Chapter 10
I pushed the door of the cafeteria with my foot, a coffee in each hand, and scanned the room to find a unoccupied table. It was almost midday and students had already invaded the place, some with books in their hands, their fork hanging hesitantly between their plates and their mouths, some with a bunch of friends telling hilarious jokes, stuffing their stomachs with dry chicken and greasy french fries. I finally spotted one by the window, and I was about to head toward it when I realized who was sitting at the table a few feet away from mine. Peter was staring blankly through the window, a sandwich and a glass of water in front of him. The sandwich was intact, which actually was not surprising at all – his appetite was probably not at its best. I took a moment to decide whether it was a good idea or not to go and talk to him, but then he turned his head and his eyes met mine with what seemed to be determination, so I just couldn't walk out and pretend not to have seen him. I breathed deeply and finally joined him, slaloming between the tables, trying not to spill my coffees.
'This place is one of the reason I didn't go to college, ' I said with a smile, pushing one coffee toward him. 'Awful food and awful organization.'
'Where is she?' he only asked coldly sipping his glass of water as if accepting my coffee meant fraternizing with the enemy.
'She needed to go to the toilets, she'll be back in a minute. Maybe... We could use that time to talk.'
'Okay. You have one minute to tell me everything you want.'
'Peter I... I'm sorry for what happened this morning, but we had to. You heard Walter, she needed to...
'Do you really think,' he interrupted me with a dark look. 'That what you did was necessary? She could have done it by herself, all she needed was to be alone. But no, you didn't even take the time to think about it, because the only thing you could think about is her naked under you.'
'No!' I exclaimed, yet perfectly knowing he was right. I had reacted instantly and I didn't analyze the situation as I should have done. Of course I could have led her to the other room and just wait, but my emotions had once again took the control. 'I... Listen, I know it was a mistake, but for God's sake you heard what Walter said, it's not our fault!'
'I know it isn't,' he answered, and for a second I thought he was willing to understand. 'But I also know that you are one of the strongest person I have ever met, and I also know that if you really would have wanted to control yourself, you could have.'
'You have no idea what it feels like.' I whispered, my fingers clenching on the cup of coffee.
'What does it feel like, then?' he asked, fiddling with the bread of his sandwich. 'What feeling can possibly get the better of Olivia Dunham?'
'I don't know... I honestly don't know Peter.' I quickly said when I saw his mouth opening to retaliate. 'It's like all my emotions are duplicated whenever I'm close to her. They're not even true feelings. I only feel because she feels. It's a vicious circle that only ends when we stay apart long enough, or when we find a way to fix it.'
'Then why doesn't she leave?'
'Because she can't. If she leaves, I die. Until Walter finds a solution she's the only thing that keeps me alive. Without her I can't feel anything, I'm just an empty shell. Emotions are what makes you human, without them you're nothing. Without her, I won't find the courage to hold on to you because the love I feel for you would vanish with her. Loving her is the only thing I can fight to convince myself I still love you. If those feelings I have for her dies, then there's no more reason to keep fighting and the feelings I have for you, and have fought for without respite will die as well. And the last thing I want is to lose you.'
'You would have done great in a college play, you know. You almost sound convincing' he said with a grin. I blinked, not really knowing if my eyes were betraying me or not. Is that a friendly smile on his face? Even his look seemed to be amused, and when he finally took the coffee in front of him with a smile and a 'thank you' I knew it wasn't my imagination.
'But... You...' I mumbled, unable to formulate clearly what I wanted to say. I was shocked, to say the least because that was the last reaction I had expected coming from him.
'Maybe I'm stubborn, but I'm not stupid.' he said, crossing his fingers around the cup. 'I don't like this, I don't like you being closer to her than to me, but it's time for me to realize that it really isn't your fault. I'm not saying that I'm fine with it but for now, I accept that you two are experiencing something that's beyond understanding. I still don't like her much and I still think that you could have avoided many embarrassing situations if you've wanted to, but I don't blame you, at least not as much as you probably think.'
'That's good to know,' I replied with a soft smile, knowing that he was making a lot of efforts to try and make things easier. I could see he was tensed, he was holding the cup of coffee too tightly and the dark drink was on the verge of overflow, but he was doing his best not to show it. I pretended I didn't notice anything and just watched him swallow a large sip of coffee, his eyes wandering on the noisy crowd behind my back. In spite of what he had just said, he kept on avoiding my look, and even though I knew he wasn't ready for a stable relationship with me, I was still hoping he would do a step toward me. I was about to tell him that I understood his doubts and that I didn't mind him being distant to me, but that it wasn't the best solution to fix our enormous issue, when he suddenly frowned, his eyes focused behind the window.
'What is it?' I asked, while he was bending over the table to get a better sight.
