Author's Note: So, I know I just updated yesterday, but this is one of the last opportunities I'm going to have for full internet access, and I wanted to get it up now while I have the chance. This is probably going to cut down on my review count, but I don't really care. This is one of my favorite chapters, and we're nearing the end, so I want to get as close as possible before I leave for Boise.

This story is already finished, I'm simply editing and posting what's already been written, but I hope that if anyone has suggestions on how they'd like the story to end, or how they envision the ending, they'll provide them. I'm always open to a different kind of ending if I like what someone's come up with. But we're a chapter away from the epilogue, so please enjoy this long, lovely chapter. I'm not going to say if the ending I have is happy or not, to keep the suspense going. :D Thanks for reading!

Emersion
Chapter Nine: Music of the Spheres

Music of the Spheres: an ancient doctrine originating with the Greeks that implies that the universe and everything in it is in harmony

Just like they'd promised, Squall and Rinoa stood together in the cockpit of the Ragnarok, just exactly where they'd stood a year before. And just like it had been a year before, he was still shut off from her. She still didn't understand him, and they were still in opposite places. It was as if time had changed nothing between them.

It was still difficult to believe he was real. So many days and nights, he'd existed only in her dreams, and still it felt like she was in one. Even though every instinct was telling her to run away, Rinoa's feet moved forward, and the click of her boots on the floor caught Squall's attention. He turned, and his eyes immediately softened, if only for a moment. He could never hide the happiness he felt when he saw her.

Before he could say anything, Rinoa approached with her hands behind her back and commented with a quiet, dry laugh, "This is interesting, isn't it? Us here again in the cockpit?" She stopped a few feet from him and added skeptically, "You know why, right? You remember?"

He didn't respond, keeping his eyes low. Rinoa leaned her head down a little to try and catch his gaze, prompting, "Our promise…?"

"I remember," he admitted. Then softer, "Of course I remember."

Rinoa suddenly felt less anxious and more confident in front of him, and her resentment started to show. "But I guess it's not exactly the same, since neither of us really intended on meeting the other here. It's more of a fluke, really, isn't it? You never planned on keeping that promise."

Anger flashed in Squall's expression at the accusation. "It wasn't like that, Rinoa. Don't pretend to know everything about the situation."

Rinoa laughed hollowly at that. "I never pretended that," she retorted. "You know why? Because you never told me anything! You didn't tell me that you knew the Lunar Base would pull you out of orbit, you didn't tell me you knew I would definitely be going back without you, and you conveniently forgot to let me know you were alive after all this time! What kind of person does that, Squall?!"

"Could you just--"

"Especially when you knew how much I cared about you," Rinoa went on, letting it all come out at once. "You had to have known how much it hurt me to lose you, and how much guilt I felt about making it back without you. You had to know!"

"Rinoa," he barked, stopping her continuous stream of heated words, "could you just let me explain?"

Her expression remained stubbornly furious. "Why should I?"

"Because it might help you understand why I didn't come back."

Rinoa's curiosity overcame her contempt, and she nodded. "I doubt it," she told him, "but fine. Explain."

Squall launched into his telling of the crash and what he remembered, in mostly the same fashion as he'd told Laguna. He stopped in the same place as well, mostly because Rinoa cut in before he could go on.

"That doesn't explain why you didn't come back," she stated with a shake of her head. "Once you recovered, you could've at least told someone you were alive."

"Let me finish," he ordered her sternly, then paused before he continued, "I was taken in by a mercenary leader who called himself 'Lon.'"

When Squall opened his eyes, nothing was the same. His vision was blurred, he could barely feel the right side of his face, and every bone in his body seemed to ache. Why was he in such pain? What happened? The last thing he remembered was leaving Rinoa on the pilot deck. What had happened after that?

The room he was lying in was dim, and he knew even with his limited vision that it wasn't a place he recognized. He suddenly wondered if he'd been captured, but who would want to capture him? And he wasn't bound, from what he could tell. Where could he possibly be?

"My God, he's going to make it," a quiet, unfamiliar voice said in disbelief. Fear flooded through Squall, unsure what to expect from whoever else was in the room with him. The voice didn't sound malicious, but that didn't necessary mean he was safe.

Squall's left eye started to come into focus while the right continued to be uncooperative, and all at once, the strong face of a man appeared above him. Squall would've drawn back if he was more aware of his surroundings, but all he could really think was that this face was intimidating, even to Squall. "Welcome, lucky stranger," the man greeted, sounding inviting, yet…powerful. "My name is Lon, it's nice to see you awake."

