Sometimes feelings are scary. So we hide them, and we fight them, and we do are best to pretend they don't exist. We know if we ever let them surface they could change things, so we deny and we run. We cling to our comfort zones and our excuses, because if we allow ourselves, if we think to much, we might begin to open up, and if we do that? We might have to face the things that scare us the most, the feelings that we run from might become real and then? Then nothing will never be the same.

He watched her as she slept, he'd never tell her that he did that, because it was weird, probably a little creepy, but he did it anyway. She snuggled up to his side and he groaned silently as her arm flung across him. He was Alex Karev, he wasn't supposed to do this kind of stuff. Years ago he had prided himself on being tough, strong, the guy that didn't let women get to him. This woman and her kids though? They freakin' owned him and it scared him. For the last few weeks he'd been playing poker with the other guys at work, making friends or whatever it was Meredith said he needed to do, but then he'd come home, home to screaming kids, and meals that he had planned, home to Disney shows with Zola, t-ball practice with Bailey and cuddle time with Ellis. Home to late nights with Meredith, talking and laughing and just being…them. It was all screwed up and crazy, and nothing like he had planned, but it was his life, and he kinda loved every second of it.

Meredith's hair fell against her face as she moved again and he sighed, this was his best friend, his person, he wasn't supposed to watch her sleep, or breathe in her scent, that wasn't what you did with friends. With a frowned he moved away from her, and shook his head, the thoughts that played in his mind needed to leave because they were crazy, she was Meredith, and he was Alex, and the thoughts were pointless and stupid.

Sitting up slowly in the bed he felt her stir behind him, he turned back and looked as she opened her eyes and shut them again.

"I hate mornings." She groaned with a sleepy voice.

"Who doesn't?" He asked.

"There are people," she muttered. "Annoying people that love them."

"Yeah, Izzy did."

"Lexie did too." She whispered.

"Yeah she did." He remembered.

The thought hung in the air for a moment and then he heard Meredith laugh, "Apparently all perky, happy, people love mornings."

"We aren't perky, happy people though." He spoke.

"Not at all."

"We don't even like people," he grinned looking back at her.

"That's not true." She laughed sitting up, "I like you, and Cristina and my sisters… I like people, several people. You like people too."

"I like you, and the kids, I pretty much tolerate everyone else," He shrugged.

"No you love me and my kids, we are your people." Meredith joked with a laugh.

"Yeah." Alex nodded with a sigh, "You are."

"Do you have poker tonight?"

"No, not this week," he shrugged. "Avery did ask me to come over and watch a game, but I doubt I go."

"Might be fun."

"Nah, he talks about things. Life things, it's weird."

"What life things?"

"I can't tell you," Alex groaned.

"Oh right, because it's part of the rules."

"Yeah, but he talks a lot, and talking is not my thing." Alex shrugged.

"You talk to me." Meredith spoke as she climbed out of the bed and stood up.

"You're you, that's different. We're us, it's whatever." Alex sighed as he stood up and stretched.

He saw Meredith watching him her eyes slowly moving up and down, "You know you really should start sleeping in clothes."

"I sleep in pants shut up," Alex grinned. "You need to stop checking me out all the time."

"Seriously?" Meredith laughed. "You got me Karev, that's exactly what I've been doing."

"Mere, you sleep in the bed with me almost every night, you've saw me all kinds of ways, I'm pretty sure this is nothing." Alex laughed. "Unless you like what you see?" He grinned.

"Shut up and put on a shirt." Meredith groaned, "We've got to get upstairs."

"Yeah I promised Zola a omelet, she said yours are crispy." He smirked.

"Some people like crispy," Meredith muttered rolling her eyes.

"Bailey said they were yucky," Alex added with a laugh.

"Everyone's a critic." Meredith huffed.

"And your sister said…." Alex began as Meredith swatted his arm.

"Shush, no more of this, I get it, I can't cook."

"But you're pretty and that's important," Alex joked.

"I also save lives…" Meredith smiled.

"I save lives…and cook."

"Show off."

"And I have nice abs." Alex said turning to her with a wink, "You noticed those right? When you were checking me out?"

"They're decent," Meredith said dryly.

"Just proves you looked," Alex shrugged with a snort as he headed up the stairs ahead of of her. This was his screwed up, weird life, and God help him, he never wanted any of this to end.

"I swear sometimes Alex is one of the most egoistical people I've ever met." Meredith groaned as she looked into her Ipad at Cristina.

