x x J x x Chapter 10, a torchwood fanfic

x x J x x

Chapter Ten

Regrets, I've Had A Few!

With Jacks words and laughter still ringing in his ears Ianto set a brisk pace for home. The events of the last two days had left him exhausted and now the pull of his bed and a desire to daydream about the American as he drifted off determined his quickening stride.

Unable to focus on anything else he'd been replaying images of the entire evening in his head; Jack talking through mouthfuls of food, Jack looking adorable as he struggled to decide on the menu, Jack whistling to get the attention of the waiter, Jack getting emotional over a past romance ….

He did, at one point, consider that he might be becoming just slightly obsessive about somebody called Jack and in an effort to convince himself otherwise, for a very brief ten seconds, he managed to not think of him at all.

Despite the success of the evening and their obvious attraction to each other the intensity of his own enthusiasm was becoming something of a concern to him. This feeling, this knot of pure happiness that was practically taking over his whole being was something he'd never experienced before. He couldn't explain why he was feeling this way and it frightened him … no …. it terrified him.

When it came to primal urges and debauched desires … fine, these he had no problem with. But this? This giddy euphoria that had him grinning inanely like some loved up teenager? This was just silly …. he was being silly.

He needed to get a grip on reality and face the fact that no matter how well the evening had gone or how perfectly they had clicked, after tomorrow, he was never going to see him again.

Another image of Jack flashed before his eyes and he blinked, annoyed. This just wasn't him. He didn't do this excited, obsessive shit. There had to be a rational explanation for his irrational behaviour.

Well, whatever the reason, it was doing a grand job of eluding him. In fact the only thing he did know for certain was that he couldn't wait for the following evening ….. and that was something else that leaving him feeling terrified.

By the time he was half way home he'd practically re- enacted the entire evening in his head and realised that, aside from his teenage years with Ellie, he couldn't remember a time when he'd laughed so much or felt so at ease in the presence of another person.

As another memory faded he began to calculate how many hours it would be until he saw him again. This quickly stopped when he realised that doing so was wrong on so many levels.

Less than twenty four hours earlier he'd been sitting tearfully at his kitchen table distressed that the person he'd just spent the last eighteen months of his life living with was struggling to come to terms with their dramatic demise.

He tried to assuage some of his guilt by telling himself that this was Jasons' decision entirely. He'd taken the option to leave with his ex and it wasn't his fault that after making such a decision he was now having trouble dealing with the repercussions.

Rightly or wrongly Jason had made his choice and now he, in deciding to lose himself in Jack for a little while, was making his.

Over the past twenty four hours it had been Jack who had managed to make him forget just how shit his life really was. He'd made him laugh, he'd made him feel desirable and if only one more evening in his company was all he was ever going to get ….. then he was going to make the most it!

IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH

Looking up to cross the road he stalled a few yards away from his building. The soft glow of a side lamp shining out through the slats of his living room blind made his stomach lurch.

With a sinking feeling he stepped up to his front door and pushed. Why he thought it might be open he didn't know. It was quite obviously not burglars and the only other key in existence was apparently still in the possession of the one person that he could really do without seeing right now.

Inserting his own key into the lock he began to slowly twist it in the barrel.

A cough from the other side of the door sent his heart racing. He didn't need this tonight! All he wanted was to just go to his bed and dream about Jack.

He prayed to god that he didn't want to go down the emotional route, he couldn't deal with emotions when he was tired.

As the lock gave he slowly pushed on the door and stepped inside.

"Where the fuck have you been all night?"

Jason was leaning on the hall wall, arms folded, legs crossed at the ankles and he sounded angry.

Angry was good, he decided, he could deal with angry.

"Funny, I could've sworn I buried my mother six years ago!" . he walked straight past him and hung his jacket on the hall stand.

Feeling an anger of his own welling up inside he decided that he wasn't going to take any of his shit tonight. He had no intentions of playing any of his stupid mind games

"You've been with him, haven't you!" . Jason pushed himself off of the wall and followed him through to the living room . "That American bloke, you've been with him haven't you!"

"So what if I have? What the fuck's it got to do with you?" . he turned back to glare at him but noticing for the first time what a shit state he was in felt his anger subsiding.

Jasons' eyes were sunken with dark circles shadowing below, his clothes were a mess and raking a shaking hand back through his dirty blond hair he took a step forward before shouting . "He's just using you, you idiot! He's only here for a few more days then he's fucking off somewhere else! He's only using you for a quick fuck while he's still here!"

"So what if he is?" . trying to avoid the haunted stare he spun to cross the remaining few feet to the kitchen . "Wouldn't you fuck him if you had the chance?"

Jason followed him and leaned in the gap between the kitchen units before acknowledging . "Well, you made it pretty clear last night that you fancied him!"

"Fancied him?" . he shook his head and turned to the sink to get a glass of water . "Christ! I'm back in the fucking school playground again!"

Letting the tap run for a moment he filled a glass and drank the liquid down in one go.

"You haven't denied it yet!" . he sounded childishly pleased with his observation

"What's to deny? I'm not blind! The guy is fucking ….." . he couldn't think of a word amazing enough to describe Jack and eventually just settled for that very word itself . "amazing!"

Jason studied him for a moment before saying very slowly and very deliberately . "Oh … my …. God…."

"Whaaaaat ….?" . he couldn't help but sigh, this man was like a ruddy woman when he got going; always making a meal of things. He hated it when he started playing these little mind games, they always wore him down in the end.

"You like him … don't you!"

"Yes … I like him!" . he swallowed hard as his heart thumped harder . "There! Happy now?"

"Wow! He's really worked that Yankee charm on you, hasn't he!" . the bitterness in his voice screamed volumes.

Realising he had to get the upper hand again he tried going on the offensive . "Look, this has got fuck all to do with you. What I do or feel is none of your business and I am not having this conversation with you! ok?"

This just added fuel to the fire.

"Fuck! You really do like him, don't you!" . he mocked him with a laugh and shake of his head.

"Like I said" . he turned back to the sink to avoid eye contact . "none of your business!"

