Remember Me
Disclaimer: Divergent and its characters do not belong to me. Characters and some ideas are based off that series.
Rated M for language, sexual content, depictions of abuse, etc.
THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CONTENT OF A SEXUAL NATURE. Please read only if you're of an appropriate age.
Chapter Ten
When my phone starts to ring, the last person I expect it to be is Tris, but that only thrills me more. If I'm going to lose sleep for anyone, I'm happy it's her.
Her voice sounds different on the phone. It's low and a little raspy. I can practically see her lying in bed, with her sleepy eyes and bedhead as I hear her ask, "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"I haven't even gone to bed yet. I had this feeling I should stay up, and now it turns out I know what I was waiting for."
Her giggle is soft on the other end of the line, but it's loud enough for me to enjoy. Her laughter is always so melodic. She is a song all on her own. "Was it worth waiting for?"
"Definitely. Talking to you has become one of my favorite things."
"Hm, is that so?"
"Yep." If she were here, I'm certain she'd be blushing. I love that… maybe a little too much. "I'd have said it's my favorite, but kissing you has become my new favorite thing."
She's laughing shyly again. A warm, antsy feeling settles into my gut. All I seem to be able to think about in this moment is her… the feeling of her lips molded to mine, her hands on me and tangled in my hair, her warmth under my own fingertips, her soft, sweet smelling skin…
"Mine too," I hear her say softly, like it's a secret for my ears only. "That's why I couldn't sleep," she admits. "All I can think about is what it'd be like to kiss you again, without interruption…"
Her voice trails off, but my attention is sharp, honed in on her words. I can't help thinking about the prospect…
"Does that bother you? I can stop if you want…" My heart starts to race as my mind starts to wander, thinking about what she's implying. She's daydreaming… about kissing me?!
"I absolutely do not mind. Of course I'd prefer to actually be kissing you right now, but seeing as you're tucked in bed miles away, I guess I'll have to settle..."
I revisit the mental image of her in bed, though this time, it's not quite as innocent. I wonder what she wears to bed… or what she doesn't wear?
"What if you didn't have to settle?" Her voice is light and teasing, and goddamn does it do things to me. Now, all I can think about is how much I want her close to me. I want to be close enough to figure out whatever the hell it is she wears as perfume, so I can know why she always smells so good. I want to be able to hold onto her by her hips, so that she can ease into my kiss.
"I'd be on cloud nine if you were here right now," I tell her, forcing myself to focus.
"Well, then you should see who's at your doorstep. It's a bit cold out here."
I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my entire life, flying out of the bedroom, down hallways and the staircase until I've got the door open. It's as exciting as Christmas morning when I open that door to find Tris waiting, her smile illuminating her face. She's wearing her long, red jacket, but it's wrapped tightly around her, so I can't see what else she's wearing.
It's hard to say how long I stand there, staring at her before she giggles and asks, "Could I come in?"
I step aside to allow her to come inside. As she passes me, I can smell whatever it is she wears as perfume and the mystery sends my head spinning. Keep it together, Tobias. Once the door is shut and locked once again, I turn to see her watching me. Her eyes are bright, practically aflame with excitement. That look… is going to be the death of me.
She takes a step closer to me, her eyes never leaving mine. We share a long moment in each other's eyes before a wave of uncertainty crosses them. She bites her bottom lip, second guessing the effect she's having on me.
"Sorry… there's just not words for this." My eyes wander her body. Despite it being so cold out, she's not wearing pants or anything to protect her from the cold. She already seems to have kicked off her shoes, leaving her adorably barefoot. Her fingers find the tie of her jacket, though her eyes stay on mine. "Do you mind if I take this off? It's a lot warmer in here than I expected."
