Ok I'm back after god knows how long with an update and I apologize for that
I've had a pretty busy time, what with planning on moving into my new flat next year and my work picking up
A lot of people have been saying my OC is a bootleg Mikasa, which is not true at all
I had the thought of what if I made a character who is fucked up, but doesn't hide that. She's been through shit and she's ok to admit that, she's not perfect.
Who went through what Mikasa could have if she hadn't been saved, who was betrayed by someone she loved most and ended up becoming bitter. Call it a polar opposite or what if scenario
Anyway, tell me what you think
"Look at that creamy skin, she's a little cutie aint she. I can't wait to have a taste" one leered. It was so fair and smooth, but then again she was very young so it was to be expected after all. She would be a lot of fun to break in, getting her used to the taste of men. She would never be able to think the same way again.
The young ones were always so cute, their innocence was what made them so alluring. Because they were so easy to break and train, they knew nothing but would easily learn. The older they were the more they fought back, which was what made being traders so damn difficult with the bigger ones.
"Her eyes are so shiny. They remind me of those jewels I seen in books" another replied. Though they only belonged to aristocrats or the royal family now. No commoner had their hands on them. However, they were still in history books and talked about on the street, worth a pretty penny to anyone who had their hands on them.
It was rare to find anyone with such pale smooth skin, silky black hair as fine as hers or eyes that colour. Sure she wouldn't pay as much as a rare Asian, but someone would pay a pretty penny for her. As long as it filled their pockets and made them money, he wasn't going to complain about the quality of the merchandise here.
Elsa shivered curling up in the cage, shivering and her eyes filled with tears. Her eyes red from crying as hard as she had been, tasting the salt on her lips, the streak-marks down her face. This had to be a dream, why would her parents to this to her. Why would they sell her to such awful human beings as human traffickers.
"Look at her, she's crying. I bet I can make her cry in more ways though" the first sneered. If she continued sobbing like that she would use up all her energy. Now that would be no fun at all. They needed her energetic and lively, they could make more money off her that way and leave an impression on the clients.
Eventually, they left her shivering and sobbing. Going off to eat or drink, leaving her in the peaceful silence. Allowing her mind to roam, her thoughts to wonder elsewhere. Giving her some peace. "Why? Why would mummy and daddy do this? I thought they loved me? I thought they cared about me" Elsa thought to herself. Why would they give her away to these awful people
Elsa sat silently on the bed, the moonlight illuminating her black hair. Staring into the abyss silently, her mind wondering to the void of her soul. Endless thoughts rushing through her mind like a storybook. Leaned over with one of her legs tucked under her chin, another flashback had returned. Holding herself for comfort.
When she was younger she had woken up screaming from the dreams, shaking and sobbing loudly. Gripping her head and trying to make it stop, to make it go away. After a whole she had just learned to block it out and push it down. Try and forget such a thing existed, for a while it worked. But since she came to the camps, it started to come back.
It seemed lately they had become more and more recurring. The visions coming back hard and fast, dragging her back to her childhood and the horrors she had experienced. Plaguing her constantly and making her feel weak, bringing back her fears and sadness. As much as she tried to push it to the back of her mind. Trying to focus on her present life.
She couldn't go back and undo the past. everything was set in stone and this was the way her life was, she had to accept it as reality as much as it made her sick. Knowing now what kind of people she had been raised by and what kind of people they truly were. That the perfect life she thought was real was nothing but lies and fake.
Remembering her naïve days of being held captive by slave traders. Being scarred and chained in a dingy room in which she was treated worse than an animal. Barely having enough to eat and never knowing freedom or sunlight. People who sold young girls to the highest bidder, but not before breaking them into training. So, they would be more useful.
Not caring about her well being and only making sure she was kept alive, not about her health or if she was injured or not. Every now and again checking in to make sure she was alive. Sometimes kicking the cell bars to wake her or throwing water on her to keep her clean. While they kept themselves in better states than herself.
Since the walls came up, sadly all sorts of humans gathered together. The worst of the worst and sometimes a bit of both. People who had strayed from their morality as humans and become animals. She often felt sick at what could have happened to her had she not escaped. What kind of shitty life she would have lived had she not gotten away. It made her skin crawl at the very image.
Prostitution was not uncommon amongst some levels of the cities. In the lower underground they lived miserably, living in brothels and being worked like dogs. Suffering from malnutrition, lack of vitamin C and barely having enough clothes on their back. At least in the outer walls, they could live in houses, reasonable lives even if they were poor.
In the inner walls, prostitutes often lived as mistresses to higher aristocrats and lived the fine life. Often living with married men and living there openly, sometimes being preferred over the walls. Having one was a staple of how rich you were, though should they step out of line it was not uncommon for them to be abused for it.