As a low whistle rolled out behind he flinched at the continuing mockery. He was getting exasperated. Seeing him again so soon had thrown him. Life was never meant to be complicated with Jason Cooper. It was just meant to be about the sex. The mind blowingly sensational, painful fucking sex! That was the deal!

Filling the glass again he looked at the wall as he spoke . "Let's get one thing straight, Jase. I do not need you to tell me who I can and cannot fuck! Ok?"

On hearing no immediate response from him he took a small sip of his water and chanced a look out of the corner of his eye . "Why the hell have you even come back here, Jase? Does he know you're here? Or has he kicked you out already?"

"Not quite…" . his sarcasm and bitterness seemed temporarily forgotten . "He thinks I'm at my sisters thinking things over!"

He turned away from the sink to face him . "Well, perhaps you should do us all a favour and go there then!"

"But I want to be here with you ….."

There was something of a desperate honesty about his response and the enormity of the situation was suddenly one turmoil too many for the Welshman.

Before the overwhelming desire to envelope him his arms took control the water was thrown back into the sink and the glass slammed down on to the counter . "Don't start playing games with me!"

He walked towards him, faced pinched and growling . "Don't start playing your fucking little mind games!"

He barged past to get back out to the living area but Jason grabbed out at a bicep to stop him.

"You might wanna let go of that" . the low Welsh growl would have terrified most people and as his top lip twitched in annoyance his eyes drifted up from the hand gripping tightly on to his arm to stare menacingly.

The threat was simply ridiculed with a soft laugh of amusement.

Twisting angrily he pushed hard on to Jasons' chest and sent him flailing on a collision course with the kitchen table

"Don't push it Jase!" . his face contorted as he pointed a shaking finger at him . "I am NOT in the mood for any of your stupid games tonight!"

"But I want to be …."

"NO!" . he turned away trying to keep his composure. Anger and sarcasm he could deal with but this sad voiced begging bollocks he was trying was making him feel guilty. He daren't look him in the eye, he knew he'd lose all resolve if he did.

Walking towards the door he paused to tell him . "I'm going to use the bathroom, then I'm going to bed. Just get the rest of your gear and go. Oh, and this time …." . he looked back over his shoulder to emphasise his point . "leave your fucking key!"

"But Yan …!" . he took a step out from the kitchen

"Please, Jase …. I really don't want to find you here when I'm done …" . sounding as sad as he felt he walked out into the hall adding . "Just make sure you're gone by the time I've finished in here…." . then with a forlorn glance down to his feet he walked along to the bathroom.

Falling back heavily on to the door as it closed behind him he lifted his hands and watched as they shook uncontrollably.

This wasn't anger, this was fear. A realisation that he was a breath away from caving in and letting Jason walk all over him.

Seeing him again had brought home exactly what he was losing. Not just the lover that knew every inch; every need, but someone that he respected and … cared for.

Screwing his eyes shut he finally admitted to himself that he did feel something … he did care. He would still never call it love …. but whatever it was it was hurting far too much and he couldn't deal with it, not this emotional pain … this was why he didn't do relationships ….. he knew he couldn't deal with the pain ….

Taking a deep breath he decided that if he was going to get through this he needed to stay angry and there was no way he was going to let Jason see how this was affecting him.

Taking a step toward the sink he pulled his shirt from his jeans and fumbled with the front of it.

Frustrated, he clasped his hands tightly together in an effort to quell the tremors then made another attempt at undoing the buttons.

Finally bare chested, unbuckling his belt he loosened his denims before leaning forward and splashing cold water over his face.

With one very deep dejected sigh he braced himself over the bowl. Peering wearily at his reflection he realised just how tired he looked. There was nothing but a resigned lifelessness staring back at him.

As a splash of water dripped from his fringe to land on the tip of his nose he aimed a short sharp breath towards it and watched as the droplet of clear liquid adhered its self to the mirror then slowly began to trace a path downward.

What was he supposed to do now? Did he try to make something of what was left with Jason? Did he dive into the unknown and explore these new emotions that Jack was bringing out in him? Maybe he'd just tip them both bollocks and be on his own for a while? ….. Or maybe not! …. In fact, thinking about it, definitely not! He could never do alone … he hated being alone!

Pursing his lips he let out a frustrated whine and dragged a still trembling hand back through his hair.

So, this was him now was it? Officially one of those sad fucks that gazed despairingly at their own reflection while they lived through a scene from some god-awful romance novel … and no doubt one that had been written by a pretentious pen name that you would forget the moment you turned the final page. If only real life were that easy to forget!

He was pulled sharply from his musing by movement outside the room.

"FUCK!" . as the bathroom door was kicked open his heart clenched in his chest and before any other expletive could spew forth he was pushed and fell roughly on to the wall to his right.

He turned to face the door, gasping as a hand shot forward and scrabbled to get a grip around his throat.

Bringing his hands up to grasp at the trembling wrist he tried to swallow through the restriction.

Jason was angry …. very angry …. and also very naked.

Lifting his hands to his shoulders he tried to push him away. He didn't want to fight with him tonight, he just wanted to go to his bed and dream about Jack …. Jack made him smile … Jack was good …. this wasn't good ….. in fact, in the whole moving on and forgetting about Jason scheme of things, this was very bad!

Rocking slightly but not actually budging from the spot Jasons' demeanour changed completely and annoyingly he began to laugh in his face . "Have to say Jones, you're not putting up much of a fight!"

Affronted, his face contorted and as he pushed himself hard off of the wall he sent them both stumbling back on to the one opposite.

Gripping on to Jasons' shoulders for leverage he pushed himself away and turned to leave the bathroom . "Fucking wanker!"

An arm shot out towards him and as it hooked around his neck he found himself being dragged backwards.

"Bastard!" . he struggled to free himself but only succeeded in toppling straight back into their original position . "Bollocks!"

Pinned once more he grunted as he pushed against him.

Knowing he would always win out in a battle of strength Jason just grinned at him and pushing on to him with his left arm braced across his chest he let his right hand return to his throat and squeeze.