All I can do is watch her fingers move, watch her eyes flash teasingly a she works through the knot, watch as she slowly slips the garment off her shoulders. She's left in a tight fitting black dress that begs for my attention. The fabric clings to every contour of her body, and my eyes seem drawn to every curve and valley. The neckline is low, exposing her raven tattoos and more of her chest than I have ever seen. A hint of black lace from her bra or maybe a camisole peeks out of the the top. Something about it makes the skin above it look so enticing.
"Like what you see?" she asks softly, looking up at me through her lashes. The effect of her look shoots straight down the center of my body like white hot electricity, tensing up every bit of me. Holy shit…
My heart rate might as well have quadrupled, the way it's struggling in my chest. I hadn't realized I was staring so intently at her until she mentioned it, but now that I've seen her, looking away is the last thing on my mind.
My lack of ability to reply must be answer enough for her, because she responds with the sexiest smirk as she turns away from me and begins going upstairs. The dress hugs her hips and her backside so perfectly, leaving very little to the imagination. Her hips sway in such a tempting way, luring me in and baiting me to follow. I can't move, though, for I'm rooted to the spot as I watch her ascend. Her dress only goes so far down her thighs already, but each step sends the fabric even higher and higher, exposing inch after inch of her soft, creamy skin.
About halfway up, she turns and looks down at me, her eyes bright with excitement and anticipation. This can't be real… but holy shit! Sign me up for more of this! "Are you coming, handsome?"
"Not yet," I reply smugly, not giving a shit about how forward that may have sounded to her.
She just laughs, biting her lip to tease me further as she continues to climb the stairs. Only when she's reached the top do my feet cooperate, racing after her in a frenzy.
By the time I catch up to her, she's already inside the guest bedroom, facing away from me. I watch her pull her hair over her left shoulder slowly, or maybe everything has just slowed down as she exposes the back of her slender neck and the top of her back. My eyes stay focused on her as she reaches back for the zipper, only for her fingers to just miss the mark.
She turns, just enough to face me, her bottom lip caught nervously. The question swims in her eyes, but I think a bit of nervousness has won her over suddenly.
With a tentative step forward, I nod my head a little; an offer. She returns it with a smile, turning back around; an answer. I don't think, just follow the command she's given. I only hesitate for a second before I slowly start to unzip her dress. It follows the entire length of her spine, exposing the flawless expanse of skin that I want to ravish. Patience, Tobias. One step at a time. Slowly, I pull it down, down, down, until it stops right at the hint of even more black lace underneath her dress.
She's wearing… lace panties. Oh, God…
Excitement courses through me as she steps forwards and drops the useless fabric to the floor, leaving her in only her bra and panties. Damn. My eyes have a fucking field day, taking in every glorious inch of her I can see. Even though she's facing away from me, the view is still exhilarating. There is something about the way the lace veils her that is so sexy, like she's a present I get to unwrap. This really is like Christmas morning. I can't wait to get my hands on her…
Then she turns around, and I'm frozen in pure amazement. She's not necessarily voluptuous, but she is nothing short of exquisite. Through the shape of the lace, I know that when I touch her, when I move my hands over her, she will fill my grasp as if intentionally designed. I know she will be soft and warm, and that the connection will set us ablaze with something neither of us will be able to contain.
"It's your turn," she says, pulling my eyes back to hers. She's watching me intently, like she's determined not to miss a moment.
I've never undressed with someone watching me before, but if I could watch her undress and find it sexy, maybe there might be something to it? Just follow her lead, Tobias. I start by kicking off my shoes, keeping my eyes plastered to hers. Then I pull off my shirt, making sure our eye contact holds for as much of it as possible. I throw it clear across the room, which makes her giggle, though the sound dies out fast enough as her eyes rack up and down my abdomen and chest.
She breaks into a satisfied smile, her eyes darkening the longer she looks at me. After a minute, she steps forward, close enough that I could touch her, but my brain doesn't seem to have enough blood flow anymore to initiate the movement. Her eyes dart down briefly, before meeting mine. "Let's get you more comfortable," she suggests, and then I feel her hands on the button of my jeans, slowly unbuttoning them. She keeps her eyes locked with mine as I feel her slowly drag the zipper down, relieving a significant amount of pressure.
