Chapter written by G8rguy and originally posted on March 14, 2016
"Lards, get your fucking thinking cap on, we've got a shit ton work to do," he says when she answers.
Shitty hears Lardo groaning on the other end of the call. "Brah...seriously? I was asleep" she mutters.
Shitty laughs and gets a grin before yelling into the phone "WAKE UP!" at the top of his lungs. He laughs again as he hears her swearing through the phone. While he appreciates the sanctity of the nap, this is more important.
"Damn it Shits!" she growls when she comes back to the phone after quite a lot of background noise causing him to wonder if she fell off the bed. "What is so damn important it couldn't wait till I was fully conscious?"
"I got deets!" Shitty says proudly. "The Haus has been insane this break but the final piece of the puzzle has been revealed!" he crows.
"What the hell are you babbling about?" Lardo is quickly losing patience.
"You arranged for Jude to stay in the Haus for the break?" he asks.
"Of course" this better get better quickly she thinks.
"And Ransom offered to allow Connor to stay as well?" he adds.
"Wait...what?" that was new information. Lardo had to leave campus a bit early as her dad was seeing the doctor for his condition and she wanted to be there. She hadn't been very active with Samwell people over the break to be honest what with the Duan family issues that had exploded among the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and great grandmother.
"Then Jack ended up staying because of talking to agents and Bitty decided to stay to take care of everyone and I stayed until today" Shitty finished.
Larissa stood up trying to put all this information into a pattern that would make sense. "So where did Jude and Connor...they stayed together in the attic?" she reasoned out.
"Yep" Shitty confirmed. "Then for Christmas dinner, Jude's family all came to Boston so Bitty invited them to the Haus along with all of us and Jack's parents as well."
Larissa sat back down. "Whoa" she muttered.
"Whoa is right. And the days before the dinner. Can you say awkward and uncomfortable? How about tense? How about strained?" Shitty was on a roll. "So dinner was crazy...did I mention that we found out that Con's dad is Adam Stevens from the Diamondbacks?"
"Seriously?" Larissa was surprised as that had never come up before. This was a whole lot of information flying at her.
"Oh yes. He and Jack have seriously bonded over the break over that as well as their emotional issues" Shitty teased.
"Does this have anything to do with Winter Screw?" Larissa asked slowly. She had noticed that there was a lot of tension after the dance though besides the normal Jack/Bitty dynamic, she hadn't figured out why.
"Well that's where it gets interesting" Shitty said and she could hear the smirk on his face. "Yesterday, I was out on the reading room when Con came out to talk and he came out to me."
There was a moment of silence. "Connor's gay?" Larissa asked disbelievingly. "And you are telling me?" she continued.
"I have permission to tell you from Con" Shitty quickly reassured her. "He is nervous about telling people and it getting out because of his dad but I assured him you wouldn't say anything."
Larissa sat quietly after he spoke and Shitty just waited. The two of them had always felt comfortable sitting in silence without feeling awkward or uncomfortable so she felt okay as she considered what he said.
Shitty heard her groan. "You have got to be kidding me" she wailed. "Tell me I've got this wrong!" she pleaded.
"Probably not" Shitty said smirking, proud of how much faster she was in figuring it out than he was.
"Jack and Bitty are both pining for each other thinking the other one isn't interested" she says slowly.
"Yep" Shitty nods.
"Jude and Connor are doing the same, aren't they?" she asks sadly, already knowing the answer.
"Most probably, though to be fair I don't have total confirmation on that one" he tells her sympathetically.
"You're joking right? They were two peas in a pod before Screw but Jude goes with Bitty and suddenly they can't be around each other...oh my god it's the same deal" she groans. Suddenly he hears her groan even louder. "This is unreal! The two out guys are into two guys, who they think are straight and not interested in them, but who are in reality neither straight nor uninterested and instead pretend to date each other to get Ransom & Holster to leave them alone. But the guys they like, who secretly like them back, totally buy the lie and are devastated because they lost their chance, and now Jude and Bitty don't know why they are so mad which makes them mad. Have I pretty much got it?" Larissa concludes.