"Jase! …." . he struggled as he gasped for breath . "For gods' sake! You're hurting me!"

He raised one brow in amusement . "Er, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that was the whole idea of it!"

"Get off of me!" . he pulled away as a smirking mouth tried to cover his own . "Jase! Not now! Not like this!"

Lifting his head he released his grip slightly . "Hmmm, now why am I having trouble taking you seriously?" . a grin formed and he squeezed again . "Oh, yeah! I've got it! It's because I know you're lying through your shiny Welsh teeth!"

With a frustrated growl he struggled to free himself but Jason was as determined to keep him there.

"I'm not gonna stop, Ianto, so you might just as well give up the fight now!" . he shrugged before adding . "I know you love it! and you know you love it!" . he nipped his front teeth in to the flesh of his jaw-line and as he winced he laughed silently.

"You know how good I make you feel, Yan! ..." . he licked a wet tongue across the same spot . "But tell me … what can he do, hmmm? That little dandy of yours! ….. What does he do for you?..."

Ianto, realising that his attempts to struggle free were embarrassingly futile, relaxed his posture but continued to stare angrily at him.

"Aww! Is this the best he could manage?" . Jason sneered disdainfully down at the marks at the base of his neck . "A few bruises! I bet he didn't hurt you, did he!" . he gave a soft, smug laugh . "How hard does he fuck, Yan? Did you enjoy it? How much pain were you in?"

Getting no reply he pressed their faces tightly together . "Are you gonna tell me he fucks you hard like I do?" . the sneer was back and assuming that this Jack bloke had actually been inside his lover an annoyed hiss crept into his normally placid voice . "He could never hurt you like I do, Ianto! …. You don't need someone like him! You just need me!"

"Jase, don't … " . he was growing tired of his false act and forcing his head back on to the wall he pulled his face away from him . "don't do this, please, I know this isn't you ….."

"Fucking tell me!" . he forced their faces together again . "Go on! Tell me! Tell me you don't need him!" . he kissed him roughly . " I make you feel alive! … That's what you said! … You told me! … You said that!" . he tried to kiss him again . "I can give you all the pain you need, Yan … you don't need anybody else!"

To prove a point he abruptly lowered his head and sank his teeth into the soft flesh above an exposed collar bone.

The exquisite sting as his skin was pierced straight away took his defences down and with his body arching he cried out in delight.

He felt Jasons' hungry lips as they began to suck hard against his skin drawing his blood and as the pressure increased his eyes rolled in ecstasy.

He let the sensation sweep over him and drew in short sharp breaths as the lips sucked and the tongue laved.

It was only as Jason brought himself up level to face him that he remembered that he was supposed to be staying angry with him.

Running a tongue over his blood stained lips he breathed slowly, his stare leaving the Welshman in no doubt of his ultimate intent.

"Jase, stop this!" . a hand was still lightly circling his throat and as it pinched in tighter he managed to croak . "I don't want to do this … listen to me won't you! Jase! I'm saying no!""

"Woah! ….." . his posture changed, a mixture of disbelief and disappointment washing over him . "You never give me a no!"

"No? Well maybe I've never had a reason to before …" . he tried to appear resolute but felt nothing but sadness that after all of this time he'd had to do just that.

The older man didn't stay dejected for very long . "Ah, yes! and then along came good old 'Jack the Yank' !" . bitter didn't come close

"Leave him out of this! He's done nothing wrong" . but the defensive plea did and it told Jason all he needed to know

"Jesus, Ianto! Will you listen to yourself! You sound like some fucking loved up school kid!"

"No I don't!" . was that a slight panic he could hear creeping in to his voice? Not good . "Well, you're just jealous!" . he tried to deflect by throwing the accusation at him

"Er …." . he laughed in his face again . "Of an American accent? I don't think so!"

"His accent?" . now it was his turn to sneer . "Is that all you've noticed? Jase! He's sex on legs!"

"Yeah, well you'd know more about that than anybody, wouldn't you …" . sad blue eyes peered out through a dampening blond fringe and as a gentle thumb dragged slowly across his bottom lip Ianto knew in his heart that there was only ever going to be one outcome to all of this.

A demanding mouth crashed down on to his and moaning in defeat he let himself be taken over completely by the other mans' desire.

Gasping for air as Jason broke the kiss he closed his eyes and moaned in frustration, the hot lips beginning a journey across his right ear lobe were breaking his resolve even further.

He shivered. Heavy breaths danced over his neck; a tongue tripping teasingly across his soft skin and as teeth began to lightly graze over his wounds some familiar words that he thought he'd never hear again sounded out in a husked whisper

"I'm gonna bury every inch inside you ….. and you are gonna fucking love it!"

He stared straight ahead, eyes glazed. He needed this so badly, he ached for him, he always did ….. but please, not tonight! He owed it to himself to be stronger this time. He couldn't let it happen, he wouldn't let it happen. He'd already said no once tonight ….. he could do it again.

A wet tongue began to lick slowly over the sensitive skin at the base of his neck and once again a whine of frustration left his throat. A thumb hooking over either side of his waistband began to push downward, dragging his jeans and boxers over the top of his arse as they went.

"Jase …." . his eyes closed again as fingers began to knead into his flesh and as a wave of pleasure swept through him the breathless mention of the other mans' name was the only protest he could manage.

He felt disgusted with himself, defeated. He could never say no to this. This was the whole reason for them being together.

"Mmmm? ….." . with the whisper of his name letting him know he was winning the battle the blond sucked down hard on to his broken skin.

As he heard a soft whimper come from the man beneath him he gave a smile and lifting his head to gaze at his closed eyes whispered . "Do you want me fuck you, Ianto?"

"Oh, God, yes! ... yes!..." . his desperate response was the final nail and licking his lips to wet them he pulled him up roughly by handfuls of his blond hair then dragged his mouth on to his own.

One handful of hair was released and Jason moaned as he felt the same hand close around him. As teeth, tongues and lips battled to cause both pain and comfort he bucked into Iantos' experienced fist.

