Chapter 10 Snow White's Ghosts
Winter came as did Duir's letter:
Your Majesty,
Have you touched, or used anything of your stepmother's? Do not use her chambers, or wear any of her garments, or drink anything she has left behind. Her restless spirit will want to drag you down with her. You are still her enemy, and her ghost will be restless. A thing, an distorted evil like her clouded soul can never fully be put to rest. To understand her demons, you must examine your own. Keep all who care for you close, as we will keep you in our prayers. If you are ever in need of my service, you know where to find us in The Sanctuary of the Dark Forest.
Be safe,
Duir
I fold Duir's letter in quiet contemplation, stuffing it safely into my secret desk compartment. It was early morning in the castle. I barely slept anymore, waking up at the strangest hours when all was hushed and silent. I had no family for comfort: no children, no husband to call my own, no parents to shelter me under their wing. The more time passes, the less I remember my mother, or my father's face. Alone and with heavy heart, I slip on my white winter robe and leather boots before opening the heavy door to the courtyard. All is quiet, snow falling onto my hair, onto my lashes. The wind barely makes a sound, rustling the leaves on the small trees.
For the first time in days, I feel my lips slowly parting in a smile. My mother wandered in this courtyard often, my father once told me, praying for a child. One early morning as this she accidentally pricked her finger on a rose stem, dropping blood on the snow. And my namesake was born. Not long after, my mother's prayers were answered. She bore me, my father's only heir. When she died, all the light, all the prosperity of my father's kingdom was snuffed out. I was left to restore it. But what was lost, can never return. Nothing can be entirely the same as it once was.
Quietly I sniff a rose, inhaling its perfume. Beauty is a fickle thing: a blessing and a curse. It's impermanent and transforming−a gift often wasted. I suddenly feel a sense of peace I had long forgotten. The last time I felt such a feeling was dancing with Gus around the fire, free, fully alive, or when I was awakened from the sleep of death: my fate awaiting my chosen course, a determination in the midst of laughter and tears. "But I have never seen a brighter light than when my eyes just opened…I can kill her. And I'd rather die today than live another day of this death!" Is that why I had craved death these past few days−that security of what I knew awaited me, my fellow spirits, the call of White Hart (the Father of the Forest)?
"Snow White."
Who was that? I turn my head about searching. Someone is watching me. Please don't let it be Ravenna! "Who is there?"
"Child, do you remember me? I have never been far."
My lips quiver, full of anxiousness and yet surreal calm. Suddenly I turn to my side to find a surprising sight awaiting me. There is a woman dressed in white like me, her black hair not blowing in the wind as mine. Her eyes are gentle, full of longing, the eyes of Queen Eleanor.
"Mother?"
She smiles, nodding her head, her gaze turning to something on the other side of me. I look over my shoulder for a moment. There he is, my father, unchanged as I remember him, cloaked in his winter white coat: King Magnus. All three of us could almost disappear into the white of the snow. I gaze back at my mother, my mind unsettled, but my heart calmed at the sight of them.
"Why have I not seen you like this before?"
"We never left you, Snow White," replies my mother. "I watched over you when your stepmother imprisoned you, and prayed for you while you wandered through the Dark Forest. I couldn't bear to leave you."
I wipe away a tear from my eye. Is this for real−my mother, father here before me? I turn to my father's ghost, examining his regretful, sorrowful gaze. "Why did you give me such a stepmother?"
"I was a weak king and could not see it. You were always my source of strength. I wanted you to have a mother, but darkness consumed my judgment when I met Ravenna, beautiful as she was. Nothing could ever replace your mother in my heart."
"Remember this, my daughter," my mother says, "You have a precious beauty within you, a rare, sacred purpose and humanity: you care for the weak when others will not. You ride into battle with fierce courage and men follow you. But there is a part of your feelings that will always be vulnerable. We all carry darkness that often hides our light. Keep yours safe from corruption."
Overwhelmed with their good, gentle presence, my legs shake and I slowly sink to my knees, the cold snow catching me. My parents are as I remember them. I don't ever want to let them go, for they have been lost to me for too long. My mother's soothing voice calms my beating heart and her words break into a lullaby song.
"Winter shall not keep me,
Nor time bend my soul,
For I'll awaken the sea
And light the lost ashes
That will set me free."
When I open my eyes, I hear the sound of someone calling for me.
"Your Majesty, ah, there you are."
I hear William before I see him. My parent's ghosts have vanished, but not their soothing presence. They are still close to me, but I wish William hadn't come looking for me. Since imprisoning Eric for treason, I had made William the captain of my royal guard. He was head of my army forces and my personal advisor. In other words, I had made him the most powerful man in the kingdom. He was the only man I could trust.
"What is it, William?" I inquire, rising from the snowy ground, composing myself.
"Your chamber maids couldn't find you in your room when they awoke and alerted your chamber guards who informed me. I thought you might be here."
"Can't I have one moment of peace to myself?" I snap. "Can't a queen afford some privacy in her own castle?"
Without another word, I sweep past him, hiding my gaze from his. He has not seen the things I have seen. He will never know what haunts my heart.