What was worse, her own parents had offered her up to that life by will. Despite having enough money to care for themselves, they were greedy and corrupt. Wanting as much as they could get. Offering up their only child for more money, how sad was that? The fact that they didn't care if she lived or died. Just why did they become parents if they never truly cared for her to begin with?
As parents it was their job to love and protect her, since giving birth to her they had to raise her. She trusted them to teach her the ways of the world and grow as a person. But they had simply brought her into the world and when she came of a reasonable age (at least in their eyes), they sold her off for money to a bunch of criminals.
The fact she even escaped that place was nothing short of a miracle. Awakening something inside of her, turning her into the woman she was now. Cold, empty, bitter and hateful at the world. Somehow, she had choked one of the men to death with her own chains. They had attempted to assault her while drunk, not being able to hold back his urges anymore.
Slurring and stumbling about, a recognizable leer in his eyes. One she had seen earlier and figured out what he was up to. Something she was not about to let happen to her, no way in hell. She had kicked and fought back, before choking him to death with the chains. A newfound strength about her, knowing it was fight or die, that this was her only way out of there.
Scratching his eyes out before yanking it around his neck. He struggled of course, but her willpower was stronger. Screaming and crying that he should just die, that she wanted to go home. That all humans were animals, that they were all beasts.
Pulling as hard as she could, not stopping until he started to go blue and stopped moving. It seemed to go on for what felt like forever, his suffocated gasps and her shrieking manically. Eventually he choked to death slowly but surely and lay on the ground, drool spilling from his mouth and his eyes rolled back.
She then let go, allowing the chain to fall to the floor in a heavy clang. Tears spilling from her face, her eyes wide and bright. Shaking like a leaf as adrenaline rushed through her body. She had just killed a man, she had committed murder. But he had tried to attack her, he had tried to force himself on her. She wasn't wrong, she had just been trying to protect herself.
She stood there in the dark cell, her black hair falling in front of her tear-stained face. Seeing what she was capable of, what kind of person she actually was. More so, having realized she had just vented her true feelings when killing him. Realizing that this was the reality of life, everything up until now had been a lie.
"Mummy and daddy never cared about me. If they did, they wouldn't have done this" she said to herself. No parents who loved their child would ever give their child up to such a horrific life. They had abandoned her, they had given her up. They had decided that money and a wealthy lifestyle was more important than raising a child.
One that was in her preteens and expensive. She had always been for show, a pretty doll to show off and brag about. But once she became too much for them to handle they had enough, not wanting a daughter they couldn't control. Not wanting to spend money on a child that would not obey and question their authority.
She sighed and rubbed the bride of her nose, trying to brush these thoughts to the back of her mind. Remembering, causing her to feel dizzy and weak, not wanting to have another meltdown. She needed sleep, but she couldn't sleep. Her mind only rushing back to the unpleasantness that was her past. She hated the fact that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't escape from her past.
She got up silently and stepped away from the bed, being as careful as she could not to wake anyone up. She didn't need them asking her questions, she hated nosy people. She managed to awkwardly step her way past the bunks, to the edge and to the stepladder. Quietly climbing down, making sure not to wake anyone and heading towards the front door of the boy's cabins.
She opened the door silently, making sure not to make a sound. Praying mentally that the floorboards under her didn't creak under her weight, she may have been light but some of these were old. She didn't want to get caught, more questions she would rather not answer. It was none of their business anyways.
Jean mumbled sleepily, groaning in his sleep and turning over. Dreaming peacefully and lost to the world around him. Yawning and moving about as he did so, reaching out his hands across the bed. Stretching and squirming in his sleep, small sounds escaping his lips. Surprisingly not waking any of the others around him. Then again with the way Reiner snored, he was surprised he didn't wake anyone.
He had always been a restless sleeper ever since he was a child, waking up to twisted sheets and odd positions. He never meant to, he couldn't control how his body acted when he was unconscious. Everyone slept differently after all, not everyone was the same. Some people slept like logs, some people were woken by the smallest noise.
As she did so, he didn't feel someone hit or kick him to tell him to stop doing so. Half expecting someone to have complained by now about his lack of respect for their personal space. No warm female body beside him, no irritable voice telling him to keep still and allow them to sleep. Seriously, she was quieter than usual.
No female body beside him, no breasts pressing against him. So, slender form lying beside him peacefully as her black hair tickled her cheek. Now this was odd as Elsa shared not only his bunk but slept close to him. So why wasn't she here? She had said she was comfortable around him, so why would she not be sleeping?
Despite showing hostility to every other teammate here, she somehow seemed to like him. Even going as far as to request to stay in the boy's bunks, saying the female dorms were too loud. For whatever reason, she seemed uncomfortable around most of the girls in her bunk. But then again, she acted coldly towards a lot of the guys to, aside from him and Marco.