Both leaning back to catch their breath they panted loudly and taking in the nakedness before him the young Welshman was reminded just why this man had such a hold over him.

"Now …." . he was pleading him and with grunts of frustration kicked off his shoes and began to shuck his denims and boxers down to his ankles.

"Jason! …. Please … Inside me ….. Now!"

With the garments still wrapped around one ankle he was spun and propelled towards the wash stand.

Strong hands landed on his shoulders and forcefully pushed him down. As his head smacked down on to the ceramic bowl his vision blurred and with his head spinning he groaned loudly.

Giving him no chance to regain his balance a knee was forced between his legs demanding that he spread them. He reached out in the hope of gaining some purchase on the rim of the basin. As his body rocked, his head spun and he held on for dear life.

Eager to feel every inch that had been promised he brought the fingers of his right hand up to his mouth and after coating them with his saliva began to tease himself, moaning as first one then a second slipped in and then back out again.

Before he had a chance to add a third his hand was knocked roughly away and behind him Jason fell to his knees. Insistent hands pulled his cheeks apart and as the tip of a wet tongue danced over him a loud exclamation of . "Oh, fuck , Jay … fuck!" . echoed off of the bathroom walls.

Grinning he dipped his tongue inside and as the noises from above grew louder he pulled the cheeks further apart, desperate to get in as deep as possible.

With a growl his Welshman ground back on to him and fucked himself on to his tongue. He smiled and teasingly pulled away, his face shining with his saliva.

Before Ianto could form a complaint he heard Jason spit on to his palm and in an effort to prepare himself for what he knew was going to be a brutal intrusion he let out a slow breath and tried to relax.

The breach was sharp and painful. Both men cried out as the friction seared at sensitive skin and even though the intensity of the burn was indescribable Ianto loved it, he always fucking loved it and with every thrust he moaned like the debauched whore that he was.

"Fuck!" . he complained loudly as the hard flesh inside him rasped out then stilled.

"Y'ok?" . Jason revelled in the momentary lapse of dragging skin and peered 'round to catch a glimpse of his face.

"Mmmm!" . the closed eyes and sated smile said it all.

"Well, I'm not!" . stretching across to the cabinet on the wall he wriggled his fingers around a bottle of lube and dragged it towards him . "You are one sick Welshman … you know that!"

As a chuckle came from below he flicked up the lid with the fingers of the same hand then upturned the bottle to let the oil drizzle lazily over them both. The usual shock of coldness was this time soothing and he sighed.

After one lubing stroke with a grunt he thrust in hard and sank as deep as he could.

Iantos' head rocked on to his forearm and he cried out in delight, his face a picture of pure bliss.

A gasp came from behind . "God, your tight!" . the next thrust had him grinning in realisation . "No one's been up here all night … have they!"

The parted lips noisily expelling satisfied breaths below him were transformed into a wide smile.

"So, you didn't let him fuck you after all!" . with a smug sense of satisfaction he leaned over his back and ground himself on to the hard flesh of his cheeks

"Did you fuck him then?" . he licked a flattened tongue over the back of his neck . "Did you slide inside your pretty Yank?"

A low whine of complaint echoed around the room and desperate hips thrust back on to him . "Jase! … just shut up and fuck ….."

"Oh, it'll be a pleasure, Ianto Jones …. an absolute fucking pleasure!"

True to his word he let him have it ….. just how he knew he liked it; hard and fast then closed his eyes and listened to his Welsh boy as he very noisily came undone.

What he didn't realise was that over in Ianto land the mention of a certain pretty Yank had sent him off into one of his little fantasies and even just the unintentional brushing of one finger over his cock had brought him embarrassingly close to coming straight away.

His fantasy was short lived for with the fingers of one hand gripping hard on to his left shoulder and the other grasping onto a handful of hair Ianto Jones was dragged back in to the world of Jason Cooper.

The hand pulled painfully on his roots and as he felt the assaulting thrusts deepen he let out a deep groan . "Oh, fuck yes!" . his face screwed up with pain . "Go on! …. Fuck me, Jay! … harder!"

The fingers twisted against his scalp and he cried out as he was pulled up towards his chest. He felt his teeth sinking into the back of his shoulder and he choked out a loud gasp of delight. The movement inside him may have stopped but this was just exquisite.

"Bite harder …." . his voice was breathless as he let his head fall back and slowly he began to fist himself.

"Go on ….." . as his hand slipped lazily back and forth the words whispered in his ear were barely audible . "make yourself come for me ….. I want to hear you come ….."

A memory from the previous evening burned forth and letting out another deep groan he began to pump harder.

"Does that feel nice?" . he licked his neck . "Go on Ianto, ….. make it spunk for me …..!"

The command prompted the most desperate of noises and Jason keened forward as the sound made his cock pulse.

"Fuck, Yan, how close?" . he pushed him back down to the basin.

All ' Yan' could do was nod. Twisting his fist, a thumb softly sliding over his seeping eyehole he was lost in an image of Jack with his lips wrapped around him.

As Jason pulled back then repeatedly slammed into him he cried out, every teasing graze of his prostate and the feeling of being so completely filled by him was bringing him closer and closer.

The thrusts came harder and faster and the room was filled with the sounds of their desperate cries and grunts of satisfaction.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Ianto was aware of the loud groans and gasps but the only words ringing loud and clear in his ears were Jacks' …. Imagine it's my mouth …

As the pressure threatened he was choked in to silence and the tell -tale sign had Jason doing something that he hadn't done since they'd first met.

Decreasing his pace slightly he inched his fingers up the length of his back then growling out a desperate and breathless . "Oh, Yan! ….. fuck, Ianto! ….. let me hear you …. make it come for me …. !" . he dragged every nail from top to bottom, tearing at random parts of his flesh as he went.

A strangled, delighted yell left the back of the Welshmans' throat and with eyes watering from the sting he fisted harder …. he was still with Jack, his lips were still sliding and sucking , his tongue was still flicking and licking.

Jason returned his hands to his hips and with anguished cries rocked desperately in to him.

