Lexa leaned back on her seat. A smile crept up her lips as she played with beer label that was staring to peel off and look at Clarke. "If someone would've told me last week that I would be sitting in a restaurant with you tonight, I wouldn't believe it"

Clarke bowed her head down and drank from her glass of wine, "Neither would I."

The action didn't go unnoticed by Lexa. She knows Clarke is upset. She took a long swig of her beer, "Clarke, I'm sorry. I know I've been a jerk."

The blonde slowly raised her head and looked at Lexa, "A jerk?" she asked "Lexa, you walked out on everyone. Not just me, but also on your mother and your friends. You turned your back on us and just left." Anger flashed across blue eyes but was soon replaced by sadness. "When we didn't hear from you after a year, I thought you were dead."

"Clarke…"

"For a year I wondered what happened. Where did it all go wrong? Why didn't you just tell me, Lexa?"

"Clarke, I'm really sorry." Lexa leaned forward and reached across the table, hand hovering over Clarke's. When Clarke didn't move her hand away, Lexa placed her hand on top. "I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I was confused. I was angry at myself. When I left I didn't want to think about what I was leaving behind in New York because I knew if I did, I would come back and tell you what I felt."

"Why didn't you? We were best friends, Lex. We tell each other everything. What happened?"

Lexa didn't have an answer. She closed her eyes as a whirlwind of emotions welled up inside of her; guilt, anger, sadness, hurt. Lexa liked to think these emotions were like poison and she fought them as hard as she can. It's what made her a good detective and a good agent. It shaped her to become who she is. She slowly opened her eyes and look down at her hand on top of Clarke's. A touch that was once so familiar to her and now touching Clarke felt like coming back home. She slowly pulled her hand away and looked up at Clarke with a sad smile.

"I wish I knew."

"Are you happy?"

Lexa almost choked on her beer when she heard Clarke's question. She cleared her throat and swiped at the bit of beer that was on her chin. She glanced over the edge of her bottle and saw Clarke looking at her intensely. She was caught off guard by Clarke's sudden question and needed a moment to compose herself.

"I am." Lexa answered and tried to sound as casual as she could and tried to put as much conviction in her answer. She is happy. She is happy with her job. And she's happy with Costia. Am I? "And you? Does she make you happy?"

"You mean, Raven?" Lexa nodded. "Yes. She does." If Lexa noticed the waver in Clarke's voice, she didn't show.

Lexa felt something break inside of her; something she thought was broken long ago when she left New York. Clarke shifted in her seat and looked anywhere but at the woman sitting across from her. Lexa cleared her throat and decided to move to a topic they can both be comfortable with. "There's something you should know about the case."

"What is it?"

Lexa told Clarke about the dates and how she pieced them together. As she was giving this information to the blonde, she saw a flicker of surprise and fear in Clarke's eyes. But when she mentioned that the killer knows Lexa is back here in New York, Clarke's face has been flushed of its color.

Clarke swallowed hard and locked her gaze with the woman in front of her. "Lex, are you sure about this?"

"Yes. We spent the whole afternoon looking for something that might connect me to the killer in some other way but other than the dates, we found nothing." Lexa finished her bottle of beer and signaled the waiter to serve her another one. "Whoever this copycat is, they're trying to tell us something and they're doing it through me. He wanted my attention; well he got it."

Concern was written all over Clarke's face and the blonde didn't bother to hide it. "Do you … Do you think he'll come after you?" Now that Clarke knew that the murders were connected to Lexa and there's a possibility that the copy cat killer is after Lexa, Clarke was once again face to face with an emotion she didn't know she'll feel again; fear. It wasn't the kind of fear you feel if you were afraid of heights or spiders or small spaces. It's the kind of fear that plants itself in the middle of your chest and slowly spreads until you suffocate in it. It's the kind of fear that builds up dread in you that makes your stomach turn and twist and makes your heart beat so fast and stop all of a sudden. Clarke felt that fear every time Lexa had to chase down a killer. She felt that fear every time a news about a detective being targeted because if their cases. Clarke realized that what she feared the most was losing Lexa.

Clarke looked up and saw Lexa looking out at the window and her thumb was picking at the corner of the beer label. Clarke observed how the low glow of the candle on their table reflects on those green eyes. Clarke took a sip of her own beer and the alcohol left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.

But I lost her anyway. She thought. I lost her a long time ago.

"I don't know." Lexa said as an answer to Clarke's question, the agent was clearly deep in thought. "I mean, why go through the trouble of killing four innocent young boys just to get the attention of a single person, lure them back to New York and kill them? Not to mention the risks he's willing to take now that NYPD and the FBI are both on the case. It just doesn't add up. He wanted my attention for something. And I know he's trying to send a message. I just don't know what."

This time, Clarke was the one who reached forward and placed her hand on top of Lexa's and gave it a gently squeeze. "You'll find him, Lex." The agent tore her eyes away from the window and looked at Clarke, suddenly aware of the soft hand on top of hers. Their eyes met and Clarke tried to smile. "You always do."

