Author's Note: Oh, look! A chapter update that didn't take a bazillion years! Let's push on to the finale, shall we?
Andy was not looking favorably upon his new situation, mainly because he was doing so upside-down. He'd been dangling from chains by his ankles for thirty minutes at this point, feeling the blood rush to his head and making him dizzy. The only thing keeping him awake was his fear.
He could hear the distant voices of the authority figures who'd arrested him and were talking about him just outside the locked door in front of him.
"So what is he?" the commanding officer was asking.
"Human from planet Earth. Saw him acting suspiciously. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, he's done it."
"Little savage, eh? Still, I never thought we'd have humans all the way out here…"
"I know… Not to worry. We just need a DNA scan and to check his records."
"Good. I'll make the arrangements."
Andy wished he could gulp nervously, but dangling as he was, he knew it would only come out his nose. He could only sway back and forth forlornly, cursing his own stupidity. He'd been able to think more clearly since being arrested, and he had to admit he'd been a bit dim to listen to Grandfather. He'd only gone and gotten himself locked up on an alien planet when he was supposed to be lying low. Now he'd probably not only be locked away or executed, he'd probably endangered his friends in the process. His friends who, despite a bit of teasing and rabblerousing, were his best friends and typically always had his back. He'd just let the aged hamster's words get to him over the whole trip until he'd been unable to focus on anything but his own self-righteous sulking.
He could only wait helplessly until the others were inevitably tracked down and locked up like him.
The door to the shelter burst open, and Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman came running inside, looking around eagerly.
"Galaxoid! Nebular!" Calvin shouted. "We know how to find Andy and stop…"
He trailed off when he saw that no one was there. The lobby was deserted. Not a single creature was milling about.
"Where is everyone?" Hobbes asked.
Sherman scanned the room and noticed the air duct was all lit up. "Er… I think that may be playing a part in it."
They followed his gaze and saw the glow. "That's coming from the basement," Socrates said with some concern.
They immediately headed for the door and were greeted by the glow of the underside of the building. Squinting, they made their way down the creaking stairs, following the sounds of deranged laughter and cries for help that sounded suspiciously like Galaxoid, Nebular and Tenzale.
The reason for this was because it was, in fact, them. They looked up through the light and saw the three aliens were being juggled about in the air by three long coils of energy emanating from what appeared to be a piece of paper on the floor. And there was a strange-looking creature cackling away, waving his hands about as if he were a conductor in a symphony hall, directing the notes on where to go.
It didn't take them long to guess who it was.
"Grandfather, I perceive," Calvin said.
The creature looked over at them and smiled nastily. "Well, well, so you finally figured it out, eh?" he chuckled. "I'm afraid we haven't been properly introduced. I am Board."
"He's a shape shifter!" Galaxoid shouted as he was tossed through the air. "Formed a psychic link to make us think he was the hamster's grandfather!"
"Yeah, we gathered that," Hobbes said, watching the performance. "Did he belong to a circus?"
Borad growled. "So… all that's left to do before I move on is destroy you twits before you stop me…" He snapped his fingers and some more energy stretched out from the poster, forming into hands that were reaching out for them.
"Run away!" Socrates wailed.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates ran around them, diving over junk and trash to escape the psychic fingers that were attempting to grasp them and do something horrible with them. Nothing seemed to stop them, so they just kept running around in circles, trying to escape.
Borad didn't mind. He was chuckling away while he continued to throw Galaxoid, Nebular and Tenzale around in the air.
"Someone do something!" Tenzale wailed.
"Can I say something?" Hobbes asked between ducking and weaving.
"Anything!"
"Well, it's highly unlikely we'll be able to do something. The law of averages are against us."
Sherman, meanwhile, had managed to scurry away in hide under a crate. He observed the proceedings, relieved to see he had temporarily eluded the ghostly fingers. He waited until Galaxoid had been juggled just a little closer before he grabbed one of his tentacles and held on for the ride.
"Calvin says we need to contact the parole officers!" he called out as they were tossed about. "Do you know how to do that?"
