Chances

by taoist elf

Returning home for a year, Bella struggles both with chances lost and taken and what to do with the last one she'll ever have. It's more complicated than she'd ever imagined. Raw, realistic and messy, this isn't the typical JxB. Takes place 8 years after BD wedding.

10. Part X - Precariousness

A/V:

A: Music Box by Thrice. I have to say it's one of my all-time fave songs. It's brilliant in its yin-yanginess. Eastern progressions and western chords, haunting melodies and hard core metal, rough and soft, angry and yearning.

V: Capoeira is mentioned here. Search on Youtube for "the best Capoeira video ever" (it's pretty close) if you're interested. A side note, I'm a martial arts gal and I use forms of this art along with the hardness of Krav Maga to inspire lupine fights. Capoeira guys move like wolves.

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Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy.

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X- Precariousness

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Thunder cracked overhead and with a whooping gasp, Bella's eyes popped open to darkness. Kicking free of twisted sheets she frantically scrabbled backward, hitting the headboard so hard it banged against the wall.

Panting raggedly, Bella pressed her back against the wood while her wide eyes darted around the darkness. A flashing pulse of lightning illuminated the guest room and she flinched, cowering back and pulling herself into a ball.

The sky shattered and its shards fell to the earth with a deep bouncing boom. Bella's gaze snapped to the dark window where the storm flung hateful handfuls of rain against the glass.

With a whimper, Bella wrapped her arms around her shivering body and pushed herself to the far edge of the mattress while thunder echoed in the distance. She was soaking wet with sweat.

Dreams of cold hands, red eyes and wolves swimming out to sea clung to the back of her eyelids and she slapped at her salty face, pushing back hair that was stuck in perspiration and tears.

She couldn't even sleep in peace.

Another dazzling flare of light flickered through the room and Bella shrieked, throwing herself from the bed and staggering back against the wall on unsteady feet. Breath heaving, she edged away from the window while she waited for the answering thunder. It rumbled up to a cracking crescendo that whipped her racing heart.

Bella pressed palms against her eyes and then rubbed agitated hands slowly up her face until her fingers were clawing through her hair.

"Get a hold of yourself," she hissed breathlessly to her feet. She drew in a long deep breath and released a shaky exhale.

And then did it again.

And again.

Another boom shook the distance and Bella's eyes popped back open. Sucking a breath through her teeth she snatched her phone off the dresser and clicked it on.

2:11 am.

Hell, she'd finally laid her head down at just a little past one. She tossed the cell back to the dresser and rubbed her face briskly.

She couldn't do this. Not right now.

Swallowing, Bella pushed off the wall and paced across the room, keeping her eyes on the window. She knew she was safer in Jacob's house than she would be anywhere else in the world, but still, something about night and windows and all the broken little pieces of herself had brought her demons out to play.

She paced back across the room, keeping her eyes on the yawning darkness outside – she just couldn't shake the memories. Like she'd watched too many horror films too late at night, any second she kept expecting a ghastly white face with hell in its eyes to pop up with a sinister smile.

This was the first night she hadn't been carried to bed in a semi-coma since the attack and with her healing body no longer demanding all her resources, her damaged mind was making its big debut. She thought she'd fare better against nightmares after an evening that had made eight years of dreams come true:

Jacob had forgiven her.

She wasn't sure what all it had changed, but she was pretty sure it was everything.

Maybe… eventually.

Hugging herself, she rubbed her arms, while she backed up against the door and watched the storm pound the night.

They'd spent the rest of the evening orbiting around one another in the suffocating silence of uncertainty. With covert glances being volleyed between them like a game of badminton over the table, they'd finished eating. Then, without a word, Jacob had started cleaning up. There'd been no leftovers to pack away (to Bella's pleasure) so she'd stood at his side and taken hot clean dishes from his hand to dry them and put away.

When there were no more dishes or excuses left to keep them together, Jacob had mumbled something about patrols and promptly strode out of the kitchen and into the night.

Just like that.

He'd taken that novel sense of peace with him, leaving Bella alone in an empty house with nothing but a yearning heart, haunted mind and a room with a bedside window.

She'd tried to ignore it. She'd spent hours on her computer trying – attempting work, catching up on emails and eventually degrading to trolling wins and vines on Youtube until she could barely keep her eyes open.

Only an hour later, they were open again. She didn't think they'd be closing anytime soon.

Part of her wanted to open this door, creep down the hall, climb into that filthy bed and curl into the heated protection of Jacob's side – if he'd even come back (she'd been listening, but they were all so silent). Yet even if he had, Bella wasn't sure if he was ready for that. She wasn't sure she was either.

They didn't know how to be together anymore.

Another burst of lightening jarred her senses, followed by a low shaking rumble and Bella pressed herself harder against the door.

She couldn't do this right now… she just couldn't.

She knew that – whether Jacob was here or not – there was no place safer, but torrential adrenaline was still gushing through her veins. But she also knew that Jacob had a bottle of Scotch hiding in the back of the cupboard beside the sink.

It called to her like an angel, with promises of sweet nothing. Even if she knew old habits were just a siren, luring her to rocky shores, right now she just wanted some more of that peace. She was so tired.

She could have one glass…

Her mouth watered just thinking about it. She could afford a night of comfort – it would help her sleep and tomorrow she could drum up the energy to try again.

Right?

Pushing off the door, Bella slowly smoothed her damp hair back from her face and then tucked it behind her ears with her thumbs.

Just one.

Drawing in a deep breath, she turned and her hand fell to the cool metal of the doorknob, pausing for a moment. Just having her back to the window made shivers shuttle up her spine and she quickly opened the door, fleeing from her demons out into the still, dark house.

Wrapping her arms around herself she shuffled down the hall to the dark living room. Another flash of lightening jackknifed across the room, illuminating the big easy chair and couch. An ominous crescendo of thunder followed, rolling through the darkness and Bella's heart raced her feet to the kitchen.

She caught herself on the doorway like she'd made it to first base and a blind hand slapped along the wall, searching for the light switch. Her fingers found the cool plastic and flipped it up and the kitchen blinked to cheery life.

Her eyes immediately found the cabinet door behind which she knew hid solace and succor. Her gaze caressed the planes of wood and little brass handle as she crossed the linoleum with more certainty in each step. She delayed the gratification by reaching up to fetch a glass first. Choosing the largest in Jacob's mix-match collection and set it carefully on the counter. Then she squatted down and opened Pandora's door to pull the fat friendly bottle of Dewar's out from behind the pans.

Jacob wouldn't mind – she knew he wouldn't. She could even buy him a new bottle tomorrow. Eyes washing fondly over the label, she stood and set it on the counter.

Rain pelted the window with a whipping wind and thunder rumbled in the distance as Bella's gaze darted out into the darkness – she hadn't even noticed the lightning this time.

Returning her eyes to the half-full bottle and empty glass on the counter before her… she froze.

She'd spent so many nights over the last eight years, kneeling at this same altar, but over the last month she'd only picked up a beer or two when she was hanging with the Pack. She'd come so far…

But one step back wouldn't hurt, would it?

She needed this right now – the numbing, the synthetic peace. Her hand was shaking in anticipation as she unscrewed the metal with its tender scrapes on the glass. Tossing the cap impatiently to the counter, it rolled away as she poured a glass with the soft splash and glug of liquor. The sharp scent of alcohol rose up to relax her body with an almost chemical reaction.

Just like that scent of pine she loved so much.

When amber nearly crested the lip, Bella set the bottle back on the counter with a clack and then quickly wrapped both hands around the glass and brought it up to her lips. She inhaled silently for a moment – eyelids growing heavy - and then tipped a good mouthful over her tongue, nearly groaning at the burn. She swallowed luxuriantly, relishing the way self-destruction slid down her throat like a lover's spit.

Oh, God, yes. This is what she'd needed.

With a sigh, she turned with her glass clutched in her hands to lean back against the counter.

To find Jacob standing in the doorway.

Wet hair hanging in spikes over his face, he was dressed only in the sleep pants of earlier. With his unnatural heat, water was evaporating from his crown and rain-slicked shoulders, cutting his form from an ethereal halo.

Deep drill shame welled up, heating her cheeks. The depth of her addiction was something private, something ugly, repulsive and weak.

And in that moment, she was all of those things.

Pushing a hand through his hair, his gaze slipped wordlessly down to the floor between them. He knew it too.

Fuck, she'd never wanted him to see her like this.

Bella flipped defensive hair over her face as her eyes dropped to her glass, clutched in desperate hands. Or more accurately, she'd never wanted to see him seeing her like this – his wolf had seen her after a four-day bender. She'd never realized how much energy she'd spent denying that fact until this moment.

Movement in her periphery made her glance up from under her lashes.

Jacob's eyes were trained across the kitchen as he crossed it with that panther's gait. Pulling the glass closer to her chest, she backed away from him as lightning flashed in her periphery. He stopped at the counter and opened a drawer as thunder rumbled in the distance.

Bella didn't know what to do with this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Nervously fingering the rim of her glass, her eyes stayed locked on his hands, watching as they pulled out something long and thin that crinkled.

Turning toward her, Jacob held out a pair of takeout chopsticks. Confusion wrinkled her brow as her gaze ran over his offering and then slipped up a brown arm to dark eyes.

Bella swallowed uncomfortably, squeezing the glass a little tighter.

"Trade you," he whispered.

The muscles under her eyes pushed them into confused half-moons, but there was something irresistible about being offered anything from him. Licking her lips, her hand shook as she tentatively reached out to the handles, fingertips hyper sensitive to the texture of the wood.

Jacob pulled the paper sleeve free and then balled it up in his fist and held out his other hand.

Bella's eyes darted between his while she unconsciously pulled the glass closer. His hand stayed outstretched while he stared back at her with a gaze as neutral as the pressed wood in her hand.

Swallowing in the back of her throat, she slowly ferried the glass out to that steady hand. His fingers slipped over hers on the glass, the prickling heat of skin-to-skin softening nerves and mortification enough that she could actually release it to his grasp.

Bella pulled her hand back to into a fist at her chest as he held her gaze. Russet lips popped open just enough to see a sliver of white, with a latent word or breath – she didn't know. Both dwindled silently as he pressed them together again in a straight line and then turned to the counter.

He paused for a moment, head bowing as his hand slipped around the glass, then he tipped the drink to his lips, swallowing the poison down into his own body with long steady gulps. He set it softly on the counter with a gasp, a brusque fist smeared over his mouth.

Her gaze fell down to the chopsticks as her head tucked in shame and she pushed herself back against the counter. She listened to him screw the metal cap back on the bottle and then pick it up with a slosh. Between embarrassment, wondering if he was mad that she'd stolen his stuff and the way the alcohol had hit her hard, her mind was nothing but a dial tone blur.

Jacob squatted down and replaced the liquor in the cupboard and then stood, taking the two steps to the far side of the counter and opening the cabinet that she'd commandeered. The crisp rustle of plastic heralded a bag of Cheetos being pulled down and set on the counter and finally she understood.

Before Italy and Edward, she and Jacob had been real friends. They'd spent many a late night on the weekends holed up with stupid B movies and a proper supply of junk food (that by its very definition included Cheetos). As neurotic as she was, Bella didn't like to get sticky orange fingers so had devised this brilliant way to get her fix while keeping her hands clean.

Of course, Jacob used to tease her mercilessly.

For some reason tears pounced free from the tangled mess in her chest.

" 'Can't sleep either," he suddenly murmured under his breath as he pulled free two bowls from the cabinet and set them on the counter. "Maybe there's something on TV."

Bella sniffled and wiped her knuckle under her nose as she looked at him out of the side of her eye. She was either taking him too literally or she wondered where the hell he'd been trying to sleep. He'd obviously been outside - his hair was still wet even though the rain had evaporated from his skin.

Jacob poured a generous portion into bowls and then folded the top of the bag down and pulled open a droning drawer. Retrieving a clothespin he clipped the chips closed.

