Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

Author's Note: Thanks mucho for the reviews! ^__^ You know I love 'em. Last chapter!! What did you think of the story?! Was it better than the first? Enjoy!

Present

Matt awoke with a start, a thick sheet of sweat on his forehead. The nightmare had happened again. The night Matt had killed Lauren by drunk driving only came to haunt him in dreams. He never wanted to sleep again. "Shit," he mumbled, sitting up.

They said she didn't suffer much. Died within the hour, her injuries much too bad to fix her up. But a lot of suffering could be done within an hour, Matt knew. He surely knew. Funny thing was, Matt walked out of the accident basically and physically unharmed. He'd killed someone because of delusions and drunkenness and he walked out fine. How was that fair? Lauren was a beautiful, warm, and happy woman. And he killed her. Because she couldn't be Amy. She couldn't be the redheaded, punk styled diva who Matt had first fallen in love with.

He looked at the clock. It was nearly four in the morning. Matt sighed and climbed out of bed, his muscles stiff. He hadn't worked out in weeks and his body felt it every morning. His knee was terrible still and if he wasn't numb with any other pain by remorse and anger, he knew he'd feel it.

As he walked toward his bedroom door, Matt grabbed a jacket and prepared to make the journey to the cemetery. He'd give anything to give himself, and maybe even somewhere, wherever Lauren was, closure. She deserved to be happy wherever she was, with someone who could love her more than Matt ever could have.

But before he could go down the stairs, he heard the soft sound of whimpering. Part of him told him to continue – that baby would only make his trip harder. Yet, the paternal instinct led him toward the nursery Jeff had built and painted for Lauren and him.

When he looked inside of the crib, he saw the irritated Cheyenne fussing about. As Matt gazed at her though, she stopped and stared up curiously. A small gurgle escaped her lips.

Her hands fussed about still, seemingly reaching up.

"You can't do this," he muttered softly. "I don't deserve you."

There was a voice in his head though, one that stopped him, it doesn't matter if you don't deserve her, she's there. And she's not going anywhere. So man up and be her father like you're supposed to be… for me.

It was her voice… her voice.

"But… I can't. She'll hate me when she grows up—"

That is your baby. You're her parent. She won't hate you if you treat her right. She couldn't hate you if you love her like I would have.

"But—"

Please.

He looked up toward the ceiling once and then carefully picked up Cheyenne. She seemed quickly content in his arms. She even seemed to smile. It was within minutes she was fast asleep in his arms. And the funny thing was, holding the baby… it was the closest thing he had felt to feeling whole since the accident.

The next morning, Matt knew he had to one more thing… maybe somehow… it would help too.

It took him about a half hour to get to the cemetery. It was so silent inside, not a person around to watch him kneel before the grave. He sighed and ran his hand across the cold stone, its brittle front scratching his soft fingertips. "I'm so sorry, Lauren. I'm sorry for everything I've done. You didn't deserve this. You deserved a career you loved with someone who loved it as much as they loved you. You deserved to be yourself, the wonderful person you were. You should have been you."

He stood up, feeling a bit of a stabbing in his chest. "I owe you so much more of an apology… but I can't do much more. I can't be anything more to you, even now." He laughed bitterly. "I wish you would have known from the start. Somehow figured it out like all my other girlfriends. You loved me too much…" He started to walk away, tears falling freely from his face. "I miss you though, I do. I'll promise you that. You made my life more fun than it had been in a long time."

"The fans hate me now, you know. Even the hardcore ones, the ones that read every blog and loved me to death. I guess it's fitting, I deserve it. I do. Shannon won't talk to me… and Beth and Jeff don't know what to do with me. But I know now… I know what my purpose is. That beautiful little girl who was in my arms last night… those innocent eyes. That's my key to survival. That baby of ours. I know what I need to do to get better… and it starts with her."

Matt stood for a moment, trying to figure out if there was anything else he needed to say. Finally, he spoke again:

"You were beautiful the way you were. An angel in disguise. And everyone knew it but me.

"And because of that I don't know if you'll ever forgive me," he whispered. "And that's my fault. But that baby needs me as a father… and if I know anything anymore, you want me to provide for her like I should have been since this whole ordeal started. Maybe it's the only thing that will keep me sane, I don't know, but it's what I'm going to do."

As he made his way to the road again, a piece of stray paper made him stop. He picked it up, finding it crumbled. Slowly, he opened it, shocked to see the words on it. In careful, bubbly handwriting were the words, "'Even if no one else thinks so, believe you can achieve your dreams and conquer your world'… You said them once… now believe it."

He couldn't believe it… who had gone through his blogs and picked that one quote from his myspace? Matt blinked, tracing the words over with a finger. With those words, there was suddenly a silver lining…

-

…So as I sit here, just about one month later, I realize this. What had I done? What could I have possibly done to make my life so miserable? Sure, I could blame it on the past, where the root of the problem began. But the truth is, there is no excuse. I have no excuse for what my life is now. All I have is the self-pity that is adrenaline to my veins. There is no reason for this self-pity I have given myself as a life. I can't sit here, not matter how terrible my actions and just let it consume me. I do not want it, she wouldn't have wanted it.

So, here is Matt Hardy saying what should have been said when this all started. How sorry I am to all of you, sorry for those who believed in me as a hero, believed in me as a person you could truly say was happy, whatever reason you looked up to me for. Or to the haters who were just itching for me to fail, I'm sorry for giving you another reason to add to that book. But, I can't say anymore. There is nothing left for me to say. I am Matt Hardy, I have a lot to build back in for my life and I don't know when I'll be able to truly start that. All I know is that it starts here… Even if no one else believes me, I have to rebuild my life. And with the beautiful little angel I have in her memory now, I will. Matt Hardy will not die.

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