Galaxoid struggled to think about that as his brains got biffed around in his noggin. "Er… I think in order to do that, you have to get their attention. You have to do something against the law that will rile them."
Sherman nodded and jumped off, landing neatly on Calvin's head. "We need to do something illegal!"
"Like what?" Calvin demanded, dodging out of the way again.
"Hold still, you little maggots!" Borad shouted, summoning even more psychic energy and aiming it at them.
They all had to bob and dodge some more just to get out of the path of the giant hands, which were growing larger with an ethereal glow about them. Calvin motioned to Hobbes and Socrates, who realized he was aiming for the stairs. They nodded in agreement and made a mad dash towards them, quickly escaping through the door and slamming it behind them.
"Any chance that's actually going to hold them?" Hobbes asked, gasping for air.
"Probably not," Sherman replied.
The door suddenly started pounding, and they all backed away as it began to splinter down the middle. Realizing they were in big trouble, they turned and headed for the exit, bursting out into the open air and heading down the sidewalk with the psychic arms continuing to reach out for them.
"We've got to figure out how to reach the parole officers!" Calvin yelled to the others. "What's something illegal we could do?"
"Arson?" Hobbes suggested.
"Murder?" Sherman added.
"Jaywalking?" Socrates finished.
Calvin rolled his eyes. "Be serious!"
They quickly ducked down an alley beside the shelter and ran around towards the back of building, finding the alley next to the field from earlier that day. They ran for the gate and got it open, filing inside and closing the door behind them. The psychic hands caught up, merged into one hand and pulled the door open and shot inside. It didn't realize that our heroes had been counting on this and were hiding behind the door. They ran around and slammed the gate shut behind them, severing the hand from the link and snapping it off. They looked through the crack in the gate and saw it fall to the ground, flopping about a bit before it disappeared into nothing.
"Man, what are the odds?" Socrates remarked.
They ran back to the shelter, ducking inside the back door.
"Okay, that might have slowed him down," Calvin said, leaning against the wall to get his breath back.
"We need to find Andy as well," Hobbes reminded him. "There's gotta be a way to track him down!"
They let that thought sit in their heads for a few moments. They took note of the continual glow from the air ducts and knew time of was of the essence.
Then, Socrates noticed the mail slots behind the lobby desk. Getting an idea, he went over to it and pulled out some paper from a drawer. "What if we wrote him a letter?" he suggested.
Calvin snapped his fingers in realization. "The hate mail…" he said, heading over to the desk. "We just write a letter on the Universal Mail and home it on Andy's brain waves. Then we just follow it."
"I'm on it," Socrates said, already pressing one of the small buttons on the corner of paper. The upper-left corner began flashing a small red dot, signifying it was time to start his reply. "Hi, Andy! We're here!" He pressed another button the bottom corner, ending the recording, and the sheet of paper replicated the four-word message onto the paper in a very tidy font. It then proceeded to fold itself in fours and grew its own envelope before levitating out of his paws.
"So now we just follow it to wherever Andy is?" Hobbes asked.
Before anyone could reply, the letter floated higher into the air and zoomed out the door, into the open.
"… This'd be a good time for cleats," Calvin sighed.
They ran out the door after it and followed it into town. It zoomed all over the place, zipping around the buildings and over traffic, forcing them to dodge oncoming vehicles in the process. They couldn't afford to lose track of it.
It took them further and deeper into town, zooming up and down alleys and through a restaurant at one point. They jumped over the road construction site and made their way towards the large building that loomed ahead of them that had a great big sign on the front.
"The police station?!" Calvin exclaimed.
"I hope this doesn't mean he's going to be covered in tattoos and body piercings," Socrates sighed with feeling.
They didn't waste any time. The envelope slid through the crack in the door, and Calvin followed it up the steps, pushing the door open as he went.
