I have spent a long time attempting to understand life. Now that my life is not actively threatened but instead merely leaking from holes in my skin, my thoughts go back to meaning and insight. It's a disaster.

"How soon until you will be ready to re-freeze?" Focus on the subject at hand. I can prevent my death. I must be intelligent. I must be focused like a surgical laser. I must not waver.

Kiden closes the door behind us. "Like ten seconds just me. You, gimme two minutes and I'm up for another hour maybe." Fascinating how restarting time doesn't cause moved objects to explode with the velocity we've imparted. I understand how her powers work, more or less, but not why they work that way. "No promises on that."

She may need more than two minutes. For this to work, I will need to impose quite a bit. I don't…

I know that souls exist. I know that an afterlife exists. I know that somewhere there is, if not a continuation, a conclusion to this world. I know not if karma is real, if the future holds rewards. If the finale is worth the price of admission.

We are inside the apartment Kiden shares with her group. Bro, Jeff, is at the kitchen table sitting down, looking at the door. One hundred and forty centimeters, forty kilograms, ten centimeter black afro, brown eyes, loose fitting T-shirt. Bobby is standing next to him, reaching into their pantry. One hundred and ninety five centimeters, one hundred and five kilograms, black dreadlocks, brown eyes, white T-shirt, blue hoodie, dog tags that aren't originally his. Smells don't seem to function in our current frozen state, and there is nothing to hear, so I will assume Tatiana is in another room. The apartment is large enough for two bedrooms.

"I'm going to stop now. OK? You think it's the freezing that's weird but trust me the starting again throws me more. Aaaaand…" She reaches for Bobby's arm. The world unsticks and we are surrounded by sounds, by smells, by motion. Dust moves through the air. "Action!"

"Whoa! Hey." Bobby nods to Kiden before focusing on me. "That Laura? What happened to her?"

I have died, and been brought back by demons. I do not know why such gifts have been given me. They kill me, they revive me. I have been a skeleton. I have been dust. I remember nothing from such excursions beyond.

"I was in a fight. I need help." I collapse into the nearest chair. Bro looks at me. He is improving. He didn't respond to any external stimuli the first time I saw him.

"Thought you healed from stuff."

"There's a lot of that going around," I agree. I don't hear any sound indicating other occupants. Tatiana is not here.

"Let me guess… I should see the other guy?"

"You would not want to."

"Her friend," Kiden pours herself a glass of milk. "Mind control or something. She can't heal."

I have killed hundreds of people. Most of my targets were evil, if such a thing exists. I was usually ordered to minimize non-target deaths. Just those who were unavoidable, those who risked their lives in evil's defense.

But there were exceptions. Plenty. From the beginning, until now. My first kill to… Can this please be my last?

"Bro." His eyes meet mine. "Is Reed Richards available?" There was scaffolding in the lobby. They were painting. An activity commonly performed when the bosses are absent for extended periods.

He looks up at the ceiling. Of course. Why wouldn't the man I trust to save my life be in outer space?

"Bro." Bobby looks as though he wants to interrupt my interrogation, but decides against it. I am leaning heavily on their kitchen table. They will have to clean the blood later. "Is there any second person or group that I can go to that will heal me?"

He maintains eye contact. I feel emboldened. This is not my area of expertise, but I feel confident my interpretations are accurate. It's like interacting with an animal, almost. They have limited responses to limited stimuli, whereas from what I can tell, Bro does not work quite on that axis. He seems to have limited interaction due to the incredible wealth of stimulation he experiences. I do not know what one would call his mutant ability, but there is more going on with it than I can know.

I am no great mind, not a genius, not a prophet. As a mortal, as a child, there is so much in the world I can but hope to understand.

"Are there two?"

He looks down.

If there is no free will, if we are all puppets, then nothing I do or feel has any ultimate meaning. However, if all of my actions have been my choice, then I am so lost it seems pointless to draw further breath.

I would like to find a life between these two extremes. I don't know how. Whatever I'm searching for keeps getting further away.

So I will take the one option that I have. "Will you be able to guide me there?"

A series of butterflies and geometric shapes appear in the air, glowing, translucent. The first pops in above my head, then another a foot away, and another halfway through the front door. I have no doubt they will lead me where I need to go.

I test my limbs. "Kiden, will you be able to freeze three? Bobby, will you be able to carry me a ways? You won't get tired." I think my limbs will still support my weight, but there are a lot of places in the city I won't be able to walk to quickly. "I am sorry to impose like this."

Kiden finishes her milk and grabs my left hand. Bobby steps around the table to us. "Of course, Laura. I'm sorry about your friend." I relax my muscles as he picks me up.

I knew that my life is not worth hers. And I can tell myself all I want that I made her a promise. But when the time came…

"I just didn't want to die."