Several, several hours later the two women found themselves completely blissed out and completely exhausted, curled against each other on the bed as they caught their breath and let their bodies come down from the high. Arizona let her eyes flutter shut, her head against Callie's shoulder and her arm draped around a soft waist; protective and a little possessive in its embrace. She murmured incomprehensibly as the brunette's fingers played in her hair, smoothing through the silky curls and rubbing lightly against her scalp, and she sighed softly, perfectly content. It felt amazing – the entire evening had been amazing. Everything Callie did was amazing.
"Don't fall asleep on me now," Callie teased, her voice soft as she dropped a kiss on her ex-wife's temple, "I didn't say I was done."
"Mm, me neither. But this just feels nice."
Dark eyes glanced down when the smaller woman spoke, the tone of her voice somehow different than the one Callie had heard the last few weeks – different than she'd heard in years. It was soft, and it was sweet, and it was genuine in its delivery – without the veil of indifference and the slight distance it had held since her return and their subsequent relationship. It was like the warmest hug on the coldest day of the year, like being wrapped in a blanket safe and comfortable. It was a voice that used to make Callie's heart swell in her chest with absolute adoration, a voice that she'd fallen in love with a thousand times over, in a thousand different intimate moments. It was a voice she hadn't been sure she'd ever hear again, not directed toward her, and it brought a tentative smile to her face as she pressed her nose to blonde hair, inhaling the scent that had always felt like home.
They fell into a comfortable silence, only soft breathing filling the room, until a few minutes later when a loud grumbling emanated from the blonde's stomach and Callie couldn't help but shatter the moment with a laugh.
"Hungry?"
Arizona tilted her head up and smiled sheepishly, her fingertips absently tracing along a soft abdomen.
"I didn't really have lunch," she admitted, "I was going to pick up some supper when we met in the lobby."
"Say no more. I'm kind of hungry too."
Callie stretched an arm out, reaching for the blonde's cell phone that sat on the night table. Smiling at the lock screen photo of Sofia, she took a guess and tapped in what used to be her ex-wife's password, not at all surprised when the phone immediately opened.
"You're so predictable. Pizza?"
Rolling her eyes slightly, Arizona shifted onto her back, stifling a small yawn.
"Don't forget the mushrooms. And extra–"
"Extra cheese, I know."
Callie found the number of their favourite pizza place – the best in Seattle, no contest – and dialed in an order. Pepperoni and mushrooms, extra cheese, Italian seasoning on top. At least some things had never changed over the years, and Callie was pleased to see that Sofia and her weird little love for pineapple on pizza hadn't rubbed off on her other mother either.
"It'll be here in like twenty minutes."
Tossing the phone back onto the nightstand, she looked sideways, dark eyes admiring the form of the woman beside her as she raised her arms into a lengthy stretch. Blue eyes met hers, and a mischievous smile quirked at Arizona's lips a moment later.
"I know what we can do in twenty minutes."
.
.
Callie scrambled to pull on her jeans and her shirt when the doorbell rang about twenty-five minutes later.
"I got it, I got it. You just stay here. Don't move. Don't get dressed."
She headed for the stairs, trying to brush her hair back into some semblance of not looking like she'd just been having sex for hours, and a soft laugh rang out from the bedroom behind her.
"I won't. Bring water!"
Once the food had been collected, she stripped back down and found herself back in the blonde's bed, soft grey sheets wrapped around them loosely and the pizza box opened between them. Arizona had immediately reached for a slice to quell her rumbling hunger and the conversation continued to flow easily between them – like old friends, like best friends. Like…two people who were happy to be together.
"Sofia was telling me about this pizza place in New York a few weeks ago, and how they did it all wrong compared to Antonio's. It sounded like a pretty serious deal. All wrong."
Callie laughed, picking up a second slice, and she leaned back on one arm comfortably.
"They really did though. She's a stickler when it comes to her pizza. I think we tried every place in a twenty block radius before we found something acceptable."
"She liked it though, didn't she. New York? It sounds like you had a lot of fun."
Callie looked over, trying to get a read on her ex-wife's tone, but there was nothing in it that led her to believe it was more than a simple question.
"Yeah, I think she loved it. Except for you not being there. She liked exploring all the new places, and she made me keep a list so she'd remember what to show you when you came."
"We should take her traveling more. Maybe I'll take her to San Diego to see my parents this winter. We haven't been there since she was a baby."
Callie's eyes roamed over the blonde's face as she nodded in agreement, and they landed on the small, pale scar above her eyebrow, her curiosity finally getting the better of her.
"What's this from?" she reached across, her thumb lightly brushing against the spot, "I couldn't help but notice it. It's new."
There was a slight pause in the air between them, and Arizona reached up, her finger running over the barely visible mark. She seemed almost reluctant to tell, which only made Callie more curious and determined to find out.
"Oh, nothing. Just a little fender-bender."
The brunette's eyes immediately widened, concern etched across her face.
"You were in a car accident? Arizona, why didn't you say anything? What happened?"
"Callie…"
She sighed, shrugging a shoulder lightly.