She had a very tense relationship with Eren, she gave Krista the cold shoulder and didn't so much as even speak to Armin. Seemingly acting bored whenever he even so much as spoke a word. She could understand Eren as unless you were close to him, he seemed to rub everyone the wrong way and tended to get on their bad side.
Krista he had no idea why she hated her so much, she was the epitome of sweetness and light. Never having a bad thing to say about anyone, always trying to be nice and help others out. But Elsa gave her the cold shoulder and tended to cringe when she so much as flashed a smile in her direction whatsoever. Seemingly hating her.
He came to wearily. His eyes still a little blurred from sleep, he wiped his eyes and stared around the dark room. Making out the shapes of his cabin mates beside him, but Elsa was gone. Nowhere in sight as if she had vanished into thin air or never existed at all. As if this was a dream, as if he was waking up to an alternate life. The silence almost deafening, you could hear a pin drop.
This caused him to panic, she couldn't leave the compound, the bathroom was downstairs and there was no way to get out of the bunks easily. You had to play an awkward dance game to get past everyone. Everyone slept so close to each other it was an awkward process getting up in the morning and having to wait to get out.
He sat up quickly, bolting up in bed. He knew Elsa hated everyone aside from him, so why would she leave? Had he done something wrong in his sleep to upset her? God, he hoped not. Ever since they had spoken and interacted for the first time, he had been careful not to get on her bad side. Everyone had seen the way she took down Shadis for the first time upon introduction.
He looked around the bed frantically, starting to panic. She wasn't beside the bed, she wasn't downstairs and she wasn't sitting at the side gazing out of the window like always. So where in the world could she have gone? This didn't feel right. Though he knew it was past curfew and they should all be in bed. He couldn't stop worrying about her and where she would be. Was she hurt? Was she not feeling well, did she have another attack.
He had heard about the breakdown she had while staying at the girl's dorm. Sasha had found her outside, even Ymir had been worried. Having never seen the girl look so worked up before. He couldn't stop worrying about her, he remembered how Sasha had described her though the whole thing. Looking pale as a ghost and looking like she was about to throw up. Just what was she hiding?
She said she trusted him right, which made them friends or allies at least. So why was she still hiding things from him or sneaking out when she was troubled. Why couldn't she talk to him instead? He may not be experienced in life yet, but he wasn't exactly an idiot. He would be willing to try and offer her help should she need it.
He grabbed his sheet quickly and tiptoed around everyone. Making sure not to kick anyone or even so much as make a sound. He knew he would get into trouble if he was caught sneaking out. He breathed a sigh of relief as she managed to get past everyone. Folding the sheet over his shoulder and climbing down the ladder. Trying to be as quiet as possible, wanting to avoid the wrath of Shadis.
Elsa leaned against the wooden rail silently. Her crimson eyes gazing out into the darkness of the camps silently. Her eyes sharp and hard, thinking about the dreams she had experienced. As hard as she tried to block them out, suppressing them with all her willpower. They always came back to her in the end. Torturing her with their existence, reminding her of her pain.
She wondered if her past would ever stop haunting her, if they would ever go away. The heart and mind were fragile things after all, her trust had been so cruelly broken. By the people, she had cared for and trusted the most. The memories, the trauma, the heartbreak, all of it still lingered. Her young mind shattered and awoken to the cruelty of reality, to know everything in her life had been nothing but a lie.
Suddenly, she felt a blanket fall on top of her head, surprising her. Suddenly her vision was white and it confused her. Something warm but semi thin covered her out of nowhere. She couldn't remember the last time she had been surprise attacked, but in an innocent manner. Child's play almost, like how kids would hide under sheets in hopes of scaring someone.
She pushed up the sheet and looked around, curious as to where the cover came from. Since there was nobody about and everyone else was fast asleep in the barracks. As she turned her head to look, she was surprised to see Jean standing beside her, a worried yet calm expression on his face. Making sure to keep his distance from her.
She had been careful to not wake him or any of the others up when she left. Avoiding any movement that would rouse them from sleep or even cause them to stir whatsoever. So, what the hell was he doing here? How long had he even been awake for? How did he know where to find her? She was always so careful.
She never let anyone be around her when she was troubled. She had always kept her guard up for that exact purpose, as to not attract others. She never let anyone see her weak, because she knew how they would treat her. They wouldn't be able to handle seeing her that way. Knowing just how damaged she really was on the inside.
Jean saw the surprise on her face and shrugged casually "I thought you would be cold" he replied casually. It was still early spring after all, it was bound to be getting colder by this point. He knew Elsa had her secrets and he respected that. But he would not let her suffer by herself if he could do something to help. Since she trusted him enough he would happily help her vent.