Squall struggled to form words. His throat felt like sandpaper, and a dry rasp was all that came out at first. "Lon" stepped back from Squall's view and returned with a glass of water, and within a few moments, his thirst was quenched. Squall tried again with, "Where am I?"

"You, my friend, are in a hideout that belongs to the group in Deling City that I lead. A group that accepts any job, anywhere for a price. One of the most elite groups around, in fact, not to brag."

Squall's forehead crinkled. "A mercenary group?"

Lon shrugged. "More or less. We don't give ourselves a title, really, but we seek out and recruit the best fighters. Anyway, that's beside the point. Tell me, what is your name?"

This was all happening too fast, and Squall had too many questions. "How did you find me?" he asked. "How long have I been here? Where's Rinoa?"

Now it was Lon's turn to look confused. "Rinoa? I'm sorry, I don't know a Rinoa. I found you near that horrid city of Esthar, washed up and in seriously bad shape. I'm afraid I found you alone, though. No one else was around."

Squall closed his eyes, beginning to remember bits and pieces of his escape from the ship. He remembered her face coming to his mind before the darkness. Would he would ever see Rinoa again? If she didn't know where he was now, it was possible that he would never get back. Though he dreaded the answer, Squall repeated, "How long have I been here?"

Lon hesitated. "About three months."

It was a blow worse than the one he'd felt when the ship crashed. Three months had gone by, and he'd missed all of it. Rinoa probably believed he was dead by now, along with everyone else. She would be moving on with her life, letting him go. What would happen if he disrupted that now?

"I brought you here after I found you," Lon continued. "You had more than a few broken bones, you were burned all the way down the right side of your face, and your vision is probably a little blurry on the right side because of those burns. Most of your sight in that eye should come back within six months or so. I honestly wasn't sure you'd live for a while there, but it looks like you're going to be okay. There's something special about you, I can feel it. That's why I held out hope that you would wake up."

Most of the words didn't resonate with Squall. He was focused on Rinoa, and what kind of life she might be leading now. Would she be waiting for him? Would she have accepted what happened by now? The thought that she could've moved on already was too much to consider.

Lon's voice came back to Squall when he said, "You never told me your name."

Squall's eyes slowly moved to his rescuer's, wondering if he should divulge that information to a complete stranger from Deling City. But if this Lon was kind enough to take care of Squall for three months, he couldn't be all bad. "Squall," he finally responded. "Squall Leonhart."

Instant recognition came to Lon's expression. "…From Balamb Garden?" he said incredulously. "As in, the Squall Leonhart who conspired and fought against Sorceress Edea here in Deling City? You're that Squall?"

Squall gave a short nod. "That's right."

Lon's lips spread into a full grin, like Squall was a happy discovery of thousands of Gil. "This is even better than I thought," he commented aloud, mostly to himself. "I knew just by your appearance that you were strong, but if you're a SeeD…"

Squall wasn't interested in anything else Lon had to say. "When can I leave?" he asked abruptly.

Taken by surprise, Lon's grin disappeared. "Well, I was hoping you would join my group," he explained. "We're mostly an underground operation, and you would be a wonderful asset to us. Of course, I understand if you want to go back. Your bones have healed, but it will take you a while to be able to walk on them again. Plus, your face…"

Those words reached Squall like bullets. "What about my face?" he said quickly. "What's wrong?"

Lon looked down at Squall like he was delusional. "I already told you," he started slowly. "You sustained burns in whatever crash you were in, and you were burned on the right side of your face."

Squall slowly touched a hand to his right cheek, and stifled a gasp as he did so. The skin was rough to the touch, like wrinkled leather. "I took the bandages off a couple weeks ago," Lon told him gently, "but it might still be tender."

Everything was spinning. He couldn't believe this was happening, and he wasn't sure he would believe it until he saw it himself. "Mirror," was all he said in a single, deep command, and Lon produced one within seconds.

Before he held the mirror above Squall, Lon said, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" A single nod was all Squall offered, and Lon did what he was told.

The memory had taken its toll on Squall. He'd sunken into the pilot's seat and was now slowly running a hand down the middle of his face. That memory was one he'd tried over and over again to forget. He hadn't told Laguna any part of it, but Rinoa deserved the full truth. She could see already that he was a monster; therefore there was no harm in disclosing all the details.

"After that, I knew I couldn't face you," he told her softly, as she stood where she was. "I couldn't face anyone. Not like this. Lon agreed to keep my identity a secret from the rest of the mercenaries, and I agreed to join them. Once I became one of them, I couldn't go back on my word. He saved my life."