"I don't know." Lexa answered in a defeated tone."I let the original Apostle Killer get under my skin and now …" Lexa sighed. "I have to find him before he kills again."

"And just how do you plan on doing that?" Clarke asked, "Call every parent in New York with a child whose name is one the twelve apostles that the killer hasn't crossed off his list yet?" Clarke sighed and shook her head. She softly ran her thumb over the back of Lexa's hand. "You can't save everyone, Lex."

"I wish I could." Lexa voice was laden with tears.

"I know." Clarke whispered, "But sometimes we have to accept the fact that we lose."

Lexa just nodded and took a long sip.

"I missed you."

It was out before her mind could process the words and Clarke's cheeks became as red as a tomato when Lexa's eyes focused on her. For a moment, no one dared to breathe or say a single word. Both women just stared at each other, trapped in an endless loop of silence. Lexa could feel Clarke's hand twitch and when the blonde made a move to remove it; Lexa acted without having a second thought and held it, preventing the blonde from pulling away.

Lexa's voice was soft and she couldn't help the smile that appeared on her lips, "I missed you too."

Clark smiled back. She felt warm all over and Lexa's touch sent shivers up her arm to her chest and down to the tip of her toes. "It's really good to see you, Lexa."

Lexa's throat was suddenly dry and her heart was pounding like a gorilla in her chest. God, that smile. There had been endless moments like this before she left. Precious moments that she took for granted when she left because she was running away. It was only now that Lexa realized that she should've cherished them for they're the only thing she has of Clarke from her past life. It was moments like this that made her fall in love with her best friend.

"Would you like to talk a walk?" Lexa asked shyly.

Clarke glanced at the window, "It's raining, Lex."

"Oh." Lexa bowed her head and actually pouted.

Clarke chuckled at Lexa's expression. "But I'd love to take a walk with you."

Lexa's head snapped up and looked at Clarke with a surprise expression as she watched her get up from her chair. Lexa quickly stood up and threw some bills on the table to pay for their drinks and followed the doctor to the door and out to the lobby of the hotel. When Lexa pushed open the front doors of the hotel, she saw that Clarke was right, it was raining. Clarke grinned at her before stepping out into the open. Lexa shook her head and smiled as she fell in step beside the blonde.

The temperature had dropped and the wind was biting cold. Large raindrops fell and in a matter of seconds both women were drenched. Lexa encircled an arm around Clarke and pulled the blonde towards her to provide a little bit of warmth. Clarke leaned in closer and snaked her arm around Lexa. They walked silently, with the rain pouring down on them, but they were content to just be in each other's presence.

"Would you have considered coming back?" Clarke asked as they rounded the corner.

"To New York?" Lexa asked and Clarke nodded.

Every now and then a street lamp would illuminate their faces. Lexa took a side way glance at Clarke when they passed a street lamp and the light reflected her blonde hair.

"Honestly, I don't know." Clarke looked up at Lexa's answer. "It has been a long time Clarke. Things have changed."

"I know." Clarke pulled away from Lexa and continued walking. "They have for the both of us."

Lexa stopped walking and stared at Clarke, "No," Lexa said, "I don't think I would have come back."

Clarke stopped too and turned around. They were just around another corner. "Why not?"

"Because there's nothing to come back to."

Clarke slowly walked back to the agent. Lexa's curls had stuck to her forehead and the raindrops were getting in her eyes, making her sight blurry. Her shirt was wet and it clung to her body. She was so cold that she feels like her fingers are going to fall off. Suddenly going out for a walk seemed like the worst idea.

"Lexa …"

Clarke's voice was soft and she was standing in Lexa's personal space that the brunette could feel her warm breath on her skin.

Lexa slowly shook her head and step back. She caught Clarke's hand before it could brush the strand of hair on her forehead. "Clarke … Don't …Don't do this." she whispered.

"Don't do what?"

"This." Lexa let go of Clarke's hand. Her fingers almost intertwined with the blonde but Lexa pulled away. "I think this was a bad idea. I should go."

Lexa walked past Clarke and rounded the corner. She could see the hotel in the distance. Suddenly she heard Clarke behind her and it made her turn around.

"Why? Just tell me why, Lexa. Please." Clarke held back the tears.

"What do you want me to say, Clarke?" Lexa sighed. "That I regretted walking away from you, from everyone? Because I do. I know what I did was stupid and probably unforgivable but I have found my way and moved on and so have you." Lexa forced a smile and looked at Clarke. "We're both with different people now. We've changed. And no matter how hard we try, we can't glue back the broken pieces in the hopes of fixing something that we both know we can't fix. Sometimes … Sometimes things are better left the way they are." Lexa turned around and walked towards the hotel.

"Wait! Lexa!" Clarke called and ran after the brunette. "Lexa, don't leave." She hugged Lexa from behind and pressed her faced between Lexa's shoulder blades. She didn't bother to stop the tears this time. "Please don't leave me again." Clarke said in a broken whisper.

"Clarke..."