Elsa blinked speechless, staring at him with her blank red eyes, unable to find words to say. Why did he care about her so much? Not that she hated it, but she didn't understand why. Nobody had ever been kind to her, she had been alone since the day she was born. Her own family had abandoned her leaving her to fend for herself. So why was he looking out for her?
She was simply a loner, a cold, brash, sharp tongued loner who enjoyed his company. He wasn't as annoying as everyone else in this damn place, he had an attitude which she liked. She barely spoke two words to him but sensed he cared. But as to why given how everyone else didn't, she had no idea.
Jean then tried again to make conversation sensing she was troubled. He often wondered what it would be like to pick her mind and get inside her head a little. What things he would learn about her. "Can't sleep?" he replied. He knew the tea and sleeping beside him helped comfort her. But as to what was causing her insomnia he was clueless. Just what caused her so much grief.
Ela stiffened, frowning and tightening her grip. She could rarely if ever sleep, it was always the same. The trauma ran too deep, haunting her always. Nothing seemed to chase away the memories. "My mind is too loud again" she replied. She often reminisced about her childhood days before her world went to hell. How peaceful it had been, how quiet it had been.
Though rarely, she sometimes missed it. The days before her attacks, the days before she learned how cruel the world was. Maybe that was why people were so fucked up, because they knew how ugly life was. They had seen just how bad it had got and had adapted into the people they were to cope, not because they wanted to.
Jean blinked but decided not to press more on the subject. He knew that she got more irritable when wasn't feeling well. He would rather not put her in a worse mood with her temper directed at him. If they caused a ruckus here they would wake everyone else up and end up getting into trouble with Shadis which he would rather avoid.
Elsa shifted, stroking the soft blanket. It was warm, soft and gentle, making her feel comforted. Had he really been that worried about her that he had given her his bed-sheet. "Thanks, for trying to warm me up" she replied gratefully. Though the weather hadn't been that cold, somehow, she felt happy having him care about her well-being. To notice her.
Jean hummed, why would he do such a thing? It was basic human courtesy after all, his mama had raised him right in that sense. "While what you wear is up to yourself. I don't want you to neglect yourself" he replied. It was her body and she could do what she wanted with it, but that didn't mean he wouldn't show concern.
Elsa was impressed, she never thought Jean was that type of guy. He at first seemed like he wanted a classy lady who knew how to dress appropriately. "Wow, bold" she replied. Who knew the supposed obnoxious horse of the 105th squad was actually so down to earth. She had to say it was rather refreshing to hear.
Jean shrugged, after being around her often enough, he had come to learn to be straightforward and yet respectful towards her boundaries was the best route to follow. I mean she was more than capable of kicking the likes of Eren's ass and coming close to doing the same to him. He would rather not threaten being on her good terms.
Elsa then gazed up at the sky, it was really pretty out here. Stargazing was one of the few things that seemed to really make her happy. Making her forget how shitty her life had been up until this point. "Appreciate it" she replied. It was nice to have someone who wasn't in her face all the time. Someone who didn't nit-pick her for being moody, for talking back or having an attitude. But just took her as she was.
Elsa tiptoed back to her bunk silently, while Jean followed both of them on edge. Not wanting to get caught sneaking out. I mean, how the hell were they supposed to explain it. Oh hey, I wasn't feeling well so I went out for some fresh air and happened to take Jean with me. She doubted they would buy it and think something else was going on.
It was funny to see most of their bunk mates in weird positions, some cuddling or even upside down. To know that half of them weren't nearly as tough as they made themselves out to be at all. Sleeping positions were truly a funny thing, to see how the body changed during sleep. To see what it was capable of in flexibility.
Eventually they got back to their own bed, managing to climb in quietly. Since the beds were feather-down, they didn't creak or make a sound. However, they were eadily damaged meaning they had to be repaired often enough. Making it easy to get in and out without a sound. Rather useful given the uses the cadets came up with.
Jean laid back on the mattress comfortably, it was nice to be in his bed again. Realizing how tired he actually was. Making it easier for him to relax and drift into sleep quicker. Elsa climbed in after him, easily sliding into the sheets. Not realizing how cold he had actually been before. Grateful that Jean had even considered her wellbeing and health.
"Night Elsa" Jean whispered under his breath sleepily. It certainly had been an interesting night, not bad but almost amusing in a way. Feeling himself fall into slumber, he would need the rest for training tomorrow. After all, they were training themselves for war.
"Night Jean" Elsa replied wearily. Feeling herself able to relax more than she had before. Somehow being around Jean, he made the night terrors go away. He made all of it, go away. What kind of magic did he wield, how was it being around him made her forget her demons. I mean magic didn't exist, yet he was able to chase away the nightmares that plagued her sleep.