"Is that better?" she asks me as the feel of her fingertips ghost back up the way they had gone down, continuing up to my navel before descending back down again. Not anymore. Because she's a fucking mind reader, she cocks her head to the side, reading my grimace as one of discomfort. Her eyes are full of determination when she smiles at me.
A shuddering breath escapes my chest as I feel her pull my jeans down all the way to my ankles, relieving even more pressure. Only, I don't find relief. I never knew you could hunger for a person so much, to need someone's closeness, but with the pull I feel towards her, it's hard to deny, now. I want to smell the sweetness of her skin, taste her lips as I accost her with kisses, hear every dynamic of sound she creates, feel every inch of warmth that she possesses, see every response to what she's experiencing…
The feeling of her hand on me rips an agonized groan from my throat, even if it's over the fabric of my boxer briefs. My eyes fall closed as the feeling of her and my pulse seem to take over. The throbbing rhythm is insistent, like being at a party with music cranked so high, the bass shakes you. It reverberates through my bones and my brain and every nerve, never ceasing because her movements never cease.
I can feel myself twitch as she stops herself, and our eyes meet again. Her face is flushed, her eyes ablaze with need. Her fingers trace the waistband of my briefs, pouting her lip ever so slightly as if the obstruction is her own personal kryptonite. As her fingers return to just below my navel, she snaps the elastic playfully, looking into my eyes for permission.
Without thinking, I decide to throw caution to the wind, pulling the last scrap of clothing off. A part of me knows I should be nervous about what she might think of me, nervous about being so exposed, nervous about what we're about to do… but this is Tris. She doesn't scare me one bit.
She puts all anxieties to rest when she looks down at me. Her expression is one of awe, and something reminiscent of excitement, though that does little justice to what it expresses to me. I've never been gazed at like this before, and judging by her expression, there's nothing disappointing in her eyes. If she's happy, I'm happy.
Happy is a laughable word in the grand scheme of things; in comparison to the words I could use to describe how she makes me feel. I figured out pretty fast that I wanted her, but this is something more than just the physical drive. It's about Tris. I want her.
She is a force that controls every part of me. She is the component that has wriggled itself to every crevice of my existence, and it feels right. Everything feels right when she's a part of it.
And now I get to show her.
Now that there's nothing left to remove from my body, all that's left is her bra and panties. God, she's exquisite. I could marvel at her all day… but there are so many things I'd rather do instead.
My right hand meets her hip and slowly travels up her side, over her ribs, my thumb just brushing the side of her breast, albeit through the lacey bra. It journeys up, over her neck, before sliding back into her hair, clinging to the silky locks like a lifeline as I draw her mouth to mine.
The anticipation explodes in my gut as our lips finally meet, and I don't hesitate for an instance as I immediately plunder her mouth. I've never kissed her like this before, but she sighs into it approvingly, eagerly reciprocating. She tastes sweet, like oranges, smells like something flowery. What is it? Fuck… I'll figure that out later.
My other hand joins the mix, smoothing over her hip and back over the small of her back. I pull her in close to me, leaving nothing but her last two garments to separate us. Her skin is so soft, so warm, my fingertips tingle as they move against her, eager for every new inch of unexplored territory. I want to map every hill and valley, travel the lines of her shape, discover every wonder she contains.
One of her hands mirrors my own in grabbing hold of my hair while the other smooths over my abs, my chest, over my shoulder, up and down my back. The touch has me reeling, hyper aware of her flesh pebbling with goosebumps.
More…
My hand travels up from her lower back until I feel the clasps of her bra. It takes a few attempts, seeing as I've never done this before, let alone one handed, but sure enough, I feel the garment slacken around her. Without breaking the kiss, I help her out of it, throwing it blindly behind me. My hands find her hips again, slowly smoothing up her back as my lips follow her jawline, venturing down her neck.