Ianto held his breath as yet another warning came. This time as his cock began to swell and throb in his hand he gave grace to the intense pressure and shot out jet after jet of silky cum.

With eyes still tightly closed he was unloading into Jacks mouth, the blue eyes begging for every drop, the throat swallowing over and over to take it all down.

With one final deep thrust and a loud yell Jason came inside him, coating him with streams of his sticky cum.

Ianto felt the throb as his spunk pumped deep inside and pushed back on to him trying to get him in even deeper.

His own cock bucked belatedly before sending out a few last drops of its own then with a sated moan he gave one last squeeze and let all of his weight fall on to the basin.

As they both came down and panted loudly their gasps for air were interspersed with exhausted laughter.

Jason took a step backwards and Ianto discovered that his knees no longer belonged to him. With nothing else left for it he let himself ungracefully crumple to the floor below.

He groaned. His cock ached, his balls ached, his head was thrumming from its coming together with the basin, his shoulder was sore from the teeth punctures, the scratches on his back were stinging like fuck and his arse was not only on fire but leaking a very dubious substance, so, as per usual …. he was in seventh heaven.

He shook his head to clear it, all the gasping and panting had only added to his light headedness. He twisted slightly trying to get up on to his knees and was reminded why he had insisted on having no carpets.

The spunk still dribbling unceremoniously from his stretched hole decided to trace a lazy path across his right calf muscle and, just missing his screwed up jeans, oozed down to pool on the tiles below.

He looked across to Jason to give him a look of displeasure but Mr Cooper was in a world of his own. Resting on the wall opposite with his head back and eyes closed he was still panting trying to catch his breath.

Ianto closed his own eyes and began to relive the final moments but the post orgasmic euphoria of being expertly fucked by Jason suddenly materialised in to a yearning for the chance to actually be able to pump his cum into Jacks mouth. He had this intense desire to actually feel Jack bringing him off with his mouth.

His eyes shot open again as he realised the obvious.

One ….. It was the image of Jack that had made him come so hard!

Two …. It should have been Jack fucking him senseless against the bathroom sink!.

and Three … It should have been Jack losing his liquid … not Jason!

Bollocks! … It should have been Jack ….

He let his head fall forward in despair and realised he'd fucked up big time. There was no way he could meet up with Jack now! He was covered in bruises, scratches and bite marks and his arse was burning from the urgent rasping it had just had.

It was directly after this revelation that something else occurred to him …. something much more serious.

He felt his heart lurch as the realisation sank in that he may have just done something really, really, really, really fucking stupid.

He swivelled slightly on his backside to face Jason who was still sitting back against the opposite wall. His blond fringe was plastered to his forehead and his face was still flushed.

Feeling the intensity of the Welsh stare on him he smiled self-consciously and reached for a hand towel.

Ianto could see he was nervous but knowing he had no choice but to ask the question just blurted it straight out . "Have you done anything with Joe? He's been out of the country … you don't know what he's been doing or where he's been! …. he could've been with anyone!"

The abrupt tone to his voice made Jason feel even more uncomfortable and trying to compose himself he stuttered apologetically . "Er, yeah, I fucked him this morning ….. but I was still drunk, Yan …."

Realising that he was trying to make excuses not because of the possible implications but because of what he saw as his betrayal he knew he also had to ask the next question and deciding 'shit or bust' just went for it

"Did you use anything?"

Jason, either not grasping what he was implying or suddenly in a deep state of shock because the shit had hit the fan, just stared at him.

"Jason! Did you use protection?" . a mild panic was starting to form and he tried to tell himself that it wasn't worth worrying too much just yet. Nevertheless, the butterflies were back and this time it was for all the wrong reasons.

The other man let his mouth drop open slightly suggesting that some form of shock had indeed descended upon him and with a small shake of his head whispered . "No, I was going to but he wouldn't let me…..!"

Laughing quietly down to the floor Ianto felt an unfamiliar hysteria threatening to engulf him then rather abruptly the deranged amusement subsided and instead of humour an angry fear took complete control of his vocabulary . "You selfish cunt … you selfish fucking cunt!" . he shook his head in disbelief . "We had an agreement! I trusted you! Why would you do this to me?"

He rested back on to his palms trying to control his breathing then looked up sharply as he realised that Jason was laughing at him.

Letting out a relieved sigh he followed it quickly with . "You bastard!"

"Sorry, couldn't resist!" . he guiltily bit into his bottom lip as he continued to laugh at him

"You fucking bastard!" . he rested his elbows on his knees and cupped his face.

"Oh, Yan! That was too easy!" . he was still laughing

"Wanker!"

"You have no faith in me do you?"

As the words hit home he was sharply reminded of their situation. An overwhelming feeling of regret began to smother him and as his features schooled he gave the only reply he could . "Not anymore …. no"

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"Do you want a coffee?"

They had showered separately and changed into sloppy comfortable loungers with Ianto opting for a loose cotton shirt because for some strange reason his back was on fire.

The offer of coffee was the first words that Ianto had spoken to Jason in nearly an hour and he started slightly as he heard his voice call across from the kitchen.

"Are you having one?" . he was still feeling uneasy. Despite the more than pleasurable episode in the bathroom he realised he was still on shaky ground.

"Nope!" . he reached in deep across the racking of the sliding larder and dragging an opened bottle of whiskey across the tops of several other bottles clinked out a tune.

"What is the point of having shelves that slide out if you never bother using them?" . he shook his head in despair at the uncharacteristic laziness.

He gave an unimpressed sigh at the criticism and looked back over his shoulder . "Do you want a coffee or not?"

"Not … I'll have what you're having!"

"Right …" . he took two glasses from the cupboard above the sink and with the bottle gripped tightly to his chest walked through to the living room.

Sitting next to him on the couch he first wedged one glass between his knees then offered him the other one.

He stared blankly at the bottle as he unscrewed the cap then looked equally as distant as he poured a double in to each of their glasses.

All the time he was doing this Jason was glancing sideways out of the corner of his eye. He could normally read him like a book but right at that very moment he felt cold and unapproachable ….. as though he were shutting everything out.