He reached up to put the bag away without a glance her way. "Oreos, too?"

Bella nodded as she pressed her side into the sharp edge of the counter.

His eyes cut over to her and Bella bit her lip and nodded again. He pulled down the cookies, filling another set of bowls while Bella watched a ghostly shadow of the past flicker through her mind's eye, superimposed over this moment like an old stop motion film:

A boy half this man's size with long hair and a smile that was sunny even past midnight, filling plastic bowls with cookies in Charlie's kitchen. A girl only half as broken sitting on the countertop, kicking her feet while she irreverently critiqued Killer Clowns from Outer Space to the tune of his good-natured laugh.

Her gaze drifted off to the side, chasing the vision. Those were kinder, simpler days - before imprints and marks, betrayal and monsters.

She wished she could get them back

Bella pressed her lips together as she raised the chopsticks in her hand and she absently broke them in two. Feeling eyes on her, she blinked and looked up to see Jacob with a set of bowls being held by the rims in the pinching fingers of each hand. He tipped his chin toward the door.

Feeling like she was in a daze, Bella turned and shuffled obediently out of the kitchen into the living room. She stood uncertainly behind the couch while Jacob shimmied by her and set the bowls on the coffee table.

Edging her way along the back she rounded the couch, watching him pick up the remote from the entertainment center. He turned the TV on with the hiss of electricity and then idly flipped the device in his hand while he waited for the screen to come to life.

Bella sat at the far end of the couch by the easy chair that faced the television while he watched the cable grid scroll up to the syrupy smooth jazz background.

He absently tapped the remote against the heel of his hand. "Friends?"

At that word, in that velvet bass, Bella's heart stopped and she blinked to attention on the back of his head. His hair was still damp, falling almost to his shoulders.

When she didn't respond, Jacob turned over his shoulder and met her eyes with a raised brow.

Seeing "Friends" typed on the screen behind him - a rerun marathon repeating over the next several blocks in the grid on channel 32 - it suddenly dawned on her that he was talking about the TV show.

Or that, just maybe, he wasn't. She answered him either away.

"Yeah," she told him softly. "Friends is good."

His eyes held hers a heartbeat longer and then he turned back to the set pressing the buttons on the remote with his thumb. The station flickered on the screen with a laugh track already locked in place.

Flipping the remote, he turned and strode back by the coffee table, picking up his bowls and scooting Bella's toward her with a glance.

Her eyes followed him as he sat on the easy chair right in front of her. Setting his snacks on the floor, he reclined the lazy boy and pulled the footrest up. When he looked up at her again, Bella averted her eyes to the bowl of Cheetos on the coffee table and leaned forward.

She grabbed them and pulled her feet up under her, turning to the TV and sitting back against the armrest with another glance his way. He had a bowl of Oreos on his thigh and was lifting a cookie to his lips.

Slowly all the little agitated pieces of her were settling down. So they were just going to marginally ignore each other and kick back and watch stupid reruns like old times?

Bella could live with that.

An unconscious smile curved her lips as she resituated herself on the couch and leaned her shoulder against the back cushion, turning her attention to the sitcom and letting all the confusion and adrenaline and embarrassment evaporate in the distraction.

Ross was getting a spray tan but with slapstick hilarity kept getting dosed on his front. That character was her favorite – the actor had awesome comedic timing. Settling her chopsticks into place, she situated the bowl in the well of her crossed legs and picked up her first Cheeto. She popped it in her mouth with a crunch and chemical cheese exploded, erasing the lingering bitterness from the mouthful of liquor.

'You might want to get back in there…' Bella chuckled as Ross got back into the spray tan booth and stood with his back facing the nozzle. Of course he impatiently turned back around at just the wrong time and got zapped on his front again, flailing and wailing with dorky humor extraordinaire.

"Ba ha ha!" A laugh exploded over her lips, stress being expelled along with a fine spray of neon orange. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she continued to giggle while she surveyed the Cheetos shrapnel littering her knee.

Oops.

Chagrinned eyes darted over to the huge man, sprawled out on the easy chair beside her. Jacob was watching her out of the corner of his eye while he chewed a mouthful of what looked like three Oreo cookies at once. Black crumbs were clinging to a suppressed smile.

Bella gave him a cheesy grin (literally) and turned back to her lap to pick up the mess.

'

Buzz-buzz.

Bella groaned, turning more into material that was rough and scratchy.

Buzz-buzz.

Eyes popped open to grey plaid before Bella bolted upright, bleary gaze careening through full-on daylight washing over Jacob's empty living room.

Over the last three months it seemed like she never waked up in the same place and/or with the same person – or wolf – as she'd fallen asleep.

It was disconcerting.

Buzz-buzz.

Her eyes snapped to the sound and her phone vibrating on the coffee table beside her. Without a thought in her head, she pushed the blanket laid over her aside and lunged for the device snapping it up in her hand and pressing the button as she brought it to her ear.

"Mwelllo?" she mumbled.

"Swan?"

Leah.

"Think so," Bella croaked. She cleared her throat as she sat back on the couch.

Leah laughed. "You were asleep? Good. Finally got in a lil' payback. Ain't karma a bitch?"

Bella groaned throwing herself back down to the couch. "Don't I know it," she spat, sleepy churlishness sharpening the words.

"Pwoor Bwaby," Leah crooned sarcastically

"I couldn't fall asleep until after four," Bella complained. At least she had at all – somewhere in the vicinity of the 4th Friend's episode. But at the same time it had been the best night she'd had in a long while.

Leah paused for a moment. "Sorry," she mumbled, her voice suddenly quiet and sincere.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut – she hated that everyone knew she was so fragile right now. Even Leah was walking on eggshells.

"What time is it?" Bella asked, throwing her arm over her eyes.

"Almost noon, bitch," Leah snapped back into gear. "You coming to Em's or what?"

"Em's?" Bella searched her sleep-addled brain.

"You'd better, because you're the only reason Josi an' me just spent an hour at the fucking grocery store with my cousin and her screaming brats."

"They are not brats," Bella snapped, throwing her arm away from a glare at the ceiling.

"Just playin', Swan," Leah chuckled. "I knew that would get a rise outta ya. They're asking for you, by the way. And if that chatterbox Raven asks me one more time 'how much longer' I might just have to have my tubes tied on principle alone."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Those genes are fucking potent – hope they're coming from Sammy."

She wasn't quite awake enough for Leah's… everything. "So are we going through with the lupper?"

Leah barked a laugh. "Shit, Em's got you saying that too? I almost peed my pants the first time Paul said it," she snickered.

"Time for Depends," a male voice cackled in the background.

"Wait 'til I get off the phone, Lahote," she threatened into the distance. Bella could hear his snort over the phone.

"So yeah," she spoke back into the mouthpiece. "When 'you want Sethy to pick you up?"

Bella drew in a deep breath and released it slowly through pursed lips. She shouldn't be surprised because it had been her idea after all – she'd called Emily yesterday from Charlie's just to talk about putting together another get-together. Most of the men had a taken the week off – for obvious reasons – and she and Emily had made the tentative plans. She just hadn't realized it would be today.

"Mmm," Bella blinked soundly, trying throw her mind into drive. "How about half an hour?"

" 'Kay, I'll send Boo-boo to come getcha." There was a leer in her voice that was followed by Seth's groaning complaint. He hated that nickname, which meant Leah used it every chance she got. (Bella was going to have to teach her little brother some strategy.)

"See you in a few, Swan," Leah laughed at him.

"Bye."

Bella clicked off her phone and her hand fell heavily to her chest. Right now she didn't really have the energy for this prospect. She still hadn't really processed yesterday… or last night.

But she also knew she didn't have a choice. What had happened with Jedi was an exaggerated indicator of what every one of them was struggling with on some level or another. In the aftermath of battle and the effective torture of one of their own, the Pack was still agitated and unstable. They needed to be together to heal. And – as both victim and Alpha's mate - they needed to do that around her.

Bella just might need to be around them too.

As yesterday's lessons returned to solidify determination, Bella sat up again and swung her feet over the edge of the couch. She rubbed her face with her palms and then sat back for a moment, her eyes naturally drifting toward the empty easy chair. Side by side, she and Jacob had watched rerun after rerun while they chomped through junk food and chuckled at the antics on screen.

Sort of like old times.

A soft smile curved her lips. It had been nice to sit in the same room with him without being barraged by poison arrow stares or loaded glances - to hear his low laughter and catch a glimpse of an actual expression on his face.

But in some ways that solid iron curtain that had been strung between them until this week was simpler to deal with. With her defenses breached like this, she felt every single one of the tender bruises that she'd accumulated over these last months. There now was nothing standing between Bella and wondering Jacob was feeling, if he was okay, whether he'd continue to open up, or shut himself down.

Hell, she didn't even know where he was.

Bella felt vulnerable.

Stretching her arms to the ceiling she, she released a long shaking sigh. She was going to have to develop a new coping strategy because scabby distance and indignation weren't going to work anymore.

It was more than she could handle at the moment. Putting thoughts and feelings on the back burner for now, Bella focused her attention on the task of getting ready.

She'd gulped down some orange juice, taken a quick shower, packed her bag and was just dressing in her requisite jeans and flannel – perfect for a cool cloudy September day – when she heard the cheery knock.

Grabbing her backpack and painting on a smile, she headed to the living room and opened the front door.

"Sister," Seth pulled her into a hug on the porch that was all sweetness and desperation. And Bella's house of cards tumbled down. She squeezed him fiercely while the emotional riptide threatened to pull her under.

Seth held her to his chest for several deep breaths before he pulled back and searched her eyes as his hand smoothed her hair back from her face. "How are you?" he whispered.

Bella stared back, not sure what to answer. Honesty was the best policy. "I think I'm better."

A smile tentatively peeked out of the gloom and her stepbrother nodded. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," she whispered, turning to close the door behind her.

Seth picked up the backpack she'd dropped on the porch and slung it over his shoulder and followed her down the stairs. He opened the door to the passenger side and waited like the gentleman he was as she climbed inside and then handed her the backpack. Bella sat back in the seat, wrapping her arms around and staring out the window while her mind spun.

Seth climbed inside the driver's side with a worried assessment as he blindly started the car.

"Jake and I've been talking a little," Bella announced out the windshield.

"Yeah?" he whispered.

Bella turned to his furrowed brow. "I learned a lot," she told him. "But it's so, so complicated, Seth."

He licked quivering lips that were obviously dying to say the right thing but didn't know what that was.

It was so endearing a smile broke over her face. "But complicated in a good way," she amended.

The one thing Seth could give her was one of his adorable sunburst grins. By his very nature, he was the living antithesis to complex and it was exactly what she needed right now.

"So what's on the agenda this afternoon?" she sat up a little more in her seat.

He took it as his cue to put the car in gear and he clapped his hand on the seat as he backed his car out of the drive. "Well-p," he quipped. "We're gonna barbeque since it looks like the rain's gone for now."

"Leah and Josi are coming?" Bella asked.

The car stopped and Seth put it into drive as he turned back around, catching her gaze and holding it. "Yep," he raised his brow.

"Wow," Bella pursed her lips, impressed.

"I know, right?" Seth murmured, as he pulled out onto the road.

Bella knew Leah wanted to limit her time around the Pack (read: didn't want to get within 100 miles) especially since there were so many secrets to keep from Josiah. Bringing him to a Pack gathering was touching proof of just how deeply she felt for Bella – and how worried she was.

"Is Jake coming?" she asked quietly.

"I don't think so," he hedged with a grimace. "He's meeting with the Council this afternoon. He gave the Pack to Sam."

Bella pressed her lips together as she settled back against the seat, trying to parse out what she was feeling. This must be the meeting he'd put off yesterday, which meant Jacob was going to debrief them on the attack… and the mark. It made her incredibly uncomfortable to know that there would be effective strangers talking about her so intimately.