"Yep" Shitty says with a smile. "So, how are we going to fix this?" he asks and Larissa flops back on the bed, hand over her eyes, trying to decide who to kill: the boys pretending to date, the boys pretending to be straight, or the boys who caused all this because they were too focused on other people's dating situation! Right now it was too close to call but Ransom and Holster were definitely in the lead for who should get their heads handed to them when she got back.
"Lord Shits, this is insane" she finally admitted. "You can't just sit them all down and tell them because you promised. And...damn it!" Larissa shook her head at the sheer crappiness of it all.
"Luckily we have some time as Jack and Con have started to try and act normally around the boys for now so we may have bought ourselves some time. Think some over break and we will plan it all out when we get back" he tells her.
Hanging up Larissa sits up and then plants her face in her hands. Sitting with Jude and asking him about his dating of Bitty had made it clear that there really was someone else. He was crushing! She was sure he had a thing for someone and she was fairly certain that it was Connor. But she had watched Connor and had bought his straight boy façade much to her own dismay at not being more tuned in. To be fair, she hadn't been around Con as long as she had known Jack and it took a long time before she could read his feelings. Shits was certain he had feelings for Eric freshman year but she hadn't seen it till this year. But now that she knew that Connor was in fact gay, she was sure he was definitely crushing on Jude. "Boys!" she moaned. They were going to be the death of her.
Larissa walked into the Haus after getting back to Samwell and hoped that her and Shits could do something about the nearly constant headache that this situation had caused. Shits wasn't due back till tomorrow, but she decided to come to the Haus to get the vibe of the place.
Walking in to the kitchen she smelled the wonderful aroma that now defined the Haus. She was surprised at how quickly everyone had gotten used to the change. Instead of the smell of stale beer, a slight hint of puke, and the pervasive scent of boy's locker room, the Haus now smelled of sweetness and mouth-watering goodness. Right now the smell was of chocolate, coconut, vanilla, and she thought it might be ginger?
Looking at the small blonde moving around she saw the counters covered in cookies and smiled. "Bitty!" she said loudly to catch his attention as he was dancing around and singing along to Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas'. He started and turned around. "Christmas songs after the holiday?" she teased him as he came over for a hug.
"Hey no chirping me about that!" Eric replied with a frown. "It is totally acceptable for a week after New Year's!" he informs her loftily.
"Where'd you get that rule" she narrows her eyes at him but he can still see the smile barely restrained.
"Bittle House Rules" he informs her. "My kitchen...my rules!" He laughs and puts a giant plate of cookies in front of her and yep, ginger snaps, chocolate chip, and coconut macaroons!
Eric sits down across from Larissa and he asks about her break and she tells him of some of the drama and then looks at him carefully. "And how was the break with a full Haus?" she asks knowingly.
Eric sighs. "It was...hard to describe" he finally says. "The start of the break was tough. Everyone was really stressed and things were...complicated" he told her. "It was more difficult than I expected. Everyone was pretty much not talking to each other except for Jude and I and that was mostly talking about how uncomfortable things were. Then Jude's family came, all seven of them, plus Bad Bob and Alicia, who Jack only told me about the day before I might add, and all five of us. It was very interesting" he says with a slight smile.
"Really" Lardo smirks.
"Did you know Jude has two moms? They are a lesbian couple who adopted him when he was 13. In fact they adopted four kids in addition to Stef's biological son from her first marriage. They were really great. Then Stef's mom came too and she is a riot! Never laughed so hard before and of course Stef and Jesus were fangirling over Bad Bob and then finding out that Connor's dad was Adam Stevens!" Eric took a big breath and Lardo just giggled.
"Then Alicia and Lena were helping in the kitchen and it was so sweet how nice they were. The only problem really was that everyone in the Haus was stressed, but everyone behaved" Eric finished.
