Ten
We walk, side by side, down the empty pathway in search for the main road, through the chilly autumn evening breeze.
"It was a very good idea," I say. "to arrange this reunion.
"It was really nice to see them again …"
I trail off, a bit worried.
"Why so quiet, Hanamichi?"
I turn to face him.
He looks up from the ground, hands in pockets, a hesitant look in his eyes.
And then he sniffles, blinks, and starts to shed tears.
I move towards him anxiously, and hold him by the shoulders.
"Hana…?" I whisper, all my fear and worry escaping in the shaking of my voice. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
He shakes his head and looks away, tears still streaming down his cheeks.
"What's wrong?" I breathe.
Someone please tell me how to make him smile again, because I can't stand to see him cry.
"Tell me, please …" I say, wiping the tears gently from his eyes.
"I'm afraid …" he chokes barely audibly.
Afraid?
His body trembles, and instinctively I take him in my arms.
"Why are you afraid?" I ask him.
I hear him sigh in exasperation, or maybe because he doesn't know where to start.
"Because … I'm not sure how to love someone as much as this …
"And I'm not sure how to accept someone's claim of loving me just as much …"
I remain silent, not sure how to react.
And then I smile, a moved smile straight from the heart.
His eyes widen, and I watch as they begin to light up with something very much like relief.
"You never need to be afraid," I whisper. "as long as I'm here, you never need to be afraid."
I hold him closer, his head resting gently on my shoulder.
"I love you – that's nothing to be afraid of."
He sniffles again, then leans back and gazes at me.
"Why do you love me, kitsune?" he questions, his voice pleading.
At this moment in time, there are too many answers to that question for me to put into words.
"Because …" I start.
"…because you're Sakuragi Hanamichi."
A hint of a smile flashes across his face and suddenly, tears continue to run from his eyes.
"Hey," I point out. "the tensai doesn't cry."
He shakes his head and chokes out a laugh.
"But with you …" I hear him whisper. "I was never a tensai."
I fall prey to the raw honesty brimming in his eyes and vibrating from his voice.
I find myself lost in him again.
"Promise me that I'll always be your do'aho," he breathes. "promise me, please?"
Anything you ask me, I think. Anything you say.
"Promise me that you'll never cry again," I respond, unable to swallow back the tears gathering in my eyes myself. "because I can't last a day without your smile."
He merely gazes at me, and in his eyes, I see the answer. In his eyes, I see everything. In his eyes, I see my world.
All I want to do is tell him how much I love him, how much I've always loved him. But somehow, I can't bring myself to speak.
A sakura blossom falls onto my face then drifts away, averting my gaze to the sudden shower of sakura blossoms above us, forming bundles of pink clusters floating in the wind.
"Look, Hana." I say, pointing in the direction of the flowing flowers.
He lets out a loud sigh just like a child.
"Kirei ne…" he exclaims in astonishment. "they're beautiful …"
I watch his every movement, utterly intoxicated.
"They're beautiful because of you …" I say under my breath.
He doesn't hear me, but what does it matter?
We sit here in silence, without the need for words, watching the dancing clusters of sakura twirling in the wind.
I sit by the window, still trying to rub the sleepiness out of my eyes.
What woke me up? I wonder cluelessly. It isn't like me to wake up this early for no reason.
There's this tingling feeling in my heart. A tingling feeling that leaves a kind of bitter sweetness lingering in every part of my body.
It was last night. I smile to myself.
And then a thought strikes me: Real living begins now.
Somehow I have faith in life again. All this struggling for all this time … was truly worthwhile.
I blink, half expecting something. Even the cynical chiding in my head has disappeared. I blink again in surprise.
Sakuragi is really magic, I think. He's really magic.
A desperate urge to see him sweeps over me, but I slump when I realize I don't know where to find him.
I slap myself mentally. How stupid. I never asked for his address.
I find myself letting out worried sighs.
Will I see him again?
I don't know what's worrying me so much. I shouldn't be worrying so much, should I?
The shrill, sudden ring of the doorbell jerks me back into reality.
I trudge over to answer the door, still half stuck in thoughts and dreams.
I open the door without looking at the person behind it.
"What do you-"
Before I can even catch a glimpse of the visitor, he rushes past me and into the room, searching the surroundings for something.
I turn around to face him, aggravated and alarmed, only to be met with the realization that …
… it's Sakuragi.
At the spur of the moment, all the emotions within me clash and I stand, motionless and emotionless.
"Ah!" Sakuragi punches the sky as he drags my suitcase out from behind the bed.
I watch in silence as Sakuragi starts randomly throwing my belongings inside the suitcase with as much haste as possible.
I blink.
"W-What …" I clear my throat. "what are you doing?"
He doesn't acknowledge me.
"Hana?" I press on.
"Shh!!" he interjects, turning to me with a mysterious grin. "You'll find out soon enough!!"
I move towards him, still in a daze.
"Where's your passport??" he asks hurriedly.
Before I can answer he springs towards the desk, grabbing my passport and documents and stuffing them into his jacket pocket.
He holds the suitcase in one hand and clasps my hand with his other.
"Let's go!!"
And with that, he breaks into a run and pulls me out through the door, somehow swinging the door shut behind us.
"You have a car?"
I watch him throw the suitcase into the backseat and get seated next to me, pressing the gear down and veering forward.
He shakes his head.
"Iie," he says. "it's Youhei's. But he said he would pick it up later, so it's okay."
I scratch my head and brush my hair out of my eyes, still utterly clueless.
"Just where are we going, Hanamichi?" I insist. "What is this about?"
"Just trust the tensai, ne?" is his answer.