Leaning down to place the bottle on the floor Ianto swivelled around so that he was sitting cross legged and faced the guilty looking blond.

Leaning back on to the end of the couch he took a swig of his scotch . "Right! ….. so come on then! …. What's this all about?"

"What d'you mean?" . he sipped his drink and shrugged

"Well, let me see….." . his lips pursed as he deliberated . "Earlier this morning you left and tonight you're back! So, what is it? Have you had enough of him already? Or did you fancy a quickie for old times' sake? Or perhaps you thought that messing with my head would be fun? To be quite honest, Jase, I haven't got the faintest fucking idea why you're here! I should just tell you to sling your hook!" . He stared over the top of his glass at him as he took another swig.

Jason shifted uncomfortably on the spot before telling him . "I thought you might be missing me!"

He laughed a breath out through his nose and his glass steamed up . "So, how does this work then? You get here this evening, discover that instead of actually missing you I've gone out on a date then decide to stick around and wait for me … why?"

He pouted slightly and on any other occasion it would have been amusingly endearing but right now he just wanted to punch the annoying, pouting mouth very hard and knock seven bells out of him.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok" . he took a nervous sip of his drink . "I thought you might need … you know!"

"But even if I did need … you know ….." . he reached down to pick up the bottle . "It's not really anything to do with you anymore … is it!"

He balanced his glass in the crook of his knee and slowly unscrewed the cap as he waited for his response.

"Yeah, Maybe. But I bet Jack can't make you feel like I do!"

He laughed quietly at him and poured a very generous amount into his glass. As Jason shook his head at the offer of more he screwed the cap back on.

"What's so funny?" . he was beginning to feel edgy and very uncomfortable.

"Nothing" . He shrugged evasively taking a sip of his drink and not wanting to get drawn into a conversation about Jack changed the subject . "So, what 's he going to say when he finds out you're not a Pippas?"

He shrugged and downed the remains of his drink before telling him . "He said he wants to make me happy, Yan ….. he wants us to try again. He missed me more than he thought he would …"

"and it took him a year and a half to realise all of this, did it?" . he shook his head, amazed at how gullible he could be.

He shrugged again as though it was no big deal.

This was the attitude that pissed him off. He let Joe get away with murder but always took him for granted . "Jay, you can't just come back here when you feel like it and expect to find me sitting here waiting for you!"

With a sigh he waited for his response. This was going to be a long night …. so much for getting up for work in the morning!

"I don't want to lose you!" . he couldn't look up at him

He shook his head in dismay . "What was there to lose, Jay? …. we've never exactly been what you'd call partnership material, have we?"

"Yeah, I know ….." . there was the slightest hint of desperation creeping in . "but I sort of got used to being with you … I like being here with you ….. I like you …"

"What does 'being with me' mean? Does that mean I'm sufferable to live with? Does it mean you like my company?" . he swallowed slowly and looked him in the eye . "Or are you saying you have feelings for me?"

"Of course I do, Yan!" . now he was starting to get distressed . "I thought you realised that!"

"You never said anything" . wishing he'd never mentioned the subject he took a big swig of whiskey. This conversation was drifting into unchartered territory for him and he felt decidedly uncomfortable about it.

"So … I take it you don't care about me then?" . no one could ever have looked more dejected.

"I never said that ….." . his stomach lurched with anxiety and he slugged back the rest of his drink to try and calm his nerves.

"But … you don't do love ….. do you, Ianto!"

Ok ….. time to panic ….. the L word was in use and he was on the back foot . "Look, Jase! Whatever we have" . he paused to correct himself . "had …. it could never be enough to break the hold that Joe has over you … you know that!"

Jason rubbed at his tired eyes and dragged his hands down across his face . "Part of me wishes that he'd never come back ….. then I wouldn't have to make a choice!"

"Well, you don't have to…." . he tapped at the side of his empty glass before reaching down to set it down on the floor . "'Cause I'm calling an end to all of this shit right now …. So, if Joe wants you ….. he can have you!"

"No, please! Don't do this! We can sort this out!" . he reached over to rest a hand on his thigh . "I …. need you, Yan ….."

He smiled back admonishingly . "So, you're going to tell Joe that you've decided to stay here with me, are you?"

"I'll tell him tomorrow …. I promise!" . he moved even closer and took hold of one hand.

He could feel his resolve starting to melt and as Jason leaned in for a hug he found himself hugging back.

They rocked silently, arms squeezing tightly around each other but as Jason lifted his head to look at him he froze. Their faces were a breath away from each other. He knew he should turn away and call an end to the whole farce but as soft lips brushed against his he let his lids fall.

A slight spinning in his head told him far too late that it would have been a much better idea to have had coffee instead of alcohol. God!, he was pathetic! This whole charade was going in completely the wrong direction and what he now also realised was that however much he knew that this was wrong he had no strength of mind to stop it.

His eyes opened as the lips left his. Jason was staring straight at him and as he blinked a tear escaped from each eye.

"No! Doooon't Don't you dare get emotional on me Jase!" . he shook him by the shoulder . "You know me! This is doing my head in as it is!"

It was at this point that Jason decided to play his trump card

"Ianto, when I told you last night that you were special …. I meant it." . he took hold of both of hands . "Please don't push me away, Yan …. I love you! ….."

Oh, no no no no no no nooooooo! … He screwed his eyes shut …. he didn't want to hear this ….. bollocks, this was bad! First Stefan ….. now bloody Jason ….. bugger!

Half expecting the silence Jason jumped up from the couch and started pacing . "Fuck! ….. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything …. Yan, I'm so sorry!"

Blowing out a long breath he stared down at his knees and before he could think of a response Jason was kneeling by his side . "Forget I said anything!" . he grasped at one hand again . "But please …. don't make me leave!"

He turned on the couch to face him.

His sad eyes were shining as he blinked over and over in an attempt to keep his emotions in check and brushing his fringe lightly away to allow him to place a gentle kiss to his forehead Ianto wondered if he'd ever have the strength to tell him to go.