The police officers were startled by the letter that came whizzing past them, flying deeper and deeper into the building until it got to the cell door at the end of the hall. It slid underneath and entered where Andy continued to dangle from his ankles. It flew up to him, alarming him greatly when it stopped barely two inches from his nose. It opened itself, and turned upside down to compensate for his captivity.
Hi, Andy! We're here!
He looked in the direction of the door just in time for someone to start beating on it.
Outside, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were pounding on it, trying to get it open. They almost didn't notice one of the constables coming up behind them, ready to nab them. "What's all this?" he demanded.
"We're here for our driver!" Calvin snapped.
"Now hang on a minute. You can't just come racketing in here and – !"
"Please, sir! Can we have our friend back?" Hobbes asked politely.
Without waiting for a response, Sherman climbed down from Calvin's shoulder and reached inside the lock, pulling on a small mechanism that was holding it shut. With a sizeable grunt, he managed to haul it back again. The door popped open, allowing them to find Andy inside in his current predicament with the letter floating close by.
Running inside, Hobbes proceeded to pick the locks around the boy's ankles with his claws. "Does this count as doing something illegal?" he asked as he and Socrates helped him down.
Calvin shrugged. "It's as close as we can get on such short notice."
The chief had entered by now. "What in the world do you think you're doing?" he demanded.
"Just leaving," Hobbes said politely before rearing up into a pounce, knocking the chief down and clearing a path for everyone else to get through the door. Socrates picked Andy up and put him around his back so he could get the feeling back in his legs, and with Sherman in Calvin's pocket the team was back together. They dashed across the fallen chief and followed Hobbes out the door and into freedom.
Behind them, a loud claxon echoed around town, signifying a chase was on.
They followed Hobbes up the street and into town again.
Andy tried to speak up. "Now hold on…," he said, bucking up and down on Socrates's back. "I don't… I really think we should…"
"Save your breath!" Socrates replied.
Hobbes suddenly skidded to a halt, and the others quickly saw why. Coming up the sidewalk was a group of police creatures, all having heard the claxon and now moving in on their targets.
"This way!" Calvin shouted, pointing down an alley. They followed him down it with a herd of police creatures following them the whole way.
The alley was very long, constantly twisting and turning, and after a few hundred yards, they were beginning to feel they'd lost their sense of direction. They didn't have time to stop and think, what with the cops hounding them the entire way. They fought to keep air in their lungs as they followed Calvin further and further along until, at long last, they made it to an opening, back out in front of the road.
It was a narrow street with no traffic, and they had run far enough ahead to stop and breathe for a few seconds. Calvin's head swiveled this way and that, trying to figure out where they were in relation to the shelter where Galaxoid and Nebular were. "This way!" Calvin said, turning right and pelting up the street.
Hobbes and Socrates, still carrying Andy, followed him just as the cops were catching up. They ran up the street a bit before Calvin suddenly veered down another alley.
"Shortcut!"
They raced as fast as they could, listening to their footsteps echoing on the high walls. They reached the other end of the alley and ran out and down the sidewalk, only to find they were once again running up the steps to the police station.
They'd gone in a complete circle!
With no time to stop, they ran all the way up and inside, startling the remaining staff. The herd of policemen came running in after, just as out of breath as their prey. Soon, the whole building was full of police creatures, all gasping for breath from the long chase, some sitting down and getting drink from the cooler.
The chief had recovered from his earlier pouncing and glared at them. "Now just what is going on here?"
Calvin waved him away, bent over and gasping. "Just a second… Let me get my breath back…"
The chief nodded and waited, crossing his scaly arms and leaning against the desk.
Calvin heaved air into his lungs, watching Hobbes and Socrates do the same. By now, Andy had feeling in his legs, and he felt confident he could move under own power again. He expressed this with a nod to Calvin while he was bent over, and his friend merely raised an eyebrow in response before resuming his breathing exercises.
After a few seconds, and while all the police were regaining their composure, he stood up a bit straighter, still a bit red-faced but otherwise okay.
"Better now?" the chief asked.
Calvin nodded faintly. "Yeah, I think so… Guys?"
