It was still early in the morning when they entered the mausoleum. Her and Luke flanked by their grandparents. It was a beautiful stone structure, a large staircase leading up to a portico before the entrance. The tomb itself contained a large stone coffin, her mother's final resting place Leia thought sadly. Behind it was a large glass mural depicting Padme, dressed like the queen she had once been. It was hard to imagine such a beautiful creature ever having loved a man like Vader, though maybe, just maybe the man from the holo was a different story.
Speaking of Vader, he was waiting for them in front of the coffin, slightly of to one side. Hiding in the shadows as always. Luke gave him a happy greeting, she chose to ignore him, instead fastening her eyes on a plaque before the coffin. It stated her mother's name and tenure as queen, including a reference to an unnamed child buried with her. She traced her finger along the letters, her and Luke. Believed dead with their mother, and in a sense she was looking at her own grave.
"We never named the child, just didn't have the heart" her grandmother said sadly, coming up to stand beside her. "I am glad we didn't now." she added, looking a Leia fondly, eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"She was so beautiful" Leia said, turning towards her grandparents. Ruwee nodded, "Yes, always such a gentle child too, a fighter for justice, just like you. You would have made her so proud"
Luke was standing in front of the mural, taking in Padme's presence, the light through the window gently touching his face. She followed his gaze up to their mother, and wondered what it would have been like to really know her, not just in stories and vague memories.
"What happened to her?" she asked, the question had been bothering her since the lake house, and she dreaded the answer.
Silence was her only reply, and she turned her gaze on Vader. He had reached a hand out, placing it on the coffin, a stray beam of light from the stained glass window touching his fingers. Searching his face, she looked for any reminder of the man from the holo recording. But there was no trace of beauty there now, more like the remains of a carcass picked clean by vultures, that for some reason had left the eyes intact. For having notice her stare, his blue eyes were looking back at her. She pinned him with her stare, daring him to look away. He didn't.
"How did she die?" She asked again, needing to know the truth. Her voice sounded cold, distant to her own ears. Like she was listening to herself from far away. Luke had turned back towards them, listening intently a frown on his face.
Ruwee looked very uncomfortable now, sending his wife an uncertain glance. "We are not quite certain; the official cause of death was strangulation."
Leia did not need to hear Ruwee's reply, the look on Vader's face told her everything she needed to know. Her heart started to beat faster, thudding at her rib cage, making her feel sick. For a little while there, she had started to look at him like an actual human being, like the fool she was. But he was not, he was monstrous. She had been right about him all along, there was nothing good there, there never had been.
"Father" Luke whispered miserably, staring at Vader eyes wide with horror. From the deep recesses of her mind the rage and hate she felt towards Vader exploded outwards, clearing away any confusion she had started to feel.
To her he had always been the physical manifestation of the empire. It's dark grasp reaching out and suffocating its people. Leaving them to paralyzed to move. To know that his dark fingers had once ended her mother's light was more then she could take, and no longer could she fight back the she rage felt every time she looked at him. So she let go, unleashing all her hate at him, shouting out her fury.
Tightening her hand into a fist she walked over to Vader, reaching up she hit him straight across the face, he didn't even flinch, just stood there motionless. Being so small in comparison she knew she had not really hurt him, but she needed to somehow, anyway she could. Perhaps if she hit one of the buttons on his chest panel, it would deactivate him like the cold heartless machine he was. A flicker of fear crossed his eyes for a moment, as he caught her expression.
Luke shouted something in the background, but she could barely hear him over the buzzing in her ears. All she could see was black, all she could hear was noise. Vader shifted slightly and her mother's serene face in came into view. The colours of the mural dancing across her stone tomb. She froze in horror as she realised the window was shaking. Vader had grabbed her by the arms, and was saying something, she did not know what. Suddenly there was a loud crack and the mural fractured, breaking Padme's face in two. Leia untangled herself from Vader, this time not bothering to try for any semblance of dignity, she turned and fled.
She did not stop until she reached daylight, where she sank down on to the ground. And there at the steps of her mother's grave, she put her face in her hands and wept. Wept like she had never wept before. Finally letting go of the torrent of grief she had been holding back since Alderaan. How long she sat there, she did not know. After a while she realised someone was stroking her, making small soothing circle on her back. She looked up, eyes red and puffy, into Jobal's warm brown gaze.
"I am sorry about the mural" she croaked out.
Her grandmother just shook her head "It's just glass, having you here is all together so much more precious" Her look became more intent, searching. "We heard about Alderaan off course, everyone did. I can't imagine how painful this must all be for you." she said while continuing the soothing motion. It was strangely comforting. "Though try not to hate him so"
Leia realised she must have screamed out her rage about Alderaan in front of all of them, but she was beyond caring at this point, "How can you even say that after all he has done, including killing my mother, your daughter! You can't expect me to forgive that" she said incredulously.
Giving her a sad smile her grandmother spoke "Nor would I, however I fear the hate you carry inside you, hurts no one as much as it hurts you. She would not want that for you."
"I wish it was that easy" she replied, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away her tears
"But at least now I know where Luke's compassionate and forgiving nature comes from. From you, through her." Leia added with a small sad smile. "However if Luke is like her, then am I like him?" she whispered looking down, finally putting words to her fear.