Hot, angry tears were welling in Rinoa's eyes. "You think I wouldn't have wanted you back because of what happened to you physically?"

"No, no," Squall answered adamantly, looking up at her. "Don't you understand? I couldn't face you. Not like this. I thought it would be easier for you to move on if you thought I was dead so you could remember me how I was."

Rinoa closed her eyes and let a few tears fall, shaking her head. "That's stupid, Squall," she told him. "Really stupid."

"Maybe," he answered. "But you were never supposed to know I was alive."

Her expression twisted. "And that somehow makes it better?"

"No, it just…happened like that. I'm sorry it had to come out this way. I didn't want to hurt you."

Rinoa wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and sniffled. She turned to the other side of the cockpit windows and whispered, "It's a little late for that, isn't it?"

Squall didn't say anything in response, keeping his head down. There was nothing he could do to fix this. Everything he'd been working to prevent for the last year was shattered, and he had no idea how to clean up the mess.

"Did you really want to come back at first?" Rinoa asked quietly, a slight tremble of fear in her voice. "Did you want to be with me? You can tell me if you didn't."

Squall got up from his seat and stood behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and putting his lips close to her ear when he answered, "You have to know that I did."

She felt a shiver run through her at his touch, and couldn't bring herself to pull away. It felt so right. She relaxed into him and breathed out a long sigh. "I missed you so much," she told him. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you, I hate that you went through so much pain and I wasn't there to help you. It should've been me, not you."

"Don't say that," he said, his voice firm but quiet. "It shouldn't have been either one of us."

Rinoa turned to face him, and her eyes fell on his burns. They didn't change how she felt about him, or her attraction to him, or the light she saw in his eyes. That light that could always be found when she looked into them, no matter how much time had passed. Her hand gingerly moved to cup his right cheek, and he shied away. "You shouldn't touch it," he murmured. "It's…ugly."

She shook her head, her eyes still fixed on him. "No," she breathed. "No part of you could ever be ugly to me, Squall."

Reaching her hand toward it again, Rinoa found that this time he didn't move. He closed his eyes and let the feelings course through him, when he suddenly felt her lips against the rough skin. Opening his eyes as she pulled away, he knew for certain that nothing had changed at all. Without thinking about it, he pulled her into an embrace that was no longer awkward or tentative. Her warmth was inviting, and he ran a hand down her soft, raven-colored hair.

They stood that way for a long time, before Rinoa broke the silence with a hopeful question. "Are you coming back to Garden?" Her voice was muffled in his shoulder, but he could hear a smile in her voice. "Quistis told me I passed the exam. We could be SeeDs together. The ball is on Tuesday night, and I have no one to go with. No one to dance with…" Her eyes were still closed, but she was reliving the night they met as she spoke. "We could dance again just like we did that first night under the stars."

And just like that, the moment was over. As perfect as all of that sounded, Squall answered hesitantly, "I…can't, Rinoa."

She looked up at him. "Why not? You don't have to hide anymore."

"I vowed my service to them," he started, and Rinoa pulled away sharply. "Lon and I made an agreement that I have to stay loyal to--"

"And what about me?" Rinoa suddenly burst, a large gap between them now as she backed away. "What about your loyalty to me!? I love you, Squall! I don't want to be without you! All I've ever wanted is to be where you are, but you keep finding ways to make sure that doesn't happen!"

Squall shook his head, stepping forward and reaching for her hand. He couldn't muster any words that would make sense or ease her anger, and a long silence stretched between them that Rinoa broke.

"I'll make it easy for you, okay?" she said, getting closer and closer to the lift. "We can pretend that this never happened. You can go back to your 'group,' I'll go back to Garden, and we can go on like nothing's changed."

Squall couldn't mask his frustration. "Don't leave," was all he could manage.

She turned to the lift and stepped onto it, then looked back at him. "It's okay," she shrugged, sounding defeated. "You're free of any obligation here. You don't have to hide, and you don't have to come back to Garden. That's what you wanted, right?" She gave him a weak, forced smile. "Goodbye, Squall…again."

Pushing the lever down and disappearing from the cockpit, she left Squall where he was. He knew the words he should've said. The words that would've made her stay. So why hadn't he said them?

"…and that was it," Rinoa said, finishing her retelling of what had happened a few days before with Squall. "He let me go."

Quistis had a supportive hand placed on Rinoa's back, and found that she was having a hard time thinking of ways to comfort her friend. Squall, in her opinion, was being beyond foolish. "I'm so sorry, Rinoa," she said lamely. "I can't believe he'd just go back to Deling City that easily and leave us all behind. Even if he felt an obligation to them, he had an obligation to us first."