Bella scrunched her nose up and turned out the window, trying to center herself. If she let herself be towed out into all this turbulence, she would bring the Pack with her.

And they all needed a little peace right now.

"Hey, Bella?" Seth murmured in a way that instantly had her attention.

Her gaze snapped to him like a laser and he grimaced under her scrutiny.

"Yeesss…." Bella urged him on theatrically, trying to lighten things up.

"What do you think about Josi?" he squinted, out the windshield as he made a left turn.

Bella resituated herself in her seat, considering her stepbrother with sober eyes. He was stressed – like all of them right now – but under that was … something else.

"What about him?" she whispered.

He glanced at her. "Just-…what do you think?"

Bella had only gone to dinner with them once in San Francisco before yesterday afternoon and she liked him… a lot. Josiah had the patience of a saint. He was laid back but tough (and drop-dead handsome) and he broadcasted kind. He just had an unfortunate occupation, all things considered.

"I think he's exactly what she needs," Bella told him quietly.

Seth licked his lips while he stared out the front window. "Me too," he breathed.

Bella frowned. "So what's the problem?"

With a brisk shake of his head, Seth glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Nothing," he mumbled. "I just think he deserves to know. We can't really be family if…"

Releasing a sigh, Bella's gaze drifted out to the road. "Yeah, I think so too," she whispered.

As their relationship became obviously more serious, Bella found herself thinking that Leah needed to tell him about her past and had said so several months ago. Leah disagreed (had tried to reach through phone to strangle her) - she was terrified that if Josiah knew, he'd leave. She used the convenience of the Council's directive about secrets as the excuse.

Bella thought it was bullshit. Jacob had too and after he'd taken over as Alpha, it was one thing he'd unequivocally done right: he'd lifted the veil of secrecy from immediate families and made the decision to tell people on a case by case basis. Leah was so slippery that when Bella had brought that up, she'd claimed she wasn't Pack anymore so none of it counted anyway. Basically it boiled down to what was true for all of them – human or shapeshifter, no one wanted anyone to know about the beast inside.

But Josiah was an astute man, and Bella could sense that he knew he was being lied to. She hoped that it didn't tear them apart in the end. As far as she could tell, secrets did that every time.

The last few minutes of the drive were spent in silence. She caught Seth's assessing glances in her periphery but needed the space to plan her strategy: she needed to not only shore up her Pack the best she could with her meager reserves, she needed to get some information.

They pulled up to Emily's house to find Paul and Rachel's car parked along with Josiah's rental. Paul was already standing on the porch with a plastic smirk painted over serious assessment. Talk about complex…

Bella drew in a steeling breath.

A warm hand over hers made her expel it in surprise as she whipped around to Seth.

"You don't have to fake anything," he said quietly, looking into her eyes. "We were all there, Bella."

Bella's gaze washed over his face, so young and kind and utterly sincere. With a sad smile, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Love you," she whispered

He squeezed her hand and then gave her privacy to get her thoughts together as he got out of the car with some smart-assed comment to his Pack mate.

Bella pushed down the door handle to have Paul pull the door open the rest of the way with a snarky flourish of his hand.

Chuckling, Bella swung her legs out of the car as he took her bag. She didn't complain like she usually would with such babying – the Pack needed to feel like they were taking care of her, the same as she did for them.

"How's it goin', sis," Paul closed the door and placed a pert kiss on the top of her head, waiting for her to set the tone.

Bella rubbed her hand on her jeans and nodded up at him with a weak smile.

"Not very convincing, Swan," Paul arched a brow as he slung an arm around her shoulders.

Bella drew in deep breath and released it slowly as she settled into his side. "Things are going better… I think."

"Are you going to stay?" he asked quietly as he led her slowly down the driveway toward the house.

Bella frowned up at him in confusion as Paul stopped, pulling her around in front of him and resting a hand on each of her shoulders.

"Look," he huffed. "You know Rache is about ready to kill her little bro," he smirked. "Which will suck because then I gotta save her ass and that'll be the last punch I throw," he added in a mutter out of the corner of his mouth.

Bella blinked up at him, not knowing whether she should smile or frown.

Paul drew in a deep breath, unconsciously squeezing her shoulders. "But she wants you to stay with us," he said carefully and then quickly flipped gravity upside down. "Free babysitting, and all that shit."

Finally Bella understood. Her heart melted at the gesture… from Paul, no less. "No," she smiled. "I'm staying with Jake for a few weeks at least. Then he's going to find me another place."

Paul nodded, looking into each of her eyes, that wry smile only a ghost of habit. Complex was so right - this was more the vibe of the Pack she'd seen at the party, almost three months ago. Serious, sober, competent - men who'd not only seen death but had been both protectors and purveyors of it.

She suddenly realized this was the root of the subtle tension that underlined the rambunctious facade the Pack all clung to so desperately when they were together. It was all of their humanity they had left.

Bella placed a hand on Paul's chest, letting pretenses and guard fall away. "Paul, he's trying his best, just like we all are," she whispered. "That's all I need. I'm not leaving him again."

She'd idly wondered if her conversation with Jedi yesterday had filtered out through the Pack mind yet, but the look in his eye screamed the answer. And he was trying to find out if she meant it.

Paul's lips hitched up on the side, but the smile was sincere as he leaned forward and pressed a smacking kiss to her forehead "You're the only human who gets it," he murmured against her hair. Straightening, he pulled her back into his side, keeping his eyes carefully averted toward the house.

He stuffed his free hand in his pocket and Bella leaned her head on his shoulder.

"But you gotta understand something, 'you need anything, you let us know," he continued out of the corner of his mouth. His voice sounded like a joke was about to happen, but the words obviously came straight from his heart. "Yea we all got a bromance goin' with Jake - none of us woulda survived this thing without him," he sniffed. "But we're also all crushed out on you."

Understanding hit hard, making her knees want to buckle with the force - she was glad Paul's arm was around her. In so many words he was telling her she wasn't just Alpha's mate or imprint, they all considered her to be Pack.

"So -…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably and Bella instinctively brought him back into his comfort zone.

"Pervert," she elbowed him in the ribs.

He made a big deal of howling in pain as he staggered away.

Grinning at his antics, her gaze darted up to see Seth waiting on the porch to announce their arrival to human ears and it was then she realized just how much of a play this was. But that's what they did – they took care of each other.

Bella climbed the steps, holding Seth's gaze meaningfully – they all needed to understand. It brought home the point that Jedi had revealed not only his own personal suffering, but the Pack's too. This would be a very important afternoon.

With a wink for her stepbrother, she stepped up and called through the screen. "Honey! I'm home!"

"Never could be original, could ya Swan," Leah snorted, bursting up from the couch with transparent stress that didn't match the snark. "C'mere, bitch."

Bella was just opening the door when she was pulled into a bone crushing hug. "You doin' okay?" she whispered in her ear. She realized they were all worried about her being over at Jacob's house by herself.

It was a testament to how they felt about him and it wasn't exactly a bromance. Respect and fear? Sure. Trust and love? Not so much.

Swallowing the fireball knot of protective heat in her throat, she nodded against Leah's shoulder.

Leah pulled back, checking her eyes. Her gaze dipped down to Bella's neck and Leah pulled the collar of her flannel over-shirt up straight with a meaningful raise of brow as her boyfriend stepped up to her side.

"How are you gorgeous?" Josiah wrapped her in a warm hug that smelled of nutmeg.

Bella surreptitiously straightened her collar as she pulled back. "Are you surviving the circus?" she smiled.

"It'll be easier now that the ringmaster's here," Josiah laughed. It was a sound like liquid milk chocolate and it matched him perfectly. A Brit by birth with a deliciously refined accent to boot, he was tall with warm rolling features and cocoa skin in striking juxtaposition to slate blue eyes.

Thundering feet prefaced Emily and Kim's brood flying out of the kitchen.

"Annie Bells!" Raven screeched, throwing herself at her favorite aunt.

Bella squatted down and caught her in a hug that was multiplied by three in a toddler tackle. She fell back on her ass with the force and all the kids giggled.

"Easy there, you little monsters," Seth growled playfully, scooping up two armfuls of squealing kids. Leah grabbed up the other two and Josiah helped her up.

"See, not much of a ringmaster, huh?" she grinned.

He gave her a silky smile as they all headed for the kitchen.

And so began a surprisingly pleasant afternoon.

The kids were banished downstairs to the playroom for one round of Dora the Explorer with Seth, while Bella cooked with Emily and Kim. Leah and Josiah sat with Rachel at the far side of the table and DJed the conversation and the music on the MP3. Propping his arms behind his head, Paul stretched his long body out along the nearest bench and took a nap.

Without kids or the younger of the Pack jacking up the volume and intensity – and with Josiah's easy-going presence – the vibe was more mellow and mature and exactly what Bella needed.

But all good things eventually come to an end.

When the cartoon was over, the little ones came pounding up the stairs for a snack and Raven froze at the irresistible sight of one of her uncles taking a nap and snoring like a champ. Creeping up beside Paul while her cousins flocked to the counter for treats and Seth carried the little ones into the kitchen, she watched him sleep for a moment while Leah and Rachel gleefully looked on.

With a curious cant of her head she stuck her fingers pretty much right up his nose and Paul choked and sputtered awake while she laughed her head off.

"Whattaya doing, little girl," he growled, grabbing up her tiny body and flying her over his head while pealing giggles rained over his theatrical scowl. It was adorable and one of many boldfaced indications that, in spite of the infamous rep of younger years, he was going to make a great dad.

Rachel was obviously thinking the same thing – she was watching him with a sentimental smile on her lips. Bella caught her eye and winked.

"You sound like a wolf when you sleep, uncle Paw," Raven laughed breathlessly while he zoomed her around like an airplane as he sat up.

Bella felt like she could hear the vertebrae cracking as every adult spine stiffened in the room – except one. Josiah was lounged on the other side of the table with one of his cashmere smiles.

Even Paul could sense imminent disaster. He set her down on her feet. "Oh yeah? Well you sound like a girl when you're awake," he deflected with a smack of his lips.

"That's because I am," she told him soberly. "But someday I'm going to be a wolf, just like Auntie Lee-Lee."

Paul patted her on her head, with a nervous glance up at Bella.

"Time for snacks!" Emily jumped in a little too enthusiastically, as she turned with a plate of apples and string cheese. "You guys can eat in the living room."

Raven's cousins started to obediently head out of the kitchen with the squeals and shrieks of snack-time excitement, but the girl was not to be deterred.

She turned and faced Josiah head on. "Did you know Auntie Lee-lee used to be the only girl wolf? But I'm going to be one too because my daddy's a wolf."

Leah looked like she was trying to swallow a golf ball, but Josiah just took it in stride. "That's lovely Raven," he smiled. "I'm sure you'll be a wonderful wolf."

Kim scooped up Raven in her free hand on her way behind Emily with two glasses of milk. "Let's wash your hands for snack, Rave," she murmured, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Use bleach!" Rachel called out after them, trying her best to dissipate the tension with a little snark at her husband's expense.

Bella picked up the remaining little plastic glasses between her fingers and followed them out of a kitchen that had become uncomfortably quiet. Emily looked up with a roll of wide eyes as children clamored around the coffee table.

Josiah was a sensitive man and would have had to have been a fool to miss the fact that he was missing something, and he certainly wasn't. Over these last two days with glaring secrets in their midst, the conversation had burned down into the awkward quick on more than one occasion.

Bella set the glasses down and returned to the kitchen to see if there was any damage.

"I love my wolf-girl," Josiah was saying as he pulled Leah into his side.

Bella froze in the doorway.

"It suits you, sweetheart – with that fetching balance of yang and yin," he crooned, obviously confused about subtext but trying to soothe Leah's distress none-the-less. "Wolf-girl," he chuckled.

Of course, Paul never did well with emotional tension. "You mean, bitch," he laughed – quiet enough so the kids wouldn't hear. Rachel had trained him well.