The blonde felt Lexa turn around and after a moment strong arms enveloped her. Now that she held Clarke in her arms, she realized what she had missed all these years. She missed feeling this whole and complete. "Don't cry." she hushed. Lexa rested her chin on top of Clarke's head, threaded her fingers through blonde hair and tightened her grip as Clarke's arms tightened around her waist and rested her head on Lexa's chest.

"I made mistakes, Clarke." Lexa whispered softly, "Mistakes that cannot be undone. I can't change what I did."

"You don't have to," Clarke answered.

Clarke looked up and blue locked on green. Time seemed to stop and there was nothing else but the two of them in this moment. Did it really have to come to this for them to truly see each other now that they're living different lives? What they saw in each other's eyes reflected what they feel. What they've always felt.

Lexa closed her eyes and leaned forward, resting her forehead against Clarke's. "There's someone … Back in Washington …"

"Don't" Clarke cut her off, "Don't say it. I don't want to know."

Before Lexa could speak, soft lips were suddenly pressing against here without warning. After a few moments, Clarke pulled back and bit her lip, ending a moment that was filled with bliss, longing and sadness. Embarrassed by what she did, Clarke bowed her head. The claws of betrayal latched itself in the depths of her stomach but the sense of longing was much more powerful and overwhelming.

Slender fingers cupped Clarke's chin and tilted her head upwards. Before Clarke could react, Lexa's lips were on hers. This time the kiss was different. It was less hesitant. It wasn't the kind of kiss that sent fireworks exploding behind your eyes or a first kiss that'll sweep you off your feet. It was a kiss that felt like a missing puzzle pieces has finally been found and the whole thing was complete. Lexa threaded her fingers through blonde hair and pulled the woman closer to her as she deepened the kiss and felt Clarke smile against her lips. Lexa suppressed the moan at the back of her throat when Clarke ran her tongue across her bottom lip and carefully, and a little hesitant, Lexa opened her mouth and met Clarke's tongue with her own.

Time froze and nothing else existed but the two of them.

When the need for air became impossible to ignore, Lexa was the first one to pull away. Green eyes slowly opened and were greeted by blue eyes that were glossy with tears.

"I … I'm Raven." Clarke began, "Lexa, I … we shouldn't …"

"I know." Lexa whispered. "This is one of the things I've screwed up." She cupped Clarke's cheek and wiped the tears and the raindrops on the blonde's face. Green eyes searched Clarke's face and she sadly smiled. "I know I've lost you, Clarke. And I've already accept that you can never be mine." Lexa planted a soft kiss on Clarke's forehead. Her hand slipped from Clarke's cheek and she turned around, ready to walk away. She stopped when soft hands grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her back.

"I honestly can't believe I'm about to do this." Clarke muttered under her breath as she closed the distance between her and Lexa once again. Clarke licked her lips and her throat was suddenly dry and even in the dim light that the streetlight was providing, Lexa saw the flash of sudden desire in Clarke's eyes. "Take me inside."

Lexa's eyes widened, "Clarke … I … We can't. We're both with different people."

"Please," Clarke whispered and intertwined their fingers, "Otherwise we'll never know. Please."

Without speaking, Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand in a firm hold and led the blonde through the hotel door and the lobby and to the elevator. Silently they stood side by side, their hands link together as they waited. When the doors open, Lexa stepped out and Clarke followed behind.

They reached the door of Lexa's hotel room and the brunette's eyes lingered on the door across from her. The words Anya told her echoed through her mind.

You're still in love with her.

….

I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think this will result in to something you'll regret.

When she felt Clarke press her body against her own, the feeling of her breast against her back and soft lips assaulting her neck, her heart rate increased and she swallowed the dryness of her throat. With trembling hands she fished out her keycard. She swiped it and the door swung open and she and Clarke stepped inside the dark room.

They were momentarily blinded when the lights automatically came on as they walked in and Lexa turned around faster than Clarke expected. They both saw how dark the other's eyes were and the flickering lust in them. Clarke licked her lips and bit her bottom lip and that was the thing that caused Lexa to lose the last bit of self-control she had. Hungry lips crashed together, hands wandered and roamed freely, tugging and peeling away items of clothing it touches.

Lexa backed up Clarke against the wall and assaulted the doctor's neck with kisses, not caring if she leaves a mark. She sucked hard on Clarke's pulse point and ran her tongue over the mark, making Clarke moan in approval. Shaking hands fumbled with their buttons and zippers and soon their pants were thrown aside. Clarke leaned forward and took Lexa's lips in a bruising kiss that resulted in a deep moan coming from the brunette. Lexa's strong arms lifted Clarke by her thighs and pinned her against the wall, Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa and pulled her closer. The brunette could feel the heat and the wetness of the blonde's center against her stomach causing her to groan. Lexa was more than sure she was just as wet as Clarke.

"Take me to bed." Clarke whispered against Lexa's lips.

Warm bodies were pressed together as Lexa carried Clarke and walked them towards the direction of the bedroom, leaving behind a trail of shoes and wet clothing and the past they've tried so hard to forget.