"Tell you what …." . he decided to take the evasive route . "Let's try and get some kip … then we can talk about this in the morning, yeah?"

As Jason nodded and gave a relieved smile Ianto shuffled along to the other end of the couch and laying down on one side opened his arms.

He gratefully slid in next to him and as their noses touched he let an arm fall across his waist.

Ianto winced as he shifted slightly against the back of the couch and tried to relieve some of the stinging. Jason pulled himself in even closer and snuggled up.

He smiled at the soft expression on his face and began to tease the fingers of his right hand through his fringe.

Drawing in a light breath Jason sighed at his touch and whispered . "Mmm, this is nice …."

He laughed softly at him before agreeing . "Yeah, it is!" . and he meant it.

This was the closest they had come to intimacy in the whole of their eighteen months of living together and he couldn't deny it, it did feel nice …. different! … but nice all the same.

He twisted his left wrist around Jasons' shoulder to check his watch. It was half two, far too late to be dealing with this and to top it all he felt rather inebriated and very knackered.

Gazing at Jason he realised that he'd already dozed off. He looked so pretty when he was asleep … not as pretty as Jack, of course …. but then no one could ever look anything like as pretty as Jack!

With an almighty slap around the face it hit him. Oh, fuck! … Jack! …. What was he going to say to him? Could he even face him?

He groaned quietly. His head was hurting with all of this crap going on. He felt like he was playing some weird new torture game ….Mind- Fuck Ping Pong … that's what they should call it! . Bloody Jason Jack Jason Jack! It was doing his fucking head in! He really needed to sort out this whole sorry mess out before it sent him mental!

Deep down he knew the only decent thing would be to just contact Jack and apologise … after all they'd only been on one date for gods' sake and any chance he might have had of getting down and dirty with him had gone right out of the window the moment Jason had laid his clawed paws on him.

In all honesty it was probably only ever going to be a one off with him anyway and after their next date he would never have seen him again ….not that that was what he wanted … it was just more likely to be the case.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

Maybe this whole being with Jason thing wouldn't be as bad as he'd always feared… maybe it was time to let go of his insecurities and let somebody in for a change. If Jason really did love …. ugh! … him …. perhaps they could make it work. One thing was for certain though …. Joe was going to go fucking ballistic!

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He was woken abruptly a short while later by a relentless pounding on the front door. He peered blearily at his watch … five o'clock …..

He blinked a few times in an effort to clear his vision and moaned. His eyes felt like they were full of grit and his head was pounding.

Had he really had that much to drink? Or was it just all of this emotional shit giving him a brain ache?

A second round of banging on the door caused Jason to stir and he stared over at Ianto with a look of sheer terror on his face.

"You know who that is!" . he lifted slightly, gesturing for him to let him up.

"I don't want to see him" . he let himself roll backwards off of the couch and landing on the floor with a thump pushed himself up into a kneeling position.

The hammering got louder and the neighbour above started shouting through the floor at them.

"Well, neither do I particularly!" . he stood and stretched . "But as it's my apartment I s'pose I'd better let him in before he takes the fucking door off its hinges!"

He made his way to the front door and Jason went to cower in the kitchen.

He twisted the lock back on itself and as the door clicked free he was slammed back into the wall by the force of it being kicked open. This really was not a good night for standing too close to doors!

"Please, do come in!" . stepping forward with the door and peering 'round at the front to inspect the boot mark he pulled his head back sharply as Joe strode in.

Quickly slamming the door he stepped around him to stand in front of him.

Regretfully, at this point, he had to acknowledge that what happened next probably wouldn't have happened had he not consumed addling amounts of alcohol …. because instead of sidestepping as the fist swung in his direction he found himself sprawling backwards until he finally toppled over on to his arse.

"What the fuck?" . was all he could manage as he rubbed at his face and licked the corner of his mouth tasting blood. Great! Another injury!

Too stunned to react in his usual manner he simply stared up at Joe as he began rant

"Where is he? I knew the little shit would come snivelling back to you!"

"He has a name!" . God! He hated this man!

"JASON! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

"Quit with the yelling will you? There are other people living in this building you know!" . he brought himself up to his knees then stumbled to his feet.

Joe ignored him and strode in to the living room where he immediately spotted Jason cowering in the far corner of the kitchen.

Ianto cringed as he heard him begin to plead for him to calm down then tensed, freezing on the spot, as he listened to him snivelling out his apologies, trying to reassure him that everything was ok.

Deciding that the weaker man needed a little Welsh assistance he stormed through to the kitchen as Joe spat

"I hope you made the most of it ….. 'cause it's the last time you get to shove it up his fat arse!" . he grabbed on to one arm and made to drag him along . "Come on! You're coming with me!"

"Oi! You greasy piece of shit! …. You can let go of him and you can get the fuck out of my apartment!" . no longer stunned he stepped toward them. There was a lot he'd let go ….. but somebody suggesting that his cute arse was fat cut just a little too deeply.

"So ….. Little Bo Peep has grown some balls has he? …. Why don't you go shag a sheep Welsh boy! … I'm sure you know how!" . he turned to Jason . "Get the rest of your stuff …. You're leaving!"

Ianto quickly moved further into the kitchen and before Joe had time to react he pushed against his chest sending him stumbling backwards to collide with the fridge . "He's not going anywhere with you … so fuck off!"

"What say we let Jason decide?" . he was laughing at him as he pushed himself upright.

"He doesn't need to decide anything …. 'cause I'm fucking telling you …. he's not going anywhere!"

He turned to Jason hoping for a sign that he'd meant every word of what he'd said earlier but when he realised that there was going to be no declaration of his love for him or any admittance of his desire to stay with him he was … devastated. He desperately needed to know that Jason had meant every word. Here he was laying himself on the line and going against every rule he'd ever made … because deep down ….. he really wanted it all to be true.

"Jason! Tell him you're staying here!" . was he begging or was that an order?

Jason stared back at him but said nothing … too scared of Joe to speak his own mind.

"Jason! ….. Just tell this Welsh wanker to mind his own business!"

