10-Christian
The whole walk to the Academy that morning seemed empty. I remember thinking about Tara all the way, but I couldn't focus on one single thought. More and more of them kept coming to my mind, and they always seemed worst than the one before.
I could imagine getting there and seeing Tara and Ben together, worst, I could see them kissing, I tried to shake those out of my head, but they would be replaced by something worst.
I had wake up earlier that morning, I would try to wait for Tara and hopefully go with her to the class, but when I woke up I saw Grace, and she said Tara was gone. Ben wasn't there either, that wasn't good.
When I finally got to the Academy there were few people there, I made my way towards our classroom and as I got closer I could hear voices, Tara's laughter was an amazing sound to hear, but when I got to the door and discovered the reason I got really disappointed.
Ben was lifting her around and she couldn't stop smiling. I knocked the door and they both looked at me and Tara instantly got serious, Ben continued smiling and put his arm around her. He was seriously trying to piss me off, and he was succeeding.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. – I said staring at Ben.
- Don't worry Bro, join us, we are just warming up.
- I could tell Ben – I said looking at Tara now, she was looking at her feet.
For a moment I wanted to go away, just to see Tara like that, I mean, she couldn't look at me, she couldn't smile around me, but I knew she had to face it, we had to.
- I might actually accept your invitation, as I'm already here… Let's warm up.
I walked towards the bar. Ben stood next to me and Tara on his side. It was not helping at all; I had to talk to her. I should wait until he was working out, stick to Kat's plan, but I just wanted to find a way to take him away.
- Ben I almost forgot! Kat told me that your mom called Miss. Raine, she needs to talk to you, it is an urgency!
- Are you serious bro?
- Of course I'm serious bro! You should go find her! Quick!
- Ben, I think you should stay – Tara said touching his arm – Miss. Raine is probably not in her office right now.
She glanced at me, but quickly turned away. I smiled, it was a glance but still… She at least looked at me.
- So Ben. What will you do? I mean I might have taken the wrong message, you know. But I think you should be sure.
- You're right. See you guys later!
He ran out of the room, leaving his bag there.
Tara kept looking to the mirror; I looked at her through it. She glanced at me for a while, she was staring at me like saying "stop looking at me like that", I smiled at her but she didn't smile back.
- So… Are you excited? – I asked her trying to break the tension.
- About… - She said focusing on anything but me.
- Come on, today is the big day Training Bra!
She was trying not to smile I could tell it by the funny face she did, trying to control herself.
- Training Bra, is that I smile what I see?
- No.
- Yes it is! Come on, you should smile; today is one big happy day for you.
- It was being such a great day… Until…
She didn't finish the statement, but it was pretty clear.
- Say it! – I told her, turning to look at her.
Surprisingly she stopped her exercising and turned to face me. She even got closer and took a deep breath before she said anything.
- What do you want me to say? I think everything we had to tell each other have already been said.
- I don't think so. I think there are much more things you want to tell me. Good or bad Tara, if telling me what you feel is going to help, I want to know.
She stared at me, not angry, not hurt, she just seemed surprised. She was not smiling, but her face didn't seem sad either, she was just tired; Tara seemed sick of that topic.
- You want to know my feelings about this. I felt betrayed, stupid and used. I felt lonely, sad, and broke, like I would never recover from that. I felt terrible when I was at home and everybody was calling me, but I was so hurt and so mad at the world that I didn't want to talk to anyone. Anyone… But you. I was waiting for you to call.
- But I called, and you didn't answer.
- When you called me – She looked down – I was feeling different. I was with Ben that day; he gave me strength and trusted me, made me trust myself too. He made me believe I could go through this, without anyone, made me believe I was strong enough.
For a moment both of us stand there, silent. Tara sat down, and I did the same taking a sit next to her on the floor.
- Thinking about you and Kat – she said – Kills me. To see you guys together, is just… - She started to sob shyly, and then I realized she was crying – So frustrating. I trusted you, I trusted her… All I wish right now is to be okay with you guys again. I just miss both of you so bad.
She couldn't control the tears anymore. Tara had a break down right in front of me. I came closer to her trying to hold her but she pushed me away.
- I thought you said you missed me Tara.
- I do.
- So why you keep pushing me away from you?
- Because… Because I couldn't help but falling for you before. – She brought her head up and looked me in the eyes, still filled with tears - I tried but couldn't avoid it. And I know the same thing would happen now. We are not good for each other. We have been through a lot, and I can't just forget it, I can't ignore it. I would love to say we should stay friends, but I don't think we should talk at all. I miss you Christian, you have no idea, how bad I do, but things should go on this way, I don't want this to get worst.
Tara stood up and walked out of the classroom. After all she had told me I just couldn't let she slip through my fingers, so I followed her.