She sighs loudly and it spurs a need to look at her; to see her. My lips travel over her collarbone and down the center of her body, ghosting over the valley between her breasts, down the line of her abdomen, only hesitating once my lips find the top of her lace panties.
"May I?" I ask, my fingers playing with the waistline a little. My eyes look up to her face to find her biting the shit out of her lip. She must have been in a serious daze, because those blues are glazed over and her breathing is heavy.
"Please," she whispers. Did she just-
A godawful wailing drills through my head, effectively pulling the plug on my dream. As the wailing persists, every feeling of bliss and need is pushed out of mind as aches and pains replace them slowly, crashing over me in waves. I feel helpless against the insistence of the motion, and it only feeds the throbbing headache that commands attention. No groaning protest of mine subdues the confusion, the sound, the pain, so with everything I have in this moment, I manage to pull myself into a seated position.
My eyelids are heavy, anchors clinging to the peace of blissful ignorance. Were you just passed out on the floor? It's almost hard to know I've opened my eyes, seeing as it's still so dark out. The only tell is the faint glow from the nightstand, where my phone lays. Is that an alarm? What time is it?
My hands press into the hardwood floor, a poor attempt at grounding myself in the moment. Goddamnit, Tobias, you did pass out on the floor. Somewhere in the night, I ended up in front of the bedroom door. There's the distinct scent of sick lingering among the scent of what I can only guess is me. I get up off the floor and gingerly and make my way to the bedside table to turn off the alarm that's still blaring.
The bright light is blaring, as good as burning holes into my retinas as I try to read the time. It's 4:36 a.m. Why am I awake?
My vision is still pretty hazy, but not as much as my head seems to be. Carefully, I slowly make my way down the hall to the linen closet to get some towels and cleaner to clean up the vomit, which takes torturously long considering I can't help but gag.
Once the floor is cleaned up, I decide to take a cold shower. I turn the water up as low as my body will tolerate, willing it to clear my mind as much as it wakes me up and cleanses me.
My hands are starting to prune before I give up trying to remember anything that's happened since leaving Tris' house yesterday. The moment I step out of the shower, I resolve myself to give up trying to remember, in hopes that it'll just come back to me after I've woken up a bit all on it own.
I move slowly, like I had getting ready yesterday, but this time it's from the effects of restless sleep, sleeping on a hard floor, and excessive vomiting. It's nearly six before I even start heading for the kitchen in search of coffee…
...only to be reminded that Marcus never drank coffee. This is going to be a long day.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket, and I'm happy to see a text from Tris. I'm a little surprised she's up so early, seeing as she didn't get a chance to sleep much yesterday morning, but I'm definitely not complaining. In fact, just seeing her picture has my heart racing excitedly.
Tris: All the bridesmaids and groomsmen are meeting for breakfast before the fitting. Did you want to join?
Tobias: It depends…
Even though I'm grinning to myself, I know I'm pushing it, I'm sure of it, but I can't resist teasing her a little. I'm fighting back a seriously restless feeling that I can't name.
Tris: ...on?
I can't fight back my smirk.
Tobias: Never said I'd tell you.
Tris: But you will.
Tobias: Hmmm, is that so?
Tris: Yep.
Tobias: Are you implying I can't resist you or something?
If I hadn't already kissed her, I'd be a mess waiting for her response, but considering how I practically jumped her yesterday, I think I'll be in the clear. When I read her response, it turns out she was thinking something along the same lines.
Tris: If I remember correctly, you more than implied that yesterday afternoon in my dining room.
Tobias: You remember correctly.
My cheeks are warm, thinking about her lips, her hands on my chest, the one smoothing over my skin and grasping at my hair… I need a distraction before I embarrass myself.
Tobias: What's the story with the breakfast?
Tris: See? Told you I'd get you to talk.
Tobias: Hey, didn't admit or agree to anything yet.
Tris: We'll see.