Rinoa nodded slowly. "I told him that, too."

A lengthy period of silence passed between them, until Quistis squeezed Rinoa's shoulder. "I hate to bring up more bad news," she started, "but you and I have to be at the graduation ball in two hours."

Rinoa groaned. "I can't believe we really have to go."

Quistis nodded sympathetically. "They already postponed it because of everything with Squall, and every new member of SeeD is to be in attendance. I wish you didn't have to go, I really do."

A numbness had settled over Rinoa since her last encounter with Squall, but she was positive that blissful numbness wouldn't last once she got to the dance. Clutching a pillow from her bed to her chest, she rested her chin on it. "I'll help you get dressed if you want," Quistis offered, to which Rinoa shook her head.

"It's okay," she said truthfully. "I think I should be by myself for a little while anyway."

Smiling and nodding in understanding, Quistis said, "Okay, I'll just see you there, then. But if you need anything beforehand, just give me a call, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Quistis."

A few moments later, the door shut behind Quistis, and Rinoa was left alone. She collected her clothes and a towel and walked to the bathroom, undressing slowly and turning on the water before she closed the door. When she stepped into the tub and wet down her hair, she found that the warm beads of water were soothing. Her mind started to drift back to thoughts of Squall, as much as she wanted to forget about all of it entirely. The memories extended to Galbadia Garden, when Squall rescued her, to fighting Edea, when she'd received her sorceress powers. She'd woken alone in space, and ended up warm in Squall's arms.

The memories carried Rinoa through the rest of her shower, and by the time she stepped out, a full thirty minutes had gone by and she didn't feel any better or worse than before. She wrapped her hair in a towel and bunched it on top of her head. The thought suddenly occurred to her that, as painful as this ball alone was going to be, Cale would most likely be there. That thought made her stop what she was doing for a moment. How could she possibly face him now? Not only had she humiliated herself the last night she'd seen him, but now the whole group of SeeD hopefuls had probably heard about what happened in Esthar. How would she explain all of that to him?

That is, if he was even willing to talk to her. Just seeing him there would be awkward enough. Adding that to the growing list of reasons not to go made her even more bothered by the fact that attendance was mandatory. She heaved a sigh and removed the towel from her head, rubbing her hair with it and then reaching for a comb. Beginning to slide it through her damp, dark hair, she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Her brow furrowed, wondering why Quistis would come back so early, walked to the door and opened it without checking to see who it was. To her unpleasant surprise, it was Laguna.

Rinoa frowned, raising an eyebrow. She said nothing, letting her expression do the talking, which obviously didn't sit well with Laguna. "Er…hi," he started uncomfortably, scratching the back of his head. "I…uh…err…could I come in?"

"Why?"

"I, err…wanted to explain. You don't um…know the whole story."

Doubtful, but easily swayed, Rinoa stepped aside. "It better be a good explanation," she warned. "And it really better be different from what I think happened."

Laguna looked down sadly, like he was going to get a timeout unless he explained himself. He started to tell Rinoa about the faction within Esthar that was plotting against him, and then told the events of the night he found Squall. "Kiros and I took him back to the palace and Odine fixed him up, and we spent the next few hours debating if it was Squall or not. With his face the way it is…we couldn't be sure until he woke up."

Rinoa was listening intently, glad to get a detailed explanation of the events leading up to the discovery of Squall. She let him go on without interruption.

"He woke up while I was in the room one morning, and once he spoke, I knew it was him. But he tried to deny it at first, you know? He kept insisting I had the wrong person, that his name was 'Siber,' and I was just crazy. Which, you know, isn't the first time I've heard that, so I wondered if maybe I was wrong--"

"Wait," Rinoa cut in, piecing parts together. "He told you his name was Siber?"

Laguna nodded. "Yeah, I guess that was his code name as a mercenary there or something, I dunno." He paused, then asked, "Why?"

Unsure what to make of that information, Rinoa shook her head. "It's nothing," she answered. "Go on."

"Well anyway," Laguna continued, undeterred, "one of my aides came in to tell me you were coming for lunch, and I swore I saw Squall look just a little bit happier when he heard your name. So then I forced him to admit who he really was, and he did. And I said I couldn't wait to tell you that he was there, but he forbid me to say anything to you."

"He did?" Rinoa said, mildly surprised. "I guess that makes sense."

"Yeah, but it was so unfair! I couldn't meet with you so often and keep a secret like that! Not after all we did for him together."

"So why did you?"