"No" The voice came from behind, looking back up she could see Vader standing at the top of the steps. The hood was still down, and he was squinting in the sunlight. She knew the bright light must be hurting his eyes. "No, you are not like me, you are no fool for one"
Her grandmother got up, gave Leia's shoulder a comforting squeeze, before she went back inside, leaving them there alone.
Vader took a few more tentative steps into the daylight, like he was unsure on how to proceed. Then apparently deciding, he walked down the steps, and sat down next to her. At this point she was to emotionally worn out, to muster a protest. So she let him, thankfully he kept a good distance between them.
"Did you kill her?" she asked plainly.
She felt him stiffen, looking down at his gloved hands "I spent over 20 years believing I did, and hated myself for it. Only Luke's appearance cast that into doubt. However, I did assault her, and my actions did lead to her death. Directly or indirectly, what does it matter, I am the one to blame." squinting he looked her directly in the eyes, his own as red rimmed as hers." So yes I did kill her, and very nearly you to"
There was no mistaking the look of anguish on his face now, not wanting to see it she looked away. However, she could not help but feel a smidgen of respect for his honesty, that was something at least.
"I did not mean to, I'll admit to all sorts of deliberate cruelty, force knows I am guilty. But there is nothing I regret more. Nothing. " he added in a whisper, twisting his hands together.
Leia waited for him to say something more but he didn't, so she turned her face to the winter sun, closing her eyes, letting it warm her as much as it could. Briefly she wondered if it would burn his pale face, and she forced herself to open them to look back at him.
"If it had been me up there on the death star with you, I would have tried to kill you. Though I fear not for justice, but for revenge. So it seems you might have wasted your efforts on the wrong twin" she told him bitterly.
He was still squinting, but she could see him contemplating her " There is much anger in you true, however I think you underestimate yourself."
She snorted " What do you call that embarrassing display then" she said while waving hand in the general direction of the mausoleum.
" I call it grief"
"And her I thought passionate emotions were the path to the dark side?" she added drily.
"They can be, however pretending you do not have these feelings is an even surer way down that dark path. I have only one advice to give you Leia, do not bear this burden alone, let the once you love help you. Do not bottle your emotions up, so that the only way they can escape is by exploding. Do not make my mistake" he said quietly.
As she listened to his words she realized that the fear she had seen reflected in his eyes had not been off her, but for her. He worried for her.
"I will not lie to you and say there is no danger to you. Yet again and again you have pushed your darker impulses away, and not ended my life. Even though no one would blame you if you did" he continued.
Leia did not know what to say, her heart was all cried out, and she felt empty. Vaguely she sensed Luke approaching, but instead of sitting down next to her he marched past until he was standing at the bottom of the steps, looking up at them, his face grave.
"Why didn't you tell me" he asked Vader with a glare, "You could have done so long before today, did we not deserve the truth?"
Vader sighed into his breather, turning his attention to Luke. "You deserve more than I can ever give you Luke, but I fear I am a selfish man. You were the first person to look at me as a real person in a very long time, and I wanted to keep you, just for a little while longer. But the truth is I am a monster Luke, nothing can change that"
Luke did not reply his face ashen, and Leia got up from her seat, to stand next him, leaving Vader sitting alone on the steps facing them, he was almost the level of her eyes in this position.
A murmur moved across the square in front of the mausoleum, Leia turned around to see a regiment of soldiers approaching, she barely remembered pushing the button on her communicator summoning them. Moving aside she let them pass, Vader made not move to protest. Just wearily got to his feet, pulling his hood up to shield his eyes from the sun.
"Let him" Leia interjected as the captain made a move to stop him. He nodded, instead cuffing Vader who now was holding his hands out towards him. As they started to move down the stairs Vader's hesitated and stopped in front of Luke "I am sorry" he said in a meek voice, Luke just gave him one last look, before he also stepped aside.
Together they stood there watching as he was being led away, a massive form towering over the soldiers that flanked him, in front of a small gathering of curious onlookers.
"When I was up there thinking it was all over, I was grateful for one thing." Luke said after a while, turning away from Vader retreating form towards her "That he would not be the one delivering the killing blow, that there was one line between us he would not cross, but it seems he already had, before we were even born." He looked so dejected she urged to comfort him
"I not unware of all his crimes, and this is a small thing really, in comparison to the rest, yet it hurts. Foolish I know"
"It's not foolish, or small, she was our mother" she said, reaching out to touch his arm. " You feel betrayed, and you have every right to be. But I am glad we came here, to her" she added tilting her head towards the tomb, where she could she Jobal and Ruwee standing " And to them. And for what it's worth he did bring you back to me" leaning over she hugged him "We have each other Luke"
Notes:
One step forward to steps back I fear, and Leia may have lost it a bit here, but I thinks she needs to before she can move on.
Ah yes Padme's death, I do know Anakin did not kill her, so no worries there. The thing is he doesn't know that yet, and is more then eager to take the blame, and Leia equally eager to find more reasons to hate him that's all I'll say.
Thanks again for following my story, and any reviews you are so kind to give:)