As Joes words rang out Jason snapped his head around to look at him instead.

Ianto felt the tight twisting return to his chest . "Tell him what you told me earlier! … go on … tell him!" . he knew he sounded desperate but he couldn't help it.

"Yan, please … don't!" . he was petrified and turning to Joe told him . "I'm sorry baby, I'm going to get my stuff now! ….. Look! ….." . he held out a hand for him to take . "I'm coming home with you!"

Ianto stared at him in disbelief.

No doubt ashamed Jason avoided his gaze and silently began to lead Joe out in to the living room.

"Ok, bollocks to the lot of it!" . he kicked out at one of the chairs . "I've had enough of this shit! Do what you fucking want!"

As they disappeared into the hall he stormed out from the kitchen and let himself fall down heavily on to the couch. Snatching up the bottle of whiskey he angrily unscrewed the cap and began to drink from the bottle.

For thirty minutes he sat there staring in to space, taking the occasional slug of scotch in the hope that it would block out the sound of opening and closing drawers and muted giggles and laughter.

He'd been a mug! He'd been played! He'd let himself be used. He was so angry and he hated himself for letting this hurt him so much!

As the familiar desire to escape from reality crept in to the back of his mind he continued to deal with things the only way he knew how and taking another swig he winced and closed his eyes.

It didn't take much more of the whiskey to have an effect on him but instead of bringing relief it made him maudlin.

He still hated himself. He still hated Joe and right now he even hated Jason …. Jason fucking Cooper and his stupid fucking mind games!

He should have just told him to fuck off when he'd first got home, at least that way he would have still been able to see Jack again. Ugh! Ping pong! He was back to the bloody ping pong again!

Dragging his hands up roughly across his face and raking them through his hair he let out a long sigh then taking another big swig of the whiskey came to the conclusion that he only had one person to blame for this whole sorry mess.

With his face screwing up in frustration he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. All he wanted to do was cry …. but he wouldn't give either of them the satisfaction of seeing him like it.

The thirty minutes passed very slowly and as Joe went to stand outside Jason leaned in the living room doorway . "I'm off now"

He didn't look up . "Fine! Bye! …. Have a nice life!" . did he sound drunk? He felt it … a lot!.

"I've left my key out here on the table."

"Fine! ….. Bye!"

"Ianto … please!" . he stepped further in to the room.

"Please what, Jay? " . he stood unsteadily to face him . "What is it you want to hear? Hmm? That I'm fine with this? 'Cause I'm not!" . he brought the bottle to his lips then lowered it without drinking . "Or do you want me to say …. 'don't worry, Jason, I'm gonna be ok?' … Is that it?"

He tried to keep his voice in check but this was hurting so much more than he'd expected. It cracked slightly as he finished with . "Well, I'm not fucking gonna be ok!" . he fell down on to the couch shaking his head . "I'm sorry, but I'm not ….."

"I'm so sorry!" . gazing down at him he bit into his bottom lip, flinching slightly as the head shot back up, a bitterness replacing the hurt

"Yeah! ….. so you keep saying! …. just tell me, Jase …. did you mean any of what you said a couple of hours ago?"

"Every word, Yan …. I promise …" . he choked as he tried to continue "I meant every word …."

"But it's never going to be enough …. is it?" . with a soft laugh of resignation he stood and slowly stepped over to him. Pressing a tender kiss to his quivering lips he finally let go of what might have been and promised himself that this time it was for good.

"Jason, what the fucks keeping you? …. Get the fuck out here, now!"

They both cringed as the shout echoed along the hall and with a tearful smile he was told . "I'd better go …. I just want …"

"Just go …" . he couldn't do this anymore, he was defeated

Jason stood there quietly as if he were hoping that he'd change his mind again but the Welshman stayed quietly resolute and as he stared sadly down at his bare feet he bid him a final . "Bye then!"

He couldn't do this ….. this was just dragging on . "Are you still here? ….. Jason, just go for fucks sake…. Please ….. just go …." . he sounded as worn down as he felt ….. he really couldn't take any more … he just wanted to be on his own.

Jason turned dejectedly in the doorway and slowly made his way out to where Joe was waiting for him.

Before he could walk out completely a call came from behind

"Jay?"

He turned back to face him

"Take care, yeah?"

He gave him a sad smile . "You too …."

Turning to go back in to the living room he paused as his name was called . "Yan … I really am sorry"

"Yeah, I know you are … me too ….." . he smiled softly at him before stepping from sight.

As the front door clicked in to place he let out a huge sigh and dropped on to the couch.

He checked his watch. Right, he had just under two and a half hours until the latest he could be in work …. he'd had hardly any sleep ….. and somehow he had to explain to Jack why he wasn't going to see him later. The term shit sandwich didn't come close.

He forced himself to get up and in the hope that a strong coffee might help make all of his troubles go away slowly made his way over to the kitchen.

As he reached out to click the kettle on his phone beeped from the arm of the couch.

Leaving the it to its own devices he walked over and picked up the phone half expecting to see one of Ellies' early morning messages asking him how his date had gone.

Instead of her name there was a number he didn't recognise.

He pressed to read the message and felt his heart clench.

hi! i'm sorry . i know it's still early . hope you were already awake but i just needed to tell you that i really enjoyed last night and that my right hand has filed a complaint against me! hope your shower was just as enjoyable! i wish youd stayed here with me. i really enjoy your company . can't wait to see you tonight! xx J xx

With a desperate cry of . "NO …..!" . he launched his phone at the opposite wall.

Dropping down to the floor he reached across to the bottle, there was just over a quarter left …. enough to help him forget …

He took one big swig before finally giving up the fight.

Setting the bottle back down he put his head in his hands and for the first time in the six years since his parents had been killed …. he began to sob his heart out.

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tbc

A/N Ianto, Jack and the gang are taking a break but will be back shortly in Series / Season Two Chapter Eleven Another Suitcase Another Bawl.

A big thank you for the reviews so far and thank you also to all of you who have favourited and alerted!

Thank you all for reading! BFN bwb