Title: Revenant, Ch. 10

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"Whoa, B, that's really trippy," Faith said over the phone.

"Yeah, and when I asked Giles the next day what was going on with him and Spike, he just said that he and Spike were far more integrated with their personality aspects than the rest of us."

"So the G-man's really just a disguise for Ripper?"

"Or Ripper and Giles really aren't as different as he pretends in the day to day. And I'm not sure what's scarier, the fact that the guy who's the closest thing I've had to a father in years is just a half-step away from being a killer, or that the guy I always thought of as my first love and soul-mate has lied to me for years, and in fact that he and his alter ego are both sicker than I thought."

"Hey, cut Angel some slack, B. I've had to take a trip through their head, before, and while Angelus may be a complete bastard, Angel's okay. Sort of." Faith paused. "At least, they were. Angelus wasn't as insane as you described him, I guess his recent rampages out and free let him release a lot of the frustration that his jail-time inside Angel built up over two centuries. From what I hear from Giles, Angel himself may be under too much strain. Keeping as tight a reign on Wolfram and Hart as he's doing is probably playing heck with the whole 'Helping the Helpless' crusade he's got going."

"Yeah, and Cordy being in a coma probably isn't helping. As much as I want to be jealous, those two must have had something special building between them. According to Lorne, she actually got him to smile more than once, and without Angelus coming out to play." Buffy paused. "I hope she gets better. We were friends (kind of), once. And Angel needs someone."

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Willow and Xander took turns firing a crossbow into a mannequin that Gunn used for target practice.

"Hey, Xan, how much of that is you getting your vision back, and how much of that is Army Guy?" Willow asked.

Xander set the crossbow down and walked away.

"Xan?" Willow asked, a wave of worry washing over her at Xander's reaction.

"I- I'm scared, Wills." Xander said in a quiet voice. "The other night-"

"What we saw in the Dreamtime?" Willow asked, hugging Xander from behind.

"Yeah."

"Luke and Penn are way, way scary, yeah. They killed Jesse, and even after Buffy killed them, they're back. I understand, Xander, believe me. I'm scared too."

"No. Not that."

"Oh." Willow pulled away. 'Oh, goddess, I scare him.'

Xander looked over his shoulder, and kicked himself for the way Willow's face threatened to crumble. "What? No, no, Willow! That's so not what I meant!" He pulled her into a hug. "Lord, Wills, I scared me the other night. I mean, I knew Army Guy was in there, but he was so faded until the other night, he was almost gone. But the Hyena?"

"Yeah?"

"They're both back Wills, full force. I can feel them fighting each other for share time with the Xan-man, Willow. And if either of them win, it scares me." Xander held Willow at arms length, and look her straight in the eyes. "Yeah, sure, Army Guy has some nifty skills and combat abilities, but he's not exactly the nicest guy on the planet. Remember the Halloween when Ethan cast his spell? He thought you were a hooker, Willow. That's SO not me. And yeah, when I was in the Hyena's grip, maybe I did have strength and reflexes to match Buffy's, but good god! The hateful things I said to you, and the other things I did-"

"Xander, eating the School mascot isn't all that bad-"

"No, Wills, I'm not talking about that. For fuck's sake, I tried to rape Buffy!"

"What?" Willow blanched and took a half-step back.

"I tried to- to-"Xander shuddered, and collapsed into Willow's arms, crying.

Willow held her best friend, stunned. 'Buffy never told me,' she thought. 'Goddess, Xander you've both kept this secret for years.' "She told me you attacked her, she never said-"

"It was looking for a mate, someone that could be it's physical match." Xander said after a while, when he'd calmed down slightly. "It didn't care if she was agreeable or not, it just wanted to, well, breed her. Now do you see why I'm freaked? The Hyena can't win, Wills, it just can't! If it did, none of you would be safe. When you went all black-eyed and veiny, you kicked Buffy's ass, it would see you as a perfect mate for it! I couldn't live with myself if it tried to force you to-"

"Xander, that won't happen."

"But-"

"It won't!" Willow looked at Xander with her full-on Resolve Face. "First off, you know full well, I am one bad-ass Wicca. The Hyena may be powerful enough to take on a neophyte Slayer. But do you honestly think it could even be anywhere near my league? Second, I know Alexander Lavelle Harris. He's not the inexperienced kid he was in High School. The Xander I know has faced vampires, Dracula himself, Goddesses, and the First Evil itself. There's no way that that Xander could ever let the Hyena, Primal Spirit or not, hurt me, Buffy, Dawn, or any of our friends. Not gonna happen."

"But-"His protest died as Willow cupped his face in her hands.

"Not gonna happen." Willow looked Xander square in the eyes, leaned forward and kissed him. "The man who loved me enough to keep me from destroying the world would never let anyone hurt me. Not even himself." She kissed him again. "Remember how I was dressed as Vampire Willow in the Dreamtime?" Xander nodded. "Vampire Willow may have been 'kinda gay', true, but she was with her Xander. I love you, and not just as my best friend. I won't let anything hurt you, Xander, not even you."

"You, you love me?" Willow bit her lip, then nodded. "And not in the best-friend kind of love?" Xander asked, disbelieving.

"Kinda, yeah."

"Kind of?"

"I've loved you for years, Xander. After Oz and Tara, I buried it away, but I still loved you. I just couldn't betray what I had with either of them by letting myself love more than one person at a time. Oz is gone. Tara is dead. So is Kennedy, but I wasn't in love with her, just a lot of lust." Willow took a deep breath. "Maybe you're right, maybe I am bisexual. But Tara taught me that life is too short to worry about labels, and that love is just plain love, regardless of who you love."

"And I love you, Xander Harris."

T.B.C.