"Stressed" Lardo asked with a raised eyebrow. Eric shook his head at how much she could communicate with a single look or word.
He sighed again. "Jack was acting all...strange. He pretty much avoided me till the end of break and I don't know what was wrong. Then Connor and Jude were not talking half the time which was killing Jude. Shitty was dealing with his family so he was freaking out whenever he talked with them. One good thing was that Jack and Connor seemed to bond and were getting along. After dinner things started getting better but I just don't understand why it was bad in the first place" he sighed again.
Larissa looked at him in sympathy and had to hold inside that she wanted to just tell him that he was being an idiot but she was more than convinced that even if she outright told him that Jack was totally in love with him, he wouldn't believe her.
"Well, whatever the reason, it sounds like the issues have been resolved somehow. Maybe you should just be happy about that?" she suggested kindly.
He nodded and they went back to planning for the upcoming semester. Larissa decided to stay for dinner and was there when Holster and Ransom arrived back at the Haus, Jude and Connor having moved back to their dorm rooms the day before, but they did come for dinner. The dinner was really nice and most of the conversation was about her, Ransom, and Holster talking about their holidays with an occasional update on Jack's meetings with teams.
By the time she had got back to her apartment she smiled as she had the beginnings of a plan. Since they were the source of this problem, she was going to use Ransom and Holster to fix it. She just needed to figure out how to get them to do what she wanted without them realizing it because if she just told them, they would totally screw it up. Seriously, neither one of them understands the word subtle! But if they could push Bitty just the right way, and to do that she would need Shitty to help plan, she was sure she could get Eric and Jude to confess that their "relationship" was never real. They needed to admit the truth, not say that they just broke up. She smiled to herself and rubbed her hands together...this was going to be fun!
The semester started off well, the team was playing really well and the tension in the house was back to normal levels. Shitty and Lardo had been discussing different options but had not managed to finalize their plan. They had a great deal laid out, but they still needed the right trigger.
Jude and Eric were still pretending to date, though very casually and never in a formal way though Larissa wasn't sure if people noticed. They went for coffee together but that was about it. How anyone thought they were actually dating was beyond her understanding, I mean Bitty was hanging out with Jack more than he was Jude.
She was walking back from a meeting with the Coaches about the plan for Family Weekend and their home game that night. They had asked her to find out which players' families would be attending this year when she walked up the stairs to hear a commotion.
"I'm serious boys, ya'll need to stop this now" she heard Eric say, exasperation clear in his voice.
Walking into the kitchen she found Bitty cooking, what else, with Ransom and Holster sitting at the table, the obvious objects of Bitty's tirade.
"Bitty, relationships take work" Holster said sincerely. "If you don't take the proper time and care, they can wither."
"Yeah bro" Ransom adds. "You need to make sure to pay attention to your boy beyond coffee and pies!"
Larissa smirks at the eye roll she sees Bitty make where the boys can't see and repressed the chuckle she wants to let out. "Not to interrupt boys" Larissa says clearing her throat "but coaches want to know whose family is coming to Family Weekend this year." She looks at the three of them looking back at her, faces blank. "This requires a response" she says drolly.
"Oh!" Eric seems to shake and wake up. "Coach and mama are coming" he tells her.
"Your dad is coming?" Holster asks surprised. "Finally we get to meet the famous Coach!" he turned back to Lardo "Sorry but my folks won't be coming this year" he adds.
"Yeah me either" Ransom adds.
"Cool...you boys ready to get your asses kicked at MarioKart?" she asks them and smirks at the gleam in their eyes. They jump up and race to the couch and she turns to Bitty. "I'll keep 'em busy for a while and give you a break" she says grabbing one of the cookies off the table and holding back her laughter at the relieved look on Bitty's face as she leaves.
Walking to the couch she makes both boys sit on the floor while she takes the couch as they start playing. They play several games when inspiration hits her like a bomb going off and she gets a wicked grin.
"So...Bitty's family is coming for the Weekend, huh?" she muttered loud enough for the two to hear.