Never the less, that easy smile evaporated instantly from Josiah's face as he turned to the man leering at him from across the kitchen.

"Oh, I might have to take exception with that," he purred – that protective nature hardening the surface of his voice. According to Leah, Josiah was laid back, until you messed with one of his own. Then the gloves came off.

"And I hardly think you'll fancy stepping outside with me," he arched a challenging brow. "With that spare tractor tire, you'll be flat on your arse before you can huff it down the steps."

His hypnotic accent in combination with the deadpan delivery made the entire room pause… before it burst into whoops and laughter.

"You're reputation precedes you, I'm afraid," Josi smoothed the dig over with a satin smile.

Even his victim cracked an appreciative grin. "Point to the Brit," Paul conceded with unusually good nature that was fueled by relief.

"Josi, why don't you show him what you're talking about?" Bella jumped in quickly. "You and Lee can give the guys a Capoeira demo."

Leah and Josiah had met through the non-contact martial art which had been the perfect way for Leah to burn off some of the lingering lupine aggression without calling attention to the fact that she still boasted a strength and agility that was just on the unnatural side of normal.

Bella was banking that the physical distraction was just what the wolves needed.

If only all her bets turned out so well.

While Seth and Paul wore Josiah out on the front lawn and entertained the kids at the same time, Emily, Kim and Bella finished up cooking in blessed silence. Bella could tell they were dying to know how things were going with Jacob, but being the good friends they were they didn't bring it up.

Over the next hour, the rest of the Pack trickled in, making a beeline for Bella and pulling her into hugs and greedy sniffs. She was quickly dragged outside to solicitously watch acrobatic antics on the lawn - while being pressed into sides or wrapped under brown muscled arms.

But eventually they settled enough that some of the tension evaporated from protective glances and they became entranced with learning the martial arts moves. Josiah's physicality was something the wolves could appreciate and it was the perfect distraction that eventually allowed Bella to slip away into the house and a little solace.

The crowd level was at its tipping point, so they decided it was better to spread the food out buffet-style (and it would avoid a sit-down dinner rife with conversation pitfalls). The troops lined up to make plates that were taken outside into what was – for the moment – an overcast but dry afternoon.

There was still a (not so subtle) clinginess with her Pack, especially in the younger ones, but other than that, the afternoon slipped by with friendship and laughter, just like nothing out of the ordinary had happened over the weekend.

But it had.

And Bella was starting to get tired. She felt unsettled and worried about Jacob at the Council meeting. Apparently Sam usually went with him to these things but his Alpha had forbid him this time, leaving the Pack in his care. While she soothed and entertained, all afternoon she watched patrols seamlessly arrive and their replacements slip away with only a kiss to her cheek, but Sam still hadn't made an appearance.

Neither had Jedi.

After getting everyone fed and helping the girls with the little ones, Bella's appetite finally kicked in and she made her own plate. She trailed out to the porch where wolves were in the middle of scarfing down thirds or leaving plates momentarily to take turns in a Capoeira spar.

Like someone had pressed pause, movement froze and every last lupine eye snapped up to her, a flicker of serious battle-ready attention in their eye.

Bella smiled uncomfortably and it was like someone pressed play again out in the yard. Her gaze drifted to where Leah pointedly waited for her in the swing.

With a heavy glance, Leah patted the seat beside her and Bella lowered herself down with the soft groan of springs. Pulling her feet up under her, she balanced her plate on her lap while she watched Josiah flip over Joey Whitehorse and ferried a bite to her awe-struck lips. Of course the wolves had to temper their strength and speed, but some of Josiah's moves looked downright supernatural.

"So how are things really going with the Hulk?" Leah murmured, taking a sip of her beer. She had her feet propped up on the railing.

Bella tore her gaze away from the impressive acrobatics and turned to the worry eating away Leah's mask. Impatient, intense and direct, the fact that she'd waited all this time to ask was a testament to what a good friend she was trying to be.

"They're complicated," Bella told her plainly. "And I'm tired. But there's a lot of potential I think."

But things were complicated with Leah, too.

The bottle in Leah's hand drifted slowly down to her lap while her eyes paced between Bella's. "Why don't you come back with us on Saturday?" she whispered. "We've got an extra bed. Just hang in the Big Apple for a little while – get away from all this shit."

Bella shook her head slowly even while her mind turned back to all that was weighing her down. Between forced cheer and exhausted overwhelm she was trying to process yesterday with Jacob. With Pack responsibilities there was little space for her own struggles – something Jacob had lived with for eight years. But under the surface, worry and hope duked it out in a no-holds-barred fistfight making balance a precarious thing indeed.

"I'm not leaving him," Bella told her quietly, her eyes falling down to the food in her lap. She idly pushed her salad around with her fork. "You know, he forgave me, Lee. And we actually talked a little..."

"Words are bullshit. He needs to give you a lot more than that," Leah spat, sitting up straighter. "Look I get the whole imprint thing, but -…"

"He's in there, Lee," Bella looked up, interrupting her with serious eyes. "And I'm going to help him. I'm just not sure what he needs right now."

Leah expelled a frustrated breath, falling back against the swing, making it rock violently. "I just don't get why you have to be the virgin sacrifice to the fucking dragon," she growled. "He needs to get over his shit and get on with it just like everyone else. You need a life too, y'know?" she cut her eyes over at Bella while she tipped her beer up to petulant lips.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Bella expelled a breath of frustration.

A sixth sense made her glance out to the yard and her gaze landed in the stare that had called her: Paul's. He was sitting in one of the fold-up chairs under the tree, chewing a huge mouthful, but watching her with serious eyes. She never in a million years thought she'd say it: but he was right.

Humans - or former wolves in denial - didn't understand.

Bella looked back up at her step-sister. "He's doing his best," she told him quietly.

"Not good enough," Leah pronounced emphatically. "He needs to-…"

"Hey Bella!" A buoyant voice made her turn to where Toby was climbing the stairs in a pair of cut-offs – obviously just finishing a shift. He strode across the porch and bent down for a hug and long indulgent sniff.

"How's it going wolf-Toby?" Bella smiled gratefully, sitting back and watching the boy's eyes dart compulsively over her just like each of his brothers had done when they'd arrived.

"Better now," he grinned, finally meeting her eyes.

"Let's get you something to eat, huh?" Bella pushed off the swing with a glance at Leah.

She rolled her eyes and sat back poutily. "He can get his own fucking food," she snorted.

Bella slipped a hand around Toby's bicep – not bothering to explain. Leah had been defensive all afternoon, but Bella understood. She'd seen the unexamined guilt and regret playing behind her friend's eyes. It was hard to be back with the Pack and probably harder not to be a part of it. Just like Jared, even if she wasn't Phasing anymore, Leah would always be a wolf.

Balancing her own plate on her palm, Bella turned with Toby to the front door. He babbled on about an Xbox "campaign" last night as she walked him to the kitchen while she nodded attentively like she had the first fucking clue about Call of Duty Black Ops 2.

She sat on the bench nearby and watched him pile his plate high from the dishes on the table while he continued to let his stress leach out over her in his own teen way.

"Jedi got the cheat codes to unlock the Zork game and all the intel so we've been kicking zombie ass-…"

Bella understood one word in the whole sentence. "You play with Jedi?"

Toby picked up a chunk of beef from the plate and took a bite nodding. "Bwut he wasn't mwonline yestewday," he chomped away. Apparently it was some internet game.

"He wasn't?" Bella asked casually. She'd been worried about how he'd handled their conversation back at home. Healing wounds was a process – didn't she know – and sometimes it got worse before it got better.

Shaking his head, Toby licked his fingers while he continued chewing, his eyes clinging to hers with covert stress.

Bella turned toward him a little more, propping one elbow on the table. "Is he okay?" she asked quietly.

He gave her a defensive shrug. She was obviously going to have to drag it out of him.

"Is he coming for lupper?" she raised a brow.

Toby's gaze fell sheepishly to his plate. "Naw, he's still all wolfy."

Bella tried to tame her frustration – worry made her impatient. "Why?"

"Just," he shrugged again as he turned his body slightly away from her. "Y'know. Bullshit about his mom. He's-…" he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

Bella nodded him on.

"He's all fucked up," he coughed an uncomfortable laugh. "Sam's trying to keep him straight. Jake doesn't want 'em here 'cause of-…" he squared his jaw and turned to look at her. "Cause of the imprints."

Bella rolled her eyes as she patted the table thoughtfully for a moment. Heaving a sigh, she stood up and rubbed her hands absently on her jeans. "Before you eat can you do me a favor?" she asked him.

With a sound blink he nodded, instantly at solicitous attention. Three months ago it would have been run-screaming weird, but now it just felt right.

"Go out back and Phase and tell Sam to bring Jedi here," she told him, firm and blunt.

Toby's eyes widened.

Taking a step closer, she gently pried the plate from his grip and at the skin-to-skin the boy released an unconscious sigh. Touch was so powerful for all of them.

"It'll just take a second, right?" she soothed encouraging lift of her brow.

"Yeah," he smiled, almost looking bashful as he pushed his hand through his hair. "I'm kinda like the wolf telephone, huh?"

"I think that would be wolfa-phone," she corrected him very seriously.

He barked a laugh and then headed toward the back door. Bella set his plate down and trailed after him.

His hands came absently to the waistband of his shorts as he stepped out into the yard. "Don't look," he warned over his shoulder.

Bella clapped a hand over her eyes. "You forget, I've already heard you naked."

He laughed freely over the sound of rustling cloth. Several seconds later, howls burrowed into the afternoon clouds.

Bella kept her hands carefully over her eyes as she leaned against the doorframe and waited.

"Okay, done."

She opened her eyes to Toby grinning proudly down at her. "Thanks," she smiled, stepping to the side so he could shimmy by. "Go eat and I'll be back out later."

He nodded as he stalked his plate across the kitchen.

Mere minutes later, a stone-cold human Sam strode across the back lawn while a grey wolf with black tipped fur dancing anxiously just behind the tree line.

After 15 minutes of kneeling in the grass with warm honey words, Jedi was able to Phase back for a hug. Bella filled up those puppy dog eyes with all the love she had while she filled his plate in the kitchen. Wrapped now in the warmth of Pack, the boy settled quickly and like a well-oiled machine, Embry magically appeared and shepherded their charge out onto the lawn with the others.

Sitting on the bench, Bella pulled her neglected lunch into her hands and took a bite of macaroni salad while Sam silently made his own plate. There were subtle shadows under his eyes that spoke to how worn and weary he was from his duty of the day.

"Have you heard from Jake?" Bella asked him quietly.

He looked up from the pot roast with a shake of his head.

Bella's gaze slipped back down to her plate and she speared an absent forkful of green bean casserole. "That's a long meeting," she mused under her breath and took her bite.

"It's not unusual," Sam offered as he cut a thick slab of meat.

Sucking in a breath, Bella picked up her plate and stood with a tip of her chin toward the front of the house.

Sam followed her through out of the kitchen and through the living room. "You're really helping him," he murmured cryptically behind her.

"Who?" Bella glanced over her shoulder as Sam stepped up to open the door for her. "Jedi?"

"Both of them," he gave her one of his rare smiles. "Actually, all of us."

Bella's lips curved absently in response as she slipped by him out to the porch. She wasn't going to make a big deal out of the compliment. Wolves were proud – especially dominant ones like Sam.

Her gaze flitted out to the yard which had once again frozen with alert glances her way while classic rock continued to beat out a rhythm under mates' laughter and children's uninterrupted play. Like every other time she'd come outside, the pause in lupine activity only lasted a second, but unfortunately Josiah was an observant man. Lounging in the grass beside Leah, his eyes darted up to the porch.

Bella gave him what she hoped was a casual smile as she sat on the top step. Without being asked, Sam slipped down to sit beside her.

Bella sniffed a laugh. "Poor Josi."

"He'll be alright," Sam murmured, propping one elbow on his thigh and set his plate on the porch beside him.

Bella glanced at him. "You approve?

