that my mother had caused me so much unhappiness. It was in this house that I had every single one of my bad memories. Moving out of it could be…it could be better for me, and it would also be better for Marion. We would both be happier. If we moved out of here, Marion didn't necessarily have to be in danger all the time. I could learn to control myself better, and not let my mother take over my mind again. This house let my mother win, let my mother take over me again. But out of it, maybe I could win. Maybe I could finally teach my mother that I could forget her, I really could. I felt strong, and I felt like I could do it. My mother would never control my mind again if we moved out of the house, this time I would control my own mind.

I was looking at Marion for a long time without speaking. Marion carried on quickly. "But, but we don't have to move out if you don't want to," she continued. "I just thought that maybe…maybe it would be better for us. For both of us. I mean, I…I honestly can't believe that I didn't think of it all this time. It might be good. I mean…what do you think, Norman? This is all up to you, you know. This was a suggestion that I will let you decide on."

Marion paused. She looked at me and waited for an answer. I really didn't know what to think any more. I was confused with what I was thinking before. I thought about it again for a minute. "I know it would be better," I said to Marion finally, squeezing her hand tightly. "I really do. And I want to leave from here, believe me. I always have, I realised that when you told me about this. I know that it would be better, much better, but…but I don't know if I'm exactly…exactly ready to leave this house yet. If you don't mind, can I just…just think about it for a little while longer? If that's all right with you."

Marion nodded immediately. "Of course," she said encouragingly. Then she paused and sighed. "I know this is hard for you my love," she said sympathetically. "I know that it might be hard for you to leave this house, but…" Marion paused and then smiled, "but you must understand that whatever we do, I will do it for you. All I want, all I've ever wanted, is just for you to be happy and for…for us to be happy together. You know that, don't you?"

I smiled and took her in my arms. "I know that," I said. "I really do know that. Just…just wait for a few days and I'll tell you what I think. Will you do that for me?"

"Of course," she said again. "Think about it, my darling, and then you can tell me when you're ready. I can wait. I can wait for as long as you want."

"OK," I nodded and smiled again. Marion was being so nice to me. But I had to think about what she had told me. I needed to seriously think about it for Marion's sake as well as mine.