As it must in everything, this is where the battle between the body and the mind takes place. I hope that those of you who like this story like this chapter as much as the others.
- Terren
Chapter Ten
You are you, and
I am meAsuka,
I've gone to escape the haunting memories of the past. Make fun of me, but remember that I was never sturdy under pressure. (Actually, I'd prefer it if you did.)I haven't left without thinking things through, though. I leave Suzahara in your care. I know he's in safe hands with you. He also left the account number and password to his bank account in case Suzahara should need it.
Ten days to zero hour.
Ever since the leaving of his father, Suzahara Ikari was like an empty shell. Most of the time he just lay in his room.
"Suzahra?" Asuka tapped on his door. When he didn't reply for a few minutes she continued, "There's a harmonics test in ninety minutes. C'mon, get up."
"What's the use?" His first sign of life in two days. "Cleo's dead, my father's gone, my mom's dead. I have nothing. Just leave me alone."
Is that really what you think? nagged his subconscious. Or are you just afraid of ending up like your father? Useless, pathetic, scared—is that how you want to be remembered?
Shut up, he sounded weak to himself.
I can't. I live inside you. I am you. You can't get rid of me that easily.
Damn you; get away from me! Suzahara squeezed his eyes shut, only to give the voice a face: his father.
Why do you do this to yourself, son?
Why not? I've lost everything. You, Cleo, Mom—
None of those were your fault. None of those change who you are, Suzahara. You can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong because it's better than letting other people be hurt by it! As the voice spoke, the image changed. His grandfather, Gendou Ikari, stood in front of him now.
You're just like your father. You have no purpose here. Why do you even bother? The figure pushed his glasses back to the bridge of his nose.
Because I am the pilot of Evangelion Unit One.
Then act like it! Misato Katsuragi stood before him to judge. The fate of mankind rests on your shoulders. You can't run from your fears forever. Even if you do—
—they'll find you again. The voice chose Ritsuko Akagi as its mouth this time. Running hardly ever makes anything better, but most often times makes them worse. The blonde scientist began to distort into a smaller, leaner figure; it had brown hair.
W-who are you? Suzahara questioned the figure.
I am you, the figure lifted its head, showing large, brown eyes.
No—no, that can't be!
Why not?
Because, I'm me!
Then you are correct, because I am not a—
Coward! Cleopatra Whely-Ayanami scolded. You're a coward, Suzahara! I though I loved you, but now I know that I could never love someone as weak as you. She turned and started to walk away. Ikari snapped out of his dream. He looked at his watch; fifteen minutes 'til the harmonics test began. He'd be late, but at least he'd be there.
* * *
Asuka Langely Sohryu was nibbling on her thumbnail. Shinji had left his son in her keep, and she felt like she was failing him. She could not stand failure. She looked up at a disgruntled Misato Katsuragi, commander of Nerv and operations director, glaring at the computer screen. Suzahara burst in the door.
"And what do you think gives you the right to be here?" Misato asked as the commander.
"Because," the boy was breathing heavily, "I am the pilot of the Evangelion. Because I am the son of an Ikari, grandson of the former commander of this branch of Nerv, and I don't want to disrespect him. But mostly," he looked towards the monitor, "because I've found a reason to live again. Rose!" he grabbed the microphone and said again, "Rose! If you can hear me: I'm willing to give you a chance. I like you, and I think you're very loveable." Green eyes opened on the screen.