Chapter Ten: Feelings and Space
It should be illegal for a sixteen year old to be able to kiss the way Killian Jones is kissing her.
Emma knows she should be pulling away but the soft feel of his lips against hers and the tender way he kisses, she can't bring herself too. He is so different from Neal. Neal had always been dominant, and wasn't a very good kisser, but Killian, to say he was only sixteen, Emma is more than convinced that he gave the best kisses ever.
Killian grows more confident with his kiss as Emma hasn't pulled away and simply draws the blonde tighter against him, his arms wrapping around her waist. Emma closes her eyes slowly sinking into the kiss, forgetting that this is wrong and that he is a Slytherin who has been her enemy until this year.
Emma gives a soft moan as his teeth nip at her bottom lip his tongue asking for permission to enter. Emma opens her mouth, and allows for his tongue to begin a dance with hers. She feels herself shiver from the sudden lust that has overtaken her body, and before Killian has time to rest his hand in her hair, he is suddenly pushed backwards, and when he opens his eyes it is to see Emma standing there with wide eyes and a shocked expression written across her young, beautiful features.
"Killian…" She stutters clearly not sure how to react. "I…"
Emma doesn't need to say how she feels, because he instantly knows that she wants to pull away.
"I'm sorry." He apologizes as Emma takes another couple of steps back. "I shouldn't have…"
"I shouldn't have kissed you back." Emma mumbles as she reaches down to pick up her handbag, hands shaking.
Killian runs his hand through his hair in a frustrated manner. He knows he has made a bad move and had been stupid enough to believe that Emma felt the same attraction he did. Of course she only kissed him back because she was taken by surprise or that she felt sorry for him.
"I…I have to go." She whispers before turning on her heels and making a beeline for the door.
She doesn't make it as far as the doorway due to Killian's hand reaching out and twirling her around, a nervous glint in his eye.
"Emma, please don't let this change anything between us. I wasn't thinking…" His tone is slightly pleading, but then he goes red in the cheeks. "I know you'll disagree, but that was…"
"A onetime thing." Emma sighs and shakes her head. "Killian, I...I just can't."
And with a harsh tug of her arm, she breaks free and quickly leaving the room, Killian is frozen to the spot and isn't quite sure what to do with himself as he watches Emma's retreating figure.
….
She was avoiding him, and Killian knows it.
During the day he never sees her. According to the other Gryffindor student Emma was spending most of her time by the fire in the common room and doing all her school work there. Killian only saw Emma during meal times. Their kiss had clearly set off alarm bells in her head and now all she did was avoid him, as she didn't want rumours starting about her around the school.
Killian didn't think it would affect him as much as it was. He felt sad that he and Emma weren't speaking and he knew why. Despite all the hate they had for one another during previous years, he likes her. He is attracted to that once annoying and still popular Gryffindor princess.
And in this moment as he sits by his own common room fire he knows there has always been attraction and he'd just convinced himself there wasn't and masked over his true feelings.
…
He'd been asking about her again.
Arthur, the other student who was staying during the holidays came back up to the tower that Friday evening and informs Emma that Killian is asking if she is okay, before disappearing up into his dormitory. Emma sighs and curls up more on the velvet armchair she is sitting beside the fire.
The times that she had seen him at meal times, her heart had fluttered. The kiss had shown her that there was an attraction between the two of them and that every time she thought about the way his lips caressed hers, a slight pink tinge becomes present on her cheeks. She likes him, but after Neal breaking her heart the idea of opening up to another relationship, especially one with a Slytherin was scary, and considering she and Killian had only recently this year started getting along, it seemed too soon to fall into his arms, even if part of her wanted to.
Emma is playing with a loose strand of her hair when there a tap come from her window. Curiously Emma peers over to see a Grand Eagle owl pecking at the window. Making sure the blanket is tightly wrapped around her Emma makes her way over to the window and opens it, allowing for the owl to drop the letter it is holding.