Hobbes, Andy and Socrates all nodded in agreement.
"Good."
They all broke into a sprint back out the door, forcing their way past the cops in the process and out into the open.
The startled cops struggled back to their feet and proceeded after them with the chief in the lead this time.
This time, Hobbes took the lead, and following his instincts, he led the others down the street and across town, back in the direction of the shelter. It wouldn't have been difficult to find, however. By the time they were within half a mile of it, they could already see the sky flickering with the psychic energy.
They could all tell that Borad was about to initiate his plan. They hightailed it in that direction, but something cut them off.
It was the all-too-familiar sight of Dracip and his team. They were barring the narrow path through the alley that would take them to the shelter.
"Oh, wow," Calvin said, skidding to a halt with the others. "Looks like we got a result after all."
The police were coming up behind them, all set to apprehend their prey, when they registered who was standing in front of them. They similarly skidded to a halt at the sight of the towering Dracip.
"What seems to be the trouble, officer?" Dracip hissed.
The cops behind him were out of breath, so the chief was forced to speak up. "Er… we're here to arrest these… creatures…," he said as authoritatively as he could.
Dracip pulled out his badge. "These boys are all wanted by the Intergalactic Bounty Federation," he said with twice as much authority. "They will be taken into custody by us, and us alone."
The chief looked at the badge, seeing the official letterhead, and nodded with reluctant acceptance. "Right…," he said with a weak smile. "Well… I guess we'll just leave you to it, then."
"Thank you."
The police creatures turned and shuffled away, thoroughly exhausted and irritated after what had been a pointless chase. As they disappeared back up the street, Dracip turned on Calvin and the others.
"So," he growled, "what inspired you to break into prison?"
Calvin looked at him for a long moment. "How long have you guys been standing here?" he asked at last.
"Not long."
"But in all that time, you never looked behind you?"
Dracip took a quick look through the alley, and then it turned into a full-on stare as he saw the shelter lighting up with energy. "Oh…"
Borad had finally stopped tossing Galaxoid, Nebular and Tenzale around, having decided instead to trap them in a glowing psychic prison that levitated above the ground. He was busily standing over the glowing poster, all set to enact the final part of his grand plan.
"Right…," he purred. "Now that I've gotten in some basic practice, it's just a matter of taking the power out of the paper and into my mind so I can control everything at will!"
"And what will you do with your newfound power?" Galaxoid asked.
"I'll start by travelling back to my world and showing them what I'm capable of!"
"You mean, just sitting around, stuffing your face and being a general nuisance?" Nebular asked dryly. "You can do that without the power, you know…"
Borad growled. "When your friends get back here, I'll wipe them out and make sure no one is left to stop me!"
"If they come back," Tenzale muttered bitterly.
"Oh, they'll be back. They're just the sort of sissies who'd try and put me in my place…"
"I resent that implication," Calvin's voice said in an affronted tone.
Borad turned and saw, standing across the room, were Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates, all glaring at him sternly.
"Ah ha," he said, grinning triumphantly. "About time you got here…"
"You lay a single glowy hand on us, and we can't promise you'll come out of this alive," Calvin said, unimpressed.
Borad just chuckled. "Oh, just give us a moment," he said pleasantly. "I'll soon settle you all." He leaned over the glowing poster and put his hands against the paper. He closed his eyes and began to murmur some sort of invocation, no doubt trying to summon the power within it. The glow was beginning to surround him as he spoke.
Socrates, however, spoke up. "You're just doing it for attention, aren't you?"
That was enough to interrupt Borad's flow of thought, and the light retracted quickly back into the poster. "… What?" he asked as he glared at the tiger through one eye.
"Well, think about it. You say you were never appreciated on your own planet. You're just lashing out. Think about it. You could've just gone someplace else. Found people who did appreciate you for who you are. Instead, you had to go all out-and-out insane and plan to rule the galaxy out of some insane bid to satisfy your battered ego."
Borad glared at him. "I'm busy."
Socrates just smiled pleasantly. "Are you?"
