Chapter Ten

"He's a stupid, stupid, mean, stupid boy," Jessica grumbled as she beat her fists against the punching bag.

"Go on, let it out." Kara encouraged as she lifted weights behind her.

"He's stubborn...and oblivious...and...he's self-righteous and chauvinistic and...and...short!" She threw all her weight into the last punch. It took her last bit of strength. Jessica turned away from the bag and took a seat on the weight lifting bench next to Kara's. She tried to ease deep gulps of air into her straining lungs.

"Though in his defense, the guy was pretty wrecked when he thought you weren't gonna make it," Kara offered placing the weights back in the stand above the bench. With a groan she sat up.

"Don't do that. Don't make me think nice things about him. I want to stay mad. Mad makes me feel better,"

"I hear ya. Okay, how about this? He's got that self righteous stick shoved so far up his ass he sneezes splinters," Kara exclaimed with a smile.

Jessica burst out laughing and then coughed as her breath hitched uncomfortably in her chest.

Kara handed her the water bottle.

"Thanks," Jessica said after taking a deep drink. "The thing that bugs me most is that he knows that I know how he feels. I could accept that he didn't love me before. Hell, I didn't love him either. The attraction was there but nothing more. You can be attracted to someone you can't stand. Things are different now. I know it, he knows it and yet he refuses to admit it. We could be happy, Gods forbid!" Jessica kicked Kara's bench. "The man is gonna give me grey hair." She shook her head firmly. "I have to think about something else."

There was an ease between the two women now that hadn't been there before the crisis. They had gravitated towards each from the day Jessica arrived on the Galactica cause Kara was one of the first women close to her age that she had seen.

Circumstances had put them in close proximity to each other and Kara had taken Jessica under her wing.

When Jessica discovered what Kara had done, putting herself at risk to save, not only Jessica's life also but that of the fleet, she knew she had found a friend for life.

"Kara, can I ask you something?" Jessica unwound the bandages around her hands.

"Shoot."

Jessica didn't quite know how to ask or explain what she was feeling. She stared down at the black mat beneath her feet, trying to find the answer there. "When you woke up, did you feel...off?"

"You mean high?" Kara asked with a grin as she ran the towel across the back of her neck. "Hell yeah."

"No I mean. Like you hadn't really woken up? When you're sort of in that stage when you're half asleep and half awake?"

"Nope. Maybe your meds are making you feel a little loopy? Well," Kara winked at he. "Loopier than usual."

"It doesn't feel like that." Jessica admitted uneasily. "It feels like..." She shrugged, unable to articulate this sense of...weightlessness she's had since she first woke up in sickbay. "I don't know." And it scared her a little.

Kara suggested she go see Cottle and see if maybe it was her medication giving her this bizarre feeling.

Instead, Jessica hoped maybe Elosha held the answers she was looking for.

She sat in the chapel feeling oddly comforted by the large room. It took some getting used to, this room dedicated to the Gods. This place of worship to Gods Jessica felt had abandoned her. But she felt the prophecies were real. Her connection to Lee and the sense that they were both headed down a set path were very real. How could she reconcile that with not believing in some divinity?

Was it her mother's God that saved them all from this virus? Was it the many Gods these people believed in? Jessica had been struck down first with the virus and had languished the longest and yet here she was, alive. The will of the Gods tenaciously keeping her alive for their own ends.

"Do you believe now that the Gods have a plan for you?" Elosha's voice soothed her and Jessica closed her eyes, wanting to bury herself in the sound.

She waited for the woman to sit down next to her.

"I feel wrong," Jessica explained feeling that this was the best word to describe the unsettled shift inside of her. "I feel like I've been pulled back from something but not all of me is here."

"You were very ill. Perhaps this is just your body's way of healing itself. Taking it's own time so you're still left with a bit of weakness and know not to overdo it. It's all part of the recovery process." Elosha assured her, placing a dark, warm hand over Jessica's.

"I hope you're right. I just feel almost...faded." Jessica admitted softly. "The only time I don't feel like that is when I'm with Lee which isn't often lately since he's taken to avoiding me again."

Elosha smiled at her. "I suppose that tells you something, doesn't it?"

"That he's avoiding me? Yes, it tells me he's a fraidy cat trapped in a soldier's body." Jessica replied with a reluctant grin. "I feel like my heart pumps stronger when I see him. My breath flows better in my lungs. I feel more solid. Stupid, huh?"

