A Week Later…

"I just wish you had told me." Rachel said. Even though she was sitting right next to her at the table Rachel had to practically shout at Brittany over hustle and bustle of the usual Friday night crowd at Breadstix . "If you told me, I could have warned you."

Brittany shifted uncomfortably in her seat across from Blaine and Kurt. She could feel their wide concerned eyes watching her. It was like everyone knew. Like she had been claiming the sky was purple this whole time but it wasn't. It was blue and she only just realized. She suddenly felt like she was sitting under the glares of all those teachers from high school who just couldn't understand why someone couldn't just understand the simple things they were trying to tell her.

Maybe she just always saw things differently.

But she kept arguing with the facts she knew in her head. She kept trying to convince herself that the sky wasn't what everyone said it was but she kept looking up and it kept being blue and she was running out of reasons to justify the way she was seeing things.

Why couldn't the sky just be purple for everybody else?

"She's evil and manipulative." Rachel said. Brittany was pretty sure there was a bunch of things added onto the beginning of that but she had lost track of it. She had heard it all before and it wasn't like she was ignoring it. Of course she wasn't ignoring it. She just didn't want to believe it.

Why would you ever want to believe something like that about someone you cared about?

Brittany just wished she knew. She wished she knew these things before she started falling for her.

But sometimes you can't stop yourself from falling. You just do.

"Did Kurt tell you about all of the horrible things she did to us?" Rachel said.

Brittany only opened her mouth to finally respond to fill the awkward silence that had suddenly clung to the group. "Yes." She answered quickly and simply. Brittany knew she didn't need to say much more because Rachel was jumping right back into her rant.

"I mean the slushies and the nicknames." Rachel said. "She was absolutely horrible."

Brittany watched the way Rachel swallowed a lump in her throat. The way she finished that last sentence while pretending to look over at the door like that was suddenly important and she knows that what Santana did to Rachel hurts her more than she lets on. The rants are just a mask for tears that Rachel thinks she's too strong to cry.

Brittany wants to tell her that strong people cry too.

The waitress comes by to interrupt Rachel's huffs. She takes their orders and their menus and heads off to another table to refill their drinks.

"I'm sorry." The words slip out of Rachel's mouth in a puff of air. Brittany can see Rachel's shoulders visibly relax. When Brittany looks up at her best friend's eyes she finds the ghost of a smile there.

"I'm just sad to see you hurt." Rachel states sadly.

Brittany feels a frown grace her lips but she forces it into a smile before she nods over at Rachel.

She will always be thankful to have friends like these.

"Did you see the trailer for the new movie?" Kurt said.

Brittany is thankful for the change in topic and she knows by the way he nods in her direction that she owes him one.

"Oh My God! The one based off one of the top twenty longest running Broadway musicals of all Time? Yes!" Rachel says. Her voice contains the hushed childish excitement that brings a smile to Brittany's lips.

This is the Rachel she loves to see. Happy-go-lucky and jumping up and down in her seat with Kurt as they exchange rumors of the cast and crew of the upcoming film. Brittany checks off the release date in her mental calendar because she knows she'll be at the midnight showing and Rachel and Kurt will definitely be in costume and even though she's never seen the musical Brittany will probably be at Rachel's six hours early so Rachel can help her put on a costume.

Brittany would never turn down an opportunity to wear a good costume.

Kurt and Rachel are too caught up in their conversation to notice the clang of the bell as the restaurant front door opens or the way the rest of the dining room softens into an uncomfortable silence. Brittany looks up and follows everyone's glances to the front.

Its there that she seems him.

She's never seen him in person but she's seen his face on TV enough times to never forget it. Father Gerry was a legend in Lima, Ohio. Some people celebrated him and everything he taught but in Brittany's mind he was famous for all the wrong reasons. As a founder of the Ex-Gay group, Love Can Win, Father Gerry gave speeches all across the country. The last time Brittany had seen him on TV he was giving an interview on his opinion regarding the divisive gay marriage bill. He barely spoke a sentence before Brittany shut off the TV in a frustrated huff.

Brittany had come across many people in her life who took issue with who she was, people who were offended by gay people, others who were just uncomfortable with the idea of anyone being gay but she had never heard someone speak like it was an illness before. The way Father Gerry spoke, it was like he thought she had a sickness that he could 'cure'. Ever since then she had switched off the TV whenever she saw his face.

And now here he was.

Brittany heard Rachel and Kurt's babbling die down too. The room was dead silent as the Priest took a few steps towards the middle of the dinning room. Several other people filed into the room and stepped up to various tables holding out little sheets of papers.

Brittany's eyes fell on an elderly woman who walked up and stood at the front of her table. Brittany turned to face her and felt her eyes run over the sheet of paper that the women's tan, wrinkled hands held out to Blaine and Kurt. Brittany could see the way Blaine's arm gripped tighter around Kurt's shoulders in silent defiance.

