AN 1: Full Title is 'What's a Little Failure and Cannibalism Between Friends?'
AN: Sorry this is a bit late guys. My friend and I are moving soon, so we've been filling out paperwork and packing. But I'm so excited for the new apartment! :D Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.
Everything Hera said seemed to be coming true, as far as it concerned the Amazons.
"We don't know how they're doing it," Ephiny said, holding Xena's crude map from earlier down while she looked around for paper weights, "but somehow Draco's put an entire army right under our noses." Finally just pulling out some of her daggers and stabbing them into the corners of the paper (getting an angry look from Cyrene across the room as she did), Ephiny tapped the largest of the blobs that signified one of the clearings large enough to hide an army. "We couldn't hear them, couldn't see them, there was almost nothing to say that they even existed."
"Except the smell," Solari piped in, her nose wrinkling. "It wasn't there at first, but then the wind shifted, and just urg." She shuddered, sticking out her tongue at the memory. "It smelt like a couple thousand people took a bath in horse dung two weeks ago and never washed it off. It was disgusting."
"So you mean you after training," Eponin teased, poking her partner in the shoulder before growing serious once again. "It was ripe alright. I would place it at two, maybe two and a half weeks old. Not much older than that."
"There's been rumors flying around about us for months," Xena said, leaning over to look at the map, one hand reaching out for Gabrielle's while the other rubbed at her chin. "And Mom sent out the invites a month ago. Plenty of time for Draco to gather together his army and move it into position. Could you tell how many there were?"
"At least a couple hundred, though we couldn't get a good count with our noses," Ephiny said, a grim smile on her face. "We're going to have to work on that if we want to be more help."
"A location is already a great deal of help," Gabrielle said, her free hand reaching over the table to reassuringly pat her Regent's arm. "We at least have a starting point."
"We do," Xena agreed. Looking up, she took in their little group, examining them closely, weighing their skills and their weaknesses in her mind. She had the beginnings of a plan, but first…
"Hercules. Would you do the honor?"
"I don't know why you need me to call her," Hercules grumbled, pointing at Gabrielle, "when the two of them are such close friends."
"Because Aphrodite doesn't always show up for me," Gabrielle said with a shrug. "We're friends, yeah, but she has no obligation to me. Not like she does to you, since you're family and all. She comes and goes as she pleases, though she does always let us use her temples to rest if we're near one," Gabrielle finished. "She's more likely to show up for a random girl's night of drinking and gossip in the middle of a war zone then she is when I call."
"Maybe," a light, feminine voice said from behind the group, causing them all to turn, "that's because the chances of you being in the middle of a random war zone is a lot higher than your chances of calling for me when I'm not busy." Aphrodite's pout was much more reminiscent of the persona she normally put on, though it was clear she was still in all business mode- she wasn't smiling, and instead of her normal bedroom wear, she was wearing something almost respectable: a pink, sleeveless leather top, some soft pink leather pants, and a pair of gold leather boots with pink laces. And her hair was pulled up into a sensible do as well. "It's my war gear," she said with a quick glance down. "If Ares wants to try and break up my best friend's wedding, thus ruining a ship I've shipped since the Fates first told me about it four hundred years ago, he's going to have me to deal with."
"Glad to have you on our side," Xena said with a nod. "Find anything?"
"No." It was clear the goddess was upset with herself, her arms under her chest and an uncharacteristic scowl on her face. "I know there's something that will help, but I just can't think of it." She shook her head. "Too many memories up here for me to keep them all straight," she admitted, tapping her temple. "I'm too old to remember everything."
"Does the word 'Lelantos' mean anything to you?"
For a long moment Xena thought Hera might have played her- Aphrodite gave her a blank stare, her eyes glazing over after a while in thought. Slowly, Aphrodite began to shake her head, sending Xena's stomach sinking…before she smiled and clapped her hands, bouncing slightly as she remembered.
"Uncle Lelantos," Aphrodite said, grinning wildly. "He was a Titan, the younger Titan of air and the ability to stalk prey. He could make himself invisible, unheard- literally go completely unnoticed. However, being a Titan of air, he couldn't keep it up forever; eventually, the breezes would shift, and his prey would be able to smell him. When Zeus took over, he cut up Lelantos, but didn't burn the body. He…" Aphrodite trailed off as she realized something, her eyes going wide in panic before she poofed out of the room, the flash of light almost blinding.
Everyone was still blinking away the afterglow when Aphrodite returned, a box in her hands and a curse on her tongue as she ranted.
"-upid, self-centered, idiotic dumb ass," Aphrodite growled, almost slamming the box onto the table before pacing around the room. "Ares stole one of the boxes. He stole a box, fed the contents to the men, and that's why no one can see them- because they're literally digesting a Titan." Reaching out, she flipped open the top, exposing the contents to the humans.
Xena had seen a lot in her days as a warlord. A lot of sick, soul destroying things, and she had seen even more as someone trying to stop it all. But even her stomach churned as she took in the contents of the box. Reaching into the box, she winced as she took out a cube- still warm, still squirming, still slightly moist between her fingers.