"Yeah" Ransom grunts.
"Cool to meet his dad finally" Holster adds.
"Yeah" she agrees and waits for a few minutes before adding "Interesting timing though."
She continues to play and notices the frowns both boys get as they try to figure out her meaning. She see the moment when they turn to look at each other to see if the other boy had figured it out and uses their distraction to beat them again.
"Damn it!" Ransom shrieks when he realizes she won again. "What do you mean about timing?" he turns to ask her, still mad about the loss.
"Oh...I guess it's really not anything, I mean...no, I must be reading more into it is all. Just ignore me" she says making sure that she looks very uncertain to them.
The two of them look at each other thoughtfully before Holster pauses the game and turns toward her. "Lardo? What are you thinking?" he asks her carefully.
"Well...I'm probably all wrong about this and shouldn't say anything" she sounds like she is trying to avoid answering.
"Let's us judge that bro" Ransom says reassuringly. Holster nods encouragingly.
"Well...it just seems like Jude's family came for dinner over break and got to meet Bitty and now Bitty's parents are coming, together, for the first time..." she trailed off.
"Bitty's going to introduce Jude to his parents!" Ransom whisper-squealed and grabbed at Holster who was bouncing with excitement.
"Hold on!" Larissa said quickly and forcefully. They both turned to her surprised. "We don't know that. I mean Bitty isn't even out to his parents and we don't know if there will even be a chance for them to meet Jude" she warns them.
They both suddenly look sobered by that. "She's right" Ransom mutters.
"Last couple of times there has barely been time for anyone to see families" Holster agrees.
"Let's wait" she tells them. "If it is a meet and greet, even if his parents don't know, then Bitty will have to plan something. If he does, then we know" they nod in agreement with her and she unpauses the game and they continue.
Several days later she and Shitty are talking in the kitchen while Eric is baking a pie and he smiles at her.
"So how many parents are coming to Family Weekend this year?" Shitty asks Lardo, as planned.
"Well, we have Eric's, Nursey's, Dex's brother and sister are coming with their mom, Ollie's parents, Wick's sister, Jones' dad, Mitchell's mom, and another four or five 'maybes'" Lardo says looking at her clipboard.
"That's cool" Shitty replies. "Jack's and mine aren't coming because we have Graduation not too long after" he mumbles. "You know...it's kind of sad that we never do anything to kind of get the hockey families together" he said curiously.
"Well, we could do something, but planning out something is tough and to be honest, normally we wouldn't want to subject parents to the Haus and what would we do? A Kegster?" she snorts.
"No" Shitty laughs "I was thinking more like a dinner...not formal or anything, but more like a potluck or picnic thing."
"Right" Lardo's voice clearly displays her disbelief. "We could do all that when we have a home game? Don't think so" she shakes her head.
"We could definitely do that!" Eric said turning around excited. "I can prepare a dinner for the night before our game with picnic foods that would hold. We could invite all the team and any visiting family to the Haus to meet everyone!" He was obviously excited.
"Are you sure Bits?" Shitty said looking doubtful. "That's a lot of food and planning" he said frowning.
"Planning a party? Pshaw!" Eric scoffed. "That's nothing. I would be embarrassed if I couldn't pull that together without a doubt!"
"That would be really amazing" Lardo said looking thoughtful. "But before we commit, let's run it by the gang tonight? Bunch of guys are coming over tonight for Ransom & Holster's game tourney so can get everyone's opinion."
They all agreed and Bitty went back to his pie so he missed the triumphant look and silent fist bump that Shitty & Lardo exchanged.
Later that night the Haus is fairly full. The frogs have all come over including Jude as well as many of their teammates. Ransom & Holster are desperately trying to keep control but Shitty keeps shouting to 'fight the system' and other slogans, much to the amusement of everyone. Jack is sitting on the stairs trying not to laugh when Lardo walks into the kitchen and finds Bitty pulling out another tray of mini pies.