I can't hold back a laugh at her response.
Tobias: So, this breakfast…
Pitch gives a loud hiss as I see him walk into the kitchen, his orange eyes fixed on me expectantly. "Oh, you're assuming there's more chicken?" He meows in response, which amuses the hell out of me. "You would be correct," I tell him, as if he's been talking to me.
I fix him another bowl of shredded chicken while I wait for Tris' answer, watching him devour it happily. I don't think he eats as regularly as he ought to, but still enough to keep him going. Fresh meat, though, is probably something he rarely gets, if ever.
By the time the text comes, I've already got his dish cleaned and put away and the counters cleaned from last night's mess. Though I may be pushing the boundaries I was raised with, I'm nearly compulsive in my own routines of cleanliness.
Tris: Most of us have yet to meet everyone. Even I haven't met all the bridesmaids yet. There's eighteen of us, including my brother, his fiancee, and the two of us. The girl hosting it just wants everyone to "build rapport."
Tobias: Like… socialize? Be personable? Make friends? You realize you're talking to me, right?
Tris: Oh, hush. You didn't seem to have a problem yesterday or the night before that.
Tobias: That's because I was with you.
She doesn't answer right away, leaving me to my thoughts. Only as I look around do they turn sour, with memories surfacing from my childhood. Flashes of my life with Marcus anchor me in a familiar way as the memories roll like a home movie...
… memories of Marcus threatening to put my hand on hot burners of the stove whenever I did something he considered selfish, of Marcus grabbing the nearest utensil to slap the back of my hands if I didn't do something his way, of the times Marcus forced me to kneel on rice for upwards of an hour if I went against a direct order…
An incoming text pulls me out of remembering my history, the past that can't seem to let go of me. Or maybe I can't let go. Either way-
Tris: I'll be with you today.
Tobias: I mean I was just with you. Now I have to share.
Tris: I'm pretty sure there won't be much competition for my attention, so I think you'll be just fine.
Tobias: As much as I wish that were true, I think you highly underestimate what people see in you.
Tris: But you already knew that.
Tobias: That I did… So, that leaves me to wonder…
Something inside me presses to leave her hanging. If I had to guess, it's the part of me that's been heavily influenced by the many years of knowing Zeke. I don't quite understand the root reasoning for doing this until I get her almost immediate text back.
Tris: Wonder..?
It suddenly occurs to me that our quick back and forth means I have her complete attention. I wonder what she's doing right now… It's so early in the morning. Maybe she's still in bed?
The mental image of Tris bundled up in soft bedding that smells faintly of her, messy hair, wearing God knows what…
Redirect.
Tobias: Well, I already know you're, what did Lynn say, a beautiful genius philanthropist? Not to mention stubborn, feisty, per-cep-tive… but I'm curious to see what other surprises there are when it comes to you. Will I get to see any more today?
She doesn't respond for a long time. Like, so long my heart has doubled in speed out of sheer anxiety.
Tris: It depends…
Tobias: ...on?
Tris: Whether or not there will really be bottomless mimosas.
I bust out laughing. God, I could love this girl.
Whoa there, Tobias. Take it down a notch or twelve.
Tobias: Forget mimosas. Will there be coffee?
Tris: Ha! I knew you'd tell me. And yes, there will be coffee. Not sure if it will be as good as the stuff my dad gets, but it won't be like… instant coffee.
Tobias: That would be a deal breaker.
I can practically hear her musical laughter, and I can't help but wonder what her laughter would sound like in this house, echoing off the walls and tile floors, warming the drafty rooms. I wonder if something as beautiful as her joy could exist in a place of horror and make it something more.
Tris: Especially with being up at this hour.
Tobias: Tell me about it. Why are you up so early? Surely wedding stuff could wait.
Tris: Nothing wedding related. Woke up around 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep.
Something thrilling shoots through me, bright and insistent in my gut. The grin that accompanies only heightens the feeling. My head is still hazy and I can't be sure what I'm feeling, other than it being good.