The woman placed the paper gently on the table. Brittany tried to read the upside down words on the paper. She only read the words "same-sex attractions" and "overcome" before she felt a body pushed towards her and saw another paper being held out to her in the grip of a equally tan but significantly shakier hand. She followed the hands up to the tan arm and met terrified, wide brown eyes.

No.

"-understand the ignorance and error of mortals, and how far they drift from the light…"

She didn't know.

"-and deprive themselves of the true and highest blessing of this life."

How could she know?

"-all of them are weak and afflicted by many sins, for which the only remedy is suffering."

But she's standing here, shaking like a leaf and staring at Brittany and she's wishing she never walked through that door. Of course she would be here and of course this would happen now. And now Santana looks down at Rachel and Kurt and his boyfriend and she just wants to throw up because of the looks on their faces. They look horrified and they look offended but worst of all she sees tears threatening in all of their eyes and she's a part of the group that's causing it.

Even if she didn't mean to be.

Even if she thought doing her Abuela a favor meant handing out 'Have you Found Jesus yet?' cards or singing in the choir or some sort of charity event. Even if she didn't know what this group was. She's still a part of it. And now she's thinking back to high school and all the names she's called them and how their eyes looked like this.

Only now it's 100 times worse.

Now its not school yard bullying. She doesn't know what this is. She doesn't know what the name is for whatever she's doing right now but just by the looks on their faces. She would probably use the word torture.

She can't breathe. This room has gotten so small and even though Father Gerry is the one talking Santana's feels like everyone is staring at her. She crumples the paper unintentionally as her hand balled into a fist.

She can't breathe.

She feels like she can't breathe.

She rushes down the row of tables and makes a line for the front door. She can still hear Father Gerry shouting over her gasping breathes. Whether he sees her or cares about her is beyond her knowledge but all she knows is that he doesn't stop his shouts for a second. The words still come from his lungs and hang in her ears as she tries to make her escape.

"If you realize your body is your enemy, and an enemy of God's glory since it is an enemy of your sanctification, why do you treat it so softly?"

She pushes the door open and she finally lets out the tears she hadn't even realized she'd been holding back. She jogs a few steps away from the door and towards the parking lot when she remembers that she drove with her Abuela. She doesn't have her car.

She's stuck.

"Was the rock salt your idea too?"

Santana halts her movements when she hears the voice behind her. She doesn't have to turn to know its source. Even though the voice carries a tone she's never heard attached to it before she could hear the blonde blue-eyed voice whisper across a football field and still know it's her. But she can't turn around. She can't meet her blue eyes because she's afraid of what she'll see in them.

She hears Brittany's feet shift as she takes a few steps on the gravel.

"Towards the end of senior year they started putting rock salt in your slushies." Brittany takes a few steps closer and Santana shifts her weight but still doesn't turn around. "I remember the first time they did it. It was a Friday I remember that because we had a dress rehearsal for Sectionals that night. We were doing Michael Jackson and we all wore our outfits to school that day. Kurt spent weeks on his white sequin leather jacket. He was so excited to wear it; he talked about it all week. But he got a face full of red slushie before he could even get out of the parking lot."

"The worst part wasn't even that his jacket was ruined. It was his reaction when we found the pieces of rock salt on his clothes and in his hair. It wasn't teasing anymore. And it wasn't hazing or whatever else the teachers would call it to make themselves feel better. It was malicious. They wanted to hurt him and they did. Maybe they didn't blind him like they planned or scratch his face but they hurt him so bad. He probably would have transferred to new school if he wasn't already halfway through his senior year."

Santana swallowed a lump in her throat.

"I can't tell you how many days I had to help Rachel clean her hair in the sink of the girl's bathroom or how many times I helped Kurt scrub out his brand new clothes. And even if your original slushies didn't have rock salt in them. They might as well have, because you intended them to hurt. Didn't you?"

Santana knows she should say something. She knows she should turn around and respond. But she also knows that even though she has only really just known Brittany for a few days. That this isn't very like her. That this tone sounds nothing like the tone Brittany usually carries. And she hates to think that she is the one that broke Brittany's carefree spirit.

"And here you are back with your new version of slushies to throw in our faces. Because you had to know that Rachel has two dads and that Kurt is dating Blaine and you had to know what these would do to them." Santana can hear a piece of paper crumbling in Brittany's hand. "I thought everyone was wrong about you. I thought that everyone thought you were a bad person but you really weren't. I thought they didn't know you or maybe they were talking about another Santana and they were confused. But it's like you're two different people and I don't think my Santana is real anymore."

Santana begs her body to move. To turn around and talk to Brittany but it doesn't because she has nothing to say anyway.

Not when everything Brittany thinks is true.

So instead she listens to Brittany's steps on the gravel and she listens as the door to Breadstix shut and then her feet finally move. But they don't turn around to find Brittany and explain to her things that she can't even begin to explain to herself.

Instead she runs.

She runs away from this stupid restaurant and this stupid parking lot and her stupid mind that won't stop thinking when she wants it to and it won't start thinking when she actually needs it.