Laguna launched into the second half of his story, explaining how he felt obligated to both parties, so he found a way around it by setting Rinoa up. "I made sure you got sent to Esthar on a fake side mission thing so you could find out for yourself," he told her. "That way, I didn't really betray either one of you. But I swear, Rinoa, I so would've told you if he hadn't held that over my head! You gotta believe me."

Rinoa listened patiently to Laguna's story, and her anger with him started to quell. It sounded like he really had been looking out for both parties, and she knew Laguna wouldn't lie about something this important. But he wasn't quite off the hook yet.

Giving him a suspicious look, Rinoa said, "Is that why you acted like such a weirdo when I was there for lunch that day?"

Laguna grinned crookedly. "Guilty."

Rinoa shook her head, giggling a little in spite of everything. "You're lucky I'm so clueless sometimes!" she teased. "You definitely need to work on your subtlety."

His expression lifted when Rinoa started joking, feeling like he'd been forgiven. "I know, okay?" Laguna laughed. "Squall told me the same thing."

Rinoa's laughter quieted, and she turned away. She walked toward her mirror and started running the comb through her hair again, finishing what she'd started before Laguna arrived. Within a few moments, Laguna showed up behind her. "I take it things aren't any better with you two," he surmised softly. "Odine sent him out of Esthar yesterday. I was hoping you'd come see him before he left."

"I did," Rinoa responded, her voice edgy. "For all the good it did me."

"What do you mean? I never saw you in Esthar. Unless you snuck in somewhere," Laguna digressed, "'cause if you did you should show me how you did it. Maybe Kiros won't know about it, so I could sneak out during meetings…"

"No," Rinoa cut in, turning around with an irritated expression. "I went to Esthar, but I stopped to see the new Ragnarok first, and he was there."

Laguna's jaw dropped slightly. "You…really? You met up there? I told him it had been restored, but I didn't think he'd actually go…"

Much less excited about it than Laguna, Rinoa nodded. "We talked for a while, but nothing came of it." She shrugged heavily. "It's over. He's moved on, and he doesn't want to come back. That's all."

Laguna couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're giving up!?" he erupted suddenly. "After all you've been through, both of you are just going your separate ways!?"

Rinoa stepped back, surprised by his anger. "Well…yeah…" she answered hesitantly.

"That's crap! You have the chance to be together, I mean really together, and you're throwing it away! What's more important than being together?"

Disbelief was written all over Rinoa. She was almost afraid to answer. "Laguna, he has a whole different life in Galbadia now, he made a commitment to them."

As she feared, this response only seemed to further upset Laguna. "That shouldn't matter!" he argued, his eyes beginning to fill with old regret and sadness. "He's making a mistake. No commitment or obligation is worth losing you for, but he won't realize that until it's too late!"

Laguna was pacing, and he almost looked panicked. Rinoa knew this had to stem from the guilt he still felt about leaving Raine in Winhill when he became president of Esthar. She approached him slowly and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder to stop the pacing.

"Hey," she told him gently, "it's okay. This isn't the same situation. Squall is leaving by choice. You didn't go to Esthar by choice when you left Winhill. You went for Ellone. It's not the same."

He took a few deep breaths and shook his head. "He's still making a mistake."

Rinoa looked down for a moment. "I think so, too. But I survived losing him once, and I think I can do it again." I think, her mind added less confidently. It wasn't going to be easy, that was for sure, but Laguna didn't need to know that.

He sighed unhappily, looking at his friend and feeling beyond helpless. "I'm so sorry, Rinoa. I wish I could change it. I hate that I can't change it."

Rinoa smiled and gave him a quick hug. "I know," she said quietly. "I appreciate that." When she pulled away, she added, "Are you coming to the graduation ball? It starts in…" She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened. "Oh shoot, I only have forty-five minutes to get ready!"

Rushing back to the mirror, she started to apply makeup very quickly, to which Laguna chuckled. "Of course I'll be there!" he answered. "Congratulations on your test, by the way. I told you you'd pass."

"Thanks," Rinoa blushed. "It didn't end quite the way I expected, but I'm just glad it's over."

"Heh, well, at least you'll never forget it, right?" Laguna suggested.

Rinoa paused before sweeping cream-colored shadow over her lid. "No," she answered. "Definitely not."

Still looking a little sad, Laguna walked up behind Rinoa and patted her shoulder. "I'll see you there, okay? Save me a dance, will ya?"

"Okay," Rinoa smiled. "See you there."

When Laguna left the room, Rinoa stopped again for a moment and looked at her reflection in the mirror. A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she kept going, mentally preparing herself for the empty void that was about to settle in her chest when she faced the fact that Squall was gone from her life again.