"Hey bro" she says casually. "Did you want to still ask about doing a dinner for the families?"
"Yes!" Bitty says with a huge smile. "This is going to be so great! I have been working on menu ideas, decorations, and how to handle the seating. It will be so great" Lardo smiles at his rambling as they walk back into the family room where Shitty has managed to sit on top of Holster while Dex and Nursey have pinned Ransom down as Shitty is calling for new rules for the game.
Shitty casts a quick look over at Lardo and she sees his eyes twinkle, it's time. "Let's ask our esteemed manager to rule on this issue" he calls out suddenly and the group turns toward her.
Lardo waves her hand "Doesn't matter dudes, you're still going down...but we have a more important matter to discuss as a team" she said suddenly sounding serious. She turns to Bitty and gestures. "Tell them your idea Bits" she instructs.
"Right" he clears his throat a bit nervously. "Since so many family members will be here for Family Weekend, I was thinking we could host a family dinner at the Haus for everyone to come and meet each other's family" he says with a smile. "I have been working on everything: menu, decorations, and it'll be amazing! I mean, both of my parents will be here and I would love for them to meet all of you" he says with a huge smile while looking at all of his teammates.
Everyone smiles and seems to be interested in the idea and starts talking about it, but the reaction that surprised Eric most was the look of shock on Jack's face. Why did he look almost sick? Was it because his parents wouldn't be able to attend?
Shitty smiled. "That sounds really nice Bits" he said standing up with a smile. "Anyone have any concerns? It wouldn't be mandatory, right? Just if they want to come?" he asks to clarify.
"Oh, of course not" Eric says happily. "I mean if you already have plans, that's definitely not a problem. I just thought that since we all probably talk about each other, it might be fun for our family to meet our teammates even if it's just for a few minutes" he assures them and looking over the crowd he is stuck again at Jude and Connor. Jude is smiling gently but Connor looks so...sad?
Larissa takes the opportunity to look down at Ransom and Holster from her position just behind Bitty and raises her eyebrows at them. She can pinpoint the exact moment when they get her message. Their eyes light up and Ransom squeals and jumps up knocking over Dex and Nursey as he grabs Bitty in a giant hug right before Holster joins them.
"Boys!" Eric says laughing at the guys' exuberance. "You are way too excited for two boys whose families are not even coming" he laughs.
"We are SO SWAWESOME!" Holster hollers as he high fives Ransom.
"We are the Matchmakers Extraordinaire!" Ransom crows.
Bitty, along with many others in the room, looks thoroughly confused. However Ransom and Holster are ignoring him, too busy congratulating themselves and dancing around like fools.
"What are you two goofs going on about?" Bitty says laughing at them.
"You and Jude!" Holster says happily. He doesn't notice how Eric and Jude both freeze up but Lardo does and she checks to confirm that she is seeing similar reactions on Jack and Con's faces.
"Me and...and Jude?" Bitty stammers. "What do we..." he trails off not sure what to say next. He looks over at the tall brunette but he looks as thoroughly confused as Bitty feels.
"Oh, come on Bitty!" Ransom says dancing around. "You met Jude's family over the break and now he's going to meet yours at this party you are throwing! And it's all thanks to our amazing matchmaking abilities. Admit it, we are the best bros ever for connecting you two!"
Shitty was watching Jack's face which had gone pale and was stuck in a mask of control that didn't quite hide the pain in his eyes. Connor was looking down at his feet, his unhappiness just as clear if you were watching for it. Larissa had been watching and saw Jude go pale and tremble while Bitty was speechless. Bitty kept looking between the two guys who were high fiving others offering to find people true love for them though most guys were shoving them away.
That didn't stop Ransom and Holster from going on and on about it, trying to get anyone else to take them up on their offer to find dates for their teammates. Suddenly Ransom turned and, with a huge grin, asked Jude and Bitty to be their success story for their new "Love Brokers" jobs. Larissa was watching Eric's eyes darting around to everyone, terror clear but he couldn't find an escape. She caught Shitty's eye and gave the signal. Time to up the pressure.