Emmais written on the outside of the parchment and she instantly recognizes the fancy writing as Killian's. The owl has already flown back out and Emma quickly shuts the window, stopping any further cold air from entering and returns to her little haven beside the fire.
Carefully Emma unfolds the note, not sure what she was going to see and is met with more of his curly writing, which is how magical blooded children are taught to write.
Emma,
I'm not sure whether you are going to read this or not, but here I am hoping you will. Before I start this is NOT a love letter, it's an apology.
I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong of me and I wasn't thinking straight. You kissed me back only because I took you by surprise. You'd just witnessed my greatest fear and more than likely felt sorry for me. I completely understand that it was wrong of me to force my feelings on you. I t was bad form, and I'm sorry.
I really hope that kiss doesn't come between the connection and bond we have formed since the start of the year. I'm happy to call you a friend, even though last year I would have gagged at the thought. Pleas at least talk to me. I'm sorry.
Killian
Emma sighs deeply and re-folds the piece of parchment. It is evident from his letter that Killian was blaming himself for the kiss and rightfully so as he had been the one to issue it without a so much of a warning.
Yeah, but you kissed him back. Emma reminds herself.
A big part of Emma agrees with him though. The last few weeks they had become really good friends and she didn't want to lose that either, but she wasn't sure if she was quite ready to face him and be friendly again. The kiss had awakened a sense of longing in her that she had buried since Neal had broken her heart and in that moment if Killian had been a fellow Gryffindor student, Emma knew she wouldn't have run.
He is a Slytherin, and they are cunning folk.
…
Emma is late for breakfast the next day. She hadn't gotten to sleep until the early hours of the morning and it was her owl, Henry that woke her as he tapped on the window carrying a rolled up piece of parchment. It had been a note from Mary Margaret saying that the Hogwarts Express had been delayed as the Muggle train-station was closed because of a fire that had broken out.
In a slightly grumpy mood Emma makes her way into the Great Hall and breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that Killian is nowhere in sight. Professor De Vil is scowling at the letter she is reading, and Professor Dragon appears to be very sleepy. De Vil glances up when Emma makes her way over and narrows her eyes.
"Miss Swan, can you please be a little more punctual. The House-Elves are trying to clean up the mess in the kitchens and are having to wait because you don't come to breakfast on time. Everyone else ate an hour ago."
Emma's cheeks tinge red slightly as De Vil scolds her for her tardiness.
"Sorry professor. I didn't sleep well. It was my owl that woke me."
De Vil shrugs. "There's a shop in Hogsmeade where you can buy a wizard alarm clock. Get one."
Emma eats her breakfast as quick as she can, the awkward tension with De Vil is making her feel uncomfortable and she wants to get out of there as quick as she can. Ten minutes later, she exits the Great Hall and is wondering where everyone is, when she walks straight into someone. They both lose their balance and topple to the floor the body underneath her giving a slight oof.
"Just my luck." Emma mutters as her forest green eyes meet Killian's cornflower blue ones.
His eyes are wide with surprise and Emma ignores the heat coming from his hand which rests on the small of her back, the other one around her waist as he had caught h , before she too fell onto the stone ground.
"Sorry." Emma mumbles, not breaking eye contact with him. "I wasn't paying attention."
"Neither was I." He replies.
Emma opens her mouth to respond when they are met with an angry male voice.
"Swan and Jones… my office now!" Hellar orders a shocked and angry expression across his features.
Emma is bright red in the face as she hastily scrambles off Killian getting to her feet.
"Sir, I tripped and I knocked into Killian and he lost his balance." Emma pleads not sure what to say.
And then Hellar breaks out in a rare grin.
"I know. I watched you. Anyway I need to see you both about the Quidditch match at the end of the month. The last few games between Slytherin and Gryffindor haven't been very friendly and as Captain's you both have to sign a contract, which is in my office so you don't break any more rules."
Killian chuckles behind Emma and she can't help the small grin which spreads across her face. Little does Hellar know that she and Killian have already called a truce for a nice clean game, but their teammates don't know this yet.