Sam cut his eyes over with a nod and sly smile. "She found the only male on the planet who could handle her and love every second of it," he muttered, turning around to the big cooler set out on the porch.

Bella chuckled as he opened it and pulled out a beer – offering it to her with a raise of her brow.

"Is there any soda?" Bella grimaced – like he'd somehow been there last night. After seeing her addiction through Jacob's eyes, she'd decided to stay away from booze for a while.

Sam dug out a Coke and handed it over without comment and Bella leaned against the railing and setting it beside her. She took a few distracted bites of her plate while she watched Sam wolf down his own food. She needed to figure out how she wanted to ask what she wanted to ask.

Finally she gave up and dove in.

"I don't know what to do to help him," she whispered cryptically, setting down her plate on the porch and pulling her knee up.

Keeping his eyes on the yard, he murmured, "seems like you know exactly what to do to me." He chewed his bite thoughtfully for a moment and then turned to her. "He's changed a lot."

Bella flicked the seam of her lips while her mind tried to put together all the pieces. "He said 'the wolf is chewing him up trying to get to me.' Do you know what that means?"

Sam's brow furrowed as his eyes drifted thoughtfully to the side. "Well you're his imprint-…" he began. "But I think it's similar to what happened with me," he cleared his throat. "What I let happen… I think the wolf blames Jake for letting you leave the first time."

"I think I understand what happened with the guy, but I'm not sure about the supernatural side," Bella paused, glancing down and picking up her soda. She traced the words on the label with a thoughtful hand.

"Can I ask you some stuff, Sam? Some of it's kind of embarrassing," she wrinkled her nose, with a glance out into the yard. She knew they could hear, but they'd have to take a half mile walk to trump lupine hearing and still there was Pack mind. Bella was starting to adjust to the fact that privacy was a purely human concept.

Sam gave her that signature dispassionate stare in return. "I'll give you what I can."

"Well," Bella heaved a sigh. "The wolf used to come to my house… or the Spirit Warrior – I dunno. He came in Jake's body but with wolf eyes. He wasn't human, whatever he was."

Sam blinked in surprise.

"We used to be-…" Bella shoved her lip through teeth uncomfortably. "Um, intimate."

Instead of embarrassment, interest deepened the lines of Sam's face. "That's why we scented his mark," he breathed. "None of us understood."

Blushing, Bella's gaze fell to her lap and she cracked the soda open. "Well, anyway, I decided it was too weird to be close with him like that," she fiddled restlessly with the can's tab. "But then have him ignore me the rest of the time, so I told him not to come back until he could bring the man."

"And he didn't come back?" he asked, sounding enthralled as he took a sip of beer.

Bella looked up and shook her head. "So my question is, do you think that's the right thing to do?" she tipped her head. "Or is it making everything worse?"

Sam set his beer on the steps and shoved both hands back through his hair, lacing them behind his head as he searched the sky. "God, Bella," he heaved a sigh after a moment. "It sounds like the wolf is trying to take over. Maybe it thinks Jake's too weak."

Bella gripped her bottle tighter, hearing her swallow crinkle in her throat. "So what do I do?"

Sam shook his head slowly at the sky. His hands slipped from the back of neck as he looked down at her. "I don't know," he whispered. "But I think you're right. If you give the wolf what it wants… you," he raised his brow. "Then it's going to prove it doesn't need the man. I think you've got to work through Jake. Help him fight it."

"How?" Bella breathed. "How did you do it?"

"It's a constant war," Sam pursed his lips with a dismayed shake of his head. "And my wolf isn't nearly as strong."

Bella took a sip of soda while her mind tried to put it all together.

"But I can tell you one thing," he said quietly. "I couldn't have done it – couldn't do it – without Em. Fuck, I don't see how Jake's done it so long like this. On sheer willpower."

Sitting up a little straighter, Bella searched his face. "Versus…" she pressed.

Sam blinked, trying to find the antithesis. "Versus soul? Heart?" He drew in a thoughtful breath through his nose. "If we don't have someone taking care of our humanity we start losing the battle… I think. That's why Jedi needed you today." He nodded to himself like things were clicking into place. "You love people very well."

Bella didn't even hear the compliment, because the answer was a million times louder and clearer than it had ever been.

"So it's not about the battle, it's the balance. God, that's it," she breathed and then reeled in eyes that had drifted off to the yard. She met his gaze. "It's not about fighting the wolf, it's about feeding the man."

He blinked at her like he was just starting to understand himself.

Bella raised her soda with a smile. "Thanks, Sam."

"Thank you," he countered, tapping his beer against her can with a tinny click. "I'd never thought about all this shit."

They drank in silence for a few minutes.

"Oh, Sam?" Bella asked suddenly.

"Mm?" he turned to her, swallowing his last mouthful of beer and setting the empty bottle down.

"Em said you want to stop?" she frowned.

He picked up his plate again. "For a while," he rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

"Why do you guys Phase so long if it's so hard?" she asked earnestly – she'd never understood this.

"Well, at first it's cool. Like one of the cubs' video games," he tipped his chin out toward the yard where Toby and Jedi were laughing at Paul's spar with Quil. "Then there's duty…" he mused, his brow furrowing. "But I think there's a compulsion. It's probably in our genes."

"And then?"

"Then…" he took a bite of food and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. He swallowed and met her eyes. "Then I think the human side just becomes more important. I mean Lee and Jared are still wolves," he glanced out at Leah – Jared had to be at work today. "Just human ones. But I think eventually you grow out of it - that balance you're talking about just tips."

Bella nodded while her own gaze drifted out to where Quil was now flat on his back. "Or you lose yourself and self-destruct," she whispered, thinking of wolves swimming out to sea.

Sam turned to her with a question on his lips but then his head whipped around toward the yard. At the same time, Paul froze - in the middle of helping up Quil – both of them turning in the same direction along with every lupine head.

Sam didn't need to tell her, she knew: she could feel him.

Seconds later, Jacob turned off the road with the toss of gravel. He screeched to a stop right out at the end of the long drive with his eyes trained on the porch like rifle sights. He turned off the engine and threw open the door at the same time, swinging the key ring on a finger as he poured out of the vehicle.

Looking as dangerous and pissed as usual in his black tee shirt, jeans and boots, he prowled down the driveway toward the silent yard. Only the music dared to venture on - even the children had stopped playing with their matchbox cars in the grass. They were watching him with wide eyes as he stalked toward the group – his burning gaze locked on Sam.

"Wait here," Sam breathed out of the side of his mouth as he set his beer down. Standing, he jogged down the steps.

At the bottom of the stairs, Jacob came to an abrupt halt nearly chest-to-chest with his Second.

"You brought Jedidiah here?" he hissed.

"I did," Sam answered evenly, subtly lowering his gaze. "He needed to see Bella."

"I don't care what he needed," he spat. "He isn't safe."

Sam stood his ground but kept his posture submissive. "Bella is safer around him than anyone. She's the Alpha's mate," he said with a subtle bite to the words. "I trust that she-…"

A hand landed on each of Sam's shoulders so heavily that he staggered. "You don't trust, you obey," Jacob crooned, low and deadly as he leaned in by Sam's ear.

"If you put my imprint in danger again," he whispered, the words slick and serpentine. "Then I will gut you, understand?"

Jacob pulled back and Sam tipped his head to the side, baring his neck.

Pushing Sam roughly out of the way, his eyes shot up to Bella where she was frozen on the stairs. She'd never seen him like this – savagery thinning his lips while rage incubated in black eyes. Agitation was rolling off of him in waves.

She swallowed quietly as he climbed the stairs in two strides. "I asked him to bring Jedi," she whispered as he stopped right in front of her. "I wanted to help him."

"I don't care what you want," he cut the words out of a whisper while black dilated eyes and flitted over her face like flies. His hands were fisted at his side as he drew in a deep breath, nostrils stretching to draw more of her scent across the distance. His exhale made his body shudder.

Bella wanted to touch him so badly, but he'd obviously drawn a line in the sand between them. She wouldn't step over it in front of his Pack.

"I'm okay," she soothed softly instead, speaking to that wildness in his eyes. After her conversation with Sam it scared her – she understood a little more just how hard Saturday night had been for him – it was just another perceived failure he and his wolf could use against the man.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

Jacob blinked, that rage being shuttered behind something steely and cold. "I have a duty," he announced crisply.

With a final circuit of her face, he turned abruptly on his heel. Her every cell reached after him, making her sway on her feet as he took the last step to the coolers.

Bella watched him pull out a beer and pop the cap off, letting it skitter heedlessly across the porch. He tipped back a long swig and then strode down the stairs without another glance at her.

Bella was tempted to get one herself; she was feeling dizzy from the burst of adrenaline.

The kids had gone blithely back to play and the adults strewn across were tentatively trying to do the same. Catching herself against the porch post she took a deep breath as she watched Jacob stalk toward where Rachel and Emily, Leah and Josiah, were sitting together in fold-up chairs under the tree pretending not to watch. The casual conversation of minutes earlier had turned to contrived and uncomfortable.

Bella started taking the steps down and Sam jogged up to put a hand at her elbow. "You okay?" he breathed.

She nodded, keeping her eyes on where Leah and Josiah were standing as Jacob approached. "You?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "It must have been a bad Council meeting."

"On top of everything else," Bella sighed as they made their way toward where Leah was making introductions.

"And Josi, this is Jacob Black."

Bella could hear the eye-roll in her voice. Both men ignored it as they clasped hands with that macho gusto that was no more than a thinly veiled pissing contest.

"I've heard a lot about you," Josi gave him one of his best satin smiles that made the statement even more ambiguous.

"I'm sure you have and all of it's true," Jacob replied with absolutely no expression on his face. "You're Leah's mate?"

Leah looked like she'd been punched in the gut and was a heartbeat away from either throwing one back or keeling over.

Josiah merely cocked his head. "As a veterinarian, I can appreciate the term," he bit out crisply. "But I prefer boyfriend."

Sam's gaze snapped down to Bella and she grimaced comically while several chuckles were suppressed across the lawn. Yesterday Paul had had his laugh, but it was a wonder that it hadn't come out sooner at this gathering. Between the wolves with their secrets and Leah with hers, they'd happily avoided the "so, what do you do" question all afternoon.

Just then Jacob's phone buzzed in his pocket, effectively saving the day – or at least part of it. "Excuse me," he told the man absently as he turned and pulled the phone out and started striding across the lawn. "What is it Billy?" he spat.

As she watched Jacob disappear around the house with fury already etched in his face, Bella forgot about the irony of Josiah's profession.

Quil hadn't. Of course.

"Wait-wait-wait," he jumped in, face inflating with glee. "You didn't say veterinarian, did you?"

"Fuck," Leah spat under her breath. Every wolf in the yard was reacting to Jacob's heightened agitation, and Quil was only second to Paul in making a bad situation worse.

Josiah smacked his lips urbanely as he turned to him. "I did, indeed."

"No freaking way!" he cackled, at least tempering the curse for cubs, who were by appearances ignoring them for their play. Little ears were always listening. "Lee, did you-…"

"Quil, stop," Bella bit out emphatically.

Just like with Paul that first night at the party, Quil's mouth snapped shut and he bowed his head deferentially.

It was effective even if looked even more bizarre to Josiah than it had to Bella that night.

Luckily nature stepped in and took pity on them, loosing the first drop of rain over the yard and the perfect distraction. Emily and Kim pushed to their feet, heading toward the kids while wolves clicked into gear to help move things inside.

Bella stepped up and linked one arm through Josiah's and the other through Leah's. "Do you guys want some dessert?"

Josiah's patience was understandably worn thin after the afternoon and he forced a smile. "Something sweet beside yourself would be lovely."

"He always has the best lines," Bella smiled up at Leah who still had smoke coming from her ears. With a latent lupine snarl wrinkling her nose, she was glaring at Quil who'd turned tail to help Emily with the box of matchbox cars.