"Pleasant," she said drying before returning the piece to the box, wiping her hand on her leathers. "I'm guessing we're going to have to eat some as well to battle Ares' and Draco's army?"
"We have to eat that," Gabrielle said, horrified. "Nope, no way. I will eat a lot of things," Gabrielle said, "but I am not eating that."
"You have to," Aphrodite said, "if you want to be able to see and fight this army." Picking up a cube of her own, she rolled it between her fingers for a moment before tossing it at Toris, who caught it and winced. "The pieces call to each other, so once you eat your own, you will be granted the ability to see and hear any who ate a piece as well. Meaning they'll also see you, so be careful." Waving her hand at the box she continued, giving them the backstory to understand. "Lelantos, when the Titans were defeated, was cut into thousands of small cubes, handfuls placed into boxes like these and scattered throughout the world. He hadn't been entirely against the gods, which was why he wasn't burned and turned to ashes. He's still conscious- in great agony, but conscious. And when a piece is destroyed, there's a dinar toss. Either that piece is lost forever, or it reappears in his cavern. When enough pieces have gathered, he might be able to reform. But that's not supposed to happen for thousands of years. But, Ares stole a few dozen boxes and fed the pieces to his men."
"Making the chances of Lelantos coming back that much higher," Hercules asked.
"Maybe," the goddess said with a shrug. "But again, it's a coin toss, so who really knows? But enough about dead Titans," the goddess said, waving her hand. "We can worry about crossing that bridge when we come to it. For now…" She picked up another piece and handed it to Iolaus, who looked at it in a mixture of disgust and intrigue, squishing it between his fingers as if it was a toy. "Don't eat these until you're about to attack," Aphrodite said, handing the box to Joxer so he could finish passing them around. As if realizing what she had been touching, her face crinkled in disgust, a handkerchief appearing between her fingers for her to clean them on.
Slowly, now that her part was done, the normal Aphrodite was coming back, her body relaxing, her smile coming more easily, her hair starting to fall from its restricting bun into the more comfortable loose curls.
"You need the powers of a god to keep the effects, but even without me, you should have half an hour, give or take. Little bro," she said as the box reached Hercules, "take two. You're big a big fella. But yeah. Eat the cubes, fight Ares, save your wedding, and we should be good to go!"
"Is there a reason why you can't extend the effects," Toris asked, glaring at the piece in his hand. "You know, be that 'powers of a god'?"
"Because I can't get involved, duh," Aphrodite said, snapping her fingers and returning to her normal clothes. "I was a bit hesitant to get involved at all this morning, but when I saw this," she said, walking around so she was behind Xena, lifting the braid so show the pink, perfectly tied ribbon at the end, "I knew Hera was totally groovy with me helping out. Though I can't do too much- this is still Ares' and Hera's shindig, since he wants to mess up her temple and all. So, I have to go. Did everyone get their piece of Titan?" After everyone had held up their pieces, Aphrodite took back the box, holding it gingerly by the tips of her fingers. "This is so grody. I need to get it home. Good luck, and bye!"
What that and a shower of sprinkles, Aphrodite disappeared, leaving them with the tools they needed in order to succeed.
Hopefully, Xena thought as she wrapped her piece of Titan in a cloth for safe keeping, the others following her example- some with less whining than others, though no one was happy with the idea of having to eat the cubes later. With only ten of them, against a couple hundred, their chances weren't the best; plus, Ares would still have his blessing on the army, making it that much harder. But now that they had the last piece, she could make her plan.
"Alright," Xena said after the last piece of flesh had been tucked away into a pocket or a pouch, drawing their attention back to her as she tapped the map. "I have a plan."
The plan was supposed to be simple.
Autolycus, Iolaus, and Toris would eat their pieces first and hide on the outskirts of the camp, pouncing on and knocking out the first three men they could find. Stripping them of their clothes and weapons, they would infiltrate the camp and find out what the rest of them needed to know- where the leader's tents were, whether or not they were all there, if there was a shrine to Ares anywhere that might be a conductor for the god's powers- Xena had had one among her troops, since once Ares had told her it was hard to bless an entire army without a home base to rest in. It gave him the power boost he needed, and let him feed directly off the energy of the army to protect it, instead of second handedly through their sacrifices. Once they had what they needed, the three of them were supposed to report back to the group and write what they knew on a piece of paper and drop it they could read the information.
Then, leading everyone in the group by a rope so they could see where they were being taken, they would position the others where they needed to be, making sure they were as close to their targets as physically possible without alerting the troops. When every second counted, they didn't have time for playing around. Not when it was a matter of life and death. Once they were in place, Auto, Io, and Toris would fallback- they were good fighters, but with their time running short, it did none of them any good to have them be vulnerable if the meat's powers ran out.
Once in position, the rest of the group would eat their own pieces of Titan and begin phase two. Eponin and Solari would start a disturbance on the far side of the clearing- if Xena knew the men Draco would enlist into his army, and she did, none of them would be able to miss watching two Amazons go at it like mad dogs in heat. The two of them would pretend not to notice anyone, making as much of a ruckus that they could to draw as many eyes as possible. Hopefully, a good portion of the camp would fall for it.