Borad tried to resume his ritual, but the tiger's words continued to buzz around in his head, and he couldn't concentrate. The glow was taking a weird shape now, swirling around the room in a weird pattern. Even the glowing cage that held Galaxoid, Nebular and Tenzale began to dissolve, slowly lowering them to the ground. As the bars began to fade, they found they were able to pass through them without any difficulty.
Borad angrily pounded his fists on the floor, and all the energy quickly dissipated. "Fine! I'll destroy you little so-and-so's first!"
They all smiled winningly and turned to run up the stairs. Borad gestured dramatically, causing the glowing fingers to reach out and coil around them right before they could make it to the door. They found themselves dangling in the air, struggling to get free.
Borad smirked as he held them over his head. "I was hoping to get a change of scenery with you bunch of sissies. And what did I see? A spaceship and a room, then a shuttle and a room, and a room and a room! Well, that may be all right for a bunch of twits like you, but it's left me feeling incredibly straitjacketed."
"Not to mention being trapped in that tiny hamster body for days on end," Hobbes pointed out. He noticed a scowl on Sherman's face. "No offense."
Andy cleared his throat and spoke for the first time since the chase. "Hey… the power's coming from the poster, right?" he asked.
Borad sighed irritably. "Yes…"
"Then… what happens if someone tears up the poster?"
Galaxoid, Nebular and Tenzale all looked at each other inquiringly. Then, realizing they were free to act, they dove forward at Borad while his back was turned. Galaxoid and Nebular charged him and knocked him to the ground, causing the psychic arms to dissolve, dropping our heroes on the ground. Tenazle got hold of the poster and promptly ripped it in half.
As they staggered back onto their feet, Calvin gave Andy a comradely slap on the back. "Our Andrew – always thinking the obvious!" he said approvingly.
"Glad we didn't leave him to rot in prison," Socrates agreed.
"Wouldn't have look all that good in an orange jumpsuit anyway," Hobbes added, tussling the boy's hair.
Andy felt a warm glow inside of him. He was wanted.
Borad stared at the torn poster in fury, trying to get out from under Galaxoid and Nebular. He managed to get out from under them and yank the shreds out of Tenzale's hands. "No… it's not fair! This was my big chance! I could've finally brought them to their knees!"
"So you've lost the power of the poster?" Sherman asked innocently.
Borad threw the ruined poster to the floor. "Yes! It's all ruined! And it's all because of you!" he shouted furiously.
"So… that means all you've got left is your own fighting power."
It took a few moments, but Borad's fury gave way to confusion, and then to fear when he realized how angry everyone in the room was at him, and they were starting to advance on him. He began to back away, bumping into a few packing crates, but he managed to clamber up onto a platform above them. Then, he remembered from earlier. It was the loading platform. If he was fast enough, he could escape the dockworkers from above and escape through the lobby. He immediately went over and pushed the lever, and the trapdoor over his head slid open, and he began to ascend.
"Ha!" he laughed triumphantly as he rose through the floor. "See you around, losers!"
He was so smug that he didn't notice the satisfied grins on their faces. If he had, he might've realized that he was doing exactly what they wanted him to do. When he arrived in the room above, he found himself surrounded not by the workers from earlier, but the scowling face of Dracip and his team, all of whom were holding weapons pointed right at him, and ready to apprehend him at a moment's notice.
Dracip approached him with a fierce glare. "You are hereby under arrest for threatening the universe," he said with perfect authority.
Borad stuttered uselessly as he found himself encased in a round orange force field.
A few hours later, Borad had been loaded into the bounty hunters' shuttle, ready to be taken away for interrogation and arrest. He'd had a special bracelet put on that solidified his DNA, freezing him in his neutral state so he couldn't change again. He sat pitifully in custody.
Tenzale was shaking hands with Calvin and the gang, still shaken from the ordeal. "You don't know what it means to me that you came back," he wept. "It could've meant… less than stellar reviews…"
"We'll be sure to give you a good rating in the Official On-the-Run-From-the Law Guidebook," Socrates said brightly.