She almost gets to the main road when she realizes she's hyperventilating. She drops to her knees and tries to gasp air into her lungs. She's pretty sure she's dying when she sees the world grow foggy around the edges of her vision.

She's not sure she cares anymore.

The man is now standing on top of an empty table but still shouting over the of the crowd when she returns to her seat. Some people stay in their booths ignoring their abandoned dinners and just watch the scene unfold in front of them. The manager of the restaurant stands at the Priest's feet and does everything but beg him to come down. Some customers of the restaurant such as Kurt, Rachel and Blaine are standing and throwing on their coats to leave before things get any worse.

A few grumble some choice words into his direction as they leave but it only leads to shouting and debates with the Priest's company who surround his feet in a protective bubble.

Worst of all, others are offering words of agreement and encouragement to the group.

Brittany still feels the rage boiling inside her as she leads Rachel out the door with a hand placed at the small of her back. She can feel Kurt and Blaine behind her and she can't hear what he's saying but she knows that Blaine is whispering words of encouragement into Kurt's ear.

Kurt has come so far into himself since high school.

She hopes that he won't let them take it away.

When they finally step out of the restaurant and Brittany feels the bitter cold wind cross her face once more she can feel the muscles of Rachel's back loosen as the Priest's words are softened until they can barely be heard.

They can hear muffled sounds coming through the thick oak doors but they can't make out any of the words actually being said. But Brittany can imagine what he's saying and in many ways imagining is worse.

They climb into Rachel's car and Brittany takes Rachel's keys from her without saying a word. None of them speak on the drive home but it doesn't really matter, she's not really sure if there are words that can take away the shock of what happened.

Brittany knows how the world works. She knows that there are people out there that say mean things but she's not sure why but it means something more when its in person. Its like it isn't real if it's on the TV or in the News.

And she wishes she never knew it was real.

Brittany finds herself wondering what that means about Santana. Maybe she's always done stuff like this. She's gone on faraway trips and slept with girls just to come back home and continue her fake life as usual. She wonders how long Santana had been lying to herself and how many other girls she had slept with.

She wonders. She wonders. She wonders until she can't make sense of her thoughts anymore.

When she pulls into Rachel's driveway she doesn't even realize how she got there. Maybe she wasn't the best option to drive after all.

"I'm sorry." Brittany whispers to Rachel after she kills the engine because somehow she feels responsible. Because somehow she feels dirty like she should shower and she feels used and disgusting because she should have known. She should have seen the signs and she should have listened because everyone had warned her and she didn't listen.

But she didn't and now here she is.

Rachel just frowns at her. Brittany can see a smile struggling to form there but it just won't.

"It's not your fault." Rachel says as she places a caring hand on Brittany's forearm.

It does nothing to stop the sob that echoes through her chest.

"Santana."

She hears the voice and assumes it connected to the hands that are shaking her shoulder but it sounds so far away.

So very far away.

"Santana!"

The voice shouts this time and the hands rattle her harder until it jostles her body awake. She looks up at the ridiculous Mohawk staring down at her and then she glances down into concerned brown eyes.

"What the hell is going on? Are you okay?" Puck asks as he helps Santana to her feet.

Santana doesn't bother to answer him as she rises to her feet because she doesn't have an answer.

And if she did, it'd be no because no, she's not okay.

She looks around to realize that she's passed out on the side of the road and she's not really sure how to explain this one.

Sane people don't pass out on the side of the road.

"I was supposed to meet up with some chicks at Breadstix." Puck says. Santana can feel his eyes watching her carefully like she might fall or vomit on him or something. "But there were like police there and shit. Did something happen?"

Santana doesn't have the patience for questions. She pinches the bridge of her nose with the tips of her fingers and fights off what feels to be the beginnings of a migraine. She bends to pick up her purse in the grass and starts heading off back down the road.

She only gets a few steps before he stops her.

"Wait." He calls even though he's standing in front of her and Santana has already stopped walking. "Let me give you a ride."

Santana shakes her head as she attempts to side step him.

"You were just passed out in the grass, Santana. And you don't look very drunk." Puck says. "You could be sick or something maybe-"

"I'm not sick." Santana shouts over him. She feels her fingernails digging painfully into the palms of her hand. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

She knows by the way Puck is recoiling that she has been the very opposite of convincing. She shuts her mouth quickly before anything horrible can escape her lips.

"I'm fine." Santana finally says in a hushed hurried voice.

"It's late Santana." Puck says sternly. "Let me just drive you home."

She finally nods and allows Puck to guide her to the passenger side of his truck without any more protest.

The car ride is spent in an awkward silence. Neither of them speaks until Santana is jumping down from the truck in front of her house and it is Puck who breaks the silence.

"Please take care of yourself." He says.

Santana looks up to meet those concerned brown eyes and all she can think about is how much she doesn't deserve anyone to care about her.

/* Author's Note: Thank you all to those that read and Review. I loved everything you guys had to say last time! You guys are what keeps me updating. Also check me out at diablovixen . tumblr . com if you have anything else you want to chat about*/