"I think we should go," Leah hissed.

"We were just invited for dessert, beautiful," Josiah quickly dropped his annoyance to care for her, turning her around and into a tender embrace. He whispered something in her ear that made her sniff a soft laugh as she pulled back and got stuck in his eyes. He brushed fingers over her cheek and all the hardness slipped from her face leaving nothing but a soulful glow.

"Just a little longer, love," he murmured and then leaned in to brush a kiss over her lips before he wrapped an arm around her. Bella was touched – even though leaving would have been a much more palatable option, he was trying to make it on their terms and at a time where it wouldn't add distance to the divide that already existed.

With a little wink over his shoulder at Bella, Josiah coaxed her toward where the wolves and mates were carrying chairs, kids and plates up to the porch.

Bella smoothed her hair back from her face as she watched them go and the rain became more enthusiastic. She wanted to leave, herself.

But she wouldn't go without Jacob.

A hand at the small of her back made her look up to Sam's assessing eyes. He had the baby in his arms who was squealing while she opened and closed a fist stuck out under the scattered drops.

"Let's see if we can wrap this thing up, huh?" Bella sighed, allowing him to urge her toward the house. "I think we've run out of silver bullets."

"As a werewolf, I'm a little offended," Sam murmured, completely deadpan. It always surprised her when humor pounced over those stalwart lips.

Barking a laugh, Bella looked up at his subtle smile. "If anyone else calls you that you get all offended," she snorted.

"Wolf's prerogative," he dismissed, cutting wry eyes down at her as they climbed the front steps.

"Your daddy's so silly, Sarsi," she wrinkled her nose at his daughter. The little one just laughed.

The sky opened up just as they made it up to the porch and Sam held the screen door open as Bella stepped into a lively house. At the promise of dessert the cubs were squealing and running between the living room and kitchen.

Bella turned as Sam let his daughter down into the fray and she pattered off. "Legos?" she arched a brow.

His smile didn't reach eyes that darted out to the kitchen. Bella followed his gaze to see Jacob just stepping through the back door. His eyes were hematite as they met hers and then swept out over the kitchen.

Exchanging a look with Sam, Bella made her way toward the hall closet and the Lego bin. Things were so unsettled right now and she wasn't sure what to do to make them better.

Setting up Legos in the living room at least brought the noise level down a little.

Like flies to honey, children flocked to the large bin she set on the rug and immediately little hands were digging through building bricks with the clatter of plastic. Nina knelt down with the cubs while Embry, Collin and Joe settled around the TV set – the two daddies keeping one eye on kids and the other on ESPN while they waited for brownies and ice cream. Bella headed for the kitchen to help the process along.

She paused in the doorway, taking stock of a bustling kitchen. Toby and Seth were helping Jen and Kim ferry meager leftovers from the table to the counter where Emily was putting them away. Josiah sat beside Leah across from Paul and Rachel at the clean end of the table chatting quietly. With a beer in hand, Jacob was speaking with Sam in the corner. The twins, Quil and Brady were all missing.

Along with Jedi.

Bella sighed softly and crossed the large room to Emily's side. It was the usual marginally controlled chaos of any Pack get-together, but with secrets and a palpably agitated Alpha in their midst, this afternoon felt more minefield than mundane.

"Are you doing okay?" Emily whispered as Bella pulled a clean plate out of the dishwasher.

Bella nodded with a glance that contradicted the claim as she pulled one of the serving dishes closer and scooped out some green bean casserole. "I'm going to make him a plate," she told her quietly.

Without a word, Emily pulled the top off of one of the pyrex and helped her pile on room-temperature meats and casseroles. Grabbing a fork from the plastic caddy in the dishwasher door, she headed for the far end of the kitchen.

Hard black eyes darted over Sam's shoulder as she neared. Both Sam and Embry turned toward her and took a step back as she stopped in front of the three giants.

"You should eat," she whispered.

Jacob stared back at her a moment like she was a stranger and then, pausing to take a pointed leisurely swig of his beer, he reached out and took the plate from her hand.

She might have heard a thank you under his breath, but then again it could have just been her imagination.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

Jacob's lips kicked up on one cocky side. "Are you?"

Her brows pushed together and without thinking about it, her fingers darted out to brush over his, clamped around his beer. Warmth crackled and then snapped as he yanked his hand back.

She searched that face for a moment, reading between the hard lines while her eyes watered at the sting of rejection. His expression looked like a steel mask that was barely being held in place by raw flesh.

Her lashes fluttered over the sight and she closed her eyes.

This reeling dance of theirs felt like the full-moon tide and she was getting seasick. He might have let down a few of his defenses in private but he didn't have the first clue how to act in front of his Pack - especially when he needed something from her this time. Suddenly they were back grounded on the rocks at square one - it was infuriating and frustrating and depressing all at the same time.

But no matter how much it hurt, she wouldn't jump ship.

Slowly licking her lips, she opened her eyes and turned away without another word. Her gaze dragged through the sympathy in Sam's face and it clung to her heart like sludge.

And only made it hurt more.

Retreating back to the kitchen, she noticed several pairs of eyes not-so-subtly watching the interplay. Nina was looking up from the Lego box in the living room, Emily and Kim had eyes cut over from the counter. Paul had his head bowed as he pulled Rachel closer and Leah was gritting her teeth at the table while Josiah watched over his shoulder with unreadable eyes.

Bella kept her head up high, even though she was crumbling inside and knew that every supernatural ear could hear how fiercely her heart fought against strangulation. She felt like she could hear the fraying pop and flutter of dividing loyalties and familial fabric being drawn and quartered as tight as a drum.

They didn't understand.

But Bella did. Jacob didn't know how to be vulnerable. And he was so incredibly vulnerable right now.

She fought all her own knee-jerk reactionary defenses as she stopped by the counter and picked up the foil.

"I'll do this, sweetie," Kim murmured, putting a hand over hers.

Bella looked up to flashing indignation behind kind eyes.

"Go sit down," Kim whispered. "You need to take care of yourself." Her gaze cut pointedly over to the side of the room.

Bella could feel lines being drawn, palpably ratcheting up the tension in the room. Apparently so could Jacob. He set the untouched plate down on the radiator and, with a jerk of his chin to his two men, strode to the back door and yanked it open.

Sam and Embry each cast glances over their shoulders as they obediently followed. The door slammed loudly behind them and the childish laughter in the living room paused for a moment before it restarted again.

A squeeze on her arm brought her attention back to Kim's hazel eyes. "Go sit down," she pressed.

Bella was too tired to argue. With a soft sigh, she turned from the counter to find the four friends at the table watching her. Josiah extended a welcoming arm.

"C'mere, gorgeous," he murmured.

Bella crossed to the table and stepped over the bench lowering herself down beside him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, doing the same with Leah on the other side.

"My two favorite girls," he chuckled squeezing them both.

Leah met her eyes over his chest. "Just a take a week," she whispered.

Bella expelled a breath of frustration as she sat up, subtly pulling away from Josiah. He released her with his arm but caught her with his eyes.

"We could show you around Greenwich Village," he smiled. "I have a friend who's playing at the Bitter End next weekend."

"I can't leave right now," she told him quietly, watching Rachel make some sort of frustrated flail across the table that Paul tried to smother. "Maybe next year?"

"Now why is that, Bella?" Josiah's arm slipped from Leah's shoulders as he turned more toward her and fixed her with striking eyes and uncharacteristic directness. He was betting his hand and dumping chips on Leah's play. And, as he liked to claim, Josiah always played to win.

"Let's help with dessert," Rachel murmured across the table. Bella looked up to see her turning off the bench and threatening her husband to do the same with a meaningful stare. Jacob's sister had obviously decided the best thing she could do to assist this play was to fold and give them privacy.

Paul glanced across the table and rolled sarcastic eyes before he slipped off the bench. Privacy was such a human pretense.

"Hmm? Because it seems like you're passing up the perfect opportunity," Josiah continued in an accent that was all liquid grace.

Bella turned back to that captivating smile.

"Lee's working in the City for another week, I've scheduled a light roster. It seems like a holiday might do you well," he arched a brow. "I even have miles that I could be convinced to donate to the cause."

It was no secret that Josiah was a professional in this area – according to Leah, though he sported equally potent fists, he used charm to bend his hapless victim to his will. She knew he meant well, but what Bella needed right now was support, not pressure.

In the background, children's squeals of excitement poured into the kitchen for brownies and ice cream.

She wrinkled her nose apologetically. "Josi, there's stuff you don't understand," she told him plainly, a subtle bite under the claim that begged him to lay off.

Unperturbed, he sniffed a laugh. "I believe I've figured that much out myself, gorgeous," he chuckled while his eyes darted theatrically up to the sky and he propped an elbow on the table. The humor slipped from his face as he leaned in a little closer, pinning her with eyes that were frighteningly frank. "But something I do unequivocally understand is how a man should a treat a woman."

Bella pressed her lips together while her eyes paced restlessly back and forth between his. "Josi…" she whispered.

"Here you go."

She looked up to Paul proffering two bowls of dessert.

"Thank you," she met his eyes. Set in a cocky smirk, they were stone cold sober.

"Thank you, mate," Josiah smiled as he took the dish, still watching her out of the corner of his eye.

Bella clutched the distraction like the lifering it was, and turned around to the table, digging in with counterfeit enthusiasm like she actually had an appetite. The animated sounds of kids and kitchen swallowed the uncomfortable silence between them on the bench.

On the other side of the table three of the five year old set popped up like gophers while bowls of ice cream and brownie were set in front of them by mothers' hands.

"I wove ice cweam," Raven professed deferentially.

"Only thing better is ice cream and warm brownie," Bella agreed as she lifted her bite to her mouth, shamelessly hiding behind five-year old skirts.

Josiah wasn't buying it. "I'd like it very much if you considered my words, Bella," he murmured beside her.

Bella's nerves only fueled her chronic clumsiness and the ice cream dropped off her spoon. The kids on the other side of the table burst into pealing giggles and she rolled her eyes.

With a snort, Leah handed down a pile of napkins and Josiah held them out while she retrieved the renegade blob from her lap and tossed it back in her bowl.

"Thanks," Bella took the offered napkins and started cleaning up. It had left a sticky trail all the way down her flannel shirt. "Gah," she huffed disgust from the roof of her mouth while the kids continued to laugh with full mouths.

She looked up with a melodramatic glare as she wiped herself clean and it only made things worse in the peanut gallery. "Yeah I suppose none of you ever-…"

"What's this?"

Josiah's silken murmur made Bella's stomach dive for her toes before her brain even realized why. She quickly tugged her shirt back into place as she turned to his eyes still glued to the spot where the mark had been unwittingly revealed by her clean-up efforts.

Blue eyes slipped up to hers, brows furrowed deeply over them.

"Um," she leaned back subtly. She wasn't sure if the room had gone silent or if it was the blood thrumming in her ears. By his profession, he'd know exactly what it was. "Just a… um, dog," she shrugged a dismissive shoulder.

"No," he spoke quietly. "The ratio of canine to jaw size is lupine."

His hand slipped back up to her shirt faster than Bella could react and incidental fingertips brushed the mark. She couldn't control her wince - the touch grated on every nerve like fingernails on a chalkboard.

At the same time the back door hit the house with a crash.

Bella didn't even have time to blink before Josiah was ripped off the bench so fiercely that it rocked and the table bucked against the floor.

With a gasp she turned to see Josiah's offending hand in a vise-like fist while Jacob loomed over him. His face was so cold and expressionless it was savage.

The room was suffocated by silence for two heartbeats before everything happened at once. Like a well-rehearsed drill, children were being scooped up into big brown arms three at once and women were being hustled – or carried, in Rachel's case – out of the kitchen. A child's wail of fear rose from somewhere in the house making the scene in the kitchen feel all the more grim.

Jacob's black dagger eyes staked his victim from behind a chilling mask of adamantine rage and every muscle in his body was just as stone-cold still. Josiah's back was to her but she could just see the curve of his cheekbone as he stared fearlessly back at his captor like the dominant male he was.