"QUIET! Guys, hold on for a second!" Shitty suddenly yelled out causing everyone to suddenly go quiet. "In case you forgot, our bro Bitty isn't exactly out to his family yet, remember? You boys need to knock it off" he tells them. Larissa sees a moment of relief and gratitude on Bitty's face and feels bad because she knows it won't last.
Ransom and Holster both suddenly look guilty and look back at Eric in sympathy before they suddenly look at each other and grin. "Don't worry Bits! We've got a plan" Ransom says grabbing Bitty into a hug.
"Yeah" Holster assures him. "Your parents don't have to know they are meeting your boyfriend. We will run interference so that they can meet Jude and you can show him off without it being obvious!" He is getting worked up. "We can talk about how cool he is and how he is helping the team and Lardo out!"
"Yeah" Ransom adds with enthusiasm. "We will make sure your parents absolutely love Jude so when they finally learn about it, they will know you got yourself a great guy!" He looks over at Jude and smiles confidently.
The two of them start asking the others to agree to help them in talking up Jude to Bitty's parents, without being obvious about it of course. They start coming up with more and more elaborate schemes that leave reality far behind but they are on a roll and completely unstoppable. Lardo is watching them all carefully, waiting for it, that moment. Shitty has moved closer to the stairs and she sees him watching Jack carefully, but he hasn't said anything that she can tell. Jude has sat down and looks sick as Chowder is talking to him, waving his hands in excitement.
Dex and Nursey join in on the excitement offering suggestions for "The Plan" when, finally, Larissa sees it. The exact moment that Eric finally snaps. She has been watching it build up and up but he had managed to hold it all inside, pushing down on his words and she wondered if this would even be enough until Holster made a teasing comment about him and Ransom being the best men at their wedding when it happens.
"WE AREN'T DATING!" Eric screams at the top of his lungs.
The room goes quiet and everyone is staring at him in shock. Jack jerks his head up and Ransom and Holster look confused.
"What do you mean you aren't dating?" Ransom whines.
"Jude and I aren't dating" Eric yells again, not as loud as before, but still very loud.
"Oh my god!" Holster wails. "You broke up!? Why? Why didn't you tell us?" he sounds heartbroken.
"We were never dating" Bitty confesses a lot quieter now that he realizes everyone is staring at him.
"What?...what do you mean?" he hears Chowder ask from across the room into the stunned silence.
Eric looks at Ransom and Holster but his anger has him a grip he can't escape from. "We were never dating! You guys were hounding Jude and me about Winter Screw every day, never letting up. Going on and on about it and it was too much. We never wanted to date but you two wouldn't stop!" Bitty feels his throat closing as his heart is pounding so hard in his chest that he thinks that everyone must be able to hear it.
Looking around the room he sees their faces: confusion clear on their faces until he sees the sympathy and understanding on Lardo and Shitty's faces. Those kind looks almost break him. "We only decided to pretend to date to get ya'll to stop" he admits, the bitterness clear to everyone in the room. Larissa saw the glistening in his eyes start and realized that this was not what they hoped for.
"But you were going out before the Screw" Ransom whispers in a voice, sad and scared.
"No we weren't!" Bitty couldn't hold it back, the tears ran down his face as he cried in frustration. "Jude was being my friend! Someone who understands how hard it is when you can't...when you feel..." he sniffed cutting himself off. He had totally lost control and if he didn't do something he was going to humiliate himself in front of them. "You just don't know..."
The back of his hand was rough on him as Eric dragged it across his eyes trying to clear his vision as he turned, sniffling loudly, and stumbled for the door. He heard a voice call out "Bitty!" but he didn't stop long enough to figure out who it was. He couldn't go to his room and his haven, the place he had always felt safe...his kitchen...wasn't. The door opened as he pushed into the night, the cold air cutting through him and making the tears on his cheeks burn like ice as he fled into the darkness that quickly swallowed him.