UNTIL I FIND A BETTER PART OF ME

Chapter Nine

After Ron apparated, Charlie and the others walked back inside. They all sank into a seat in the living room silently. They stayed like that until Molly and Arthur came home. They had immediately noticed the shift in atmosphere and Ron's disappearance. Charlie and Bill took it upon themselves to fill their parents in about what had happened.

Molly sat in a chair at the kitchen with Arthur standing behind her. Her eyes were fixed intensely upon Charlie. Charlie felt like sinking further and deeper into the chair, not certain how exactly all this would pan out. Would his mother berate him? Would she start shouting? He waited for the moment when she would break the silence.

"What are your intentions, Charlie?" she asked.

Charlie raised his eyebrows. "What do you-"

"Charlie, your intentions toward Hermione."

He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. He hadn't had the chance to straighten everything out with Hermione. She had confined herself up in his and Bill's old bedroom crying her eyes out. He hadn't had the nerve yet to confront the inevitable situation between them. He leaned back in his chair with his hands in his hair. So, yes, he did indeed love her. But what were his intentions? If how some miracle everything turned out favorably, what did he see in the future? Where was this going? He then bowed forward, looking directly into his mother's eyes.

"I intend to marry her some day, if she will have me, Mum," he declared truthfully. Tears began to fill up in Molly's surprised eyes. "Right now, everything is just so bloody messed up. I don't even know how this all will turn out, but I can promise you that I love her and respect her."

Molly leaned over the table and patted his hand. "Then, you go do right by her."

Charlie was surprised by his mother's blessing. He looked at his father who smiled at him. His eyes were watery as well. He glanced up at Bill, who was standing next to his chair. He felt Bill clap him on the back. Somehow he found his courage to walk upstairs and approach his old bedroom. It was strangely quiet. His hand touched the doorknob, pausing a moment before he opened the door slowly. A rectangle of light from the hallway swept into the dark room, revealing Hermione sitting on his bed. Her knees were drawn to her chest and her cheek laid on top of them. Her eyes flicked to him and he was afraid she may turn him away like she had the others. Instead, her gaze just dropped, but she stayed silent. He took it as a sign that it was alright for him to proceed. He walked in, closing the door behind him.

He had sat down next to her, staying silent and just waiting. He didn't want to rush her and didn't want to push her. When she was ready to speak, she would and he would listen. Time passed by until Hermione finally turned her head to look at him. Her brown eyes gazing up into his. The pain and exhaustion shown within those very depths.

"I never wanted to hurt him, Charlie," she whispered. A few tears escaped, trickling down her cheeks.

"Hermione, you had to sever it. Both of you were just lingering in each other's lives, clinging unto the past," he told her, sliding an arm around her shoulders. "When you prolong pain and heartbreak like that, it changes people."

Hermione nodded, leaning into him. "I-I just didn't want to be the cause of it. I didn't want to cause a rift between the family. I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"He'll come around."

"But what if he doesn't?"

The nervousness in her voice caused him to search her eyes. He leaned down, kissing her forehead. "I know Ron and I know how he feels about you," he said slowly. "Whether he knows it or not, he'll always have a soft spot for you. He just needs time to heal. I've watched my little brother change into something I'm not proud of, but I have faith he'll pull through."

"I hope so," she whispered.

Charlie sucked in a breath as he gazed down into those sorrowful, pleading eyes. It was so clear that she was asking for forgiveness. She really thought it was her fault. Yes, it didn't help that she had entered into that arrangement, but he had now seen how Ron would wrap her around his finger. Having known her through childhood and growing up together, Ron knew exactly what her vulnerabilities and weaknesses were. He played upon them, twisted her up, and broke her down until she was miserable and suffering. He loved his little brother, but he loathed what Ron had become and what he had done to Hermione.

His mind went through the entire argument Hermione and Ron had. Bill, Fleur, and himself had walked upstairs and came upon the scene. Hermione was trying to walk away, but Ron had grabbed her and forced her to turn around. He watched Ron berate Hermione about some mystery guy before an emotionally charged Hermione started screaming back how many times she had heard Ron remind her that she wasn't good enough for this mystery guy. Later, to Charlie's horror and dread, he found out it was him. The entire argument took an even more drastic turn. Bill, George, Harry, and himself all tensed when they all thought Ron was going to hit Hermione. When he hadn't, he had to watch his little brother finally come apart finally realizing it was over. It was even more heartbreaking to watch, because he didn't know if was also the end of a long childhood friendship.

Now, though, his mind kept tripping over her words: I know that, Ron! I know he'll bloody never want me! You've told me countless times! I still remember perfectly well. How many bloody times have you told me I'm not his type? How many times have you spat in my face that he thought I was trash? Bloody hell, Ron! How many bloody times are you going to tell me how I'm such a fool?

With each word she had said, it dripped with more blood of her broken heart. He could feel the shattering of her heart. Harry and Ginny had been there before everyone else, witnessing the beginning of the argument. Ginny had told him later about how Ron had brought him up, claiming that he didn't want her, that they didn't have a future because she wasn't a bloody dragon, and that Hermione was going to be left all alone when he returned to Romania.

Charlie tensed, remembering her last outburst: He already has! He already fucked me, Ron! Do you want to hear that? One night Charlie in his drunken stupor rocked my entire world and effectively ruined me for all men. You know what the kicker is? He was too bloody drunk to remember what he had done. He squeezed his eyes shut, pondering over everything that was said. Instead of finding answers, he only had questions and questions only Hermione could answer.

"Hermione?" he whispered in her ear.

She didn't raise her head. "Mm?"

"I need you to be really honest with me, okay?"

That's when she slowly lifted her head off his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. There was a frown of concern on her face. "Okay."

