Lockdown

How could I forget her? Melissa…I feared she'd never know how much she truly meant to me. She did give me something: my ability to love again. But if I gave her spark, would she keep it? Or would she toss it like Razormoon had?

"Get up kid. I gotta show you something".

Melissa got up and I opened my spark chamber for her to reveal the thing that gave me life. She gazed at it in amazement.

"Whoa…is that your-".

"Yeah".

"Is it…safe to touch?".

"I don't know. No one's ever touched it before" I answered.

"You haven't…found your sparkmate yet?".

I shook my head. "Never had time to. Go ahead, try and touch it".

Melissa was hesitant, but she reached inside the chamber to touch it. Just as she did, it jolted unexpectedly. Startled, she withdrew her hand.

"I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, probably surprised that it didn't hurt and that it did that to her.

"Easy there, Mel. I'm fine. Are you?".

"Yeah, I'm fine, just startled. What was that?".

"That's what we call a jolt. It happens when we feel something intense".

"Give me details".

"Emotions like Rage, hate, anything powerful suits us and causes a jolt. It's kinda like how the human heart races when under pressure and certain conditions. But…we can feel a lot more than we give off. I know I can at least".

"Like what?".

"Love's my favorite now…At least I think it's love".

"You feel…loved, by me?".

"I guess, I don't know. My processor's tellin' me one thing and this little thing's tellin' me another. Melissa, this is what I meant. When I told you that you gave me something…It was my ability to give and receive love. Please Melissa…touch it. Don't hold back. It shouldn't hurt you. I wanna feel what it's like to be touched in the spark".

Melissa tried again, and this time, she didn't care if it jolted. Her touch was gentle, not wanting to cause pain. Right when her fingertips touched it, I sighed at the good feeling I got. I felt at peace with myself for the first time in eons. It felt nice to have it touched. If this was what finding your sparkmate was like, I wanted it.

Getting touched by someone I love…I thought it would never happen to me. In fact, I never thought that love could be a part of me after Razormoon died. But yet, here I was, on earth, with the sixteen year old who saved my life, and now, quite literally, had my heart in her hand.

Don't turn me away I thought, Please Melissa Ulrich…love me like I love you

But I said nothing as her hand continued with its gentle, sweet caresses.

"It's so warm, Lockdown. It's so pretty" Melissa said.

I gazed at her again and a thought hit me. I wasn't worthy of having such innocence be near me, much less touch me. I would try forever and a day, but I would never be worthy of someone like her. I had the blood of so many on my hands…but this was the first time I ever felt ashamed of it. I was ugly, inside and out. I would never…ever in this lifetime… be worthy of all that she could give me, all that she had given me.

"It's unfitting for me" I said at last, ready to speak what was on my mind.

"Why" Melissa asked.

"Look at me, Mel. I'm the ugliest damn Cybertronian ever. I don't…deserve this. I don't deserve…" I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't do it. I wouldn't. It would've been far too much for her to take, but when she asked, I couldn't lie.

"Deserve what?".

I had to do it. It was now or never.

"You!".

There, I did it. I spilled out the deepest secret I ever had. But as long as I had the honesty bug, I had to be a drama king about it, which was sad in all reality.

"You, Melissa…you have this sort of effect on me that I can't explain. No one's ever made me feel this was, Mel. Never except for you".

"Me?" Melissa puzzled.

"Yes, you…and everything you could give me. Yourself, your love, your compassion, I don't deserve it. I never have and I probably never will! I killed for upgrades, damn it! And when I came under that human's command, that's when I became a true monster. I'll always be that monster! There's nothing you can do that can change what I've done! I'm a monster and a wreck waiting to happen. You should've just let me die!".

Her reaction to it surprised me a little.

"Stop it! You are not a monster, Lockdown! And…I love you".

"You're so blind Melissa! Why?! Why me?!" I was so upset to a point where I just wanted to disappear.

Angry at myself for letting my emotions get the better of me, I put her down and transformed in hopes of leaving so I could be alone, no matter how much it pained me.

"Wait, Lockdown! Don't go!".

A/N: Oh, the drama. Well, that's the moment you all have been waiting for. To answer a few questions, yes, I do plan on making Melissa a transformer. As to what kind, I don't know. I have to weigh out my options, but I do know I wanna make it an animal. Probably a wolf or something. In that case, they'd so fit. But tell me what you think. What Beast former should Melissa be?