Emma and Killian follow Hellar up to his office. Things are quiet and Emma can feel the uneasiness in the air around them. Killian is walking a few metres behind and Emma knows what he is doing. Killian is giving her space until she decides to approach him.
Once in Hellar's office, Emma and Killian sit opposite the professor as he pulls out two rolls of parchment.
"You both just need to sign on the dotted line and you are to inform your teammates of these new rules. If any are broken there will be severe consequences." Hellar's tone is strict and for once he is talking to both of them and not just Emma.
I will not pull any illegal moves
I will not purposely interfere with a player that does not concern me
I will not kick up a fuss if I lose the game
I will not use foul language on the pitch
I will not throw my broomstick on the ground after a loss
I will not use a beater, if I am the seeker
I will not be rude to the referee
I will not purposely try to speak and put off my opponent, unless it's to do with the game
I will not threaten the safety of any players on pitch
I will not physically touch the opposing side
…
Ten minutes later the two of them are walking back down the Grand Staircase. There is still silence that sits around them and every so often Emma glances at Killian from the corner of her eye, only to see that he is looking at her too.
"I got your letter." Emma states as they both stop half way down the staircase. "Thank you for apologizing but it wasn't needed. I kissed you back so it's as much my fault then yours."
Killian sighs. "I just thought it would make things good between us again. I don't want us to go back to the silly fighting and petty comments all the time."
"We won't but I think we need a break away from one another. Clearly…" Emma indicates between them. "Something is here between us but you're a Slytherin and I am a Gryffindor. It's forbidden. For now I think we just need to be acquaintances and keep our distance when we're not doing our assignment or patrols. And a couple of weeks from now I promise everything will return to normal again."
Killian raises an eye-brow. "Are you trying to say you have feelings for me?"
Emma gulps down some air and she has a sudden sick feeling in her stomach and very slowly she nods. Killian's gaze softens and he looked relieved.
"I do, but Killian it…it can't happen. My friends will never accept you. They hate you and the same with your friends towards me. Plus we're in separate houses the biggest rivals if I might add, and we have a complicated history…" Emma stops when she realizes that she is spilling her heart.
Killian steps closer to her but he makes no move to touch her. "I have feelings for you too, Emma. If its space you want, then it's yours. I don't want to hurt you."
Emma gives him a sad smile. "You know you are actually a really good guy Killian, when you let down that bad boy and idiot armour you have."
Killian gives a very natural laugh. "And you are lovely when you let down your princess attitude."
And with that, Killian leaves her on the stairs respecting her request for space.
…
The students who had gone home for the holidays arrive back at Hogwarts the next day, all looking grumpy and tired. It had been very hard work for them all to get back onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters with so many Muggles around the station, who had all missed their trains because of the fire and Emma finds herself thanking the lucky stars that she hadn't gone home with Mary Margaret and David.
It appeared everyone had had a good break. Until Robin comes into the Gryffindor tower looking weary and frustrated. He sits down next to Graham beside the fireplace and Emma can tell instantly that something is very wrong.
"Robin…" Mary Margaret begins in a soft voice.
"Marian and I broke up." Robin mutters jumping straight to the point.
The entire group gasps… no one having predicted this news.
"I'm so sorry to hear that." Ruby says in a comforting voice. "What happened? I always thought you and Marian were pretty solid."
Robin shakes his head. "Just wasn't working out."
Emma doesn't comment but she can see there is more to the story and to distract herself she turns to Mary Margaret and tanks her for her Christmas present.
…
The next day starts off the strangest a day had ever done for Emma. She had been walking to the girl's bathroom on the second floor when Regina fell in line with her.
"What's going on between you and Killian?" Regina asks not even saying hello.
"Nothing." Emma answers shortly.
"Don't bullshit me, lion." Regina says in a stern tone. "Ever since we got back Killian hasn't been himself. The entire house has noticed it. What did you do to him?"
"He kissed me." Emma blurts out. "It's no big deal. We agreed to keep distance for a while and let things cool off."