"What exactly did Ron tell you about me?"

He watched her face as horrified fear crept into her eyes. He could feel her starting to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her. No, there would be no running away for either one of them tonight. There would be absolute truth – no more secrets. He needed to know what Ron had told her in his jealousy. What secret pains was Hermione carrying? He steadied her against him, keeping her in his slight embrace. Tonight, they were coming cleaning, destroying the walls between them.

"I-I don't want to talk about that."

Hermione's voice was soft, weakened by the fear that overwhelming her. She had already lost so much tonight. She agreed with Charlie that she needed to sever the ties with Ron. The loss of his friendship devastated her. What they had left was broken relationship trashed by insecurities, jealousy, and resentment. It was unhealthy – both had become something they hadn't wanted to. Where had her respect gone for herself and her body? When Charlie had albeit drunkenly showed her what it meant to be alive again, she realized then that the life she had been living was in the past. Somehow she had went in reverse instead of forward. In the past, she may have been afraid. She had been afraid of dying, afraid of not being able to protect her parents, and not being able to help Harry.

When her parents had died by the hands of Death Eaters, it had been Ron who had held her and helped her through the pain. It had been Ron that helped her to see that if they died then at least it wouldn't be in vain. It was Ron that had asked if she was doing her very best to help Harry. When she had answered that she was doing all that she could possibly could, he told her then it was enough and that she would only make herself sick with worry.

Both Ron and Harry had always been there for her. So, she had clung to the frayed ends of their broken relationship, seeking his comfort against her insecurities about Charlie. Now that anchor in her life to keep her grounded was gone, she didn't think she could handle losing Charlie as well. Charlie had surprisingly become a big part of her life.

"Hermione-" he started.

She shook her head desperately. "Please, don't. I can't handle losing you too."

"Sweetness, you're not going to lose me," he said, looking straight into her eyes. Her heart hammered when he slowly leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her mouth. When she finally opened her eyes again, he was waiting for her. "I know you think I don't remember the night we shared, but I do. Once I took the hangover potion and could think clearly, it all came back to me."

Her eyes widened at that confession. "But-But you said-"

"I know." He sighed, pausing a moment. "I should've told you right then and there."

"Why-Why didn't you?"

"I was uncertain how to go about everything," he told her honestly. "I had been battling all these emotions... I've never had to... deal with something like this before. Nothing has ever hit me like this. I'm basically married to my job, Hermione. Anybody who knows me associates me with, well, dragons."

He flushed, getting up from the bed. Wide-eyed, Hermione watched him with baited breath as he paced in front of the bed. He looked in deep thought, embroiled in an all out war within him. Her heart literally stopped when he turned to face her. There was so much intensity in his eyes and expression. It was a fascinating combination of reigned in emotion and passion with fierce determination.

"You've got me breaking all my rules," he admitted to her. "After Tonks, I told myself that love and relationships was just something that wasn't for me. My job is everything to me – absolutely everything. I'm just so torn up inside. I want to make you happy and need to make you happy, but I can't be what you need. I'm not the type to do the 'let's settle down and pop out some kids' and I-"

"Charlie-"

He shook his head and put up his hand. "I need to get this out, even if it bloody kills me-"

"Charlie, stop!" she gasped, getting up and walking to him. His sapphire eyes burned into hers as she grabbed his arm. They reminded her of the calm before the storm. So much pent-up emotion threatened to breakthrough. "I'd never ask you to choose between your job and me."

He stayed silent for a moment. There was a flash of emotion like lightening whipping across the sky. She swallowed, when he began to back her up until her back hit his bureau. His eyes were still stormy and intense.

"Please, tell me you're not just saying that." His hand wrapped around her upper arm, drawing her close to him. His other hand cupped her cheek.

"Charlie, it's who you are," she whispered, getting lost in his sapphire eyes. "I-I couldn't live with myself if I ever... you have to realize that I... I fell in love you for who you are. That's why I read so much stuff about dragons. That's why half my library is filled with books about dragons. I wanted to get closer to you. I-I wanted to understand you better. You-You've always fascinated me-"

And then there were no need for words when he swooped in, capturing her mouth with his and claiming her heart. She instantly melted into him, kissing him back desperate to show him the truth. She never wanted him to change – that was the last thing she ever wanted. She didn't want him to change who he was. She could feel his tears on his cheeks as they touched her skin. Overwhelmed with emotions, she let her tears mingle with his. She had only seen Charlie cry once and that was over Fred.

When he grabbed her up and carried her to his bed, she tangled her body around his. She was straddling his hips, just pressing her body against. She just didn't feel close enough to him. She reached between them, taking control of their kiss. She fumbled with unfastening his pants as his hands wandered down her body. He grasped the skirt of her dress and began hiking up the material. She shivered feeling the material climb up her thighs until her skin was exposed to the chill in the air. She bit her lip when his hands found the flimsy slip of material about her hips. She gasped in his mouth when he tore the fabric off and away from her body.

His hands caressed the bare skin of her hips then he gently lifted her up and she sank down upon him. She gasped, wrapping her arms around his shoulders while he wound his arms about her. They stayed like that for a moment before she pressed a kiss to his neck and rocked her hips against him. His arms tightened around her. She continuing rocking her hips, squeezing her body closer to his. When she felt like she was about to go over the edge, she leaned back and drew his mouth into a passionate kiss. She just tumbled into the roaring sea of exquisite pleasure.

As she opened her eyes to look into those sapphire eyes, she was startled to find the stark, bare, and raw emotions in them. Love. Her heart clenched, gazing into those endless depths. This man was an enigma. A mystery that continually unraveled before her and she couldn't help but stand in awe at the breathtaking beauty within him.

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