Galaxoid and Nebular came out, carrying several bags that they passed out to Calvin and the gang. "Okay," Galaxoid said. "Time we were getting on the road, so to speak. Take you lot back to Earth and whatnot."
"Glad to hear it," said Andy.
"Yeah," Calvin agreed. "We wasted a whole week of summer vacation worrying about this."
"Only a week? Felt like six months," Hobbes said with a sigh, taking whatever bags he could carry.
Dracip's officers were piling into the shuttle to take Borad away. He approached the group himself before boarding. "Well," he said, "again – apologies for the trouble. But thank you for helping us capture this criminal. He'll stand trial as soon as possible."
"Anytime," Calvin replied. "By the way, did you ever find out who put out the baloney bounty in the first place?"
"I thought it was Borad who did that," said Nebular, looking confused.
"Pfft! Nah, he was a bonus," Sherman grumbled.
"We traced it, but it's out of our jurisdiction," Dracip said regretfully. "He's… not our usual sort of criminal…"
Calvin held out a hand expectantly, and Dracip handed him a sheet of paper. He skimmed over it and nodded. "Yep… just as I suspected…"
"Who is it?" Hobbes asked.
Calvin held out the sheet, and their eyes all widened.
"Whoa…," said Andy.
"Makes sense, when you think about it," Sherman remarked, scratching his chin.
"So what are we going to do about it?" Socrates asked. "What if he tries something like this again?"
Calvin nodded. "Don't worry. I've thought about it." He turned to Galaxoid and Nebular. "I need to send a piece of hate mail, if you don't mind. Can you supply me with some paper?"
Two days later…
Calvin and the gang had been safely returned to Earth at this point, but a certain envelope was making a b-line straight for a certain red planet that stood many light-years away from them.
The planet was in a state of war at the moment. Many ships were flying around it, firing down upon the surface, blasting everything they could. The war was new, but it had been building for some time now. The oppressors who ran this planet had been torturing the universe for too long. They had one goal in mind – they had to destroy the king.
Amidst all the blasting and smoke and laser fire, that single envelope never gave up on its journey. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor planetary war would stop it from completing its appointed round.
It continued along, dodging mortar and brimstone as it chugged towards its destination. The destination was a massive castle that loomed ahead. It was still standing, tall and proud amongst the rubble. As everything burned around it, it still looked as regal and ostentatious as it had since the beginning.
Standing at a window on the highest tower, the leader stood, watching as his empire began to burn around him. His people were fighting back as best as they could, but their various enemies were growing stronger. What he had hoped would be a brief skirmish was showing signs of growing into an all-out battle for the future.
Imagine his surprise when the envelope landed on the windowsill.
Curious, he opened it. The letter began to levitate in front of him, and a familiar voice rang out as he selected the audio option.
"Hey, Rupert. Calvin here. Nice try with the fake bounty, but we got everything squared away and are now recognized as allies of the Intergalactic Bounty Organization. I think I might even know what career to get into when I graduate college. Still, just wanted you to know that your plan has failed, and I look forward to the next one. My regards to your crew. Good luck with the war. Regards, Calvin. PS – we dealt with your old gang, The Collective, already. Just you and I now, pal."
The message ended, and Rupert could only stare at it in fury as the paper refolded itself and laid itself out on the sill again. Furious, he snatched it up in his tentacles, balled it and threw it into the fires raging outside.
"That's it…," he growled. "It's time to deal with this boy once and for all…"
Author's Note: And now we prepare for Calvin and Hobbes III: Double Trouble REWRITTEN. Not sure when that's going to be exactly. I'm in talks with Swing right now, and I'm writing out an outline, trying to decide on the plotline. At the very latest, you can start expecting word on the first chapter sometime in January, if not earlier. Keep an eye out for it, eh? Looking forward to it.
Also - the movie this story is based on is the Beatles film A Hard Day's Night. If you haven't seen it, go watch it somewhere and see if you can spot the similarities. See ya!