Tobias: I had an alarm that woke me up, but I can't remember what the alarm was waking me for, so now I'm just up.
Tris: Aw, well, can't help ya there, Four. Last I heard, you had a date with some paperwork.
It hits like a freight train, effectively knocking my center of gravity. Flashes of the night before hit me, of sitting in front of the roaring fire, the endless stack of paperwork, getting hit with exhaustion, and then…
A pair of big eyes flash in my mind, as quick as a camera's shutter, but I know they belong to the little girl. Her screams echo in my mind as if she were beside me again. I can practically still feel her small hands on my face, trying to keep me calm.
Then I remember… remember her small form, nothing but a heap on the floor, her limbs as limp as a rag doll's. The red of her blood vividly stains my vision, tainting the world around me.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, a small voice tells me I didn't actually do anything. There wasn't really a little girl, no woman that I shot, no Mr. Vega pressing a gun to the head of a toddler… All of it was nothing more than a nightmare, a hallucination, some sick combination of the two. While no blood actually coats my hands, I'm reminded of a lesson drilled into me for as long as I can remember...
His fingers dig into the sides of my neck, sending a sharp tingling down my spine and extremities. The more I wince, the harder he squeezes, pushing me forward until we reach the room he wants.
It's supposed to be a bedroom, but all that's inside is a full length mirror, a dresser, and wooden chair. I know what he's going to do, know it like I know the back of my hand, but I can't give in, I can't.
"Do I need to give you an extra lesson, Tobias?" he growls, pushing me forward by the grip on my neck until he lets me slip out of his grasp. It's not a reprieve; it's ritual. I do as I know, because the alternative just doesn't seem worth it.
As I pull off my shirt and grip the back of the chair, I hear him take off his belt and take heavy footsteps to go stand behind me.
"Look at me," he demands, his voice cold and apathetic.
My eyes meet his in the reflection of the mirror, so much like my own. I wish it provided me comfort, but all it seems to do is make me feel like he might be right when he says he's doing what's best for me.
"You are an Eaton, and you will meet the potential I have designed for you, Tobias. There is nothing more important that living up to your name. You have to earn this blood you possess, boy." He coils one end of the belt around his hand, so that his grip will not falter. "Drop for drop." And with that, he lashes out.
Every beat of my heart slams against my chest, drumming against my eardrums, drowning out memory after memory that accost me; memories of Marcus' beatings and conditioning, his cruelty, the life he made for me, all drowning out reason and safety and hope and everything good…
My phone starts to ring from on top of the counter, silencing everything outside of it for a hollow second. Glancing down, I can see the radiant smile that belongs to Tris. It simultaneously calms me and fills me with panic. She has already found ways to comfort me before, so that's the association I have. The panic, however, stems out of a fear of myself.
I intend to let it ring, to let it go to voicemail, but then an image of her with her lip trapped between her teeth, her phone held to her ear as she waits for me to answer comes to mind. I imagine the look on her face if I don't answer would be one of disappointment, her eyes dimming as she hears it go to voicemail. The image makes my chest ache. I can't…
"Hello?" My voice is scratchy, raw like I'd been screaming.
"Tobias?" Her voice sounds high-pitched, like she's worked up.
"Yeah?" I don't want her to hear the torment in my voice, the horrors playing in my head, the war that's raging within, but I'm not sure anymore if I can hide things from her.
I hear her let out a sigh of relief. "Hey," she says, her voice returning to her usual tone. "Sorry, I just, after all the texts I sent and no response, I just, I don't know, I-"
"Texts? I only got the one, and I just got distracted, was just about to reply."
I'm met with a tense silence that spans several seconds before she slowly says, "Oh… Uh, I… Did…" Her voice wavers slightly, so subtle I almost miss it. "Did you get the address?"
My stomach flips uncomfortably. "What address?"