The forces of gravity push my head back onto the seat with more force than expected.
I glimpse at Sakuragi and out the windows at the all-too-quick flashes of trees outside.
"Err… Hana, could you slow down?" I ask nervously, feeling slightly nauseous and fearing the loss of my new, blissful life.
"Trust me, okay?" he responds, his tone thankfully reassuring.
"Do'aho." I mumble.
I do trust you, I think. I do trust you, do'aho.
I follow suit as he climbs out of the car and walks before me.
I glance at our surroundings uneasily.
Is this what I think it is? A cemetery?
I keep silent. How are you supposed to act in cemeteries anyway?
Sakuragi stops before a headstone, smiles absently, and kneels before it.
I stop and stand beside him.
"Otosan," Sakuragi greets with a distant smile. "o-genki desu ka?"
His father. I never knew his father was deceased.
"I've come to say goodbye," he says, his eyes downcast. "and to introduce you to someone."
He gestures towards me.
"This is Rukawa Kaede." he announces.
I bow in respect and watch as Sakuragi strokes his fingers across the headstone gently, his eyes darkening with emotion.
"He loves me, otosan," he whispers shakily. "isn't that great?
"I've found someone that I love who loves me back … isn't that wonderful?"
He laughs and I lay a hand on his shoulder, kneeling beside him.
Sincerity and deep emotion hangs in the air as he gazes at me, eyes quivering with a weary sadness that I recognize. He glances back at the headstone and smiles.
"You'll understand, right, otosan? I know you'll understand."
He leans forward and gives the headstone a long hug, as if it were really his father, alive and present, sitting right there before him.
"I'll be gone for a while," he says. "but I'll come back to see you – I promise."
I can hear the swallowed back tears in Sakuragi's erratic breathing as he stands up, brushes the dust off his trousers and smiles one last time.
"Ja matta!" he waves cheerfully, blinking multiple times, obviously fighting back the tears welling up in his eyes. "I'll see you soon, otosan. I'll see you soon."
He turns away from his father's headstone, taking my hand in his and beginning to walk in the other direction.
I pull back. A surprised expression replaces Sakuragi's distant one.
I turn back to the headstone, bowing with all the energy and sincerity I have.
"Sakuragi-sama," I say loudly. "I promise you that I'll take care of your son, and I promise you that he'll be all right – I promise you will every fibre of my being.
"And I love your son – I love him with all my heart - please rest assured at that.
"Sayonara."
I say a quick prayer and stand up again, to be met with a gaze of utmost bewilderment and gratitude.
He smiles, a solitary tear falling from his eye.
"Thankyou." he whispers. "Thankyou, Kaede."
I only advance towards him and intertwine my fingers in his.
"Let's go." he says, heading back to the car.
I still don't know where we're going.
I open my mouth to ask the question, but I decide that it doesn't matter anymore. As long as I'm with him, wherever we go, whatever we do – it's all of little importance.
It must be nice to be close to your family. I glance at Sakuragi, silently lost in thought. He must have been very close to his father. It must have been hell for him when he died.
"It was my fault he died." Sakuragi breaks the silence, as if reading my mind.
"Death is no one's fault-" I persist.
"It was my fault." he sighs heavily, avoiding my gaze. "If only I hadn't gotten into so many fights – especially that fight that day, if only I hadn't always gone and gotten myself into so much unnecessary trouble … then I would have got there in time, then I would have gotten him to the hospital in time …"
I frown at his logic.
"Do you believe in fate, Hanamichi?" I ask him.
He sighs again, though this time in mild confusion.
"Fate?" he repeats questioningly.
"Yes, fate."
He doesn't answer.
"Well, I do. Your father was fated to die that day …you couldn't have done anything about it. It was fated.
"So it's not your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was fated.
"Remember that."
I stare at his trembling fingers.
"It was fated, just as you and I were fated to be together." I say, reaching out to hold his fingers still.
He looks at me, and then smiles the most serious and profound smile I have ever seen.
He doesn't speak. But it's as if I already know what he wants to say.
And now I know. I know that nothing matters, just as long as he's here with me. I know that this really is fate. I know that this is our fate – to be together, just like this. I know now.
What could be closer to heaven than simply being with the person you love, sensing their presence near you, listening to the sound of their breathing, drowning in their eyes and falling into their smile … nothing could be closer to heaven than this.
Love is all we need. People would argue to that, I know. But when it comes down to it, that's the real truth – all we need is to love and be loved. That's all we need.
It doesn't matter where we're going. It doesn't matter where we've gone. All that matters is that we're together, that we love each other.
That's all that matters.
Notes: I decided that I should divide this chapter from the next, simply to make them more even in length :P
It's almost finished *phew* I actually think I might finish this in time *grins* ^__^
No, seriously, all you need is love… what could be more wonderful than being with the person you love? Nothing *looks dreamy* hehee.. I hope I've actually made people *feel* with this fic… that's my only wish…
You guys all want happy endings, yeah? ^_^ So do I… Someone suggested I make it sad, but I decided no *shakes head* I think love should conquer all ^.^ *punches the sky* haha…
*sheepish* Someone actually predicted my ending you know … *sighs* That's actually a really bad sign, but I'll just ignore it ^_^" *giggles*
Is this fic too sappy? -_-" It probably is… *sighs* I hope the next fic I write turns into something more angsty than sappy :P If I do find time to write a next fic, that is… *worried* …
By the way, I'm not trying to offend people by making Hanamichi so damn weak -_-" I didn't mean it.. *raises hands in a gesture of surrender* Gomen to all Sakuragi-seme fans.. ^_^" *sheepish*