With a glance at where Leah was halfway turned from the table and frozen in terror, Bella pulled her legs up and oh, so slowly turned around. Catching movement in her periphery, her gaze darted past Jacob to where Sam was shaking his head minutely while he pinned her with a meaningful stare.

Returning her eyes to the two men before her, she slowly lowered her feet to the floor.

Bella could see the struggle in Jacob's contracting pupils and the subtle tremble of his nostrils - inside he was fighting a war. But like a smoking magma shell over molten rage, not a muscle in his body twitched. She knew that meant it was worse.

"You need to remove your hand Jacob," Josiah murmured.

Jacob still hadn't so much as blinked but after a pause, shockingly, in slow motion he peeled his fingers away from the man's wrist. "She's mine," he hissed as he did so, the words cutting through flesh like a razor blade.

Josiah rubbed his wrist. "Watching you, I'd never know," he bit out quietly.

Jacob's body convulsed in a subtle twisting jerk, like something was trying to claw its way up from the deep. Regaining control, his Adam's apple bobbed with an audible swallow before he slowly licked his lips.

He breathed each word like a lover's whisper, "lower your eyes, Josiah."

The foolish man squared his jaw instead.

"Jo," Leah whimpered.

"Now." The word was pushed over Jacob's thinned lips by a contraction of his diaphragm.

"For no man, Jacob," he murmured.

Jacob's nostrils flared wide as the muscles jumped on either side of his face, baring canines.

"I'm not a man," he snarled as the black rings around his irises raced outward, filling in with enraged lambent gold.

Josiah gasped and threw a punch with the sheer shock.

Faster than Bella could process, the man's fist had been ripped from the air and jerked aside with such force, that he spun around into Jacob's big body. A burly arm snapped around Josiah's neck, yanking him back against his captor's torso.

Gagging on his terror, Josiah's free hand flew futilely to the elbow now choking him.

Things had unraveled so fucking quickly.

The room had gone as still as death, only a man's gasping grunts and a low guttural growl harshening the silence. In the burst of chaos, Sam and Embry had charged halfway across the room but were frozen stock still no more than 10 feet away. The unbearable tension was compressed between the rain, tapping nervously on the roof and the muffled sounds of a child's wail, seeping up through the floorboards.

Bella slowly pushed herself up from the bench and inflamed lupine eyes snapped to hers. She held those feral eyes, letting their fury rampage clear down to her open heart. "Jake…"

The muscles on either side of his nose jumped reflexively.

"Only you," she whispered.

He blinked once. Twice. And then his eyes were pushed into crescents by his frown.

Bella folded her hands calmly in front of her, ignoring Josiah's frightened gaze, begging for acknowledgement. Jacob was so lost right now – teetering dangerously between redemption and hell. One wrong move would push him over the edge.

Her face neutral and open, she stared into those animal eyes and waited patiently. She had faith in him. She'd chosen to have faith which somehow made it all the more powerful.

Slowly Josiah's feet were lowered to the ground and the hand still stretching out Josiah's fist, slackened subtly. Her gaze darted down to the man's wide frightened eyes, fixed on her like she was either savior or satan, she couldn't be sure.

Jacob blinked soundly and when his eyes opened again, they were contracting back to flickering human black. His tongue skated over his lower lip for a moment – back and forth – before he drew in an open-mouthed breath.

"Here's three other things you need to unequivocally understand," Jacob murmured, sarcasm sizzling over heat.

"You don't touch a mating mark," he hissed, his eyes cutting down at his victim. "You don't look an agitated wolf in the eye."

Like a fiddlehead fern, his arm slowly began unfurling from the chokehold. "And you never throw your fist," he spat the words. "At an Alpha."

His hand dragged over Josiah's neck, fingers lingering cravingly on his windpipe for a moment while the man held immaculately still.

Jacob bent down to the man's ear. "Next time," he whispered. "I'll rip out your fucking throat."

For a second, Bella didn't think he'd be able to let the man go, then Jacob pushed him forcefully away.

Josiah fell to his hands and knees.

Jacob's eyes stayed trained on his prey for a moment while the man yanked air into his lungs in whooping gasps. Then they lifted, cocking like rifles as they slowly swept the room. Heads tucking feverishly to their chests, Paul and Seth were frozen just inside the kitchen door while Sam and Embry stood with heads bowed in the middle of the room.

Jacob's eyes landed in Bella's… and then he spun on his heel.

With a jerk in his stride, he stalked past the two wolves in the doorway as they took cowering steps back. The foundation shook with the thundering slam of the front door.

For several seconds the house was utterly silent.

Then Leah threw herself from the bench.

The four wolves looked up in unison and downstairs the child started wailing again.

"Oh my God, Josi," Leah was sobbing she fell to her knees at his side and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Head bowed, the man sat up slowly. Disconcerted eyes blinked open and found Bella's as he wrapped an arm around Leah and pulled her to his shoulder.

"He's crazy!" Leah hissed while her hands ran over her lover's face. "Someone needs to put that fucking animal down."

"LEAH!" Bella barked.

Leah whipped around with a Molotov cocktail of emotions smoldering in her face: shock, fear, hate, indignation.

Bella tore her eyes from the fire and cast them over her Pack. Collin, Brady and Joe were now standing in the doorway with worried faces. Families whimpered downstairs and a gasping man kneeled on the kitchen floor while outside long agitated howls climbed the pouring rain. The same fire ran through all of their veins and it frightened them. Torn between two worlds, every one of them fought desperately to be something they'd never fully be again: human.

She could see it in their eyes – they didn't know what to think. Or more importantly, how to feel.

Bella settled her shoulders back as she turned around to face the room. "I will not have my Pack torn apart," she bit out quietly, meeting each man's struggling gaze. "He held every one of you together when he was falling apart."

She paused, her eyes sweeping back around the kitchen. "Now it's time to return the favor."

Her gaze landed on Leah's bowed head and shaking shoulders. Josiah had her wrapped in his arms and was watching Bella with intense eyes.

Eyes that needed answers.

"Sam," she called and then looked up and met his gaze. "You and Emily sit with them and tell Josi what else he needs to understand. Tell him everything."

Leah's head whipped up with a gasp. Bella ignored her.

Sam nodded curtly.

"The rest of you, comfort your mates and cubs," she spoke clearly and crisply – not entirely certain where her heart was finding the strength. "Let them know this is just another thing we're doing to take care of each other."

Heads tipped down deferentially and with another glance at the fear inflating Leah's face, Bella turned toward the door. Josiah was the only one who could reassure her – and she was certain that he would.

Bella strode through the quiet toward the living room, passing giants who were casting glances up from under furrowed brows.

She paused in the doorway. "Jacob is also a man," she whispered – knowing all the ears that need to, heard her. "He needs to be loved like one, even when he's fucking up."

With that she strode across the living room and out the front door. Closing it quietly behind her, her eyes swept a soaked yard and down a grey gravel drive to the man, braced against the hood of his car with head bowed in the rain.

Bella was pleasantly surprised – she'd expected a trail of shredded clothes across the lawn. Keeping her eyes trained on Jacob, she crossed the porch and descended the stairs.

The rain was coming down in sheets now. Bella pushed an impatient hand through curls that were instantly tugged into her face as her feet crunched down the driveway.

Jacob's black tee shirt was already soaked, clinging to railroad muscles excised down his back. Head bowed, his hair was hanging over his face and collecting rain in fat drops that fell to the hood with the soft thunk of metal.

Bella squeegeed the water out of her face as she approached, slowly skirting around him to the side of the car. Hugging her wet flannel, Bella stopped by the driver's side.

"Hey," she whispered, cocking her head to try and see his face. "Let's go home."

For a minute she thought he'd just ignore her – the same as he'd done all afternoon – but then he coughed a laugh. It was a dark hopeless sound.

Slowly he lifted his head, black eyes peering at her from between the wet ebony strands of hair over his face.

Bella sucked in a breath – his nose was bleeding over his lip like he'd been socked in the face. It was a shocking testament to the brutality of the war within.

"Jake," she breathed, squeezing herself tighter. She wished he'd just let her hold him.

His lips hitched up in an empty smirk. " 'Can't drive," he coughed a laugh, like the fact disgusted him. Like he disgusted himself.

Bella stared back at him a moment. "I can." Slipping a hand from her arm, she slowly held it out, palm up. "Let me drive for a little while," she whispered.

The double entendre was certainly not lost on that sharp mind. His eyes fluttered closed and he shook his head with bitter hitch to his lips.

Bella reached up and wiped the rain from her face with her free hand while the other one waited patiently.

With another sniff, Jacob pushed off the car, raking both hands through his sopping hair. He stared up at the grey clouds for a moment, blinking at the raindrops, then a hand dove into his pocket. He pulled it back out with the jingle of keys.

She didn't reach for them - Bella watched his face while she kept her hand outstretched. He kept his eyes carefully lowered as he reached over the hood with a long arm and dropped them six inches into her palm.

Of course with her unenviable reflexes they tumbled over the side of her hand to the gravel. Jacob's gaze snapped to hers, and Bella decided the mortification was worth it for a single unguarded second of those eyes.

She lifted a cheeky brow. "Grace at its best," she flashed him a grin. She didn't wait for his reaction but ducked down to grab the keys.

When she straightened, Jacob was pacing away from her while he clawed his hands back over his bowed head. Watching him worriedly, Bella smeared the water from her face again and then stripped off her flannel and opened the car door.

She dropped it in the footwell and then gingerly slid into the seat – but any attempts at sparing his car was a losing battle.

She closed the door just as the passenger side opened. Avoiding her eye, Jacob wiped a brusque fist under his bloody nose and then stooped down to push the seat all the way back. He climbed in while Bella searched around for the lever on her side– it felt like she was sitting in the back seat she was so far from the wheel. Finding it, she pulled the seat up to the end of the track and then glanced at her passenger.

Eyes closed, Jacob had his head tipped up and was leaning the chair back. A fine mist was rising from his shirt and blood was smeared across an expressionless face that looked sallow with dark circles crouched beneath empty eyes. He looked miserable and hopeless and Bella wanted to lean over the parking brake and wrap him in a hug. But she wouldn't – just like with his wolf, she'd wait until he came to her. At least he was in the car with her.

Letting her drive.

It was progress and it was more than good enough for Bella. Turning back to the task at hand she thumbed through his keys and then slipped the right one into the steering column on the first try. Cocking her head she peered down at the pedals, touching her foot to each one as she settled her hands on the steering wheel and oriented herself to his car.

She turned the ignition and the vehicle roared to life. Putting it in reverse, she then turned over her shoulder and backed tentatively out of the driveway and onto the road. She shifted into drive and turned the windshield wipers on, grateful for empty Rez roads ahead.

A soft laugh made her turn and glance at where Jacob was watching her with a subtle smile on his lips and she rolled her eyes. She knew she looked stupid – sitting up straight and as close to the wheel as possible, while she drove at a grandma's pace through the rain.

She brought the car to a complete halt at a useless stop-sign with no traffic in sight, and then made a right turn, starting to relax a little with his car.

Apparently Jacob was doing the same. A glance at him showed the humor gone from his face and a return of the black cloud.

" 'You okay?" she whispered out over the road.

For almost a minute he didn't answer while raindrops spattered over the soft top and the steady thrum of windshield wipers careened back and forth like a frenetic mechanical puppet show.

Then he spoke – so quietly that she could barely make out the words. "The wolf wants to kill him."

Bella glanced over at her passenger. Body as still as a statue with head tipped up to the ceiling and eyes closed – she almost doubted that he'd actually spoken at all.

But then his eyes cracked open just enough that she could distinguish the black irises staring at her over the plane of his cheeks. "I'm a fucking animal."