"We already know this. He's the Evil Spawn."

"I did not check him out."

"Of course not." Cristina spoke. "Why would you."

"Right?" Meredith groaned as she rested on the bed in the in call room, "It's insane."

"It is…" Cristina nodded, "Unless it's not? And then that's what's actually insane."

"Not you too…" Meredith spoke.

"That is not necessary, He's my…My Alex," she shrugged, "Since you ran off and left me, he's all I have."

"You talk about him a lot now," Cristina spoke, "It concerns me that you do this, but I have dared not question it."

"He's a good guy, a great guy," Meredith sighed, "And he's amazing with my kids, but he's my best friend, anything else would be crazy."

"Agreed."

"But if you feel the need to come for a visit, please by all means make your way here…"

"If only I wasn't busy saving lives and being amazing," Cristina smiled. "I am in the middle of some incredible things right now."

"And I had a baby throw her food at me last night, after my son tried to stay up all night again." Meredith laughed.

"But you're also saving lives and being awesome."

"Just not as awesome as you?" Meredith asked.

"Of course not." Cristina smirked.

"I miss you, you know."

"I know. Same."

"And if you were here, I probably wouldn't have to sleep in the bed with Alex every night…" Meredith spoke with a tiny grin as Cristina's eyes got wide.

"What? Meredith…Do I need to come back there?"

"I have to go, lives to be saved." Meredith laughed as she clicked the conversation off. "That'll get her going." Meredith chuckled to herself.

"And I know it's good that we are still close, I mean with the baby coming and all, we have to co-parent so that's important but it's still odd, how friendly and close we are, it is right? It's odd?"

Alex let out a groan, "I thought we were supposed to watch the game."

"Right, but I'm just saying…"

"You're having a kid with her, getting along is good, don't over think it."

Why had he let Avery talk him into coming over tonight was beyond him. Alex had spent the last hour listening to the man go on and on about April and how he didn't love her but he did, just not like that, even if he thought he did or some kind of crap like that.

"April is a great girl, like she's really the best, but you know we tried the marriage thing and it just didn't work. We just get along so awesome, it's weird right?"

"Except for that time you two were fighting over your kid." Alex groaned.

"Yeah but we worked through that, and now it's awesome."

"So what's the freakin' problem?" Alex asked looking at him. "Seriously?"

"It's not a problem, it just confuses things and makes me think…"

"Because you're still in love with Kepner maybe?" Alex asked.

"What? No! No, that's not it at all."

"If you say so dude," Alex sighed.

"Do you love Meredith? You live with her and are raising her kids. You two function like a married couple already."

Alex let out a groan and ran his hand through his hair, "Dude, no."

"Are you sure?" Jackson asked.

"Mer is my family or whatever, it's complicated. We are best friends."

"That are raising her children together…" Jackson smirked. "And sleep in the same bed half of the time."

"Maggie has a huge mouth." Alex mumbled.

"So you share all this time with her, and have all these sleep overs and you never think maybe?"

"Is there even a game on tonight?" Alex grunted.

"Look, you and Meredith wouldn't be crazy, it makes sense actually."

"Dude, I don't do this…"

"What?"

"Talk." Alex huffed.

"So you've never thought about it? At night when she's there…"

Alex sighed, "Have I ever thought about us together? She's hot, so of course I've had a lot of thoughts, but man she's Mer, and she still loves Derek and we are what we are." He spoke in frustration.

"Derek isn't here anymore though." Jackson frowned.

"She still belongs to him. Why do you think she comes down to my room? Because she's terrified she's going to dream about him and wake up alone."

"But do you have feelings for her?" Jackson asked.

Alex sat in silence for a moment, so many thoughts going through his head. He thought about the mornings that he would spend a few extra minutes just watching her sleep, or the nights he would hold her tight and breathe her in. Her face came in his head, laughing and dancing with the kids and all he could do was sigh. "Dude weren't we talking about your weird feelings for Kepner?"

"They aren't weird, they are complicated."

"Right, whatever, I just came here to watch a game."

"And maybe help me with a few things in the babies room?" Jackson asked.

"Will that stop you from talking about feelings and crap?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll paint the freaking room if you want me too," Alex grumbled.

"I do have paint…" Jackson grinned.

"This is why I don't talk to people." Alex muttered shaking his head as Jackson let out a loud laugh causing him to roll his eyes. He told Meredith he didn't like people, and tonight just reminded him of why.