Another silence. "I… I texted you the address. For the fittings. Everyone is getting together in a few minutes, but you could still make it in time for breakfast, if you want."
"I thought that wasn't for a few hours?"
Again with the silence, the longest yet, and when she speaks, her words are slow and measured. "Everyone is almost here." My head throbs painfully as I wrack my brain. I thought this started at nine? "Marlene decided to meet a half hour early before breakfast, to get acquainted."
"Oh… I just remember you saying nine," I get out.
"Tobias, where are you?" she asks, her voice wavering.
If she had started with this question, I'd have thought nothing of it, but seeing as she's asking now, I know better. "Tris, what's going on?"
She sighs, defeated. "I was trying to figure that out. You never texted me back from earlier, or any of the other texts, for that matter. I thought maybe I had said something or-"
"What?" I'm so confused, my head could explode. "Wait, just give me a minute, okay?" I hear her murmur a response before I pull my phone away to go into my messages. It's only then that I see the time.
7:57
My heart hammers against my chest as I discover several messages she had sent. Swearing under my breath, I return to the phone call. "The texts are there, I just missed them," I say vaguely.
"Are you okay?" she asks tentatively.
"I'll be okay. I'm on my way out the door, now," I say.
She hesitates to answer, but does with a simple, "Okay. Drive safely." She hangs up before I can even acknowledge it.
I swear again, frustrated with myself and whatever is happening right now. This isn't the first time I've lost track of time, lost in memories, but usually I can figure it out on my own. Not to mention my overall demeanor was hostile towards Tris, and she hardly deserves that. Sometimes, I don't know how to rain it in, but it doesn't excuse it a bit.
This just goes to show how much of an Eaton I am…
I grab the folder of paperwork and stuff it in a briefcase that has some other documents of my own, and hurry out to the car, plug in the address Tris sent me into my GPS and start toward a house in Wicker Park. It's only about a twenty minute drive, which means I'll at least be on time for breakfast, though my stomach is so rocky, I'm not sure I have any interest in food.
I'm plagued by flashes of the nightmare from last night and of my past, all twisting and tangling together. Marcus raised me in a cruel, callous way in hopes I'd become like him. He had said it worked for him and his father, and that he would do whatever it took to ensure it worked for me.
There's no denying I was influenced by it. I have learned to put trust in no one, to focus on self preservation, to default to anger. I'm sure it's more blatant to others, but I know by the way people act around me that I'm cut from the same cloth. Even though I've not hurt anyone yet, doesn't mean I won't.
As my thoughts drift to Tris, I'm plagued with the idea of revealing that darkness to her, let alone it raining down on her. If I ever hurt her, I'd never forgive myself. Not only would I have become the monster I've worked so hard to destroy, and hurt the person I care about most in the process.
What if I can't promise myself I won't hurt her? What if I am like Marcus? What if getting closer to Tris puts her in danger?
I don't know...
Am I willing to chance it?
Not a chance… unless… she wants to…
I guess, at this point, it's up to her. We will just have to see…
AN: Ah, Tobias. His own worst enemy sometimes... What do you all think he's going to decide? And what about Tris? What do you think is going through her head? We shall see... as well as meet all the bridesmaids and groomsmen, Caleb... so much fun to come! And I hope you all enjoyed the last minute addition of that dream. You can thank CP and MJ for encouraging me to write it, as well as editing it and work shopping it with me. You can also thank BK2U for the demand as well.
And on that note, again, you all are amazing. These reviews are just the best. I won't lie, the one I got this morning that said "I'm just gonna say wow. Like wow." has me laughing nervously like a hyena, but I love it. Y'all keep me on my toes, pushing me to work hard and make this story better. I'm so honored that many of you leave reviews on almost every chapter, offering your thoughts and feedback. It means so much to me.
I have reached the most hectic season of my life, so I'm most likely only going to be able to update once a week for a little while. If I can post more, I will. Thank you all for your patience and encouragement! Stay awesome!
-Willow