Meanwhile, Ephiny and Gabrielle would make their way towards Ares' shrine and destroy it. While none of them were entirely sure what would happen if they did, Xena hoped it would at least make it that much harder for Ares to keep his blessing on the troops, leaving the men vulnerable- from what Gabrielle had told her from the dream, most of them barely knew how to hold a sword, and she had only been defeated by sheer numbers. Without Ares to guide their hands, it should be that much easier.
Xena and Hercules would go after the leaders. Most they would kill- even Hercules, with his distaste of death, had agreed that leaving most of them alive would only cause a great deal of suffering later. The more minor warlords they could give a good beating to, leaving them with hopefully a distaste for violence that would help them consider a more peaceful path for life. Draco Xena wanted alive- she wanted to question him, have him revoke his acceptance of Ares' blessing, and, if possible, leave him alive. In jail to pay for his crimes (perhaps the more cruel of the options, since death, at least, would release him from his supposed heartache over Gabrielle), but alive nonetheless.
With the leaders dead or unable to fight, Ares' shrine broken and his blessing gone, the army would quickly dissolve, the warriors heading for the hills as quickly as their feet could take them. By dawn tomorrow, they would all be gone- leaving the area safe and sound for the wedding.
And Joxer was supposed to watch the horses so that, the moment their plan was complete, they could all ride out of there, free to go and do as they pleased (which would be bathe and sleep).
It was supposed to be a simple, straightforward plan. Supposed to be.
Of course, nothing ever went according to plan. And this time it wasn't even Joxer's fault- it was sheer bad luck, and it was going to get them all killed.
It had started to work at first- Iolaus, Toris, and Autolycus had disappeared right before their very eyes, the last thing they all saw their faces scrunched into disgust. It had been strange, not even being able to sense them- Xena could tell when even the gods were near, but being unable to even see or feel her loved ones when they were right behind her (she could only tell because one of them had started playing with her hair, and when she reached back and smacked them, her hand had hit something solid) had been unnerving.
Quickly the boys found their targets- or, at least everyone thought they did. Three lengths of rope had been dropped before Xena's feet, and when she had followed the lengths to where the ends had disappeared, she met warm, living flesh, though it was clear the victims had been knocked out. She had quickly tied the ends to the nearest tree and waited, hoping that it was random soldiers who she had just tied up, and that this wasn't some horrible, awful ruse.
Waiting had been the worst- what if something went wrong? None of them would know, not until the flesh wore off and the boys became visible again, and by then it would quite possibly be too late. But, eventually, familiar hands came along, dropped quickly scribbled directions into their hands, and grabbed the small lengths of rope everyone had tied around their wrists, leading them into position.
Eponin and Solari were left on the southern side of the clearing with clear instructions to wait for Gabrielle's bird call to begin. Joxer was left in the west- the horses uncomfortable in the nearly pure dark, though Joxer's steady hand calmed them. Ephiny and Gabrielle were placed a little while away from him, both placed at a strange angles to the rest of the forest- hopefully right towards Ares' shrine. And Xena and Hercules were led to the northeastern section, left with a heavy pat on their shoulders as their friends disappeared.
Xena waited, chewing on her tongue, for Gabrielle's call. She wouldn't give it until after Auto, Io, and Toris had gone back to her and given her the signal- the three were going to stay with Joxer, keeping control of the horses as the power of their pieces of flesh died out, keeping them safe while also letting them do something useful. Gabrielle would give out her bird call- chosen because she had never quite perfected it; it sounded enough like a real bird that no one else would question it, but the rest of them would die a little on the inside at hearing it- when they were all safe, and it would be go time.
So they waited. And waited. And would have kept waiting, except Xena's stomach sunk and her heart began to pound, the way it only did when Gabrielle was in trouble.
She didn't explain as she pulled out her pouch of flesh, stuffing the piece in her mouth and swallowing it after a few quick chews, her face wrinkling in disgust at the taste. Hercules, seeing what she was doing, quickly followed suite.
And both found themselves surrounded by a couple dozen highly armed men, including Draco, who had Gabrielle in his arms, a knife at her throat.
"Xena," he said with a smile, pressing his knife a bit closer to Gabrielle's throat when the warrior took a step forward, halting her in her tracks. "It's so good of you to join us. Isn't it, my sweet?" Leaning down, he placed a soft, gentle kiss against Gabrielle's cheek- and looked up at Xena with a smirk when she growled. "Now now," Draco said, shaking his head and tutting, ignoring the absolutely disgusted look Gabrielle shot him out of the corner of her eye. "I know you love Gabrielle as well, Xena," Draco said. "However, I'm willing to make sure that if I can't have her, no one can. And you want her alive. So be a good girl and follow me. We have the rest of your party in the tent over there," he said, jerking his head. "We'll have you join them, and then the fun can begin. Tie them up, and take away their weapons." His last sentence was to his men, a small handful of them stepping forward to take their swords and Xena's chakram, while another group tied ropes tightly around their hands. When they were done, two took the ends and gave them a hard yank- Xena and Hercules didn't move, but it got the message across, and so the two began to walk.