"Not at all. You know the Gods mean you for each other. Neither one of you are whole without the other."

"That's not good." Jessica shook her head nervously. "That's not good at all. My mother raised me to be strong, independent. I can't let my whole physical being be so wrapped up in Lee that I'm liable to shut down if anything happens to him. What if we do have children and then Gods forbid, Lee goes out one day and he doesn't come back. In his line of work, that is a frightening reality. Will I just shut down and die with him? What about this daughter we're supposed to have? What would become of her if we both died? I won't put my daughter through that. I know how that feels," she said, her voice cracking with remembered loss.

"Jessica, listen to me." Elosha took both her hands. "The Gods never give us more than we can bear."

"I'm afraid to believe that," she admitted, her eyes watering.

"Hmmm, seems Captain Apollo ain't the only 'fraidy cat then, hmm?"

Jessica scowled at her.

Elosha pursed her lips, fighting a smile. "I'm actually very glad you came to see me. I've been checking up on the name Gabe. Our Captain Apollo seems to have had an imaginary friend named Gabe as a child."

Jessica stared at her, so many different reactions going through her mind. Amusement at Lee having an imaginary friend, disbelief that such a serious man was every a playful child with imaginary playmates, confusion at the numbers on her arm should spell out something from Lee's past and confusion that Jessica hadn't been privy to that memory in his mind.

"Why didn't I know that?" Jessica asked. "You would think I would know that because of, well, what I can do, right?"

"I think this is just an example of the Gods not revealing something to you until the right time." Elosha explained.

"But now I'm just more confused because of the dream I had when I was ill. It's the only one I can really remember. The others are just sort of quick flashes in my head. This one, I was about four, sitting in my mother's lap--"

"You were four?" Elosha interrupted.

"Yeah, why?" Then Jessica knew. "This imaginary friend, Gabe. Lee was four." She pressed her fingers to her temples in frustration and let out a small moan.

Elosha nodded and prompted her to continue.

Jessica sighed and continued her story. "My mother was telling me the story of her god. Her god sent an angel to a young girl and the angel told her that she was going to give birth to a baby that would be his son. This son was gonna be a king. A savior of his people."

Elosha's mouth fell open. "This was what your mother's religion believed? A child of her god offering salvation"

"That was the story, but I'm not sure what to think about it cause the son grew up to be assassinated by the government of the time. Not exactly a fitting end for royalty. But the bizarre part now is I remember the angel's name in the story was Gabriel. Gabe?" Jessica suggested.

Elosha couldn't answer. She'd gone very still and her fingers around Jessica's hands tightened almost painfully.

A.N:

JAT.NJ: (huggies) You're usually the first one to feedback every chapter. It amuses me. (laughs) Hopefully the Gabe thing will be explained to your satisfaction as the series moves on. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Mae: (sniffles) I mourn the loss of the review! Hopefully it works this time. Hope you like this chapter.

Professor Simms: Thankie! I would have gotten this chapter out sooner but Mother Day got in the way and I got the urge to write shmoopy smut. (laughs) I'd love to hear your theories whenever you have time and if you want to be spoiled I can tell you if you're right or wrong. Feel free to e-mail or PM me anytime. Hope you like this chapter!

cmf161: I adore your feedback so! (huggies you) Handy of me to have Lee not remember the dream huh? (laughs) We won't be seeing Gabe for another few books yet but he will be very important. Gabe being a vision of Lee's...(whistles innocently) Yep, even if Lee did remember the dream, he'd be more stubborn about resisting Jess than he already is but in the end love would will out. He really is too far gone to turn away from her. Jessica really is unable to hide how she feels from Lee. She's getting better at not spouting every thought that comes into her head but she can still read him easily. Ironically, this isn't gonna make things any easier between them as you can see. It's one thing to know a man loves you, it's another problem entirely when he refuses to admit it. Thanks so much for your fun feedback. I so look forward to it and I hope you like this chapter too!

darkfinder: Thanks very much for the compliment. Not sure if by 'ending' you mean the virus being cured (yes) or Lee and Jessica ending because he won't admit how he feels (no). Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Silwyna: Thankie for your feedback. I like writing Lee and his father. Glad you enjoy it too. I hope you enjoy this chapter!