'Oh, shit!' he exclaimed, quickly getting up and heading to the main entrance, attracting the students' attention. 'Come on, hurry!' he cried over his shoulder, not even bothering to apologize to the girl he knocked down. He had never been the dramatic type, or at least not to this extent – he pretended that he never had had the gift for drama and that he failed miserably every time he tried to look convincing – and his attitude could only mean one thing : he wasn't playing, something bad was really happening outside. A powerful rush of adrenaline reached my heart, the loud thumps echoing in my chest and resounding loudly in my ears, and a fraction of second later I was dashing between the students, a hand on my holster, following Peter's steps. The closer I got to the door, the more distress I could feel, and I perfectly knew it wasn't a product of my imagination. Sweat began to ooze over my whole body because that feeling wasn't mine – or at least not entirely. It was Olivia's, and whatever was happening out there, she was involved in its darkest part. I finally burst into the corridor, the swing doors sent flying hard against the walls, and I stopped breathing a moment when I saw it. Three, maybe four silhouettes were outlined against the smoked glass doors at the end of the corridor, but I couldn't tell much more from my position. I grabbed my gun forcefully, trying to control my trembling hands, the cold metal on my skin feeling like a white-hot heated blade leaving burning blisters all over my fingers. I thought that it was a reaction due to the fact that I was afraid to use it – Olivia's panic was infecting me and I feared not only for her life, but also for my own. I used to love taking risks, saving people whatever the chances of dying were. Only not this time. I thought I wouldn't be able to hold it any longer, but then Peter opened the door a little so I could assess the situation and act accordingly. I caught a glimpse of red hair, black suits, I saw a black van with its doors opened waiting in the back, and instantaneously, my gun turned into the most wonderful thing I had ever owned. Finally my feelings had surpassed hers, and my desire to just run away and leave had evolved into a deadly need to save her. The tiger in my chest rose on his hind legs and it felt like my whole body was surrounded by an aura of power, as if I had suddenly become invincible. Determination and confidence, both melted in a boiling fireball, it didn't take much more for me to head straight to the doors, my arms tensed in anticipation. Of course, Peter tried to hold me back, but the voices in my head were too loud – they kept telling me to do my best to save her, to do my best to stay alive – and I didn't hear what he said. I didn't even take the time to think about twice before I pushed the door with a self-assurance I wouldn't have expected coming from me, and a second later I was outside, facing four armed men who didn't seem to be very surprised to see me. One of them was taking Olivia hostage, pressing his gun on the side of her neck, the other three were just here to assure him a way out in case anything should go wrong. There was no hiding place so I wouldn't be able to avoid any of their gunshots, and yet I still believed that things would turn to our advantage. I aimed my gun at the kidnapper with a piercing look, but from where I was I couldn't take the risk of shooting – I didn't want Olivia to get hurt and if I shot that would inevitably cause damage – and judging by the smirk he was bearing I realized he was thinking the exact same thing. Shot him in the head. The thought popped in my mind as if it was an evidence, but I had no idea where it came from. It was a stupid thought, though, because shooting him in the head wasn't any better than shooting him anywhere else. Shot him in the head, the voice in my brain repeated whereas I was trying hard to get rid of it. I could think properly about a solution with this incessant buzzing filling my ears, and I shook my head, hoping this would help clearing. I was about to focus on the man once again, but my eyes were drawn towards hers. There was something disturbing in her intense gaze, just as if... Just as if she was the one trying to communicate. I blinked, and then I saw that little spark deep in her pupils. He's a shapeshifter, aim at his head. She nodded almost imperceptibly, and I nodded back, because there could be no doubt left. The man was slowly starting to take a few steps back, but he wouldn't get away that easily. A weird feeling possessed me for what seemed to be long minutes, it was like everything was evolving in slow motion, but later I realized that it only took a second. I stared into her eyes, still keeping the kidnapper and his accomplices in my field of vision even though it felt like they weren't important anymore. My sight got blurred for a moment, and when I focused back on her everything looked different and especially weird. From one eye, I could still see her and that tall guy behind her, but from the other I could see myself, standing straight on the step, with the gun pointed at them. It was as if I could see the whole of the scene from her point of view as well as mine. I didn't know how all of this could be happening, nor why, but I had lived so many strange things for the past few days that nothing could surprise me much anymore. It took me some time before I got used to that sensation – it was quite disturbing, to see everything from two different angles at the same time – but when I did, it turned into a real advantage. It helped me find the perfect angle to shoot at the kidnapper without taking too much risks. From Olivia's point of view, I could see whether the bullet would reach her or not, which of course gave me better chances of not reaching her. I adjusted my aim, giving myself a few seconds of hesitation, but then the man stepped back once again, getting closer and closer to the van, and I knew it wouldn't be long before she would disappear in its dark trunk. Shoot him now, her voice was whispering as my index gently pressed the trigger, but not enough for the bullet to be fired. Come on, she begged as the vision I got from her was becoming foggy. There was not much time left before it would fade and everything would get back to normal – I didn't know how to control this brand new power, or whatever that might be – and I knew that the longer I stayed like this, doing nothing, the more the risk of shooting at her was important. Come on, do it now! I took a deep breath, and my finger slowly went away from the trigger. I couldn't shoot, I couldn't do that I couldn't kill her. I just couldn't be the one who was going to kill her. I took a step back myself, lowering the end of my gun. Olivia, please! Her voice was getting louder inside my head, trying to fight my own conscience, but it wasn't loud enough. I would have wanted to do more, I wanted to save her, the need to save her life was still in my chest, alive and kicking, and the tiger was roaring more than ever. But I just couldn't kill her. I was about to give up, when finally what sounded like the most convincing scream of despair rang in my brain. SHOOT HIM! For a second, it made me lose the control, lose my balance, lose my focus. I closed my eyes, everything turning into a black, thick cloud, every sound, every smell, every single feeling disappearing in a giant black hole. And I shot.
Sorry once again, it's been a while since I've posted a new chapter, but I work 6 days out of 7, from 5.00 am to 9.00 pm and I honestly don't have much time to write ! :)
I hope you still like this story though, and don't worry, I still have a lot of ideas and I know where this story is going to end. I can assure you I won't give this story up, you'll just have to be patient to read the next chapters ! =)
Thanks for reading, and please do not hesitate to leave comments, they always help ! ;D