Regina clearly finds the situation amusing as she lets out a hollow laugh.
"Are you scared that his feelings he is claiming for you are not real?" Regina asks as Emma enters the bathroom, before proceeding to follow her in.
Emma rolls her eyes.
"Just so you know…" Regina says in a more serious tone. "He does really like you. I never saw him look at Milah the way he does with you. He completely lights up…"
Emma spins around to face Regina and narrows her eyes. "Just like Robin does with you, hey?"
Regina's expression turns panicky and she loses cool macho act. Emma can see the insecurity behind the brunette's eyes.
"You're the reason Robin called things off with Marian, aren't you?" Emma asks, folding her arms across her chest.
Regina rocks back and forth on her feet before sighing. "Yes. Robin and I… We just clicked. He'd been telling me that he and Marian weren't getting on as well as they used to and that he was considering calling things off, and then we uh, you know, fell for one another."
Emma chuckles quietly. "You don't have to panic around me. I'm not going to say anything but I will warn you, if Mary Margaret or Marian gets wind of it you will find yourself on the receiving end of a killing curse more than likely. Now if you'll excuse me I really need to use the toilet."
…
The rest of the day passes in a blur for Emma. Killian hadn't been in lessons today as he and the Slytherin Quidditch team had been granted permission to practice to train their new keeper, as Regina had dropped out at the last moment. Apparently Cora didn't want her favourite girl to get injured in the match with Gryffindor. It only hit Emma as she was walking to the pitch that evening for Gryffindor practice that Regina had been with her in the castle earlier and not on the pitch.
Emma is walking beside Robin who is looking a bit better than he did the night before. The rest of the team are already up on their brooms practicing their moves.
"Why didn't you tell me about Regina?" Emma asks.
Robin freezes slightly before chuckling. "I can't get anything past you, can I?"
"Nope." Emma pops the P. "Hey there's nothing to be ashamed off. You developed feelings for her. You don't have to pretend otherwise."
"Well maybe you should listen to your own advice with Jones." Robin smirks. "Come on, Emma. You didn't really think I was so stupid that I wouldn't catch on. I've seen you two growing closer and I knew it was only a matter of time before feelings where developed. Tell me, has anything happened yet?"
Emma sighs. "He faced his boggart at Christmas and then we kissed but I'm not ready for that so I asked for space, and he's giving that to me."
Robin smiles at her. "So he's being a gentleman then?"
"He's always a gentleman or so he claims." Emma laughs and mounts her broom. "Anyway enough of our Slytherin romance dramas; we need to focus on kicking their ass instead."
And Emma lifts into the air followed closely by Robin.
…
Killian is in a bad mood that night.
He had retired to his dormitory early, and had spent the entire evening lying between the green silk sheets staring at the black ceiling. He'd seen Emma from a distance a couple of times that day and each time he looked at her he felt his heart pang. He couldn't believe at the age of sixteen he was experiencing feelings like this and he wondered if he and Emma ever did work out, what they would be like in a couple of years from now. And very slowly with those thoughts he fell into an early and uneasy sleep.
In the common room Tamara and Greg are the only ones there. The other Slytherin's are still at the Great Hall as there was a live band from Hogsmeade playing for entertainment as a treat.
"Something's wrong with him." Tamara mumbles. "First he calls off his bet with us about breaking Emma's heart and then he still gets friendly with her even though there is no reward…"
"He likes her." Greg mutters, ignoring Tamara's scandalized expression. "What? It's so bloody obvious."
Tamara makes a gagging sound. "He can't be that stupid. He knows that it's forbidden to be with a Gryffindor. It's been tradition for hundreds of years. Slytherin and Gryffindor are enemies and we shouldn't be friends with the other house."
Greg shrugs. "I say we let him go head first into his feelings with her. He'll have his heartbroken and then he'll learn his lesson."
Tamara sighs. "I hope you're right Greg."
And a couple of metres away unknown to both, a lone figure shrinks back into the shadows having heard every word.