Bella blinked and then turned back to the road, readjusting her hands on the steering wheel. She licked her lips and tried to figure out what the hell to say. The conversation with Sam had helped her see things more clearly but all of a sudden they seemed muddy again. She was afraid she'd say the wrong thing but all she could do was her best, right?

Settling her jaw she sat up a little straighter. "Yes you are," she agreed simply.

She could hear Jacob shift in his seat. Cutting her eyes over at him she found him watching her closely – she had his attention. She ran her tongue absently over the backs of her teeth as she turned back out the windshield and tried to scrape together what she wanted to say.

"You're a wolf," she continued in a clear but quiet voice. "And a wolf doesn't give a fuck about whether the male is a clueless human or the boyfriend of someone who used to be Pack. They protect their mate. Things are simple, right?" she glanced at him.

His eyes were open a little more and staring up at the ceiling. He was listening.

"But you're also a man, Jake," she whispered, returning her gaze to the road. "That's why you didn't kill him."

Some part of herself couldn't believe she was so calmly talking about her sunny childhood best friend and such savagery, but this was reality for him now. She needed to accept that. And he did too.

"But you haven't been taking very good care of the man, Jake," she turned the car through the next empty intersection, ignoring the stop sign. "In fact, as far as I can see, you've been trying very hard not to be human at all," she told him quietly with another glance his way. He hadn't moved a muscle.

"I was talking to Sam today…" she admitted in a whisper. "He said his wolf blamed him for Emily and thought the man was weak for letting shit happen." It wasn't exactly what he'd said but it was a more expedient means to the ends she wanted him to understand. "But Sam took what he needed as a man – he took Emily's love and forgiveness and that made him strong enough to keep the wolf in check."

A soft squeak of wet shirt against the seat made her cut her eyes over at where Jacob had turned away from her and was now staring out the window.

Bella pressed boldly on. "This is what I think, Jake," she whispered. "I think it's not about fighting the wolf. It's about balance. Only the wolf is taking what he needs right now – the man's starving himself to death."

Drawing in a deep breath, she released it slowly while she licked her lips. "There's nothing wrong with the wolf. He just doesn't understand. I taught him how to be with me – how to be a little more human – and you can too. But you have to be strong enough to do that. You have to let yourself have what you need."

She hoped she was making sense; she felt like she was just blabbing away on some meandering soliloquy. She glanced at her passenger – still staring wordlessly out the window.

With a sigh, she returned her eyes to the road. They were almost home and she was fairly certain that as soon as the car stopped, the spell would be broken and her captive audience would flee for the house.

But she had on more thing to say.

"I'm proud of you," she whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the road. "You held it together this afternoon after a shitty Council meeting and all the rest of the crap this weekend." She cocked her head thoughtfully and turned the car onto the last road.

"I think you've had to be strong for too long," she breathed. "You're a man and you need to be able to be weak with someone too," she borrowed her father's words and turned into his driveway.

The car lurched and bumped over the long driveway. "You don't have to be perfect for me," she told him quietly as she pulled up to the house. "I'm your friend, Jake."

Throwing the car into park, she turned to the man who was already pulling his seat upright.

"Thanks for letting me drive you home," she whispered as he pushed open the door and the sound of rain flooded the car.

Without a backward glance, he got out of the car and shut the door soundly behind him. Heaving a sigh, Bella turned off the engine and leaned back against the seat for a moment, watching his long stride eat up the ground. He bounded up the porch stairs in two steps and disappeared into the house.

"Well, didn't that work like a charm," she muttered sarcastically to herself while she listened to the rain plunk against the soft convertible top. She yanked up the parking break and pulled the keys from the ignition, grabbing up her sopping flannel from the floor before opening her door.

The rain was still coming down hard. Hunching her shoulders, she threw the door closed and then ran for the house. Jacob had left the front door open and, wiping the water from her face, she pulled open the screen and stepped into the dark house.

Apparently he'd retreated to his bedroom – the door was closed at the end of the hallway. Bella did the same.

She tossed her flannel into the pile of dirty clothes by the closet and then stood in the room for a moment, shivering in her wet camisole and deciding a warm bath was in order. Digging out a sweatshirt and some yoga pants she then crossed the hallway to the bathroom for a warm shower.

She stood under the steaming spray for a good 15 minutes, letting her mind spin while the water chased the chill from her bones. She hoped she'd said something in the car that helped him get through this. After last night, this afternoon had been frustrating to feel like she was back at square one with him, but – like they'd both said yesterday – neither of them knew where this was going.

It was quite possible that it wouldn't go anywhere.

Bella rubbed her face briskly and picked up the soap. No, she wouldn't let herself slip back into that dark space. There had already been some progress and she'd chosen faith.

And she'd needed the patience to back that up.

She wouldn't abandon him again, even if they ended up standing in this same precarious spot for the rest of their lives.

Bella finished her shower, keeping a more disciplined hold on her mind this time, and then dried off and got dressed. She wiped a hand across the steamy mirror and brushed her hair, staring back at a girl whose eyes were open and steady. Last night she'd stumbled and Jacob had picked her up and set her back on her feet. Today she'd been strong and done everything she could to do the same for him.

She was proud of herself.

Bella pulled open the door and strode across the hallway back to her room and deposited her dirty clothes in the growing pile.

Wiping her hands on her thighs, Bella turned to her room and stared at the bed. Outside the rainy dusk was starting to fade into night and she wasn't looking forward to sleeping by the window again. She didn't feel like working on her computer or reading – she just wanted to veg a little and recover from the afternoon. In fact, maybe she'd just watch a little more TV.

Smacking her lips, she headed back out of her room to do just that.

With a glance at the closed door at the end of the hall, she turned and walked slowly toward the living room. She wished Jacob would-…

He was already sitting in the easy chair.

Bella froze for a moment in surprise. Dressed again in a tee shirt and those pajama pants, he was staring stoically at the ceiling with his bare feet propped up on the footrest.

A small smile flickered over her lips and, without a word, she strode through the living room to the kitchen. She got down two bowls and filled one with Oreos and the other with Cheetos and then pulled her take-out chopsticks out of the dish drain. Fetching a beer for him and a soda for her from the refrigerator, she tucked them under each arm and then grabbed up the bowls and headed back out to the living room.

He was in the same position with blind eyes lost in space. Watching him, Bella trailed along the back of the couch. His gaze met hers as she neared and she wordlessly offered him the beer.

Jacob searched her face for a moment and then he reached out and took the bottle from her hand.

Next, Bella offered him a smile and the cookies and he took both. Propping the drink between his thighs he reached out for the bowl while his eyes consumed the expression on her face like he was starving. He dropped his gaze to the beer and she turned and set the Cheetos and soda on the coffee table.

Rubbing her arms against the chill of the two drinks, she paced the length of the room to the TV and grabbed up the remote from the entertainment center. She switched her weight to one hip and clicked the thing on and waited until the station directory flickered on the screen. Behind her, the soft hiss of an opening beer joined the dorky smooth jazz as she watched the schedule grid scroll up with its offerings for the evening.

Channel 32 was still in the middle of a 24-hour marathon of Friends, apparently. Reruns ran straight through to midnight.

Bella turned over her shoulder to catch a thoughtful and unguarded furrow to Jacob's brow before he quickly ironed it out.

"Friends again?" she asked.

He nodded once and then took a sip of his beer.

Bella turned back to the TV and punched in 32 and a commercial clicked into place on screen. With a satisfied purse of her lips, she set the remote down and then turned back to the room.

Jacob's eyes were buried in the bottom of his beer. Head bowed, damp hair hanging over his eyes and dressed pajamas with a bowl of Oreos balanced on his thigh he looked vulnerable and lost. Bella wanted more than anything to cross the room and wrap him in her arms.

She suppressed the urge and returned to the couch, shimmying along the coffee table to sit in the corner again. She pulled her Cheetos into her lap and picked up the soda and cracked it open, taking a sip of burning bubbles before setting it back down again. On the way back, her eyes swept incidentally over the man in the chair to find him watching her from under his lashes. She gave him an encouraging smile as she picked up her chopsticks and pulled her feet up on the couch.

Slowly Jacob lifted his head, staring at her straight-on with unreadable eyes. His hand slipped to the cookies and he picked up the bowl, pointedly holding her gaze while he leaned over the arm rest and set them on the floor.

His hand raised slowly again until he was reaching out to her in a wordless petition.

Bella blinked, drawing in an inadvertent breath. She wasn't sure whether he wanted the Cheetos or her, so she brought both as she slipped her feet back down to the floor and stood. But as she took the few steps to the lazy boy, the intensity in his eye told her exactly what he was asking for.

As soon as she got close enough, he took it.

Eyes locked with hers, his hand snaked around her waist, pulling her into a burly arm while he tucked the beer between his thigh and the chair. Then he took the bowl from her and effortlessly pulled her up into his lap like she weighed as much as a kitten.

Lowering her gaze , Bella leaned haltingly back against his shoulder as he handed her back her snack. The hum of their bond sparkled around her like fireflies making her melt against him in a tingling puddle.

He felt so incredibly good.

She gingerly rearranged herself, pressing her temple against his jaw as her feet wrapped around a thick calf of their own accord. Jacob's hand reached down to the lever of the chair and slowly pushed it into a recline.

His arm slipped back up to wrap around her waist and Bella closed her eyes, just…feeling.

The rise and fall of his breath, the dampness of her hair, the way his warmth and strength and body swaddled her in safety and comfort.

Jacob rubbed his jaw against her temple – the scruff tickling and plucking at her hair. Nearly inaudible, his words escaped over his lips on a soft sigh. "You feel so fucking good."

Bella's eyes fluttered open as she turned her cheek and pressed it into his neck. "Then stop trying to let me go," she whispered.

His arm curled a little tighter around her waist as the other tentatively left the armrest to encircle her completely. She felt Jacob slowly relax under her, resting his cheek against her head as the TV show came back on. For several minutes they watched in silence – it was a handy mental prop while bodies and hearts fed ravenously on the closeness.

A lazy taffy smile stretched her lips as her lids drooped - she felt warm and heavy and drunk. This was exactly what she'd been searching for in the bottom of a bottle all these years.

"Why are you still my friend, huh?" he sniffed the words over her hair with a kind of disbelief.

Bella sat up a little, turning around with a frown. Jacob let his head loll back against the chair while his eyes watched her over the expressionless slate of his cheeks.

"You know why," she murmured.

His gaze flitted over her face while his tongue darted out in a minute lap over his lips. "I wanna hear you say it," he breathed.

Bella cocked her head while her eyes ran thoughtfully over that impassive face - she wasn't sure if he was asking what she thought he was asking, or if he was going to throw her off of this chair at the answer. She sniffed a little laugh and then turned to her bowl of Cheetos and settled her chopsticks in her hand. Plucking up a neon orange puff she turned back to him.

His eyes paced between hers as she ferried it right up to his lips. "Because I love you, Jacob Black," she told him simply. "Still."

She could feel his muscles jump and she caught the arm that tried to escape with a squeeze of her elbow.

"Want a Cheeto?" she arched a brow.

With a thick swallow, those lips parted and she popped the chip into his mouth. Bella grinned happily – just because she felt like it – before she flopped back against his shoulder.

That jaw settled slowly against her head again and she listened to the cautious crunch of his chews.

Returning her eyes to the sitcom, she grabbed another Cheeto and joined him while she watched Ross battle a broken thumb with slapstick finesse.

A deep chuckle bounced under her ear at the antics on the screen and a smile broke out on Bella's face like a reflex. That just might be her favorite sound in the world right now.

She pulled out another Cheeto and blindly offered it up behind her. It was snatched from her chopsticks and then his jaw rested against her head. She felt his words more than heard them, breathed over her temple between chomping chews.

"Love you more."

Bella's heart stopped in her chest as her eyes fluttered closed and she let the warmth of three simple words seep in and restart it. Opening her eyes, she plucked a cheese curl from her bowl with a kind of reverence.

"Nope." She punctuated her certainty with a Cheeto crunch.

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