"Why would I say anything? You were across the country, we were barely speaking. I was fine and it was healed by the time I saw Sofia again anyway; there was no reason to worry either of you."
"Still. You must have been–"
The concern on her ex-wife's face was genuine, Arizona knew, and she reached out to reassuringly squeeze the other woman's ankle – understanding exactly where she was coming from.
"For a second, yeah. Some guy clipped me when I was pulling out of the hospital parking lot, and I just hit the window frame enough for my sunglasses to smash into me and break. At least Sofia wasn't with me though, so it was fine."
Callie reached up again to brush her thumb over the scar, a visible tension leaving her body. Brown eyes met blue and held them for a long moment, and suddenly the realization of what they were doing slammed into the brunette like a tidal wave – pizza in bed, soft conversations at two in the morning, absentminded touches that felt completely second nature to both of them. The memory of a moment just like this, a night just like this nearly nine years ago rolled through her mind in the brightest living colour and she swallowed hard, dropping her hand almost as if she'd been burned.
"Arizona…" she spoke softly, her voice almost a whisper, "what are we doing?"
The question was innocent enough but Arizona knew the weight it held – had realized earlier the parallels between this night and another lifetime, a time when things had been so different. She'd tried not to remember, tried to push it to the furthest corner of her mind – but the truth was, she couldn't push anything to do with Callie to the back of her mind. She couldn't bury it, even years later. She'd never be able to.
She set the last of her crust down in the pizza box and licked her lips, wiping her hand across them slowly. The emotions that had been coursing through the blonde for weeks were an absolute rollercoaster, and truthfully, she didn't know how to deal with them; she didn't know how to face them, let alone admit them out loud. But she did know that she had to stop the two of them from whatever was going to happen here because it felt like the only solution. Stop them from hurting each other any further, from inevitably repeating history yet again. Because she knew she couldn't do it. Her heart wouldn't survive it, and she didn't think Callie's would either. And no matter what else had happened between them, she would always protect Callie's heart til her dying breath.
"You seemed to know what you were doing half an hour ago. We're having fun, Calliope."
Her voice carried a flirty, nonchalant tone as she tried to keep things light, but they both knew it was simply masking the emotions underneath. They'd been dancing around this for the last six weeks, around each other, but both women could feel that there was something happening between them besides sex – something blossoming, something evolving from the relics of the past. Callie knew her ex-wife like the back of her hand, and she knew when she was trying to close herself off, trying to distance herself from her emotions. For once…she wasn't going to let her. For once, she was going to fight.
"Arizona…"
"Callie, I can't."
The smaller woman's whispered words escaped her lips and carried across the bed as she gazed at her ex-wife, the pain and the longing suddenly evident in her eyes – those eyes that had always revealed everything. They revealed a deep kind of sadness now, and they revealed a deep seated fear – and Callie knew in that moment that she would have to be the brave one. This time, she would be the good man in the storm. This time, she wouldn't let them drown.
"I know you still love me."
The blues of her eyes deepened slightly, and the desire to run was written clearly across Arizona's face at Callie's declaration.
"I knew. Six months ago…I knew. You came to my door with Sofia and you set me free, Arizona. You gave up everything…for me. And maybe I should have said something then, but you don't do that for someone you don't love."
Arizona shook her head almost imperceptibly, finally tearing her gaze from Callie's and pulling the sheet a little tighter around her body. She didn't move away, but a palpable shift occurred in the air between them, something heavy settling like an anvil in the middle of the bed, like the biggest elephant in the room.
"It's not like that…"
Her words were unconvincing, even to her own ears, but as Arizona's heart pounded in her chest they were the only thing she could think to say. She couldn't do this, she wouldn't do this, she wouldn't open her heart again to the other woman when she wasn't sure that the brunette felt the same way.
And even if she did, would it matter? Arizona had held out hope for a long time after their separation that they would somehow find their way home, but they never had, they'd only run further and further away from each other. And she'd convinced herself that maybe they just weren't meant to be, that no such thing existed.
"Then tell me, Arizona, what is it like? Because I don't think I can keep doing this. Not with you."
The dark haired woman motioned between them, conflicting emotions evident in her eyes and in the hushed tone of her voice. She needed to hear the words. She needed to know that her feelings weren't unfounded, that the other woman still felt the same. She was terrified of what it might mean if she did, but more terrified of what it would mean if she didn't. Because if she didn't, this had to end. Callie couldn't keep pretending that this was only sex, that there was no deeper connection between them. Not after the way Arizona had touched her last night, the way she'd spoken to her, looked into her eyes.
The smaller woman tilted her head back to look up at the ceiling, soft blonde hair cascading over her bare shoulders, and she blinked back the tears that were quickly gathering. She could either admit what her heart was screaming in her chest, risking heartbreak for them both, or she could deny it all, protecting Callie in the only way she knew how. Letting Callie be free of her, maybe once and for all.
In the operating room, she always knew what to do, but in this room, in this moment…Arizona Robbins had no idea what to say next.
"Tell me, Arizona. You have to say something."
.